Chapter 27
BEN
The day after we get back from Palm Springs, I come downstairs to find the guys all staring at me. Nate shoos them away and tries to act natural, but I can tell they were all talking about me before I walked into the room.
I have a day off from practice and classes and plan to spend it wallowing in front of the TV. Maybe my brothers will feel sorry enough for me to let me have a Star Wars marathon.
I'm curled up on the coach with a tub of rocky road ice cream, hallway through The Empire Strikes Back when there’s a knock on the door.
My heart jumps into my throat at the possibility of Elias standing behind it. But when Archer sends one of the pledges to go and get it, I hear the voice and my heart sinks again.
Despite the pledge’s protests, Priestley bullies his way into the house until he’s in the doorway, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.
“Are you sick? You look like shit.”
“Hello, Priestley. It’s nice to see you, too.”
He frowns at me. “What happened? Why did you guys let Stanford win at Indian Wells?”
“Maybe if you’d deemed tennis important enough to keep playing, we might have won,” Archer snaps back. I can tell he’s enjoying not having Priestley as his president anymore. I have to remind myself that I don’t have to answer to him, either.
“I thought you guys had it covered with that hot shot from Germany?”
My face flushes and I hope Priestley doesn’t notice.
“And Ben’s obviously sick. Look at him, he’s probably got a fever.”
“He’s not sick,” Archer says. “It’s a broken heart.”
I let my head fall back on a groan. Thanks a lot, brother.
Priestley’s face is like thunder when I lift my head.
“Who?”
“The German hot shot,” Archer says.
“Okay, that’s enough, leave Ben out of it. Priestley, what are you doing here?” Nate interrupts.
Priestley keeps his eyes on me a second longer before turning to Nate. That unwavering confidence wavered a little there, but now it’s back.
“I’m an alum. Are you suggesting I’m not welcome here anymore?”
Nate rolls his eyes. “Of course not, It’s just—”
“I’m looking for Jamie. He does live here, doesn’t he?”
“Not yet,” Archer says. “He’s still a pledge so he’s not officially—”
Priestley gives him a look that could curdle milk.
Archer wilts under his stare. “He’s at the library, with Travis.”
“Who the hell is Travis?”
“Texas Travis,” Archer says with a smile. Priestley doesn’t return it.
“They’re friends. Travis is a freshman, he plays on the team with us. He’s a nice guy.”
Priestley gives a curt nod before turning on his heels.
“Is that it?” Nate calls after him. “You don’t want to stay a while and catch up?”
“I’m very busy,” he says. From the sound of his voice, he’s almost at the door now. “Some of us have work to do and rivals to beat.”
He slams the door on his way out and everyone is silent for a moment.
Nate’s laughing when he comes back in.
“Why are we all still so scared of him?” Archer asks.
“You can talk, the way you cowered when he looked at you like that.”
“Shut up.”
Watching my brothers joke around with each other like this makes me forget how much the Elias stuff hurts for a second. But then Nate looks at me with sympathy and the pain is back again.
“Hey, man, you need to cheer up for your birthday this weekend, we’ve planned something awesome, you’re gonna love it,” Archer says.
Nate smacks him on the chest. “Don’t tell him to ‘cheer up.’”
“Dude!” Archer rubs at the spot on his chest that Nate smacked.
“Don’t you remember anything from all those mental health seminars we’ve hosted?”
Archer rolls his eyes as he repeats in a robotic voice, “‘Never invalidate someone’s feelings when they’re going through a mental health crisis.’”
“Guys, I am not going through a mental health crisis,” I protest.
They both give me a skeptical look.
“Really. I’ll be fine. And I can’t wait for my birthday party. It’s gonna be fun.” I hope the smile I force is believable.
I go up to my room to ‘study’ so they’ll stop staring at me and talking about me like I’m not here.
Elias hasn’t texted or tried to call. I tell myself this is a good thing, but I don’t believe it.
How could something feel so real to me when I knew it was fake? I can’t believe I allowed myself to get caught up in our stupid game when I knew how it was going to end. Knowing it was fake doesn’t make it suck any less, I should have known that.
A desperate, pathetic part of me just wants to call him. But what would I say? Give up your dreams to stay here and be with me, please?
I’m going to have to see him again at practice next week, but I’ll focus on getting through my birthday party first. The guys really have made an effort to make it special, and they deserve that at least.
ELIAS
I find my roommates exactly where I expected to find them—sprawled out in front of the TV surrounded by a mountain of empty pizza boxes.
“I need your help.”
Jesse looks up first. Chad scratches his balls and makes a non-committal grunting noise.
“What do you guys know about Star Wars?”
That perks them up.
There is a very strong chance that I will be discovered and thrown out on the Alpha Sigma Psi lawn looking more ridiculous than I have ever looked in my life, but it’s a chance I’m willing to take.
After my conversation with Noah, I talked to my father about not being noticed by Richard Kingsley, and with Noah’s words in my head, his admonishments didn’t feel half as bad.
I have to face facts—there is a good chance I will not be scouted by a pro coach this year.
There is also a good chance that maybe I’m not ready.
That maybe I was being cocky when I arrived here.
Thinking I was automatically better than everyone on the team, just because none of them had played a pro tour.
Ben is a better player than me right now, instead of throwing a tantrum and having an existential crisis over it, I should be using it to fuel my desire to get better.
To ask for help. If Ben can find it in his heart to forgive me enough for that.
But I’m going to this party dressed in this ridiculous outfit because I want to ask for far more than help with my game.
Getting the bus was a bad idea. People have been staring, pointing and laughing, and asking for selfies, since the second I got on with Chad and Jesse in their Chewbacca onesies. They’re loving the attention, but this is the kind of attention I could do without right now.
I stay focused on what I’m going to say when I see Ben—if I even get to see Ben. I’m still preparing myself for the possibility that his henchmen will toss me out before I even get close.
There is a reason why Ben is so loved. Why his frat brothers are so protective over him. It’s not necessarily because they want to treat him like a child—though that is ultimately what they end up doing. They love him. Like I do.
“Okay, man?” Chad asks.
I nod, though I’m one step away from hyperventilating in this thing. My baby is sitting in my lap wearing a birthday boy sash and a party hat. Chad and Jesse keep smirking at me, and the baby, and stifling giggles.
“Dude, this is so romantic,” Jesse says.
Chad nods enthusiastically.
At this very moment, I would much rather be holding a boombox over my head.
I’d even do a dance routine to Otis Redding.
But the whole point of a romantic gesture is to do something that the object of your affections would genuinely love.
And I know Ben would love this. At least, he would if we were actually dating.
I’m sweating in this cheap polyester as we walk down Greek Row.
The party isn’t as wild as I was imagining. No one’s throwing up in a bush and there are no empty cans of beer strewn all over the lawn. There are guards on the door, however. Young looking guys in stormtrooper costumes. They’ve taken the helmets off and are joking around, their faces sweaty.
“This was a bad idea.” I stop short, panic rising in my chest.
“Dude, what are you so scared of? Being thrown out of a party by some silly freshmen?”
I’m scared of being rejected by Ben after putting myself out there.
Chad squeezes me by the shoulder as best he can in the costume and urges me forward.
“Come on, they’re probably just checking to make sure the Kappas aren’t crashing. So long as we’re wearing costumes, we’ll fit right in.”
“Yeah man,” Jesse agrees. “Would you really go to this much trouble just to cause shit at someone’s birthday party?”
I nod. He’s right. I’m not sure if I want him to be, but he is.
We push ahead, making it halfway up the driveway before one of the stormtroopers notices us.
“Hey, it’s baby Yoda!”
“Just Yoda,” I correct him.
He nods and keeps laughing before ushering us into the party.
“See,” Jesse says, slapping me on the back.
I take a deep breath, looking around nervously for Ben.
He should be easy to find. This is his party, after all.
I scan the room for a guy in a long, brown cloak, but there’s lots of guys wearing those.
People aren’t as excited to see Yoda inside the party, and I realize it’s because I’m not the only one. Of course. The other Yoda turns around and I recognize Nate right away. He isn’t wearing the full head mask like I am. He’s wearing a hood with floppy green ears. His sweaty face on full display.
That’s when I spot Ben.
My heart does a little stutter.
He’s wearing the costume he wore to the last party. I can’t believe how much has changed since then.
He sees me and smiles and everything feels right. But then I realize he can’t see my face. He’s just smiling because he spotted a good Yoda costume.
His gaze roams over Jesse and Chad and his face drops. So, he’s recognized me, then.
I catch the moment when Nate notices something’s wrong and spots us. Okay, deep breath, let’s go.
I take my Yoda head off. Chad and Jesse wish me luck and send me on my way.
That walk to the kitchen feels like I’m walking the green mile. Ben just stands there, staring at me with a stunned look on his face.