Epilogue
ELIAS
Ican’t describe how good it’s felt these past few days, showing Ben around my hometown.
Telling him stories about my childhood. Talking about Mama and allowing the good memories to wash over me.
Having him here has helped me focus on my good memories of her until they overtake my sadness over losing her.
Ben’s been walking around, repeating every German street name with a perpetual grin on his face.
He pronounces everything like he’s talking about cute, little toys or something—how Swiss German people speak—so maybe that’s his boarding school days coming back.
I have tried to tell him not to make his mouth too small when he speaks, trying to help fix his pronunciation, but he can’t help himself.
After a while, I realize it actually fits with his adorable personality.
My sister’s enjoyed listening to it, anyway.
Though my family have annoyed me by finishing his sentences every time he tries to practice.
I think they’re knocking his confidence, but he won’t let me tell them to stop.
He looks insanely good in the new suit he bought especially for my brother’s wedding.
The rain has stayed off, thank god, and the sun shines through the window as he adjusts his tie in the mirror.
“Come here, let me do that for you.”
He turns and lets me straighten his tie.
“You’re not nervous, are you?” I ask, noticing the way he keeps biting his lip.
“Me? No. Why would I be nervous? I’m only going to a wedding with my boyfriend for the first time ever and meeting his entire extended family, and the family of his sister-in-law—who, by the way, is a supermodel!”
A soft laugh escapes me. “Everyone is going to adore you. Carina’s already obsessed.”
“My accent’s weird.”
“It’s cute. And everyone will be speaking English because Mercy’s grandparents don’t speak German, either.”
“They don’t?”
“No. We’re polite like that.”
“And your English is better than mine.”
“That’s not true.” I stroke his face and he leans into my touch.
“Is everyone gonna hate me because I’m American?”
“Don’t be silly. Just tell them who you voted for, it’ll be fine.”
He still looks nervous. “Elias?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
I swallow through the lump in my throat. “I love you too, Ich liebe dich.”
“Mm,” he smiles. “So pretty.”
I shake my head and kiss his forehead. “Come on, weirdo. We’d better make a move.”
As expected, my extended family are delighted to meet Ben. He’s polite and well-spoken—in English and in his Swiss-accented German. My aunts and my grandmother can’t stop talking about how handsome he is. Ben’s blushing so hard I think he’s going to explode.
I help Ben find his seat on the front row of the outdoor venue before taking my place with the other groomsmen.
There’s a flower-garlanded arch where the minister stands, smiling peacefully and holding her notes.
Noah looks like he might pass out. I catch his eye and wink at him and he winks back, his expression softening a little.
When I find Ben on the front row, I throw him a wink and he blushes. Last night in bed I told him I’d buy him all the Legos he wanted if he said I was better looking than my brother.
He’d snorted and said, “You are.”
I have to tear my gaze away from him as Pachelbel’s canon starts up.
Of course they have an actual string quartet. The effect is quite beautiful.
Mercy steps out from the country house she’s been waiting inside. She is statuesque and regal in her beauty. A simple white dress exposes her elegant shoulders and is offset by the dark tone of her skin. She’s breathtaking.
When I look back at my brother, he has tears in his eyes.
Oh god, so do I.
People are openly blubbering now. Why am I crying at a wedding?
This has never happened before. Is it because it’s my brother and I want to see him happy?
Or is it because I can imagine standing at that altar with Ben?
Maybe a little of both. My heart stutters as Mercy reaches Noah at the altar and passes the bouquet to Carina—her maid of honor.
For once, I’m not bored by the vows. They say the regular old words, but I feel like Noah and Mercy imbue them with so much meaning, it feels like they’re reciting intimate love poems.
They kiss and everyone cheers. When I look at Ben, he’s beaming.
The happy couple make the rounds at the reception inside the boutique barn of the country house. It’s decorated with faux-handmade center pieces, fairy lights strung up everywhere.
There is a hint of ‘new money’ about it and I briefly wonder what Ben thinks about it all when he calls my name. I turn my head.
“Say cheese,” he says before snapping my picture on one of the instant cameras that are placed on every table.
“That’ll be a good one,” he says, winding the film. “If it turns out.”
We’re seated on the family table with Papa and my aunts and grandparents.
Noah’s best man is his teammate and a guy he’s known for years and sees every day.
He gets up to make a speech, bragging about how he introduced the happy couple.
He’s funny and a much better best man than I would have been.
Noah was apologetic when he told me he’d chosen Isaac to be his best man.
He told me he didn’t want to put the extra work on my plate when I was away at school and focusing on end of year finals and tennis regionals.
I really didn’t mind. For once, I didn’t feel inadequate or like I’d been left out.
I was able to look at the choice through a different lens.
And I don’t need everyone else to tell me I’m important or special.
I only have to think about how Ben looks at me, and I know.
Ben is excellent at making polite conversation with Papa. Papa’s in a good mood and a little tipsy. He smiles as Ben tells him about our final against Stanford.
“I watched your videos online,” Papa tells Ben. “You guys wiped the floor with those guys.”
“You did?” I cut in.
“Of course I did!” Papa says. “I’m only sorry I couldn’t be there in person, but you know everything was crazy here with the wedding and the Champion’s League final.”
My heart sinks a little, but I remind myself that it doesn’t matter. If Noah’s finals overshadow mine for the rest of my life, it won’t matter.
“Stanford is our arch nemesis,” Ben tells Papa. “So it felt extra awesome to beat them.”
I catch Carina watching Ben with a big grin on her face, her chin rested on her hand.
She sighs dramatically. “I could listen to you talk all night.”
Ben blushes furiously and Papa laughs. “Leave the boy alone,” he says. “Ignore her, she watches too many Hollywood movies. She thinks Americans are all frat boys and quarterbacks.”
“But he is!” Carina argues.
“Not for long,” I say. “He graduates in a few weeks.” My heart swells with pride. My future husband—if I have anything to do with it—is a Princeton alumnus and the co-CEO of a company that cares about the future of young athletes. “You’re so impressive,” I say.
Ben looks down with a shy smile.
“You two are too cute,” Carina says. “Tell me the story of how you fell in love again, please? It’s like that one with Kate Hudson and Mathew McConaughey.”
“It is not.”
We argue over which stupid rom-com our story is like and I feel Ben’s eyes on me the whole time, smiling.
After getting drunk on good German beer and dancing with me in front of my family, Ben falls asleep and snores all night in between asking me where his organs are.
A dream book I bought him says dreams about missing body parts means you’re looking for something missing in your life.
A little obvious perhaps, and I had hoped he would stop looking once we got together.
Like maybe love was the missing thing in his life.
But I guess he has more to achieve than just finding a boyfriend.
He starts snoring again, and I kiss his forehead before settling down next to him, squashing my head between the pillows so I can get as close as possible.
BEN
Graduation day.
Jeez. It’s finally here.
I’ve been dreading this day since freshman year. The moment real life would come and smack me in the face. Say, ‘Hey, wake up loser. It’s time to go and get a life.’
Well, I’m not scared anymore. I have a life. And I’m more than ready to move out of the frat house and be a real adult.
After the beatdown we gave Stanford in the NCAA championships, Elias was inundated with offers from pro coaches.
The player Richard Kingsley eventually signed was found guilty of doping shortly after and Kingsley was available again and called Elias.
But Elias signed with someone else. He didn’t like the way Kingsley dealt with the doping thing and felt like he’d had a lucky escape—‘divine intervention’ his sister-in-law called it.
His coach is a French guy called Marcel.
He matches Elias’ no-nonsense, straight-talking energy perfectly and he’s ready to go out on the Challenger tour the week after graduation.
Elias won’t be graduating of course, but he can say he passed his freshman year classes at Princeton if anyone ever asks.
My brothers all gather together in our caps and gowns to take pictures before we have to split off into our majors to collect our diplomas. Elias and Evan take group pictures of us and allow us to drag them into a couple, too.
I take a few shots of Nate and Evan posing by a tree and then with their parents and Evan’s little sister. Watching them together, I can’t help feeling glad that all my old anxiety and jealousy is long-gone.
They have a very specific story and it’s unique to them. But it isn’t necessarily better than other kinds of love. All love is unique. All love is different. And all love is just as valid as the rest.
Elias squeezes my hand as my parents make their way across the lawn. They’re dressed immaculately as always, as are my brother and sister following closely behind.
“You didn’t have to come all the way out here,” I tell Sloane and Madison.
Madison scrunches her nose. “Our little brother is graduating college. Why wouldn’t we be here?”
“You guys did the whole graduating Princeton thing first.”
“So what?” Sloane shrugs.
Dad clears his throat. I can see Mom urging him forward, like they’d discussed something in the car and now he’s following through on it.
“We’re very proud, son.”
Mom gives him another shove.
“Very proud,” he repeats.
She rolls her eyes. “Benny, you graduated top of your class at Princeton!”
It feels good to hear her say that, but not as good as it might have a year or so ago. I don’t need to be impressive in the ways they hold dear, not anymore.
“Thanks, Mom. And Dad. I appreciate everything you guys have given me.”
Elias has told me I don’t need to be grateful.
That the emotional tumbleweed of their parenting isn’t negated by the privilege of private school and having an Ivy League education paid for, but I know how lucky I still am.
I can acknowledge my financial privilege while understanding I deserve better when it comes to affection.
Dad gives me a gift bag stuffed with green tissue paper. I tuck Grogu under my arm while I open it and Dad pretends he hasn’t seen the stuffed toy.
My heart sinks when I spot the Rolex brand on the box.
I force a smile as I say, “Wow, thank you, this is amazing.”
“A Rolex is an investment, but it’s also important to look the part when meeting with potential investors. Nothing too flashy, remember,” Dad says.
“Of course, I remember. Thank you.”
“We’d better go and find our seats, Tabitha,” Dad tells Mom.
“Good luck out there,” Madison says.
“Yeah.” Sloane slaps me on the back. “Good job, old boy.”
“Will you hold Grogu?” I ask Elias, handing over the Build-A-Bear dressed in his new cap and gown, along with the gift bag holding the watch. I catch Madison wrinkling her nose again as Elias takes him with a grin.
“He can sit in my lap and watch.”
I feel sorry for Elias having to sit with my parents through the ceremony, but he’s pretty good at blanking things out and everyone’s in a good mood at least.
Nate grabs me before we take our seats with the rest of our business class.
“Ben, I just wanted to say.” He pauses. Is he getting teary-eyed? “It’s been an honor running the frat with you this year.”
“Oh,” I blush and rub the back of my neck, feeling sweat start to bead under my cap. “Yeah, me too.”
“And I mean … well, I just wanted to say thanks. For being a good friend—no, a great friend. I couldn’t have asked for better.”
“Jeez, Nate. You do know we’re not going off to war, right?”
He laughs, his eyes sparkling. He sniffles and wipes his face, pulling himself together.
“I know. And I know we’re going to see plenty more of each other.”
“Plenty more. We’re going to be running a business together.”
“I know, I know. It’s just that you’re going out on the tour with Elias in a few weeks, and, well. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too. But we’ll talk on the phone every day and have boring video meetings in hotel rooms, it’ll be just like we never graduated.”
He laughs.
Someone is going around, telling people to find their seats as the ceremony is about to begin, so we settle in and wait for the first speaker to take the stage.
This is it. The culmination of four years of hard work—more if you count prep school and years of extracurriculars and planning. My heart races at the thought. But instead of panic and self-doubt taking over, it’s excitement I feel. I can’t wait to get started.
I turn in my seat and seek out Elias. He’s still there, sitting straight-backed while my sister studies her program. He gives me a smile that tells me he has no doubt that I’m going to be absolutely fine before making Grogu give a little wave.
I turn back to the stage with a snort.
“Okay?” Nate asks.
I take a deep breath as the first speaker is announced, the mic giving a little feedback.
“Yes,” I tell him. “We’ve totally got this.”
THE END