Leti #2
I bypass the living room and head to the back door and then plop myself down onto a patio chair. There’s a cool breeze on the night air, cooling my overheated skin and making me feel more human. Suddenly, I wish more than ever that Bella hadn’t stayed home to babysit the kids. I pull out my phone.
Me: Party blows. How goes it with the tiny humans?
Bella: I put them to bed twenty minutes ago.
What happened to your date???
Me: He’s inside talking to two other women. I’m sitting on the porch wishing I smoked so I could have a valid excuse to be outside during the party.
Bella: :(
Bella: What a jerk!!!
Bella: At least you have Julian to keep you company.
I try to think up a proper reply, but my mind blanks.
I haven’t told Bella about the kiss because I knew she’d give me shit for it.
But at the mention of his name, the only thing I can think about is Julian in love with someone else.
Who is this person? Someone far more put together than me, I’m sure.
Someone at work I’ve seen him hang out with, or maybe even someone at the party at this very moment.
I’m half tempted to peek through the window and examine his every interaction with the people around him.
In the end, I lock my phone with a sigh and place it face down on the table.
I wish this night would end already. Behind me, the door cracks open.
I spin around, dreading another encounter with my brother or, worse, Nathaniel sans women wondering where I went.
But it’s Julian. I can’t decide if that’s better or worse.
“Tonight sucks, huh?” He gives a low, derisive chuckle.
“You could say that.” Words aren’t enough to describe how grateful I am that my voice comes out steady. I stand up from the chair and take in a gulp of fresh air, willing it to recenter me. Then I fold my hands behind my back, suddenly feeling shy for no discernible reason. “Am I self-absorbed?”
His brows crease. “What are you talking about?”
“We focus so much on me when we hang out,” I explain. “You hardly ever talk about yourself. I feel like you know me better than I know you.”
“You know me, Leti,” he says, something indiscernible in his eyes. “Maybe even more than your brother does, at this point.”
“That can’t be true. He’s your best friend, though I can’t imagine why.”
“You know what? After tonight, neither can I.”
I glance up at him, surprised. “Why are you? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“We don’t have much in common, but that’s never seemed to bother him.” He shrugs. “I…I had a hard year when we met, and he was there for me in a way other people weren’t.”
I wait for more to come, but that seems to be all he has to say. I want to ask him what made his year hard, comfort him the way my brother apparently could. Learn him the way he learned me. Would he push me away if I tried?
“What’s your favorite color?”
He ignores me, stepping forward until he’s standing right in front of me.
“Where’s your date?” he asks instead of answering my question. When I don’t say anything, he heaves an annoyed sigh. “Blue.”
“Mine too.” I inwardly curse myself. Don’t make this about you. Clearly I’ve done that enough already.
“I know,” he says, surprising me. “Your room. Everything in it is blue.”
“Fair enough,” I grumble. “Favorite food?”
Another sigh, longer this time. “Does this really matter?”
“Biggest pet peeve?” I blink up at him. “Oh, wait. I know. Me, right now.”
He smirks but doesn’t contradict me. “Tamales.”
“Which question are you answering?”
“Both,” he says. “They’re a hassle to make. I’ve tried it a couple times. But they’re worth the effort.”
I nod, satisfied.
“My turn now,” he says. “Where’s Nathaniel?”
“He’s inside.” I shrug. “I’m sure he’s having a much better time with the girl who put her hand on his knee. Not that I blame him.”
His eyes widen in alarm before he turns back to the door, like he has half a mind to burst in there and demand what my date’s doing. I place a hand on his arm and pull him back.
“It’s fine.” I don’t have to try to sound convincing. I can’t make myself care about what Nathaniel’s doing in there. “Really. I’d care more if we were exclusive, but we’re just dating. It’s not serious.”
“That doesn’t excuse the fact that he’s supposed to be on a date with you.” But the tension loosens from his shoulders. “So much for that good night kiss, huh?”
Heat creeps up my skin with the memory of Julian’s mouth on mine.
How torturous it felt the moment he extracted himself from me.
The warmth of his body, the taste of his lips, gone too soon.
Then I remember what my brother said earlier and slam the brakes on those thoughts.
Hell, my date is in the next room and I’m outside thinking about kissing the man in front of me.
It’s like I don’t recognize myself anymore.
“The night’s still young.” I try for a nonchalant shrug, but my shoulders are too tense to pull it off.
His eyes cut to mine. “You’re not serious.”
Nathaniel’s the one I should be thinking about kissing, not Julian. Everything about our date tonight has been off, and I can’t blame my brother for it entirely. At every turn, Julian and I keep seeking each other out in one way or another.
“Leti.” He steps forward. “Are you going to let him kiss you at the end of the night?”
He doesn’t deserve to ask me that. I should tell him it’s none of his business, because it’s not. Instead, I keep replaying my brother’s words in my head.
He’s in love with someone else.
“Maybe.” I’m the one who wanted to keep secrets, but I’m not nearly as good at pretending as he is.
I’ve never been able to hide how I feel.
Most days it’s annoyance, frustration, and rage.
Those feelings are hard to let go when nothing in my life has turned out the way I thought it would.
It’s why I give in to every petty instinct, aim every barb straight for the bull’s-eye and fuck the consequences.
Julian isn’t mine, so what do I have to lose? “Isn’t that what we practiced for?”
I can’t tell if it’s the heat in his gaze or the heat of my words that’s scorching me. I wipe off a bead of sweat from the side of my face as his dark eyes bore into me.
“Practice.” The single word is full of disdain, and vindication fills my empty chest cavity. He scrubs a hand down his face. “Is Nathaniel really what does it for you?” There’s a curious note in his tone, but it’s edged with something sharp. Angry.
“Why do you care so much?” I cross my arms over my chest. “This was your idea, remember? He was one of your picks.”
“One of,” he says. “Don’t you think you’re settling too soon?”
“Why do you care?” I repeat, slower this time, enunciating every word, because I’m not leaving without an answer.
“I don’t,” he grounds out, too quick to be the truth. He takes in a controlled breath, and when he speaks again, a measure of composure has returned. “Maybe I just think you can do better. The guy’s flirting with other girls right in front of you, for fuck’s sake.”
“I’ve tried looking for better. Remember?
” I take in a deep breath, willing myself not to scream.
How did this conversation go so far off the rails?
“I appreciate all your help, but I need to decide for myself if he’s worth it.
So however many dates, however many times I have to kiss him to figure it out, I will. And you have to be cool with that.”
“All right. Fine.” His dark eyes send a cold chill down my back. “I can be cool with that, if only for one reason.”
He takes another step forward, and it takes everything in me not to step back from him. Not even when the feet between us turn to inches.
“Ask me why, Leticia.”
I glance up at him, and all my resolve melts away. “Why?”
He leans forward until we’re eye to eye, and this time I do take a step back from him. But he follows until my back hits the wall and he’s crowding my space again, only this time every inch of space he takes from me is intentional. I can barely remember how to breathe, he’s so close.
“Because I kissed you first.” His voice is in my ear, his breath warming my already heated skin. “There’s not a doubt in my mind that when he kisses you at the end of the night, it’s me you’ll really be thinking about.”
How could he possibly know that I can’t stop replaying that kiss in my mind?
He’s so smug, this man in love with another person.
I should slap him for toying with me like this.
Instead, my body deflates with an embarrassingly loud sigh.
My hands slide up his chest, curling into white-knuckled fists in the fabric of his shirt.
I’m not sure if I mean to shove him away from me or pull him even closer.
To prove him right and kiss him the way I can’t stop thinking about.
The only reason we’re at each other’s throats is because of that kiss.
It broke something between us, eroded the foundation of our friendship we’d spent weeks building.
I don’t know how to return us back to normal, but I know staring at his mouth sure isn’t helping.
And yet I can’t stop myself, the same way I can’t stop myself from pulling him down down down until my lips crash over his in a crushing kiss.