Chapter 35
O n the headland, next to the village welcome sign. That’s what Amy had said. Thankfully, Millie had managed to navigate herself here easier than her failed attempt at leaving earlier. The hedges either side opened out and she was on the coast road, the stunning peninsula laid out before her. She felt her heart sink – she had been so lucky to live here, even for just a short period of time. She wished she’d explored more whilst she was here, but her focus had simply been on survival for much of it and that had left little time for sightseeing.
Carnglaze showed as half a mile away on the road sign just passed and she braced herself for the emotional drain this meeting would likely be. The sign came into view in the distance, and she saw the lay-by just beyond it, where she’d pull in. Amy’s red car was already there, waiting for her. She took a deep breath and indicated left. As she drew to a stop, she noticed again the incredible scenery surrounding her: the peninsula showing Trewithen to the left and villages scattered beyond, and then Sandyhaven to the right, nestled in a bay, then curving and disappearing into the distance. The broad expanse of sea lay out in front of her, seemingly endless and currently flat thanks to the calm weather. She felt blessed to be spending her final few minutes in Cornwall – and the final day of the year – here. Her heart dropped when she remembered tonight was the New Year’s Eve party. All that hard work, all the commitment and dedication she put in – and she wouldn’t get to see it.
She stepped out of the car and instantly felt a breeze on her face, highlighting the icy cold temperature. She pulled her coat further around her and snuggled into her scarf. She heard the car door behind her slam, and she turned away from the beautiful view to face Amy.
Except it wasn’t Amy’s face she was met with. It was Alfie’s.
She gasped at the sight of his face, a face she definitely wasn’t expecting to see again so soon, if ever? He gave her a small smile, but his eyes were full of sorrow and his expression was one of pure hurt and she felt her heart break into a thousand tiny pieces. She had been the one to do that to him. And she suddenly hated herself for it.
“Hey,” he spoke, still the other side of the car.
“Hi,” she replied, not taking her eyes from his face.
“I know I’m not Amy but thanks for coming,” he said. “I really appreciate it.” She gave a small shrug.
“You shouldn’t be thanking me for anything. I haven’t exactly done a nice thing today.” He exhaled slightly and glanced downwards, his hand resting on the open car door.
“I’m not going to disagree with you,” he said, and she felt an enormous pang of guilt. “But, if I’m honest, I was more just…confused?” He closed the car door and started walking around to her side.
“Confused?” she asked, as he came within a couple of metres. He leant against the other car door, facing her, hands in his front pockets. He was wearing the same tracksuit bottoms he’d worn the night before and her heart flipped at the memory of him taking them off.
“Yeah. Millie, last night was one of the most incredible I’ve ever had. I know I can’t presume it was the same for you but the fact that you instigated it made me think…maybe wrongly…that it was something you wanted too?” She could detect an edge of anger and frustration to his voice. She glanced downwards, not able to meet his gaze. She couldn’t blame him. It really wasn’t her finest moment, but she’d felt absolutely no choice. She had to make him see that.
“Alfie…I never meant to hurt you. I know that probably sounds ridiculous to you right now, but I truly mean it. Last night was incredible for me too. It’s the most comfortable I’ve felt in that situation for an amazingly long time. Maybe ever. And what we’ve shared over the past few months has been truly magical. But I realised after last night, when I woke up this morning, that…I can’t give you what you really want. Maybe not what you want right now but…” He stepped forward, taking both her hands in his.
“If this is referring to what I found out about you the other night then that doesn’t matter to me,” he said earnestly, deep consideration on his face. She gave a small laugh, feeling tears form in her eyes.
“You can say it, Alfie. What it is. It’s my reality and I’m learning to live with it. I can’t have children. But I don’t just mean I can’t give you a baby. I’m sure you don’t want that yet, anyway. What I really mean is that I can’t give you the choice . The prospect of a family. The transition from man to father. The first steps, the first words. Day trips to the beach, watching little ones build sandcastles and run in and out of the water, squealing. The birthdays, the bedtime stories, watching them grow. And then the grandchildren…” She realised she’d been quoting everything she’d prematurely reminisced about since she’d found out and warm tears were dribbling down her cheeks. Alfie gazed at her intently.
“You’re so brave,” he said quietly, his own eyes glistening with threatening tears and squeezing her hands. “And I can see why you might be thinking about all of that. But I mean it truly when I say that whilst all that sounds amazing, it’s honestly not a deal breaker for me. I’m a huge believer in living in the now. Grabbing the moment. Seizing the opportunity. I realised after last night, I’d fallen in love with you, Millie. Not any possible future. But you. And any future with you in it is better to me than a future without you in it. Do you believe me?” She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. He gently lifted her chin to meet his gaze and held the side of her face delicately. “You’ve been open and honest with me, Millie. It’s my turn to do the same to you. You deserve someone who loves you endlessly, regardless of anything else you have going on. I want to be with you. You are enough.”
She sobbed: those were the words she had longed to hear from Sam when they were together. Just the reassurance that she was not defined by her infertility – she was an individual person and entity outside of that, who was just as loveable, desirable and worthy as anyone else who didn’t have that. He’d alluded to it a few times but only when prompted by her. The way Alfie had spoken to her made her heart swell and a relieving warmth flooded through her, filling her with comfort and – dare she dream it – happiness. Acceptance.
She realised they’d been staring at each other intensely for at least half a minute without speaking and they both started laughing at the same time; a release of emotion and pent-up pressure from the past few days came rolling out for both of them and they embraced tightly, Alfie’s hands around her waist and hers bear hugging his neck. He squeezed her gently, so her tip toes brushed the ground, before setting her back down and pulling away.
“You need to know now that the emotion I showed just then should not set your daily expectations of me,” he said with a joking tone to his voice. She cocked her head to one side and raised an eyebrow.
“I’m going to be seeing you daily, am I?” she teased, and his cheeks shone a pink hue.
“Well that all depends on whether or not you’re going to continue on your Magical Mystery Tour out of Cornwall – or whether you even manage to get out the county that is.” She lightly pushed his shoulder as he chuckled at her; Amy must have spilled the beans about her failed attempt to do a runner.
“Amy told me that you were planning on leaving,” he said, as though reading her thoughts. “I knew right away I had to get to you. She leant me her car,” he explained, gesturing behind him to the little Ford, which was now bathed in a glorious winter sunlight glow. The bitter wind continued to rip around them and Millie pulled her scarf around her, giving a shiver. Noticing this, Alfie spoke.
“Look, I’m sure there’s more things we want to talk about…how about we do it back at my place with a warm cup of tea and the heating on?” She stared into his eyes and suddenly her earlier attempt at escaping following an incredible night with this beautiful man in-front of her seemed so abhorrently stupid , she knew there was only one choice for her now. Him.
He awaited her answer with bated breath.
“Let’s do it,” she replied, not able to stop the smile spreading across her face. He returned it and leaned in to kiss her sweetly, with the sound of the crashing waves below resounding around them and her tartan scarf flapping joyfully in the wind.
* * *
Six months later
The lane was immersed in a glorious, balmy sunshine as Millie locked up Rosemary Cottage, balancing her phone between her shoulder and ear, and headed down to the village square. Although it was almost half past eight, the impending summer solstice meant the sky was still a wonderful blue and the evening stretched on before her. Her frayed denim shorts and thin strapped white vest indicated the raised temperature, a constant for the last two weeks as a heatwave had blessed Cornwall and beyond.
“It’s been just lush to speak to you and hear you sounding so contented, Mils. I literally can’t wait to squeeze you so tight tomorrow you can’t breathe,” Jenny exclaimed. Millie burst out laughing.
“Sounds brutal! But I can’t wait to see you all too. It’s going to be so lovely showing you round,” she replied warmly. Her best friend’s first visit to Sandyhaven was only a day away and she was bringing her lovely husband and gorgeous Godson too – it was going to be a new kind of special.
After she hung up and made her way down the lane, past the now ever so familiar rows of quaint cottages either side (some adorned with polka dot bunting and most with pretty flower boxes outside), she could smell the faint traces of barbeque smoke dancing on the gentle breeze, and she knew it would be coming from the beach. The Sandy Anchor held barbeques out on the beach every Saturday evening throughout the summer months and she had made it down most weeks, as had many other villagers. The sense of community in the village was stronger than ever and it was down to the success of their campaign at the end of last year. The New Years’ Eve party had been a total triumph: the news crew had turned up all guns blazing as planned and their report had gone viral across social media. Following a few more liaisons with the council, it was announced that the site in question would not be knocked down and turned into flats. Instead, they would use a large patch of wasteland two miles up the coast, where they wouldn’t be blocking anyone’s view or destroying pieces of history. They were even going to employ multiple local people to work on the flats creating job opportunities for many in need. It had been everything everyone had been hoping for and more.
It had also been a magical night for Millie personally too; her first social gathering with Alfie as an official couple. Not that they’d made a huge announcement or anything but naturally, living in Sandyhaven, word wasn’t going to stay hidden for long! Many congratulated them heavily, much to their embarrassment, but lots of others were certain they knew it was going to happen all along, and so didn’t see it as much of a surprise. Millie hadn’t understood that, as to her it had been the ultimate surprise, but she guessed the intuition of those around her was strong.
She smiled as the clock tower came into view, standing steadfast against the bold blue of the sky, exactly where it ought to be. The square was buzzing with people moving back and forth from the beach into the pub to get another round of drinks and then back to the barbeque. She exchanged “hellos” with almost everyone she saw, feeling warmth at being a part of this wonderful community, basking in the sense of belonging. It was more than she’d ever dreamed possible.
Down on the beach she spotted Amy, attracting attention in a flowery summer dress, her skin glowing brown having spent every second not at work over the last fortnight improving her tan. She was speaking to two guys at the same time and clearly loving every second. Millie had never been that confident and if she hadn’t been so contented herself, she might even envy her. With their backs to that conversation, were Evan and Daisy. Poor Daisy, she was so uncomfortable now: she was past her due date by two days and whilst she advocated all along that due dates were “a load of miscalculated nonsense”, she’d give anything right now for them to be true. But good for her still being out of the house and socialising, Millie thought. If she was in her position, she’d be horizontal at any given opportunity.
It shocked her to realise that having a thought like that no longer brought her immense sadness – whilst she knew that would never be her, she had slowly started to come to terms with it, guided by those around her, and actually being able to feel happiness for Daisy had been filling her with such joy and gratitude. She watched Evan as he eyed Daisy carefully – he had been so on edge the last two weeks anticipating the impending labour. She wouldn’t be surprised if he had her bags for labour stashed behind the bar at the pub, ready to be hoisted out at a moment’s notice and whisked off to the hospital.
She saw Ryan talking animatedly to the pub landlord Arthur, who was now running the barbeque and they both burst out laughing at something he must have said. And Millie’s heart flipped when she looked to the other side of Ryan and saw Alfie standing there – he must’ve been the most handsome man in the entire world, and he was her boyfriend. She watched as he took a sip of his drink and then they locked eyes. His tanned complexion looked so different to the one she had met when she’d arrived last year, yet she’d never seen someone so familiar in her life. He gave her a huge smile and waved her over and she picked up the pace to reach him.
“Hey,” he said warmly, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and giving her a squeeze. “How was the cottage?”
“It was fine. Jean left at three this afternoon, but I just wanted to double check everything over before Jenny arrives tomorrow morning.” Rosemary Cottage still belonged to Alan, but now that Millie lived with Alfie in his flat, it was being rented out as a holiday let. She had initially worried what the villager’s reaction would be; knowing that they didn’t want Sandyhaven becoming a hub of second homes, but as Alan seemed to be held in such high esteem here, it hadn’t really been a problem. He’d agreed to split the earnings with Millie and Alfie fifty-fifty if they ran the booking system and checked in on it, alongside their cleaner Jean, and it had turned into quite a profitable little side project for them both.
At first, Millie had wondered if Alfie might want to move back into the cottage; after all, he’d expressed many times how many memories he held there of his mum. But he’d declined, saying his flat was their home now and he wanted to keep Rosemary’s memory alive by allowing other families to come and make their own wonderful memories together. The picture of him and his Mum was tucked into the guestbook in the porch with a short description of who she was and her connection to the cottage, so anyone who came to stay could learn of her story. It felt like the most wonderful dedication to a woman Alfie clearly loved so dearly.
“Amazing. Thanks so much for checking in. I’ll do it next time.”
“It’s OK, I like doing it. I like giving it a little “Millie touch”” she explained, and he leaned down to her ear.
“I think I’m the one who likes the Millie touch.” She groaned jokingly and he burst out laughing.
“You are so cringe,” she teased, pretending to bat him away. “Seriously though, you’re busy enough.” Alfie had been inspired by the art classes he and Millie had run back in December, and they had continued as another income for him, alongside his usual commissions which were steady and secure. It meant he got to spend all day doing exactly what he loved: painting. And that made him incredibly happy.
Millie also had managed to finally secure a job linked to her true love of creating. Following the successful campaign of the village hall classes and opening the first one, Lauren Shilton had been back in touch with her and asked her to come and meet for a chat. Millie had gone, widely anticipating what it could be about. It turned out Lauren wanted to open another shop in Perryn Bay, which was only half an hour from Sandyhaven. She wanted Millie to help her run it, as creative input but also on an assistant managerial role. Of course, Millie had immediately said yes and had dived headfirst into the incredible opportunity. She now worked thirty hours per week at the shop and ran mini online tutorials around various art forms on their social media pages. It meant she was able to be creative and use her skills to help others and be paid for it at the same time. For once in her life, she felt like everything had fallen into place with her career.
And of course, her relationship had fallen into place too. Despite only being an official couple for two months, Millie and Alfie had thrown caution to the wind and moved in together that Valentine’s Day, and it had been the most wonderful four months of her entire life since. Waking up to that stunning vista from the enormous window in the living room every morning had been an absolute dream come true – even better that she got to wake up to it next to Alfie.
There had been no more heavy discussions about their future together or what it might hold – it hadn’t really felt like it was needed. Ultimately, they were both incredibly happy being together as they were – Millie was finally ready to accept that whatever was going to happen, would happen and she knew she’d get through it with an incredible man by her side.
Standing on the beach bathed in warm sun, surrounded by a wonderfully supportive community, a fantastic group of welcoming new friends, eagerly awaiting the arrival of her oldest and best friend and with the arm of the most incredible man around her shoulder, Millie had truly never felt more complete in her life.