Chapter 25
M illie twiddled the stem of the wine glass between her thumb and forefinger – she hadn’t intended on drinking tonight but the high she still felt from such a positive and productive few weeks spurred her to take a glass. However, that “glass” had turned into her about to sink her third glass, and she felt tipsy. One thing she’d realised since moving to Sandyhaven is how many times she’d drunk alcohol…whilst she could just give herself a break considering she’d just gone through a long-term relationship break up, a huge location move and a life-changing piece of news, she knew it was something she wanted to try to curb in the New Year, especially with her mum’s history forever present in her mind.
She’d been at Alfie’s for just over an hour and so far, they’d had a long talk about the last few weeks; its successes, its difficult moments but, ultimately, what a roaring success it had been. The news report would go out tomorrow and hopefully generate a lot of interest in their little community.
“Because you know it is your community too now, don’t you?” Alfie had said, causing a warm glow to surge throughout her.
“I’m not just some outsider London girl anymore then?” she asked coyly, taking another sip of wine. He gave a small side smile, causing her stomach to somersault.
“I think you’ll always be known as the London girl. But definitely not an outsider anymore,” he replied. “Besides, you look more like a Cornish girl now.” She pulled her brows together in a frown.
“How so?”
“You look so much more…relaxed. Carefree.” She snorted into her wine glass and winced at her total inability to remain composed.
“If only that was how I felt.” Alfie’s face turned thoughtful, but he chose to leave that comment hanging; what he really wanted was to address the elephant in the room. The fact that he had actively asked her to come here tonight hung in the air.
He cleared his throat by way of changing the conversation and Millie shifted in her seat, aware too of the loaded atmosphere.
“So…I wanted to talk to you Millie…” Alfie began, desperately trying to push the tremble out of his voice. She leant forwards to place the wine glass – empty again – on the coffee table and sat back, feet tucked up underneath her and hands clasped in her lap. God, she looked so beautiful and the fact she was here, in his flat, on his sofa, sent all sorts of feelings through him. The main one right now, to his shame, was pure desire.
“Ok…” she began. He too placed his empty glass down next to him on the floor and leaned forwards on his knees.
“The truth is Millie…what I want to say…I mean, what I’ve been meaning to say is…” He met her gaze, and the warmth of her eyes encouraged him to just go for it. “I really like you.” He died a little inside at how pathetic and juvenile it sounded out loud. It was like he was back in high school telling the popular girl he fancied her. So cringe. He ran both his hands through his hair in frustration. “I know that sounds really pitiful,” he continued, not gauging anything from her lack of reaction, “but I don’t really know how else to put it across. I know when we first met, I was anything but friendly and you’d have every right to tell me where to shove it right now.” There was still no noticeable emotion on her face. Cautiously, he continued. “I know it may have been just a total one-off but our kiss the other night really got me thinking about…about us.” He paused, praying she’d say something.
“I’ve thought about the kiss too,” she replied quietly, and his heart raced. So she had been thinking about him? He swallowed.
“I spoke to Dana today…we had a good, quality talk through things. She said some things I’d never expected her to, and I really saw a side to her I’d never seen before. I wondered in that moment if maybe we could work. Despite what I’d said, she still seemed keen…” Millie’s expression remained indifferent, but inside her heart was racing. Where was he going with this?
“But…I called it off. It’s you I want Millie. Just you.” His voice was shaking as he said it and he just knew that if he was to stand up now, his legs would likely give way.
Adrenaline coursed through Millie’s body upon hearing his words. She’d had her suspicions – the increase in flirtatious comments, the consistent messaging and obviously the kiss had indicated towards something like this happening – but to actually hear him say it was more than surprising. It was shocking. And he’d spoken to Dana! She couldn’t imagine her being as measured as Alfie had insinuated she had been. Did that mean Dana wasn’t coming back? That she was truly happy for Alfie to move on with someone else. Her head began to spin. This was totally unexpected for sure. She sat up, placing her feet back on the floor.
“So…you’re not with Dana anymore?” she questioned carefully. He shook his head.
“No. That’s over, once and for all, and it should have happened a long, long time ago. We mutually agreed. Her parents are in the process of putting their home in Cornwall on the market and purchasing one further up country to be nearer to her, so there’s nothing to bring her back here either. She’s going to be just fine. You’ve met her, you know she could succeed anywhere. They don’t make confidence like hers anymore.” Millie processed the information, before moving onto the bigger piece at hand.
“I’m not really sure what to say,” she said truthfully. Alfie’s heart dipped a little. The fact she hadn’t immediately said she liked him back didn’t fill him with hope. “I mean, I’m extremely flattered,” she continued, smiling softly. “And I can’t lie. I’ve thought about you a lot since I met you.” She paused. “Even when you were being an arsehole to me.” Her cheeky smirk made him burst out laughing and the heady tension in the air dissipated. Their laughter subsided and she glanced downwards, looking shyly back up at him from under her eyelashes. “I’m just not sure where I’m at with anything remotely relationship wise. I’ve not long come out of a long-term relationship which ended badly,” she explained, shuddering at the memories. “And I’m dealing with something personally which is just a huge barrier for me.” Nerves rose in her body at the mere mention of it, regardless of the fact she’d given no actual details.
Alfie reached across the gap between sofas and gently took her hand.
“Hey, it’s OK. You don’t have to explain yourself,” he said tenderly. His hand felt so natural in hers, she noticed, and she gave it a little squeeze. Several moments passed with silence and hand holding until Alfie said, “I was going to ask you to stay to spend Christmas with me and the guys but…” She shook her head gently.
“That’s such a kind offer and I’m extremely grateful but I’ve decided I’m going back to London for Christmas,” she said. She’d only made the decision that afternoon but had dropped Jenny a message to say she’d love to come and stay with them for the holidays. She knew she had to go back to London eventually, not solely so she could finally meet her Godson, but to face the demons she had left behind. She noticed Alfie’s eyes had changed and knew he was probably wondering why she was going back to London. “I’m going to spend it with my best friend and my Godson. I’ve not met him yet,” she explained quickly. He visibly relaxed and wrapped his other hand around hers.
“That sounds amazing,” he said. “Just…promise me you’ll think about what I’ve said? About us?” She nodded and he thought he could detect the slightest gloss of tears coating her eyes. He’d have to stay focused or else the same might happen to him too.
Just ten minutes later, they’d shared a warm, lingering hug at his front door, and he’d smoothed his thumb gently over her cheek, using every shred of restraint he had not to kiss her. She’d just left his apartment, insisting she wanted to walk home alone for some space, when he remembered he’d forgotten to give her something he had bought earlier that day. Hastily, he dashed back up the stairs, grabbed the gift off the table and ran barefoot back down the stairs and out the door, not bothering to close it behind him.
“Millie?!” he shouted, the frigid cold air smacking him in the face and seeping through the soles of his feet. He could just see her silhouette in the distance, beginning the ascent up the lane. She didn’t turn around so, presuming she hadn’t heard, he began to pound the pavement after her.
Once he was within a few paces she turned around and surprise registered on her face. He stopped, his breathing faster than normal due to the sprint and it was clearly visible in the freezing night air.
“Sorry I…I forgot to give you these.” He handed a brown paper bag across to her and she received it, looking taken aback. He took in her face one last time and leaned in. For a split second, Millie thought he was going to kiss her but he diverted, whispering in her ear,
“Merry Christmas, Millie.”
He turned and strode back down the lane, not once looking back. Under the dim streetlight, she carefully peered inside the bag. Her heart skipped a beat. She pulled the item out of the bag and held it with trembling hands.
Beautifully arranged, pink camellias. “Pink means someone is longing for you.”
She bowed her head and sobbed.