Chapter 18
Forgiveness. It was another of those things that often showed a gap between theory and practice.
Kyle had known that forgiveness was a central trait in the whole coming-to-Jesus thing, but it was another thing to be staring his betrayer in the face and be willing to do the same.
How on earth had Jesus managed to wash the feet of Judas before that last supper?
A black cat—Bella had called her Betsy—eyed him, then hissed, her disdain as obvious as what Minnie had always displayed.
He swallowed, as the tension lining the Rivas living room thickened with the awkwardness between Gen and himself.
She was downcast, which was understandable, and nervous, avoiding his eyes. Considering his last encounter with her, he felt the same. Thank God that Minnie was at work. He couldn’t do this if she was here. It was hard enough to have Gen and Bella in the room.
He shifted awkwardly on the horrible couch, felt a spring poke his thigh. “You really need a new couch.” Hey, he had to say something to break the ice.
Gen’s lips pressed together, while Bella glanced at her, then back at him. “Mom hates it, but Grandma thinks it’s pretty.”
He raised an eyebrow. The garish flower pattern printed on vinyl sure wasn’t his idea of beautiful, but then he’d always preferred the understated to that which was in your face.
“Let me guess: she likes it because it means visitors don’t want to stay too long.”
Bella grinned, and his heart thudded at how she suddenly looked like her mother.
Her mother, who even now was shaking her head. “You don’t have to stay.”
“Aww, come on Mom. I want to hear what he has to say.”
“You’ve sure changed your tune,” Gen muttered.
Hurt rolled over him, but he refused to take offense. It was only natural that Bella would be unsure. He hated to think what they might’ve said about him, how Gen and her mom had likely discussed him in front of Bella.
And yet he didn’t know that for certain. Well, yes, he knew Minnie Rivas would certainly have slandered him, but Gen, well, he was not so sure. She’d loved him once, but whether that was enough to temper her words with their daughter he didn’t know.
“I’m glad you want me here,” he said to Bella.
She nodded, eyeing him as if she still wasn’t entirely sure what he would do.
And to be honest, he wasn’t one hundred percent certain either.
Only knew that the longer this dragged on without speaking, the more room there was for wild imaginings that had no grounding in reality.
And while he still didn’t have a plan, he knew he had to open the lines of connection.
Especially before his parents arrived next weekend.
“So, Bella. What do you like to do?”
Her eyes lit as she shared about loving science and math. It felt strange, this meeting someone who his DNA had created. He could see how her interests had been flavored by Gen’s own. “Your mom used to love science and math, too.”
Bella nodded, even as Gen stiffened, still refusing to meet him in the eye.
Oh well. She’d agreed to this meeting, so he planned on staying, even if she found it hard.
“Would… would you tell me a little bit about her? Mom said that you were friends as kids.”
He nodded, his gaze sliding to Gen’s. Still no answer. “I remember your mom as being the smartest person in school.”
“Smarter than you?” Bella asked.
“Absolutely. I liked math, but was not so great at science. I couldn’t remember stuff like your mom could.”
“Mom says I have a good memory.”
“I’m not surprised. I mean, you remembered my name when you answered the door.”
Bella chuckled. “You’re funny.”
“Hey, takes one to know one, right?”
“Right.”
He grinned. Glanced at Gen. Still no response. Which was odd. But maybe she was finding this harder than him.
“So, Bella, I gotta know. Is Bella short for Isabella?”
“No. It’s just my name. Bella Dominique Rivas.”
Dominique. Like Gen’s mother. “It’s a pretty name.”
“Thanks.”
He glanced at Gen. Cleared his throat, waiting for her to finally look at him. “Rivas?”
“It’s her last name.” Her gaze finally lifted to meet his.
His stomach twisted at the despair there. What had caused that? Surely she didn’t think he was going to take Bella away? What could he say to assure her? “Hey, Gen, it’s going to be okay.”
She scoffed. “How can you say that?”
“I’m not going to take her away.” He smiled at Bella. “I just want the chance to get to know you.”
She nodded. “I know.”
Wow. Okay, that was unexpected. But also, maybe not. Bella had a maturity about her which he sure didn’t recall about himself at that age. Maybe it had come about from spending so much time with adults all her life.
He shifted on the uncomfortable seat. “I was wondering if maybe we could have a meal together sometime. My parents are in town next weekend and would love to meet you soon too. But only if that’s okay with you. And your mom.”
Bella’s eyes widened as Gen paled.
“It’s okay, they only want to meet her,” he soothed. “Nothing else.”
“I just don’t want—” Her lips clamped.
He could guess what she was afraid of. And he’d make sure Mom and Dad—well, Mom, really—knew exactly what was and was not allowed. And there would be no talk of moving or switching schools or anything like that. “You don’t need to worry,” he promised.
Gen studied him for a long moment, then jerked her head. “But only if I’m there too.”
“Of course.” He switched his attention back to Bella. “So, would that be okay with you? I don’t want to do anything you are uncomfortable with.”
“You mean I’d have real grandparents?”
“You do have real grandparents. You’ve always had your mom’s mom, of course, but now you’ll have my mom and dad as well.” He smiled. “It’ll be fun to see what they want to be called. I reckon you should call my mom Granny and see what she does.”
That earned a flicker of a smile from Gen, who could probably imagine just what his mother would make of that, seeing as she’d never liked references to her age. How she would cope with being acknowledged as the grandmother to a nine-year-old remained to be seen.
“So, Bella, I know it’s a lot, so you can think about it if you like and let me know.
But regardless of whether my parents come or not, I’d still like to go somewhere with you both and enjoy a meal.
Would that be okay?” He rubbed his back.
“It’d be nice to sit somewhere where it doesn’t feel like the chair is trying to eat me. ”
“See Mom? I told you we should all sit at the dining table.” Bella grinned, and this time he noticed she was missing a tooth. “She thought you’d prefer that couch.”
“I bet she did.”
This scored him a slanted look from Gen, as if she caught the wryness in his tone.
“That was very thoughtful of her.”
Okay, this time that was definitely a lip flicker, like she was on her way to a smirk, but thought better of it.
“Then yeah,” Bella said. “I’d like to have dinner. I’m not sure about meeting your parents yet, though.”
“That’s okay. You can tell your mom when you decide. It’ll be fine either way.”
“Cool.” Bella’s head tilted. “Hey, do you want to see my favorite toys?”
He nodded, and she hurried to her room, leaving him alone with Gen.
“It’s not going to kill you to spend time with me, Gen,” he said softly.
“I don’t understand why you’re being so nice,” she murmured.
Neither did he. Except, actually, he kinda did.
When Gen’s response had finally arrived, two days after he’d sent his message, he’d had enough time to think and pray and finally realize how he was to act. Not with fire and brimstone and offense and accusations, but softly, meekly, gently. Like Jesus had treated the broken.
Because Kyle realized it now. Gen was broken, just as he had been, and she needed time to get her life made right with God before she was ready for anything else.
And as much as his own feelings toward her were conflicted, enough softness remained for him to want her best. To want her to find hope and healing and wholeness in God.
Ryan had been right to advise Kyle to wait.
Because love, real love, wasn’t based on feelings.
It involved actions, prioritizing others’ needs above one’s own, washing the feet of those whose hearts were set against him.
And while he certainly wasn’t Jesus, Kyle was trying to follow in His way, which meant sacrificing his own agenda for a bigger plan. An eternal one.
So if God was prompting Kyle to extend grace and forgiveness and mercy, Kyle would pray that God would give him the grace and strength to do so.
But how to explain all that to a non-believer…
Maybe just explain all that, like that, to her. “You know the other day took me by surprise.”
“Really?” She rolled her eyes.
He bit back his own sarcastic remark. “And I might not have acted with much grace and understanding. And to be honest, it’s still quite challenging to come to terms with. But I’m trusting that God will help me.”
“God.” She checked out the ceiling again. “Why do you have to keep going on about God all the time?”
“I do? I didn’t realize.” He wanted to continue but felt an inkling to cease. So he waited. Waited some more. Then, sure enough, she sighed.
“Okay, you don’t. Not all the time. But it seems to be all I hear these days. And it’s really annoying.”
Lord, what do I say?
Nothing.
Okay.
She huffed out another breath. “And it bothers me that you’re so calm about this, especially when it feels like everything in my world is falling apart.”
“Would you prefer me to be angry with you forever?”
“No.” Her voice was small. “But it would make more sense if you were.”
“Well, like I said, God is helping me with things like forgiveness. I’m still a work in progress though, so I won’t always get things right. But I want you to know I do forgive you.”
“I don’t deserve forgiveness,” she whispered.
“Gen.”
She shook her head.