Chapter 18 #3
And she wanted to ask more, but knew he would only go on about more God stuff again.
And she didn’t want to listen to pithy platitudes about forgiveness or God loving the world.
Not when God hadn’t loved Lily enough to keep her alive.
Not when God hadn’t helped countless other people that Gen had seen struggle before their demise.
She knew death. It was permanent. Sure, there were some people who’d coded in ED and then inexplicably come back, but they always died again, sooner or later.
Usually sooner. And this stubborn foolish belief that Jesus came back to life was something she could never wrap her scientific brain around.
It didn’t happen. And if it didn’t happen, then she couldn’t believe it. Any of it.
Even if she also couldn’t quite wrap her logical brain around the theory of evolution.
It didn’t make sense that the intricate human body somehow managed to put itself together so precisely, and it all originated from chance and a Big Bang.
Maybe this put her at odds with other science-minded people, but for her, that didn’t compute.
Which left—what alternative? So, okay maybe the God stuff was real, but the Jesus stuff—at least the part about being dead and coming back to life—didn’t work for her. Neither did the fact that this world was full of unanswered prayers. Hers among them.
“Hey, this is a very nice cup of tea,” Kyle said. “Thanks, Bella.”
“Thanks, sweetie.” Gen smiled at her daughter.
Bella lapped up the praise like a kitten might drink milk.
Bella had been so patient with her this past week, even when facing her own questions.
She was a good girl. Considerate, thoughtful.
Everything that Gen wished she herself was more like.
Maybe Bella had inherited these qualities from her father.
Gen peeked at Kyle now, where he was talking quietly with Bella about sports—of course he was. Bella was shaking her head, no, she didn’t do sports, but she’d like a puppy one day to take on walks.
Gen choked, sputtering out her tea. “I beg your pardon? Since when have you wanted a puppy?”
“Since I met Kyle.”
“What about Betsy the Cat?”
Bella scoffed. “Please. Betsy doesn’t go for walks. Betsy doesn’t do anything Betsy doesn’t want to do.”
Kyle’s mouth curved. “And you think I look like a puppy man?”
“I think you look like you could be a puppy man.”
Wow. “The emotional blackmail is strong with this one,” Gen murmured.
“Apparently.” He grinned at Bella. “Do you honestly think that you can just bat your eyelashes at me like your mother does and get your own way?”
“I don’t bat my eyelashes,” Gen protested.
“I’d still like a puppy one day,” Bella said. “And I’m just saying that if ever you got a puppy and needed me to look after it, I’d be okay with that.”
“Bella!” This was unbelievable. Anyone—okay, Kyle—might think that Gen had put her up to treat people like this. “You know better than to talk like that.”
Bella sighed. “It was worth a try.”
Luckily, Kyle was still smiling, shaking his head. “Bella, just so we’re clear, your mom is the boss, okay? I want to get to know you, but anything I do I’m gonna run by her.”
Gen’s throat tightened. He didn’t have to do that, but the fact he was willing to let her take the lead meant so much. “I appreciate that, Kyle.”
“Of course.”
He finished his drink, then glanced at his phone. “Sorry. I’ve gotta scoot. I’ve got a Bible study I need to get to tonight. It got delayed from earlier in the week.”
“What do you do at a Bible study?” Bella asked.
Gen had wondered that too.
“I have a bunch of hockey friends who are Christians and we meet online and talk about how the Bible and God are talking to us today.”
“God doesn’t talk to people,” Bella scoffed.
Amen, Gen thought.
“How do you know? Have you tried talking to Him?”
“What?” Bella’s nose wrinkled. “How do you do that?”
“Well, some people call it praying. I do it all the time. And sometimes I hear what I think is God talking back to me.”
“Really?” Gen asked, before she could stop herself. Was he crazy?
He nodded. “Like before, when you were upset. I prayed that God would comfort you, and felt like He said for me to comfort you. Which is why I hugged you.”
Her skin tingled. He said it so matter-of-factly, but that had been exactly what she needed. A man’s arms around her. And it had eased some of her angst.
“Huh. That sounds really weird,” Bella said. “But also kind of cool.”
He shrugged. “I bet a lot of people would think it sounds weird, but I’m trying to listen and do what I think God wants me to do.”
“Like?”
“Like being kind, putting others first.” His eyes met Gen’s. “And forgive.”
Her heart stuttered. He didn’t mean forgive her, did he?
Sure, he’d said that before, but she didn’t deserve it.
And yet everything he’d done today proved that perhaps he had forgiven her.
How? Why? Was it because of this God stuff?
If so, it was almost enough for her to believe in God, that He could do miracles, after all.
“And get a dog?” Bella asked hopefully.
He laughed, and maybe it was the sound of his laughter rumbling through the house that meant she missed it, but the next thing she noticed was a new figure. And the way Kyle had stiffened, then rose.
As her mother walked further into the room, her face tight, her eyes fiery. “What on earth is going on here?”