Leti
What is happening?!” my brother exclaims over the chatter of people. He wraps his arms around his girlfriend before moving to greet his closest guests. The surprise on his face is genuine, so it looks like my parents and Elena pulled it off.
Now that I’m standing, I allow myself to properly shake out my legs in order to gain feeling back in them.
It’s like standing on pins and needles. I place a hand on my lower back, stretching the sore muscles there.
If I had to crouch in that uncomfortable position for any longer, I would’ve needed a trip to the ER.
Then again, when the lights came on, it felt all too soon.
I turn to see Julian and my brother engaged in some sort of bro-handshake I’ve never understood. At the very least, I can count myself lucky that it makes him look less attractive to me.
“Sorry, I got stuck in the hallway when the lights went down,” Nathaniel says, rushing back to my side. “Meeting the parents went pretty smoothly. Should we go say hi to your brother?”
I glance back at Andrew, still locked in conversation with Julian. Not particularly. But if I say no, it’ll only make me look suspicious.
“Sure.” I paste on a smile and link my arm with my date’s.
It only takes a few strides across the room to reach them.
Julian turns to me as soon as I come into view, his usual cheery grin in place.
It’s a mask he wears well. I know him better by now to tell when he’s putting on a show.
Andrew looks up at me, his grin widening.
“Happy birthday, Andrew.”
His arms come around me, the obligatory hug lasting approximately point-five seconds before we pull away.
“This is Nathaniel.”
“Broke out of the convent for one night, I see.” He takes a casual sip from his beer, as if he doesn’t know full well how his words needle me.
“Dude.” Julian gives my brother an indignant look.
Andrew merely scoffs. “I’m kidding!” he says when Julian’s glower doesn’t let up.
“She knows that. This is how we talk to each other, right, sis?” He doesn’t wait for my reply before continuing to defend himself.
“You don’t have siblings, so I wouldn’t expect you to understand.
Plus, if you think this is bad, just wait until I really get started. ”
“Is this good teasing or bad teasing?” Nathaniel whispers, brows furrowed in concern.
I tug him away by the wrist, but not before I catch sight of Julian’s face.
The concern shining in his eyes, the thin slant of his lips, the white-knuckled fists balled at his sides.
I give a soft shake of my head, silently communicating for him to let it go.
He says nothing, but his face says it all.
Rage twists his expression when he turns back to Andrew, but luckily it only lasts for a moment before he pulls in a deep breath.
Nathaniel and I take advantage of the free couch space in the living room, but try as I might to be present in our conversation, he can sense something’s wrong.
“That wasn’t good teasing back there, was it?” he finally asks.
“Can we please pretend you didn’t hear that?”
I cover my hands with my face.
“It is his birthday, so I guess we can give him a pass for being a jerk,” he says. “How ’bout I get us some drinks?”
I nod at him, grateful for the reprieve.
As soon as he leaves, he’s replaced by Julian.
He plops down beside me, the sides of our bodies crushed together.
A shiver runs down my spine at the close contact, as is becoming a usual occurrence.
Only, it’s getting a little ridiculous because we’re practically sharing a couch cushion.
His arm is pressed against my back, his hand gripping the armrest at my other side, caging me in.
“Are you okay?”
I shut my eyes and let out a long breath that’s only half to do with his question. “Julian—”
“Is that how he always speaks to you?”
The anger in his tone is thinly veiled. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Julian this upset before.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve—”
“Done nothing,” I say. “This is just how it is between us. Every insult goes too far, and every apology is forgotten two seconds after its delivery. Leave it alone. Please.” I add the last part when his eyes darken.
He opens his mouth to argue, but thankfully Nathaniel returns with two beers. I thank him as he hands me one, resisting the urge to wrinkle my nose as I raise it to my lips.
“She hates beer.”
I gape at Julian, but he’s not looking at me. If he were, he’d notice the eyes bugging out of my head, silently telling him not to blow our cover. I don’t even remember telling him I hate beer.
“I can get you something else,” Nathaniel quickly offers, eyes widening.
“Not necessary,” I say, nudging Julian’s foot with mine so hard, he winces. “Beer is fine. Great.” I take a sip, willing myself to swallow the sour liquid without wincing.
“I’m Nathaniel.” He holds out a hand to Julian, who eyes the offered hand for a tense moment before taking it. “How do you know Leti?”
“Oh, we met while setting up for the party,” he says. “I’m Julian. Andrew’s best friend and roommate.”
There’s a weird, awkward tension surrounding us. I can’t quite pinpoint if it’s coming from me or Julian, but when I notice Nathaniel hovering over us, a free hand in the pocket of his jeans, eyes surveying us and the people around, I realize what I should’ve as soon as he returned with drinks.
“Oh my god. Move.” I shove at Julian’s shoulder, inching him away from me. As it is, he barely budges. “You’re in his seat.”
“Sorry, Nathaniel. She’s all…yours.” Julian rises from the couch, gestures to the space beside me like he’s offering the other man a gift.
I glance up at him, wondering what that catch in his voice was, but nothing in his face gives him away.
He makes to turn his back on us, but stops himself and meets my eyes, his glittering with mirth. “Lovely to meet you again, Leti.”
“He seems…” Nathaniel pauses and then seems to think better of saying what he thinks of Julian out loud. “Are you sure the beer is fine? They had other drinks.”
“Actually, I do want something else,” I admit. “I’m gonna see what they have in the kitchen. I’ll be right back.”
I find Julian’s stash of hard cider in the fridge. I’m searching drawers for a bottle opener when the sound of familiar voices comes up behind me. Julian and my brother. If his red cheeks and the sweat sticking his hair to his face are any indication, Andrew is drunk.
“Leti, come here.”
I don’t particularly want to when he’s this sloshed. I can smell the booze on him from a foot away.
“I’m sorry. You know I was joking. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“That’s what you say every time.” I find the bottle opener and pop the cap. “Forgive me if I’m a little sick of your apologies.”
“Okay, fine. I embarrassed you,” my brother says, a little louder than I’m comfortable with. “Would it help if I embarrassed my friend here in return?”
His arm wraps around Julian’s tense shoulders. I meet his wary eyes and raise a curious brow before turning back to my brother. “I’m listening.”
“She doesn’t need to hear—”
“No, no, let him finish,” I say. “It’s the least he can do, right?”
I shoot him a smug grin, wondering what sort of dirt my brother has on him, but it freezes when the light dies from Julian’s eyes.
There’s something vulnerable in his expression, and he can’t quite meet my eyes.
He fidgets beneath Andrew’s arm, eyes darting across the room as if searching for a way out of whatever is about to happen.
“So my man here”—Andrew points to Julian’s face, as if I could possibly think he was talking about anyone else—“is in love.”
In…what?
“We’re talking ‘she could be the one’ love, his words, not mine,” he goes on. “But he’s gotten so far deep into the friend zone, there’s no pulling him out.” My brother laughs. “So don’t worry, Leti, you’re not the only unlucky one in love around here.”
“Right.” I glance between them. Julian is staring determinedly down at his shoes. My brother is oblivious, which is nothing new. That’s always been the problem. “Because falling in love with someone you can’t have is so embarrassing.”
I’ll never understand my brother’s brand of humor, how it only ever comes at the expense of others. I shove past them both, eyes scanning the living room for my date.
He’s in love with someone.
How the hell did I not know this? Why didn’t he tell me? Am I that self-obsessed that I never bothered to ask him what was going on in his love life because I was too concerned with my own?
Maybe there’s some truth to that, but I’ve made efforts to crack past his defenses.
His are thicker than mine. He knows how to evade my every move, turn the conversation back around to me.
He’s broken every one of my walls, but his are impenetrable.
He knows me better than I know him, and he likes it that way.
There’s nothing about this revelation that should sting.
He’s free to love whoever he loves. The considerate thing would be to offer my assistance, help him get whoever this mystery person is to want him back.
Return the favor. It’s only fair, right?
Then why do I feel sick to my stomach at the thought?
I stop short two feet from Nathaniel, who’s sitting between two women I don’t recognize.
They must be Andrew’s friends from college.
He laughs at something the blond one says.
Her hand is resting on his knee, and the thought that he could be having more fun with two women he met minutes ago than with me is the final straw.
I didn’t even want to come to my brother’s stupid party.
I only came out of family obligation. Maybe that makes me a terrible sister like Elena implied, but if I am, it’s only because Andrew was a shitty brother first. We’re so stuck in this pattern of hurting each other, we don’t know what a healthy sibling relationship looks like.
Not with each other. Maybe we never will.