Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
For what was expected to be Clara’s final sermon at St Peter’s, her usual nerves had been replaced with joy.
She could hear the chapel was packed to the rafters before she had even walked in.
Today was probably going to be her biggest performance at the altar ever, and the worshippers were in for a delightful surprise.
Tom had arrived early. He was determined to be sat on the very front row.
He knew the secret that Clara was going to be confessing to and couldn’t wait to see how the congregation reacted.
He could hardly sit still since he was so nervous about the announcement and swigged from his water bottle until it was almost empty.
The worshippers chatted amongst themselves: a mix of young and old, as well as the new and more established members of the church.
As Clara walked in, her head held high, she had the biggest smile on her face. You could hear a pin drop as the parishioners waited for her to speak. Finally, under the candlelight, Clara began.
‘Good day, everyone. I’d like to start by giving a very warm welcome to the new students who are joining us for the first time today.
I do hope you’ll enjoy your time at Oxford.
Naturally, I also want to welcome back the students returning for another year.
It’s lovely to see you all back here after the summer.
I do hope you’re all coming back refreshed and raring to go for the Michaelmas term. ’
Clara remembered that Amy was missing this year. She had already started a residency in Edinburgh for which Clara had provided a glowing personal reference. Clara would miss her, but now she had new students to look out for.
‘And for those members of the congregation who are here to say goodbye to me today, I’m afraid I’ve got you here under false pretences.’
An audible gasp echoed through the chapel. Tom noticed the faces along the pews who looked on, confused. He felt slightly satisfied that he was one of the few who knew what was coming.
‘Someone once said to me that I was like one of the gargoyles around the city.’
She looked at Charlie who was watching her intently. He gave her a knowing smile.
‘At first, I was piqued. Why on earth was I like a gargoyle? Was it my unruly hair that made me look like a medusa?’
The crowd laughed.
‘So, then this person suggested that I was like one of the permanent fixtures of Oxford.’ Clara looked over at Charlie and smiled.
‘The more I thought about it, the more I realised he was right. I am a permanent fixture around here. I am a token gargoyle and, to be honest, there’s nothing else I’d rather be.’
Clara looked at Tom who was watching her with genuine pride.
‘So, I know this might come as a bit of a shock, but I’ve decided to stay where I am. I’m no longer leaving, and the lovely Lawrence has said that I can keep my job here, which is a bonus. So, you’re not going to be getting rid of me that easily, after all.’
The round of applause was deafening. Janet smiled, Margaret had tears in her eyes, Brian was clapping and Tom was whooping.
Professor Binton unexpectedly high-fived a student next to him and the other students that Clara had helped at different points over the years were cheering her on.
Lawrence looked at her with a big grin. She hadn’t even left, yet it felt so good to be back.
This was her home and she would never ever think of leaving it again.
Clara was thrilled at being so appreciated and once the noise appeased, remembered all the lovely leaving gifts she’d received.
‘By the way, I’m sorry for anyone who already bought me a gift. I promise to give them all back.’
‘Oh no, you won’t,’ shouted Charlie.
Everyone else also soon agreed that she should keep her presents. They were a token of their appreciation, even if that hadn’t been their original purpose.
When the excitement between everyone finally died down, Clara returned to her sermon and what she was really there for.
‘Let us pray.’
As the heads bowed, Margaret prayed for good health and Brian prayed for his daughter to be happy and safe. Students prayed they would make it through university unscathed and Tom had only one prayer left to say.
‘Please let my son finally forgive me one day,’ he quietly prayed. He wondered if he was asking too much. After all, God had given him a new chance at life, he had beaten addiction and met a wonderful woman. What if this was a little too excessive? He didn’t want to be greedy.
When the prayers ended, the organ played as the congregation sang ‘One More Step Along the World We Go’. The atmosphere was charged as everyone joined in the chorus and Tom stood, bellowing out the song with all his might, realising how much he belonged here too, alongside his beloved Clara.
After the sermon had finished, the fellowship went on to enjoy their port and hot chocolates.
Clara had brought in a huge tray of school vanilla cake sponge with rainbow sprinkles for all her friends and acquaintances to devour.
Everyone was thrilled that Clara wasn’t going anywhere; even Julie was in a good mood.
Clara watched as Julie chatted to Eleanora, who had come along to support her on this momentous occasion.
Was she hallucinating or were her friend and Julie actually getting along? Clara had to find out.
‘How’s things, Julie?’ she asked.
‘Wonderful, and I was just saying to your friend how pleased I am that you’re not leaving us.’
‘Oh, really? That’s so kind.’
‘Yes, I was telling Eleanora how you couldn’t wish for a better neighbour.’ Eleanora looked at Clara and smiled.
‘Well, that’s great to hear.’ Clara considered how she might have misunderstood Julie all this time. Had she really said that?
‘And why didn’t you tell me Eleanora was thinking of joining the Women’s Institute? You know I’m a member, right?’
‘Um, no. I wasn’t aware.’
‘Yeah, Julie was telling me all about the things they do. They have guest speakers who give talks, they do quizzes and crafting events – all sorts of great things. It’s appealed to me for a while. Julie’s invited me to go along with her. I quite fancy checking it out,’ said Eleanora.
‘What can I say? That’s amazing. How fun for you both.’
Clara was astonished as she walked away, leaving both of them to make plans. She started to wonder if she’d put too many sprinkles on the sponge cake! Had the E-numbers gone to their heads?
What an emotional morning it had been. There had been tears and laughter, and unexpected friendships forged.
Clara needed to escape to her office for a moment; she required a breather.
She also had something important to tell Tom and she didn’t know where to start.
She took the envelope out of her bag and braced herself as she went back to face everyone.
Luckily, most people were too busy chatting about how wonderful it was that Clara was staying, to notice her looking for Tom.
He gave her one of his beautiful warm smiles as he saw her approach.
‘Hey. Well done. You were great up there,’ he said, touching the nape of her neck.
‘Thanks, Tom. Listen, I’ve got something to tell you.’
‘Oh no. That sounds ominous.’
‘No, it’s okay. I promise. I received this in the post, just before I left home.’
Tom looked at the envelope in Clara’s hand. He recognised the writing, even now.
‘Is it from Josh?’
Clara had been checking the mail daily after posting him the letter.
Even though she knew she hadn’t long sent it, she had been nervous for Tom each day the post arrived, up until this morning.
She was shocked that he’d replied so soon.
Even though she was hopeful, she had her doubts as to whether they would ever hear from him at all.
She imagined at the very least he might need to take his time and to think about it.
Clara had been yearning to open the letter since it arrived.
She thought perhaps she should censor the response in case it was scathing, but she also felt Tom should know – whatever it was that Josh had to say.
At least it would be closure for him. She didn’t want to give it to Tom in a public place, but she knew how safe he felt in church and that he might need solace.
Looking at the unopened envelope in his hands, she noticed how Tom was shaking.
‘I want us to open it together,’ said Clara.
‘Will you read it out for me?’
‘Of course I will, my love.’
She wondered how Tom would manage if it was not the news he hoped for.
She had dealt with funerals and bad news at hospitals; she was an expert at consoling people, but this was one of the hardest things she had done.
She prayed that Josh was willing to at least listen to what Tom had to say.
He had responded quickly, but that could also mean he didn’t want any contact.
She put on her reading glasses and quickly scanned the letter before reading it aloud. Always a professional, she wanted to get the tone right for the occasion.
‘Right. Okay. Okay.’ Clara took a deep breath as she fumbled with the letter.
‘What? What does it say?’ Tom put his head in his hands, terrified of what she was about to read aloud.
‘Let me read it from the start. Dear Clara, Thank you for reaching out. Could you please pass this on for me? Cheers. . . Dear Dad.’
‘Oh, that’s a good start,’ interrupted Tom. ‘By the end he refused to call me that and would only say my name. Even then he practically spat it out.’
‘Okay, that’s a positive then. So, he says .
. . Thank you for your letter. I don’t really know what to say.
I’ll be honest, at first, I scrunched it up and threw it on the kitchen table.
I was fuming that you’d dared contact me again but then my girlfriend, Anya, saw it lying there and asked me what it was.
I told her it wasn’t important – just a letter from my dad and a do-gooder asking me to forgive him.
She opened it up and read it. She’s nosy like that.
I still don’t really know what to say but Anya has persuaded me to write back and send this straight away before I change my mind.
She thinks you could have changed. I did think that she doesn’t know you like I do and maybe she is wrong.
I’ve read your letter over and over with Anya, and she says you do seem genuinely remorseful.
It is because of this and the fact that you’ve spent time in rehab that I’m willing to speak to you and hear what you’ve got to say.
I’m not promising anything though – I want you to know that.
You can thank Anya that I’m even replying at all! ’
‘Oh! He’s given you his phone number!’
‘We can arrange a phone call first and take it from there. Like I say, I can’t promise you that I will ever forgive but I am willing to talk to you.’
‘Oh, thank God he’ll listen to me,’ said Tom, throwing his fist in the air. ‘That’s a good start, isn’t it?’
‘It’s a brilliant start.’
‘I can’t imagine how wonderful it would be to see him again. So, he’s got a girlfriend now. Anya sounds lovely. I’d love to meet her and, of course, I want him to meet you too.’
‘Yes, the do-gooder.’ Clara laughed. ‘Let’s not get carried away though. Remember how important it is to take baby steps?’
‘I know. I’m just so excited. I’m going to call him later. I’ll write down what I want to say to him and rehearse it with you. This is so amazing.’
‘I’m so happy for you. I truly am.’
Tom took the letter from Clara, and kissed it.
‘I’ll keep this safe.’
‘Most definitely.’
Oh, how he loved Clara. If it wasn’t for her, he and Josh could have gone another ten years without speaking. Tom wanted to hug Clara so tightly to thank her, but Professor Binton was heading towards them and wanted to speak with her.
‘Another new term ahead then,’ he said with a smile.
‘Indeed. A new beginning for another batch of students. Where do the years go?’
Professor Binton agreed with Clara that time was flying faster with each year they got older, while the perpetual flow of students stayed the same age.
Clara stood with Professor Binton and took in her environment for a moment.
A Mexican tourist stood nearby with a camera drinking a glass of port, while Julie and Eleanora remained chatting and, much to Clara’s delight, laughing.
Meanwhile, the elderly congregation were enjoying each other’s company and Tom was smiling to himself as he stood alone in the corner, rereading his letter.
The new students were speaking to fellow undergraduates and the second-year students, who were no longer the newbies, gave advice to the newcomers. It was a place where young and old, and both new and established churchgoers mingled with visitors from around the globe.
As the new term commenced, Reverend Clara Bennett welcomed everyone with open arms. The world might often feel like an uncertain place, but the one thing that could be guaranteed was that St Peter’s was a safe haven for all.
It was a place where everyone was welcomed and loved, and lifelong connections were built.