Chapter 11 Caden
ELEVEN
CADEN
After spending all that time telling my best friend to get off his ass and get his girl, when it was my turn, I froze like a deer in the headlights.
I’d barely said a word to Sabrina since her niece’s wedding, and when all this had happened, it was too much to process.
I should have called her and I’d wanted to, but I almost didn’t know how to be around Sabrina anymore. For most of high school, I just thought she was a friend and a girl I liked to fool around with, until she slowly became a lot more.
Now, I’d fallen for her all over again, and I still couldn’t handle my feelings.
So, I took the chickenshit way out once again and avoided her.
Because as much as I wanted Sabrina to be mine, she wouldn’t be. How long could I torture myself?
I’d told Sabrina to follow me home, where I could try to eat and we could talk. I felt badly telling her to come to my apartment instead of hers, but the week had exhausted me. I didn’t know how long I’d be able to stay awake enough to drive home.
Sabrina was already waiting by the door when I pulled up to the curb.
“Did you speed here?” I laughed as I ambled up the walkway to my first-floor apartment.
“No. Just anxious to get here, that’s all.” She stood back, crossing her arms over her torso.
I nodded and unlocked my door, pushing it open for her to step inside.
“Listen, I know I should have called you. It’s been a lot and—”
“It’s been weird. You can say it.”
She snatched the bag of food out of my hand.
“I want to see you eat first, and then we can talk. It’s probably cold. Do you want me to heat it up?”
“No,” I said, sliding the handle of the plastic bag out of her hand. “Come sit on the couch. I can eat on the coffee table.”
My kitchen table was full of mail and work and everything else I didn’t want to deal with.
“I want to apologize,” Sabrina said the second she sat next to me on my couch.
I set the burger I was about to unwrap down on the table.
“Apologize? Listen, that night—”
“Was amazing. And I shouldn’t have cheapened it by implying it was one of our no-strings hookups from when we were young.
I left that hotel room with a lot of…feelings.
Feelings I should have dealt with better.
I’m not apologizing for anything that happened between us.
Because I have zero regrets over being with you that night. ”
“Neither do I,” I managed to whisper.
“You mean a lot to me.” She grabbed my hand as a sheepish smile curved her lips. “You always did.”
“So did you,” I said around the lump scratching the back of my throat.
She had no idea how much she’d always meant to me, but I still couldn’t say it.
“My divorce fucked me up, as you know.” She sat back, wringing her hands. “I never wanted to love someone enough to hurt me or humiliate me ever again, so I figured single life was where I’d live, you know. No attachments, no regrets, just like the old days.”
I nodded, despite the roll of nausea at the memory of the last time she’d said that phrase.
“But what if I told you that I did want one attachment, even though it scares the shit out of me.”
I pushed the bag away, my appetite gone as I tried to process all I thought she was saying.
“I scare the shit out of you. Me?” I had to laugh.
She chewed on her bottom lip and nodded.
“I never wanted to leave that hotel room. And we almost didn’t.”
I smiled, despite myself. We’d made it to the brunch almost a half hour late. It was as if both of us kept saying one more time, one more kiss, one more moment where we could be together while the game of pretend was still in play.
“I guess I’ve still got skills.” I smirked, even though my attempt to tease fell flat.
“You do.” She nodded, pursing her lips at me. “But that’s not why I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to give you up when I went home. I wanted to keep you, even if I was afraid to have you.”
Keep me?
“Sabrina, what are you—”
She grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me. My hands shook as I dug them into her hair, wanting her words to mean what I thought they did but afraid of finding out for sure.
“Be with me,” she panted when we broke apart. “I mean, I’m a mess. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to get married again. But whatever I have to give—” she cradled my face, a tear streaking down her cheek “—I want to give it to you.”
It wasn’t an “I love you,” but it hit so much deeper. She was still afraid but wanted me enough to try. This was the girl I’d fallen in love with all those years ago and the woman who still owned me now.
“Yeah?” I whispered, inching closer until she fell back on my couch. “You don’t want the back-and-forth anymore?” I attempted to joke as my heart tried to pound right out of my rib cage.
“No. I just want you,” she said, wrapping her legs around my waist.
“In my bed or right here?” I asked, rocking my painfully hard cock against her.
I could have confessed it all, but she wasn’t ready to hear it yet.
I’d work on showing her instead.
“Why not both?” Sabrina bucked her hips off the couch and dug her fingers into my backside.
“Give me that mouth,” I growled and crushed my lips to hers. She laughed against my lips as I pulled at the waistband of her leggings until they wrapped around her ankles.
“Let me get my sneakers off, you animal,” she scoffed, but I gave her a gentle push back on the cushions.
“If you’re mine now, this is all me, baby. Lie back and enjoy the ride.”
I held her gaze as I plucked off her sneakers and socks and glided her panties down her legs.
“Feels like you’re already enjoying it, right?” I traced my finger up and down her slit, her body jerking as I swiveled two fingers around her clit. “How long have you been wet for me?”
“Twenty years, baby.” She squirmed under me, spreading her legs as I slid my fingers inside.
“Long time to wait,” I rasped before taking her mouth in a blistering kiss. “Good girls get rewarded for waiting.”
“Since when am I a good girl?” she murmured as she fisted my T-shirt and peeled it over my head.
“Since you’re my girl. Right, Sab?” I cupped her cheek. “No sharing, no back-and-forth, just us.”
I moved my fingers faster, twisting them in and out as her breathing quickened. She nodded, biting her lip as her back arched.
“Fuck, you’re so wet,” I groaned into the crook of her shoulder. “Squeeze my fingers, baby. Come on my hand and give me what’s mine.”
“Shit, Caden,” she yelped, flailing her legs back and forth as I kept going, wringing every ounce of pleasure out of her that I could.
“I didn’t think this through,” I said, laughing as I kissed across her cheek and brushed her lips. “My condoms are in my bedroom.”
She grabbed my hand when I shifted off the couch.
“I’ve been on the pill for years. I was negative when I got tested after Austin, and there’s been no one since.”
“Same, negative, and no one since Marie. Are you asking me what I think you’re asking me?”
“To take me bare? Yes. Please.” She dragged my face to hers and kissed me, slow and deep enough to drive me out of my mind.
The word bare had me already close to coming, and I needed to make this fast.
“Holy shit, Sabrina,” I grunted out as I slid inside her with one thrust. We’d gotten rid of all the barriers tonight. Maybe Sabrina still had a few, but I’d take her any way I could have her.
Maybe she didn’t think she had much to give, but anything from her was everything.
I moved slowly, wanting to savor each glide in and out and to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. That I wouldn’t wake up tomorrow and hope I wouldn’t slip and say something stupid to Sabrina, like I love you. Like I’ve always loved you, and no one ever compared to you or ever will.
Maybe she wasn’t ready for all those words yet, so I’d have to tell her by fucking her into my couch cushions. It was dirty, yet sweet and soul-searing.
Just like us.
I lost it just as she tightened around me, wishing in all our haste I would have grabbed a towel to spread beneath us, but great moments happened how they happened.
She tugged my head to her chest, her racing heart hammering against my ear as I felt the rumble of her laugh.
“If I stay over tonight, can I borrow a T-shirt?”
She yelped when I swatted her hip.
“If you stay over tonight, what makes you think you’ll need clothes?”
I had a lot of years to make up for, and I was starting right now.
“It’s been a long time since I had you in my bed,” I told her later as I wrapped my arm around her waist from behind and buried my head into her neck.
“And never a whole night. Although I did stay until sunrise once,” she said, craning her neck to me.
“Yes, that was a good morning.” I kissed her shoulder. “Should we tell Jesse and Emily tomorrow?”
“No,” she said on a yawn. “They have enough drama with Emily away for so long. And I want to mess with them a little. See if they can piece it together.”
“Sounds evil. I’m in.”
I let my eyes shut as I buried my head into my pillow, settling in with the woman I loved for the night—and for the rest of my life.