Chapter 27
L eaving London as a place had been easy, but that’s not to say she hadn’t found going back a cathartic experience. Despite not revisiting her usual old haunts – they’d mainly stayed cosied up inside and only going for walks to the local park to ensure Leo had his fresh air – it had all felt too familiar. The fresh, clean air of Sandyhaven was calling her, along with her tiny cottage and new group of friends who she’d missed more than she’d thought.
Saying goodbye to Jenny though, hadn’t been easy. Spending uninterrupted time with her best friend had been so good for her soul and watching her with Leo had been blissful. She was the most natural of mothers, not afraid to share her vulnerabilities and difficulties, and Millie admired the hell out of her for that. Watching Paul support her had filled her with joy, knowing her friend was truly loved and had the perfect little family here. Pangs of envy had threatened but she’d batted them away and felt proud of herself for it. They’d promised to continue the regular video calls and Jenny said they were thinking of coming down to the Southwest in the warmer months for a little holiday, so they’d definitely meet up then.
The train home took longer than before, stopping regularly at stations and Millie found herself becoming impatient. She’d have to call Amy soon and tell her she was about half an hour away, so she’d be ready to pick her up. All she wanted was to get back to her cottage, run a long bath and then go to Alfie’s.
All the way back she’d thought of nothing else but him and replayed the last words he’d physically said to her in person. “ Just promise me you’ll think about what I’ve said. About us?” She knew that regardless of her decision she’d have to tell him about her life-changing situation – it was only fair to be upfront about something like that. But what she’d learned from being around Jenny and Paul the past few days was that, whilst having a baby seemed to be a wonderful thing for them, they were still just Jenny and Paul. He had shown such tenderness towards her, and she had reciprocated and seeing their relationship was wonderful. She realised not being able to have children was one part of her, but she still had so much to give someone. And if they were willing to be with her despite that, she shouldn’t deny herself a relationship like theirs. Her feelings towards Alfie seemed to grow every day and once she realised it was him she was most looking forward to getting back to seeing, she’d answered his proposal a thousand times over. Now just to get back, freshen up, head to his apartment and tell him she absolutely wanted to be with him too. The excitement was brimming within her, making the slow train journey even more laborious.
Finally, she was in Amy’s car heading back to Sandyhaven and it took all her efforts to keep a lid on her heightened anticipation. She didn’t want Amy to notice or suspect anything. She’d only come to terms on the train home with her true feelings, so discussing it with anyone but Alfie was an absolute no-go. Thankfully, Amy was too busy chattering away about her Christmas and asking never-ending questions about Millie’s to notice.
At Millie’s request, Amy dropped her at the top of the village, insisting she could walk the few hundred metres down to her cottage. It was such a pain having to turn round down the bottom and Millie wanted to experience walking down the lane to her cottage. She’d looked forward to that moment for days now. Even the grey sky and drizzle wasn’t even enough to put her off as she pulled her case behind her and her cottage came into view, set into the long row of other terraces, hers standing out as a pastel pink colour. She took in a deep breath: finally, she was home.
She went to unlock the door but frowned, realising it was already unlocked. Her heart began to pound; why was the door unlocked? She’d definitely locked it when she left four days ago. Had someone broken in?! Hands shaking, she cautiously pushed open the door, noticing dim lighting from her lamps flooding the tiny hallway. Someone was here. She definitely hadn’t left those on?!
Grabbing a large umbrella from the bucket in the corner for protection, she took a large breath in and gradually pushed on the solid door through to the living room. Upon hearing no sound, she shoved it open and flew into the living room brandishing her umbrella. Sat on the sofa, looking outrageously handsome, was Alfie and she felt relief wash over her.
“Oh, jeeez Alfie, it’s you. You scared the sh…” she began and then her eyes flickered over to another figure stood out in the small kitchen. She dropped the umbrella and felt her head spin, adrenaline pumping through her entire body.
“Oh fuck,” she whispered.
It was Sam.
* * *
Sunlight poured in through the window, the type which bathed the room in a warm glow and accentuated all the miniscule pieces of dust floating in the air. It cast across the bottom of the bed, drenching their feet in temperate light. The thin sheet, which covered their bare skin from the room, crinkled as Millie shifted positions, draping an arm over Sam’s chest. She nuzzled into him and felt him draw her in tighter, a soft kiss landing on her shoulder. Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply.
“You OK?” Sam asked quietly. Millie smiled.
“Never been better,” she replied. “In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this content.” He brushed her hair gently away from her face and his touch made her feel mixed flurries of excitement and contentment.
She had met Sam a month ago and things had moved pretty fast, so much so she was now spending the vast majority of her time right here in this room, his studio flat. Practically like a glorified box room but situated in Camden; the partially open window let in the sounds of the hustle and bustle below, along with a gentle breeze which felt delicious in the intense August heat. Not that she’d had many boyfriends to compare to, certainly not “serious” ones but something about Sam had immediately been different. She normally went for guys with dark hair; his was a sandy blonde. She had always chosen guys with similar interests to her; Sam had already admitted he knew absolutely nothing about art. And she’d always been with guys a short amount of time before realising they weren’t right for her (despite this, she’d still prolonged the inevitable break up because she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings). Yet, with Sam she already felt like this could be a forever thing. He made her feel safe, he complimented her in ways no previous boyfriends ever had. He was financially independent, had his own goals, not to mention the fact she found him insanely attractive. Yes, they may only be one month in, but she knew he was her forever. If only she could pluck up the courage to tell him…
“What’re you thinking?” he asked. She rolled over onto her front, her face only millimetres from his. He studied her face intently and Millie swooned inside with the intimacy of the moment.
“What makes you think I’m thinking things?” she said.
“Because you’ve gone quiet. You only really go quiet when you’re really thinking about things.” She smiled and considered her response, staring up at the ceiling.
“I’m thinking about you. And how perfect this past month has been.” Sam beamed at her before cradling a hand around her cheek and leaning in for a delicate kiss.
“Well, there’s plenty more time for perfection,” he said, and her heart leaped.
“How much longer?” she asked, teasing him for an answer. He waited a few moments before leaning in towards her ear and whispering:
“Forever.”