Chapter 6
Bailey
It had been a long time since Jeremy had been my boyfriend, but it would be fair to still call him my friend. I didn't see him very often, especially since he was out on the water most of the time.
But he wanted to tell me he was getting engaged, and we’d had dinner at Corner Cafe to celebrate. Ellie had let me lock up, and I walked Jeremy out to his car.
It was nice to reminisce about high school, except for the part where he tried to remind me of my first car accident. I’d gotten sun-blinded on the way to deliver a pizza, and he would never let me live it down.
“You were just as embarrassed then as you are now,” he said with another laugh.
“It’s pretty pathetic to let something like that happen to you when you’ve grown up with it your whole life.” There was one point downtown where you couldn't avoid it at sunset, no matter how dark your sunglasses or how great your visor.
Worse, I’d rear-ended the pastor’s wife, and then they’d prayed for me at the next Sunday service.
Which might or might not have been because I kept swearing about the goddamn sun, and since I wasn't a parishioner, they just knew I was going to hell without their intervention.
“That’s the best story I’ve got about you, I guess.”
I knew he and I weren’t meant to stick, so I had been the one to break up with him. For a long time, he wouldn't speak to me, making our jobs a lot harder. Unfortunately for him, I had a bad habit of bolting when real feelings came into the picture.
Because for me, that meant they'd leave. Either that, or they’d die, which amounted to the same thing. I’d had therapy for it, but all that did was make me pick guys who were losers, knowing they had no sticking power.
“You were my one and only official long-term relationship, you know.”
Nodding, he stuck his hands in his pockets. “Why is that, Bay?”
I wrinkled my nose at the nickname I’d always hated. “I don’t cope well with my abandonment issues; you know that.”
“I hope for your sake you learn how. You deserve that kind of happiness.”
I thanked him, told him congratulations one more time, and then tried to decide if I should go back inside or take a walk. For whatever reason, I was restless, but it was getting late.
Used to be, I didn't worry about walking around at night in my hometown.
I knew its soul better than the back of my hand, and it was as safe as could be.
But a certain man with a shifty look in his eyes and a set hunch to his shoulders had changed that perspective for me.
Van was a mystery I couldn't solve; a nut I couldn't crack.
He insisted he was sinister, but he gave off the vibe of a wounded animal.
One that would sooner attack its savior than accept help because it was scared of being hurt again.
Mind made up, I set out to walk to the water’s edge.
I didn't usually go down there as much, but something about Van’s arrival had made me want to visit the place I considered my parents’ memorial.
Their bodies had never been recovered, lost at sea with their vessel after a sudden late winter storm.
But the spot where the inlet bled into the bay was where I felt them the most. That was the spot where I mourned them annually, and then I avoided that place as though it was going to physically hurt me to be there.
In some ways, I knew I’d never healed from their loss.
The psychiatrists told me I was too young to have suffered from anything like PTSD, but it didn't matter. Riley had been nothing but honest with me throughout my life, ensuring I knew where I’d come from and who Charlie and Sarah Moon had been.
I knew what I’d lost at such a young age; I knew what I’d had the chance to be but had missed out on when I was too young to grasp it fully.
With the full moon hanging high and bright in the sky, I picked my way down the beach to stand at the water’s edge.
Taking a deep breath, I held it briefly in my lungs before letting it escape.
It smelled and tasted like the ocean, so familiar to me; it was the same comforting scent of my entire life.
On a whim, I stepped out of my chucks and waded into the water, yelping at the sharp cold assault on my ankles. Rolling my pant legs up, I took another few steps and threw my arms out, inhaling brine and fish and exhaling my troubled mind.
Van was too attractive for his own good, that was all.
I lusted after him because he was hot, but it wasn't on me to fix him. My brain probably thought he was perfect for me because he was clearly not staying around. He was the love-em-and-leave-em type, exactly who I’d been choosing to sleep with since I became a legal adult.
It would be much smarter of me to move on, knowing he was bad for me. Knowing my choices were bad for me.
But I wanted to heal his wounds, to be the one who taught him he wasn't damaged by his past unless he chose to be.
He could be a better man than whatever haunted him from his past if he set his mind to it.
But that path felt foolish, especially if he ran away and I was the one left hurting in the end.
With a sigh, I put my shoes back on, knowing I’d have to dry them out once I got home. When I made it back up the stone path to the parking lot, I would have sworn I felt someone watching me. My nape tingled, and I looked around to see who might be there.
I didn't see anything, and that made it worse. I would swear I wasn't wrong, but I didn't see anyone in the shadows or even further down the beach. As far as I could tell, the area was deserted.
So why did I feel as if someone had pinned their gaze to my back? My shoulders began to itch, and I reached behind me to scratch them. Trudging back down the road to the bakery, I kept my head on a swivel, uneasy in my town for the first time.
It was a relief to let myself in the back door, which I quickly closed and locked before going upstairs, locking my door immediately as well. Charlie meowed at me, and I picked him up to hug him close, needing his comfort.
The next morning, when I went down for coffee, Ellie waited to pounce the second I stepped through from the hallway to the kitchen.
“What was Jeremy doing here? Are you two getting back together?”
“Good morning, Ellie.” I hugged her, and she patted my back before letting me go. “No, not even close. He’s getting married and wanted to share the good news.”
“Oh.” The way her face fell was comical.
“You don't really want us to get back together, do you?”
I poured a cup of their amazing coffee, wishing for the millionth time that my best friend would tell me her secret so I could make it that way at home. As I took my first sip, Charlie sat beside me, curling his tail around his body.
“No, but I hate that you’re always alone.”
“I’ve learned to live that way, and to be content with it.”
Well, that was partially a lie. Sometimes I was extremely happy to come and go as I pleased, but sometimes I felt as if I was becoming a recluse. If not for Bookish, I would happily never see people.
“I hope you were gracious when he told you,” Ellie said with a wrinkled nose.
“Why wouldn't I be? He and I haven't been together in years.”
“True.” She shrugged. “I don't know why I said that. You know who I saw yesterday?”
“Van?” I guessed.
Frowning, she asked, “How did you know?”
I leaned against the counter. “Who else would you tell me about running into as though it’s a big deal?”
“True.” She started setting out the pastries she’d put away the night before. “Anyway, I waved and called his name, but he barely acknowledged me before he disappeared.”
“Sounds exactly like Van.”
Ellie sighed, and I saw the romantic side of her as she tried to pair us all up so we’d be happy. “I hate that he’s isolated himself.”
“He likes it that way.”
Just like me. Maybe we were more alike than I thought.
“I was walking on the beach with Anna and thought maybe I’d introduce them, but he was gone before I’d made it a few more steps.”
“He acts like he’s spooked all the time.” I sipped my coffee, looking at the breakfast choices and trying to pick what I wanted. I hadn't seen Alex yet; often, I’d choose the pastry of the day so I didn't struggle to decide.
“What do you think he’s done?” she whispered.
Thinking back to Van, I replied, “What makes you think he’s done anything?”
Ellie looked over at me and rolled her eyes. “Come on, Bailey. A man doesn't act that shady if he’s innocent.”
That was what he’d tried to tell me, but I’d only half believed him. “I’ve gone down the list of things I can think of. Assassin, secret agent, kidnapper, serial killer. But none of them fit.”
“Why, because you want to climb him like a tree?” Laughing, she dodged me when I tried to punch her shoulder. “I can’t blame a girl for trying, but he screams danger.”
“It’s more intrigue than actual danger.”
“Or maybe you've read too many dirty books where the villain falls in love with the plain Jane and they live happily ever after.”
I didn't let her words bother me, because she was kind of right. “You’ve got me there.”
But he wasn't the bad guy, I was positive of that. He was obviously running from something or someone bad, though.
Alex came into the kitchen, and I wandered up front to stare into the cases. He knew as much about me as his wife did, but I didn't always feel as open when talking with him. I didn't want them to realize I was obsessed with Van and what he’d done in his past.
“Hey, I was just playing around,” Ellie said as she joined me up front.
“I know.” Sighing, I added, “But maybe you hit too close to home, and I didn't like it.”
“Nothing wrong with having a thing for the hot, brooding stranger.”
A ‘thing’ was an understatement. “Anyway, I have to get next door.”
“Here,” Alex said as he came out of the kitchen. “Fresh scones with orange marmalade.”
“Don’t tell your wife how much I love you,” I teased, winking at her as I walked out with my cat on my heels.
Thankfully, the morning was busy, because otherwise I would have spent the time overthinking about what Ellie had said about Van. She thought he was a villain, and the more I thought about it, the more I believed she was right.