Chapter 24 #3
“Lord, I’m sorry for all the wrong stuff I’ve done. I want to live for You.”
Lord, I’m sorry for all the wrong stuff I’ve done. I want to live for You.
“I believe that I’m Your child, and I’ve been made new.”
Bella continued to repeat each line aloud, while Gen prayed silently.
I believe that I’m Your child, and I’ve been made new. Made new. Made new!
“Have Your way in my life. And help me live for You.”
Have Your way in my life. And help me live for You. Your way, God. Not mine.
“In the name of Jesus, Amen.”
“In the name of Jesus, Amen.”
Amen.
Gen’s eyes opened, met Bella’s.
Bella grinned. “Amen means we all agree, Mom.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
Kyle’s eyes widened a little, but she couldn’t speak, couldn’t even look at him, and never was so thankful for Bella’s chatter as something seemed to shift inside.
Tears rushed to her eyes, then released, as a kind of awe-filled wonder swept across her.
How could an innocent man have died for her?
What extraordinary love God had demonstrated toward her—toward all people, so many of whom might never believe.
She couldn’t believe it. Yet she also could.
Because that warm love Kyle had talked about seemed to be flowing into those empty spaces of her heart.
Filling her with something that felt a little like… peace.
She closed her eyes, too intent on the shift within that felt impossible yet also very real.
The broken shards of pain and regrets were swept away, replaced by the strangest sense of assurance.
Like these words, these promises, that Kyle had claimed were true for her too.
That she didn’t need to keep playing a game she’d never win.
She could jump off into the Savior’s arms, and know He’d catch her and hold her safely.
Oh, how wonderful to know this was not about her own efforts, so she could step off this endless hamster wheel of obligations and expectations and trying to keep up.
She didn’t have to keep up. She never could, anyway.
But she didn’t have to, because God had said “I love you anyway, even with all your failures, I love you.”
God, her Heavenly Father, who loved her so much He’d given up His own son.
God, her Heavenly Father, who wanted to be her father. She, who had never known a father.
Oh, that warmth inside felt something like liquid love pouring over her, through her, sweeping away the muck in her heart like a tsunami of crystal clear water, filling up that emptiness she’d tried to fix by working hard, doing good, seeing others give their approval.
She didn’t have to do that. God loved her. That was enough. That was everything. She wiped her eyes.
“Mommy, don’t be sad.” Bella hugged her. “It’s a good prayer to pray.”
“Yes.”
She kept her eyes closed, then felt heat flow through her back as Kyle placed his hand there.
“God loves you,” he murmured.
She nodded. “I know.”
“You… you do?”
She rubbed her eyes, and glanced up at where he was studying her, his own eyes red-rimmed like he’d been as touched as them in this moment.
And something like a rush of fresh and deep affection for this man, for his patience, for his kindness, flowed from her heart to him.
She loved him. Loved him. She knew now what that word meant.
Not just the heady rush of emotion but quiet love, persistent care, acts of service that went unregarded.
Kyle might have come back into their lives for the sake of his daughter, but he’d demonstrated God’s love before leading them there.
“Kyle.”
“Gen.”
She didn’t know what to say. Licked dry lips. Noticed his gaze fell there.
“Mommy, are you okay now?”
Gen hugged Bella near. “I’m really good. Better than I’ve been in a long, long time.”
“Me too.” Bella beamed. “So Dad, what do I do now?”
Kyle’s gaze was soft as he glanced between them. “Well, I’ve found it’s really helpful to read the Bible, to get to know more about Jesus and what He said and how He lived, so we can understand and follow Him better. So we’ll have to get you a Bible.”
“Cool!”
“You can actually get a Bible app on your phone, but I like to have a real one too.”
“Okay.”
“And it’s important to regularly pray and talk to God, and be quiet too sometimes, so you can let Him talk to you. He wants to be your friend, and that’s what friends do, isn’t it? It’s not just one person talking at the other all the time.”
“Yeah, my friend does that sometimes and it’s kind of annoying.”
He chuckled. “And it’s good to go to church, to be with other believers who can encourage you, and help you understand your Bible.”
“Do you go to church?” Bella asked.
“I do. I can take you if you like.” He glanced at Gen. “If your mom agrees.”
Gen nodded. “I’d like that.”
“You want to come too?” Bella asked. “Awesome.”
“So awesome,” Kyle said softly, his eyes shining.
Truly awesome, she agreed. Impossibly awesome. Except this feeling in her heart was not impossible, not a fairy tale, but real; this hope was something that could never be erased.
Something had shifted. Something was new. And she knew that she was changed.