Chapter 35
CHAPTER
THIRTY-FIVE
FARRAH
The day after our birthday party event, I’m up early in the morning and heading to the big house to watch Nella for the day. I’m exhausted from the party…. Six-year-old girls are not all sugar and spice and everything nice, okay? They’re actually rabid.
Mel and I agreed we’re only doing events for adults from now on. And we also agreed to hire some help. There’s no way we can continue doing setup ourselves, especially as her belly grows. And I cannot mentally handle Bruce McBride showing up to help in his little black shorts when I’m trying to move on.
It’s literal torture. His sweat soaked shirt adhering to his chest was practically pornographic.
The guys have a game tonight, and they’re on a flight as we speak. I’m just happy for a four-day reprieve from running into Bruce. He can’t pop up and remind me how adorable and handsome he is when he’s all the way in Canada.
I breathe a sigh of relief as I walk into the kitchen, knowing I can erase Bruce from my mind for the rest of the week. When I enter my brother’s kitchen, I stop in my tracks. My eyes are so wide I worry they might fall out of my head.
Amber strides into the room with Nella and Rose trailing behind her. I barely register the large dog and my niece though. I’m too busy taking in the most gorgeous piece of kitchen equipment I’ve ever had the privilege of seeing with my own eyes. Even prettier than the one in Bruce’s penthouse.
“Is that a?” I manage to form a few words.
“Yep,” Amber says with a knowing smirk. “There’s a note that came with it.”
I take another step toward the stunning La Cornue stove and swipe the handwritten note on top that’s attached to a gigantic bow.
Yeux bleus,
Saw this and it reminded me of your eyes.
(Your brother already knows if you ever move, the oven goes with you.)
From,
Your petit gateau
I huff a laugh at just how outlandish this gift is. Most men would find a gemstone that reminded them of a woman’s eyes, or a flower…but Bruce McBride? No, that’s not his style. He goes right for the fourteen-thousand-dollar oven.
I drop the note like it’s on fire. No, I can’t have my mind so easily changed by an oven. Albeit a very impressive one…that I will absolutely use every day.
This oven is the best gift I’ve ever received, but it doesn’t change any of the reasons we can’t be together.
What were those reasons again?
I pick the note back up and read it again. Your petit gateau . Pulling my phone out my shorts pocket, I tap on the Google app and type it in. Your cupcake.
Nella claps her hands, reminding me I’m not alone. She patters over and runs her hand along the glass of the shiny new oven, leaving a streak of little fingerprints. Somehow, that makes it look even better.
I glance over to find Amber watching me curiously. “Are you okay?”
I hadn’t realized I was crying until she asked me that. But now I feel the tears on my face. “Why does he have to make this so difficult?” I ask with a sniff. “I can’t get hurt again, Amber.”
She walks toward me, dressed in black skinny jeans and cute wedge heels. She’s ready for work and will need to leave soon. Unworried about the time, she gives me a hug, then pulls back to look at me. “I know it’s hard to trust again. But it might be worth it.”
I groan. “Not you, too. I already got this talk from Mel yesterday.”
Amber smiles. “We just love you both and want you to be happy. And Bruce seemed to make you happy.”
“I don’t think I can trust myself,” I admit. “Connor made me happy, too.”
“When you look back at your marriage, do you see any red flags? Things you might have brushed off or ignored?” she asks the question gently.
Nella pulls on my oversized tee, and I pick her up. She wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Rose trots over wanting to be part of everything with her tail thwacking against my legs.
“Yes. That’s what worries me. I was so in love I was willing to look past the way he treated me. How we always did what he wanted and never what I wanted. I did all the compromising, and he did none. What if I repeat that again?”
“Nobody is perfect. I think the best way to know someone’s character is how they support you. Are they there for you when things get hard? Are they passionate about your interests? Do they show up?”
When I think about Bruce, my answer is yes to all those things. “But Amber, he’s so young and has so much to learn. He will probably want kids someday, even if he thinks he’d be fine without them now. And what if I can’t give him that?”
“Okay, I’ll play devil’s advocate. What if you give Bruce a chance and you’re unable to have kids. What about other options, like IVF, or adoption?”
I weigh the options for a moment, even though I’ve considered them all before. “I think I’d really like to adopt.”
“Do you not think Bruce would be on board with that option? He’s so great with Jackson. And he is adopted himself.”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “We never talked about it.”
“And I’m not saying you have to. If you’re sure he’s not the one for you, then you should let him go. But if you’re unsure…maybe it’s worth a conversation?”
Not wanting to think about all of this before I’ve even had a cup of coffee, I squeeze my eyes shut and blow out a breath. “He bought me an oven.”
Amber chuckles. “I think he might be in love with you.”
I open my eyes and hold my sister-in-law’s gaze. “I’m just…confused.”
She glances at the clock on the shiny new stove. “I have to go, but we can talk more about this later if you want?”
I nod.
“Oh! And the girls are coming over tonight for the game. We’d love for you to join us…if you want to.”
She’s giving me the opportunity to skip out since I’d have to watch Bruce for three hours. But I can’t lose my girlfriends over this. And I’ve missed them. “Okay. I’ll be there.”
“Yay!” She does a little dance then kisses Nella and heads out through the garage.
I look over at Nella, who’s still happily settled on my hip. “Well, kiddo. Just you and me for the day.”
She grins and points to the new stove. “Cake?”
I smile back. “Okay, you twisted my arm. Let’s bake some cupcakes.”
When the girls come over that evening, I have freshly baked cupcakes ready and waiting. The oven is immaculate. Total perfection.
The desire to text Bruce about it is almost too much to resist, but I’m too mixed up about my own feelings to confuse him, as well. I don’t want to give him hope that I’ll change my mind when I don’t even know if I’ve changed my mind.
Everyone is dressed down tonight, thank goodness. Because all I wanted to do was throw on some pajamas and chill. And I’m wearing my own pajamas tonight instead of Bruce’s sweats. I even washed them so I can return the items to him. They no longer smell like him, which made me tear up. But I’m fine. Totally fine.
While Amber is putting Nella to bed, the girls and I get settled on the couch with blankets, popcorn, wine, and cupcakes.
Your cupcake. The signature on Bruce’s note runs through my head for the millionth time today. Here I thought I could erase him from my mind for a few days, then he goes and buys me a La Cornue.
I settle in on the couch, Bruce’s face filling the TV screen. He removes his helmet, then shakes his hair out. I can’t tell if he’s frowning, or just focused. But something about his expression looks strained and unlike the grinning version of himself that I love.
The cameraman stays focused on Bruce as he grabs his water bottle and squirts a long stream into his mouth. His strong throat works as he swallows it down, then the camera finally moves to Remy and the other team captain, number seventy-nine, at center ice. The referee drops the puck, and the Thunder Bay Lightning captain snags it right away.
The game takes off in a fast pace, but I’m still thinking about the sadness in Bruce’s eyes.
Number seventy-nine takes the puck across the ice and into the Eagles’ zone. He passes it to another teammate, Mitch tries to steal it, but it gets away from him, then the Lightning right wing shoots it straight between Bruce’s legs.
Bruce’s head sways back and forth, like he’s lecturing himself. A pit forms in my stomach. We hid our relationship so it wouldn’t affect the team during playoffs, and yet, our relationship still affected the team. I broke their goalie’s heart, and everything we tried to prevent ended up happening, anyway.
For the rest of the first period, I watch with bated breath as Bruce allows shot after shot into his net. He’s like a completely different goalie tonight.
The first period ends with the Eagles down one to four. A terrible start to the game.
Usually, us girls chat and laugh and cheer, but tonight we’re all quiet. And I feel like I’m the elephant in the room. I feel like this is my fault.
As we sit in silence and watch the commercials before the next period starts, I finally can’t take it anymore, burying my face in my hands. “Girls, I’m so sorry.”
A second later they’re all surround me. I can feel arms draping across my shoulders. “Oh, Farrah. This isn’t your fault,” this comes from Andie. “Life happens, and the guys have to set it aside and play their best. Do you think Bruce is the first guy to go through a breakup during the season?”
I remove my hands from my face and find all four of them beside me. Noel and Andie on my left, Mel and Amber on my right.
“And it won’t be the last, either,” Mel adds.
I wipe my tear-streaked face on my shirt sleeve. “But not during playoffs!”
“You can’t stay with Bruce just so he’ll play well during playoffs,” Noel says. “If you don’t want to be with him, you were right to end things.”
I do want to be with him. The thought pops into my head before I can stop it. Whether I want to be with him or not isn’t the issue. It’s that someday, inevitably, he’ll change his mind about wanting to be with me.
Mel leans in. “We’re here for you, no matter what. We love you and Bruce. And we love you whether you’re together or not. You’re not a package deal.”
Until that moment, I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear that. I never expected to lose all my friends during my divorce, but it was eye opening. Connor and I were a package deal for them. And after we split, they cut me off like a dead limb.
“I love you guys,” I say.
“We love you, too,” Amber says, leaning around Mel to hug me. The embrace quickly turns into a group hug, and I do feel moderately better now.
When the second period begins, we all stay huddled together. I gasp when Bruce doesn’t come onto the ice, instead he’s been replaced with their backup goalie, O’Malley.
Andie uses her arm that’s still around me to give me a squeeze. “It’ll be okay.”
But it’s not okay because the Eagles lose game three of the third round of the playoffs, three to eight.