Chapter 27 #2
Archer steps out and puts a hand on my chest before I can reach the kitchen.
“You weren’t invited,” he says.
Nate steps forward after saying something to Ben.
“Stand down. Of course he’s invited.”
Archer frowns, but steps out of the way.
I nod to Nate before focusing my attention back on Ben.
“You can use the executive office if you want to talk,” Nate says.
Ben takes a deep breath. I can’t tell if he looks like he wants to cry or rage at me. I’d rather he do the latter. I don’t think I’d be able to handle seeing him upset because of me.
I follow him into a room on the first floor. The music outside is muffled when the heavy door is closed.
“Hello,” I say, my mouth dry.
Before I can say anything more, Ben says, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to apologize.”
He nods before crossing his arms. “Okay?”
“I’m sorry, Ben, I’m so, so sorry.”
When he bites his lip, something churns in my stomach.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says with a sigh. “It just sucked reminding myself that we’re not in a real relationship and what was going on between us was just sex.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t just sex. Not to me, anyway.”
He frowns. “It wasn’t?”
“No. Come on, I thought that was obvious.”
His frown deepens as he chews on his lip. “I thought it was, but I’m usually wrong about things. Numbers, I’m good with, but human stuff—not so much.”
“I disagree.”
He gives me a sad smile. “It doesn’t matter, Elias. You’re not going to be sticking around here for long anyway.”
“Actually, I’m planning on sticking around at least to the end of my freshman year.”
He swallows. When he speaks, his voice is small and cracked. “What for?”
“Well, partly because I think I overestimated how far along I am in my recovery from surgery.”
“Is your wrist hurting?”
“No, I’m just not where I was before the surgery yet. I need to give myself some more time. I realize that now.”
Ben nods. “That’s sensible.”
He’s trying to play it cool, but I can see his hands trembling. The thought that he might be as nervous as I am spurs me on to say the next part. “Don’t you want to know the other reason?”
He just stares at me with those big eyes. The sight causes my chest to ache. My ears are flooded with the sound of my own heartbeat.
“You, Ben. You’re the reason.”
A smile ghosts his lips before he frowns and shakes his head. “You can’t give up your dream for me. I won’t let you.”
My heart pounds in my ears as I offer him the baby Yoda I’ve been holding.
“What’s this?”
“It’s your birthday gift.”
He takes it from me with a smile. “It’s a Build-A-Bear Grogu.”
“Yeah. I did the foot pump thing and everything.”
He laughs. It’s the most beautiful sound in the world. I watch his face carefully, every miniscule change in his expression.
“You can buy him all kinds of outfits. I was thinking you could get him a graduation gown and he could come with you on graduation day.”
God, I love seeing his face light up like that. I want to be the reason for the smiles, not the tears.
“I love him, thank you, Elias.”
I lick my dry lips. “Give his hand a squeeze.”
Ben squints at me with a confused smile before pressing Grogu’s hand. “I love you, Ben.” My voice comes out of Grogu, sounding weird in the recording I made in the store while the employee grinned at me like a loon.
He blinks hard a few times before pressing it again.
“It’ll be the same no matter how many times you press it.”
“You love me?”
I nod, a lump forming in my throat.
“But … but, you’re mad at me, right?”
I laugh, relief washing over me. “No, I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you.”
“Elias.” He bites his lip and looks down. Before he can come up with another reason why this won’t work, I tell him to take a look at the paper folded under Grogu’s robe.
He takes the square of paper out and puts the stuffed toy down on the desk while he opens it up.
“What is this?”
“I thought you’d recognize a map,” I tease. My voice is so unsteady, I barely recognize it. I have never opened myself up to anyone like this before. It feels like I’ve just jumped off a cliff and now I’m in freefall.
I watch him study the map I spent all night making circles on.
“What do these circles represent?”
“They’re the places I’m hoping you’ll join me when I go out on the tour.”
He raises his eyes from the map. They’re glistening. God, please let them be happy tears.
“You said you want to be the one to go out scouting new talent? Well, I’ll be starting out on the Challenger tour, and what better place to find new talent than there? You can work on the business from the road, right? And if we have to do long-distance, then I’m sure we can make that work, too.”
Ben takes a few steps closer, the map still held out between us.
“Elias, do you really mean this?”
I frown.
“I mean, do you really want this, with me?”
“God yes. Of course I do.”
He takes a stuttering breath in.
“Do you think you could put the map down for a second so I can kiss you?”
He hesitates. For a horrible moment, I think he’s going to reject me.
I brace myself for the onslaught. That awful feeling of not being loved back.
But then he kisses me while still holding the map.
The paper crinkling between us. He can tear it to pieces for all I care, so long as he doesn’t stop kissing me.
He steps away, laughing, his face lit up with that beautiful smile. He picks Grogu up from the desk and presses his hand so my voice fills the room again, saying, “I love you, Ben.”
“You know, if you want me to say it, you can just ask.”
He swallows and licks his lips, his eyes still shining as he nods. “Yes, please.”
“I love you, Ben.”
He blinks, his eyelashes wet. “I love you, too.”
I step forward, putting my hands on his face, and kiss him, Grogu squashed between us.
Everyone’s eyes are on us when we go back out to the party. Ben has hold of my hand and is cradling Grogu under his free arm. He left the map spread out on the desk in the office.
Nate grins when he sees us holding hands, but Archer steps forward and fixes me with a frown.
“I swear to god, Liebrenz, if you ever do anything to hurt him—”
“Don’t worry,” I assure him. “I won’t.”
He studies me a moment longer, probably trying to intimidate me, which isn’t easy seeing as I tower over him, but I appreciate the effort.
Before I can say anything more, Ben laughs. “Archer, back off. I can fight my own battles.”
Archer blinks hard at him.
“I mean it. You guys need to stop babying me. I’m a grown-ass man.”
Someone gasps.
“Did Ben Harris just curse?” Nate says.
I give his hand a squeeze before leaning down to whisper in his ear, “I’ve heard you say worse.”
He’s blushing when I pull away. It might just be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I pull him into the living room by the hand, noting that the music is not his kind of music at all.
“Why aren’t they playing your sad girl playlist?”
He shrugs. “No one wants to listen to sad girl music at a party.”
“But this is your party. You should listen to whatever you want.”
Miles is scrolling through a playlist on a phone attached to the speakers. I ask him if I can have it. He looks to Ben for confirmation before he hands the phone over.
I find what I’m looking for and grab Ben. If he doesn’t want to dance with me in front of everyone I’ll understand. I just want to hold him. For him to have whatever music he wants on his birthday.
“You like this one, don’t you?”
“It’s the wrong coast, but yeah, I love this one.”
“Are we not on the West Coast?”
He laughs.
When the song gets to the swoony bit, Ben puts his arms around my neck and kisses me while he sways his hips in time to the music.
He breaks away from the kiss only to rest his head on my shoulder. I look around and discover we’re not the only ones dancing.
“Ben?”
Ben looks up from my shoulder with a sleepy, satisfied expression on his face.
“Hm?”
“Can I sleep in your room with you tonight?”
His smile fades a little.
“Are you sure I don’t keep you awake with my snoring and weird sleep questions?”
“Oh, we are definitely getting you one of those sleep journals to decipher the meaning of that weird recuring dream. But no, you don’t keep me awake.”
The smile spreads again before he rests his head back on my shoulder. He hums. “I like sleeping next to you.”
“Especially when I’m inside you,” I whisper in his ear.
He misses the beat in our slow dance before recovering. His cheeks are flushed as he tightens his arms around me.
“Yes, especially that.”