Chapter Thirty-Three
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Much as he’d loved spending time with her family – the girls were sweethearts and étienne was great company – Sam had been both longing for, and fearing, this moment.
Now it had come, he was so afraid of wasting his longed for gift. He’d rejected Lily the other evening – or had she rejected him? He still couldn’t decide.
‘I’ll stoke the fire,’ he said, stalling for time.
Abandoning his beer, he piled on a couple of sticks and some dry lichen. He didn’t want it to die down because that would leave them in the dark and cold. He didn’t want the evening to end.
Lily broke the silence. ‘Thank you for making it such a wonderful weekend. The girls have had a fantastic time.’
‘I’ve loved meeting them. I’m knackered but I’ve loved it.’
‘They’re livewires, that’s for sure.’
‘And étienne is a great guy. I’m glad he’s enjoyed the break. He deserves it after what he’s been through.’
‘They’ve all fallen in love with the islands, especially Stark. They want to come back …’ He noticed she fell short of adding that she did.
He hid his disappointment with a joke. ‘So, I might not be getting rubbish reviews after all?’
‘You know you won’t.’ She winced. ‘I’m sorry I was so rude about the retreat when I first arrived. I can hardly believe it was only a couple of weeks ago.’
A couple of weeks that had changed her life? They’d certainly changed his.
‘Anyway,’ she said, ‘you’d never get rubbish reviews.’ She smiled and her eyes were lit by the glow of the fire – or was it an inner glow that had come out during her stay on the islands? Sam smiled to himself, dismissing his romantic notions yet wanting to give in to them too.
‘étienne gave me a lecture last night.’
‘Did he? What about?’
‘It was about going after your dreams. Not wasting time. I think he feels that he might be ready to move on – romantically, I mean.’
Despite the warmth of the fire, Sam had goosebumps. He sensed Lily was heading along a new path yet hardly dared to hope where it might lead.
‘How do you feel about that?’ he said softly, adding a stick to the fire, hoping to fan the flames of this new and fragile intimacy between them.
‘I was shocked at first. It’s weird – a bit upsetting – to imagine him with anyone but Cara, or the girls with a different mum. Yet I also want him to be happy.’ She looked at Sam. ‘How could I ever wish for anything different?’
He thought back to when Rhiannon had left: how he hadn’t wanted her to be happy; he’d only wanted her to change her mind and come back to him. He didn’t feel that way now … in fact, he hadn’t thought about her for the whole weekend.
He’d only thought about the woman at his side.
Realising this fact made him daring. Possibilities unfurled ahead of him that he hadn’t dared to believe existed. ‘You say you want étienne to be happy with someone new but what about you?’ he asked. ‘You persuaded me to tell you about Rhiannon but you never mention anyone special.’
‘Oh, I had flings when I was young before Lily Loves was so successful. All of a sudden, I was thirty with a tiger by the tail – Lily Loves took off so fast, I could hardly cope and then there really was no time for love. No time for anything.’
‘Has staying here changed that?’
‘Yes. In so many ways,’ Lily said, watching the fire compete with the fiery ball sliding towards the horizon. The last daylight in the country. The final few hours. ‘Time is so short, like étienne said.’
‘étienne is a very wise man,’ Sam said, treading warily, hoping yet fearing her response. ‘Doesn’t that mean we should make the most of the moment that’s in front of us now? And,’ he added softly, ‘take a chance and leave no regrets?’
She looked up into his eyes, her lips parted slightly. He heard her breathing. ‘You’re right. I’d never have done the things I have without taking chances. We should live for now, and not worry about afterwards.’
Her face was lit by the flickering flames – and desire? His pulse quickened when she got to her feet and said, ‘Shall we go for a walk?’
As he stood up, his whole body thrummed with need for her. ‘I’d love that. Where to?’
‘To the ruined cottages. On the far side of the island. Away from it all.’
His heart ached with a painful pleasure. Was she saying what he thought she was? Could this be happening?
She met his gaze, and he knew the answer. He picked up the blankets from the beach and took her hand in his.
‘You have got to be kidding!’ Lily said when she saw him pull off his T-shirt on the sand. The waves broke softly on the beach but further out, there was a swell that rolled in.
‘It’s now or never.’
‘I’ve been in the sea already once this holiday and it’s not an experience I’d like to repeat!’
‘This will be different,’ he said, unzipping his jeans. ‘It’s our choice this time.’
She shook her head. ‘You’re mad.’ Then she tugged her T-shirt over her head. ‘And so am I.’
Seconds later they stood on the beach, Lily in her bra and knickers, Sam in his boxers. She scrunched sand under toenails painted a pearly pink.
‘We’ll get wet,’ she said.
‘We’ll dry. That’s why I brought the blankets.’
Lily stared at him, then at the sea, and heaved a huge sigh. ‘Oh, sod it. You only live once!’
Seconds later, they were hand in hand, running towards the foamy waves, their clothes abandoned on the beach.
‘Oh! Oh!’ She swore extravagantly and loudly because no one could hear. ‘Arghh!’ A wave broke at thigh-height. It was enough to make her stumble.
Sam scooped her up in his arms. ‘I’ve got you!’
She shrieked.
‘And I’ll never let you go – whoops!’
He tossed her from his arms. Her scream of thrilled horror was cut off instantly by the shock of the water. She went under but bobbed up immediately, spluttering and cursing him before he pulled her into his arms again.
He was standing, holding her up, her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck. Sam was frozen yet exhilarated. In holding Lily, he felt he’d finally let go of the past.
‘Lily,’ he said, as the swell lifted him off his feet, ‘I think I might be falling in …’
Suddenly, her eyes widened in horror. ‘Look out!’
He turned to see the foamy crest rolling in behind them. The wave should have knocked them over but somehow he kept his balance and pulled her even tighter.
‘I think that’s enough,’ he said and she nodded, unable to speak because her teeth were chattering. Feet sinking in sand, he carried her back to the beach and set her down.
‘That was––’
‘Absolutely nuts!’ Lily danced up and down, shaking off water droplets. He loved the way her bottom was dusted with sand and wanted to tell her. She drew a blanket around her. ‘It’s freezing.’
Still wrapped in the blanket, she came up to him and stood on tiptoes, covering his mouth with a soft kiss. He put his arms around her and kissed her back and soon they were devouring each other like ravenous creatures. The blanket slipped from her shoulders and, in no time at all, they weren’t cold any longer.
Sam gazed upwards, feeling the warmth of Lily’s body next to him. They’d pulled the other blanket over them to look up into the sky. It wasn’t dark and wouldn’t be. This midsummer twilight would last a few hours until the earth turned its face to the sun again.
All too quickly.
‘You realise we’ll have to sneak back to the retreat.’ She spoke to the stars. ‘Although the girls will be asleep. Probably étienne too.’
‘Does it matter if they know?’ He rested his fingers on hers under the blanket, feeling their warmth.
‘There might be questions that I don’t have the answers to.’
Finally, he turned to look at her, wondering if these magical times were only a blip in the grand scheme of her life.
She sat up and reached for her top. ‘I suppose we ought to go back to the retreat,’ she said regretfully. ‘We’ve an early start tomorrow.’
With a sinking heart, he sat up too and pulled on his T-shirt. ‘We both do.’
Although he’d urged her not to have any regrets, he could not dismiss the niggle in his mind. Had he been a temporary escape, a therapy she’d needed and would soon learn to do without?
On the walk back to the retreat, Lily too was lost in thought and Sam had a feeling that if he said anything, it might provoke an answer he didn’t want to hear. For all the talk about being honest, about seizing the moment, they were both unable to say how they felt.
He because he felt too much.
Lily because she didn’t want to commit herself or didn’t feel the same way? Sam was thrown back into a maelstrom of uncertainty once more. What he’d feared – that he’d fall in love again with a woman who didn’t feel the same way – seemed perilously close to coming true.
At the hub, he stood still. Lily tilted her head skywards and let out a deep sigh. ‘I’ll miss this,’ she said and her voice held genuine regret that heartened him.
Sam saw the stars too. The same ones he could look on every day of his life though they would never shine as bright without Lily by his side. ‘We’re not that far apart, you know,’ he said, though fearing she might as well be light years away. ‘You can come back any time you like. You’ll always be welcome at Hell Bay House.’ In his bed, in his life , he ached to add.
‘I know.’ She looked at him. ‘Of course I’ll keep in touch.’ She smiled. ‘I’ll have to come and see the place when it’s finished for one thing.’
And for another?
She left the phrase hanging like a loose thread. ‘I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Sam, and thank you.’ She kissed him and added, ‘For everything.’