Chapter 24 #2
So, no. Mom wasn’t perfect. And neither was Gen. Or anyone, really.
She glanced out at the sunset. The color was deeper now. More orange and magenta.
“So how does Jesus take the punishment?” Bella asked. “What does that mean?”
“It means that none of us are good enough to get to heaven by our own efforts,” Kyle said. “Even when we try to do good we still all fall short, and we can feel ashamed, and carry our guilt like a weight in our hearts.”
Oh, Gen knew that only too well. Guilt at spoiling her own mother’s life by being the unwanted pregnancy, even though Mom had never said that.
Then there was guilt at turning around and doing the same.
Guilt at not telling Kyle. Guilt at resenting her mom’s many interferences, even when Gen knew she was just trying to do her best. Guilt at Lily’s death.
Guilt at so many other patients, other people, she had failed. So many, many failures.
Her eyes pricked. She was so tired of it all.
“So, what do we do?” Bella asked.
Bless her for asking all the right questions.
“God says that all we have to do is believe in Jesus, believe that He died on a cross for us, then repent from all the wrong stuff we’ve done, and turn to God. To trust God and follow Jesus.”
“But I thought you said that Jesus was dead.”
“He died on the cross, yes, but then He rose again.”
“Whoa!”
“Right? How cool is that?”
“But how could Jesus rise from the dead? Like, how do people know?”
“Because people saw Him, spoke to Him. One person even put his hands in the wounds on Jesus’s side.”
“That’s so weird. Wouldn’t Jesus have been like a ghost?”
“Nope. The Bible talks about all kinds of witnesses who saw Him alive. That He even ate food. I don’t think ghosts can do that.”
“But people don’t come back to life.” Bella glanced at Gen. “Do they, Mommy?”
While technically true, she suddenly could remember times when inexplicable things had happened.
People who had prayed then had seen their loved ones come back to life.
And yes, there might be scientific reasons sometimes, but she’d heard stories of other things, like people who had been pronounced dead and sent to a morgue who had suddenly come back to life, that sent tingles along her spine.
Maybe if God really was responsible for creating the world, then He was big enough to bring His son back to life.
So yes, while she’d seen plenty of the opposite too, she couldn’t deny that “Sometimes people do come back to life.” She shrugged. “But they always die eventually.”
Kyle was watching her closely. “Jesus came back to life. And unlike anybody else who might’ve died and come back to life, He didn’t die again. The Bible talks about how He was taken up into heaven while lots of people watched.”
“No way.” Bella’s eyes were huge. “Like beam me up, Scotty?”
“Better than that. Because this isn’t some science fiction movie, but it’s actually real. And I know it’s real because I’ve seen the way that God has made a difference in my life.”
“How?”
Gen’s question seemed to startle him, as he glanced across at her.
“I used to think that I had all the answers and was successful and could do all kinds of things and life seemed pretty awesome. But there was still this hollow feeling in my heart. So I got talking to some guys I knew who were Christians and they shared with me about a Bible study called Northwest Ice. I went along, heard what they shared, and found that all the stuff that I thought used to make sense like money or fame or success really is kind of hollow. It lasts for a minute then it’s gone like that. ” He clicked his fingers.
Bella copied him. “Like that.”
“People die, and they can’t take their money with them. People chase fame, then someone more famous comes along. People want to look handsome or beautiful or young but sooner or later it all fades. All this striving and need for approval and success just makes people sick.”
Like she had been. Sick for approval. Sick to succeed. Yet the hunger inside had never been quenched. Not really.
Just like Kyle said.
“The Bible says that God has placed eternity in the hearts of all men,” Kyle continued softly.
“That means that everyone is ultimately looking for that source of Life that truly gives meaning to our lives. And some people follow other religions, or distract themselves by making work or chasing money their religion, or chase success in other things, but it ultimately all fails, and that hollowness inside is still there.”
Kyle gestured to the sunset beyond them.
“God, who created the universe, who made us, made you, wants to be your friend. And He wants to use us to be a blessing to others, to give our lives more meaning and purpose. Not with our jobs.” He smiled at Gen.
“What you do to help people is amazing. But what if God isn’t that interested in what we do but is more interested in who we are?
What if He wants to speak to us, use us for His purposes to encourage others to find hope and healing in Him, so people don’t need to spend their lives feeling broken and lie awake at night wondering if they should end it? ”
Her skin prickled. She hadn’t felt that desperate, but those two days in bed recently had shown how easy it would be to succumb to that kind of pressure, to feel so completely overwhelmed and hopeless. Like there was no point to life at all.
Because if you lived for yourself and you were going to die anyway, then what actually was the point?
To be seen as a nice person? To do good deeds?
She’d tried to do both and kept failing.
She could see what Kyle meant. Trying to win people’s approval and get things right all the time and prove herself good enough had only made her sick, and still hadn’t dealt with that hollow feeling in her heart.
But something seemed to have worked for Kyle. He possessed a contentment she’d never really known. But she’d like to know it now.
Bella’s head tilted. “So, are you saying that all I need to do is pray and ask God to forgive me for my sins and then He will?”
“Yep. And more than that, God wants to be your friend. He wants to talk to you, He wants to lead and guide you through each day. He wants to give you peace—”
Oh, she yearned to know real peace.
“—and be your rock when things are tough, and you feel like life is impossible.”
“But I’ve got Mom and you now,” Bella said.
“But we won’t always be around. And even when we’re adults, we need to know that there is somebody who is bigger than us who loves us and wants to work all things out for our good.
That’s who God is. He loves you, and wants you to walk in His ways so you can have an amazing life.
And just to be clear, tough times will still happen, but you can have peace knowing that God is there with you, every step of the way. ”
There was that word again. Peace.
Bella nodded slowly. “And that’s what you did? You prayed that prayer?”
“I did. And that hollowness inside disappeared, as I felt God’s love inside me. And now I pray that God would lead and guide me every single day.”
“Huh.” Bella sat back, arms folded, then she nodded. “Well, I want that too.”
So do I.
Tears blinded her, and she almost missed the way Kyle’s face crumpled a little, before he hugged Bella tight. “You’ve got no idea how happy that makes me to hear that.”
“I’ve got some idea,” she squeaked.
“Oops. Sorry. I didn’t mean to squeeze so tight.”
“That’s okay. So, can we pray?”
“Right now?”
“Yep.”
“Okay then.” Kyle glanced across at Gen and she ducked her head. She couldn’t let him see how much his words had affected her.
“All right then. Bella, close your eyes.”
“Does God hear us better when our eyes are closed?”
“No, but we concentrate better when our eyes are closed. And this is an important prayer. In fact, it’s the most important prayer you’ll ever pray, so we want to concentrate, okay?”
“Okay.” Bella closed her eyes obediently, and Kyle did the same.
And Gen followed suit.
“So, Bella, repeat after me, Lord Jesus, I believe You are God’s son.”
“Lord Jesus, I believe You are God’s son,” Bella repeated.
Lord Jesus, I believe You are God’s son.
“Thank You for dying on that cross and for paying the price for all of my sin.”
“Thank You for dying on that cross and for paying the price for all of my sin,” Bella echoed.
Thank You for dying on that cross and for paying the price for all of my sin. All of my sin. All of it. All.
“Thank You it’s not about how good I am but about how good You are.”
Bella echoed it aloud, and Gen did silently.