TWENTY-ONE
PROBABLY NOTHING
Alex
It was getting light as I rounded the edge of the loch.
I had taken to running a bit later in the morning and altering my route.
I didn’t want to be predictable and let myself be caught by Henderson again.
Paddy had gone back to London for some security job Oliver needed him for.
I’d liked him being there, in his unassuming but totally reassuring way.
I couldn’t deny I was pleased Dom was about though.
I had been careful to avoid the new lads during the week, and during the day, I had been vigilant about where Henderson was.
I’d seen him with Matty and Smithy and once or twice with Dom, never on his own, and I was determined to keep it that way.
Oliver hadn’t given me an update on Henderson, so I had to assume Dom hadn’t come up with any significant information, which meant neither of them was aware of Fletch’s true identity.
I had tried to think of a way around this.
How was I going to deal with him without putting Oliver’s reputation in danger and ruining everything he had worked for here at Risk?
Anyone else and I might have called their bluff, but I knew how delusional Henderson was and how convincing he could be. I just couldn’t take that chance.
As I jogged up the embankment from the loch towards my lodge, I realised someone was standing at the top. I faltered as I tried to work out who it was.
‘It’s me, Dom.’
I let out a small sigh of relief, grateful he’d identified himself. ‘Morning,’ I said as I reached the top.
‘How was you run?’
I stopped the timer on my watch. ‘Average time,’ I said as I caught my breath. ‘I took a different route today.’
‘Smithy and the others need a tour of the wellness suite today. We didn’t get to do it before. Is that okay with you?’
‘Yeah. Sure.’ What else was I supposed to say?
‘We’ll come over en masse to save bothering you four separate times.’
‘Okay. When are you thinking?’
‘About two. You can join us for something to eat beforehand.’
‘Oh, I’ll probably just have lunch with Grainger today,’ I said, trying to sound casual.
I’d been over to Grainger every day this week. He hadn’t asked why, just accepted my offering of banana loaf as an excuse to be there.
‘Grainger’s eating in the canteen today. We’ve got a chef and a KP starting today. Be good if you were there.’
I understood enough to know that “Be good if you were there” wasn’t a passing comment. It was an instruction just shy of an order.
‘Okay,’ I said. ‘See you there.’
I went back to my lodge.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if there were a group of us. Henderson couldn’t say or do anything in front of everyone.
I stepped into the shower.
In fact, the more I thought about it, the more it seemed a good and safe option. I was conscious that my avoidance would sooner or later draw attention from Dom, especially as Oliver had asked him to check out Henderson.
The canteen was a barn that had been converted into an eating area and kitchens.
There were two rows of picnic bench style seating, which sat up to ten people per table.
There was enough room for when the retreat was running at full capacity.
I knew from what Oliver had said that veterans and staff would all eat in the same quarters.
Paying guests would be in the main house.
The canteen barn reminded me of postings abroad where, instead of a barn, it would have been a canvas tent. Being under an actual permanent construction was a step up.
I spent the rest of the morning completing some paperwork, which I could have done over in my office at the wellness suite, but I preferred to be here. I knew I was putting off being over the other side of the loch on my own.
A knock at the door just before midday made me jump.
‘You coming for lunch, Doc?’ came Grainger’s voice from the other side of the door.
I left what I was doing, grabbed my jacket and stepped out onto the porch, locking the door behind me.
‘It’s like we’re on a date,’ I said as I came down the steps.
Grainger rolled his eyes. ‘You should be so lucky.’
Dom, Matty and Smithy were already there. No sign of Henderson. We collected our meals from the serving counter and carried the trays over to the table. I sat down, and Grainger shuffled in next to me, leaving space on the end for Henderson.
‘This looks good,’ said Grainger, poking his fork into the mashed potatoes. ‘Shepherd’s pie. Nice to have some decent grub.’
I nudged him with my elbow. ‘I can easily arrange for you to be hospitalised again. See how you like the food then.’
Matty and Smithy both laughed, and Dom allowed himself a smirk.
‘Sounds like too much fun going on here.’
My heart did a little flip. It was Oliver. I forced myself to look casually towards the door and not to smile as he briefly made eye contact with me. The anxiety that I’d been holding in all week dropped away. He’d obviously made it up here earlier than he thought.
‘Boss,’ said Grainger.
‘Boss,’ both the new lads said in acknowledgement.
The relief I experienced was short-lived. Behind Oliver came Henderson.
‘Afternoon, everyone,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Started without us, I see.’
Oliver and Henderson went up to collect their meals.
‘Relax,’ muttered Grainger under his breath for only me to hear.
I clocked Dom glancing across the table at us. I looked down at my food, which I suddenly had no appetite for and poked the potato around the plate before forcing myself to eat and somehow appear normal.
Henderson came over carrying his tray, while Oliver chatted at the counter with the new kitchen staff. He walked behind both Grainger and me and took the seat next to me. Not the empty seat that had been left, but right next to me.
‘Afternoon, Alex,’ he said as he placed his tray down and hooked his legs over the bench.
I could feel the panic rising in me. Henderson wasn’t touching me, but he was close enough that if I moved a fraction to my right, I would brush against him. I didn’t dare move. I needed to get out of there. Anywhere. Just away from him.
I looked up, and Oliver was heading over to us with his food.
I watched him take in the seating arrangement.
Grainger moved further away from me, so he was at the end.
An open invitation for Oliver, who, without any fuss, slipped into the seat on my left.
There was just enough space, but I had no intention of moving closer to Henderson.
‘Nice to see you all,’ said Oliver. ‘I appreciate you all coming up at such short notice. Hope it didn’t cause any inconvenience.’
‘No complaints from me,’ said Matty. ‘Glad of it. Been back at my old dear’s for nearly a year now and we are both well fed up with each other.’
‘My tenancy on my flat was up for renewal, so it was perfect timing for me,’ said Smithy. ‘Me and my girlfriend broke up recently, so I was up for a change.’
‘No problem for me either,’ said Henderson.
‘That’s good. I appreciate it all the same,’ replied Oliver. ‘So, what have you all been up to this week?’
‘Fletch, Matty and Smithy have been making repairs to the perimeter fence the last couple of days. We’ve had a few deliveries for the lodges, so they’ve been sorting that out too.’
Dom carried on listing what had been done, which I was sure was unnecessary, as I knew for a fact Oliver and Dom spoke every day, but it drew the others into the conversation and gave me a chance to breathe and get a grip on myself.
‘Alex is giving the lads a tour of the wellness centre after lunch,’ said Dom.
‘Thought I might tag along,’ said Grainger. Everyone looked at him. ‘What? I need to keep up my physio. Water-resistant training is perfect. That’s what you recommended, didn’t you, Doc?’
When Grainger and I had had that particular conversation, he had assured me he wasn’t getting in the pool. I wasn’t convinced he’d had a change of heart, but I also wasn’t going to challenge him on it.
‘Yeah. That’s right,’ I said. ‘Be good to see you there.’
I didn’t miss the look Dom and Oliver exchanged.
Oliver moved the conversation on, talking about the next tranche of staff that were due to arrive in a couple of weeks.
Once everyone had finished and the tables were cleared, we all got up to leave. I sensed Oliver wanted to speak to me, but I was so focused on keeping calm and not reacting to Henderson that I didn’t trust myself to speak to Oliver. The last thing I wanted was to break down in front of everyone.
I was aware Dom and Oliver had peeled away and I suspected they were off to the gatehouse for a catch-up. Grainger fell into step alongside me as we all trudged down to the loch to walk around the shoreline, taking the most direct route to the wellness suite.
‘How’s your ankle holding up?’ I asked as we made our way over the stones.
‘Good as new.’
‘You don’t need a piggy-back, then?’
‘I’ll let you have that one today, seeing as I’m feeling generous,’ said Grainger. ‘But if you get tired, just say the word. I carried heavier than you all the way to Port Stanley.’
‘Yomped through wind, rain, and snow and didn’t even get out of breath,’ I said, copying his deadpan delivery.
‘Hardly raised my pulse rate.’
The tour around the wellness suite didn’t take long. A quick look at the gym, the pool and some of the treatment rooms, together with my office and exam room and we were done in twenty minutes.
‘All the mod cons,’ said Matty.
‘Will you be here on your own?’ asked Henderson. ‘Or will you have a junior medic with you?’
I knew I stiffened at the question. ‘On my own for now,’ I replied.
‘It’s a bit isolated from the rest of the resort,’ said Henderson.
‘Cameras are being installed soon,’ said Grainger. I gave him a quick glance. That was news to me. ‘Boss told me the other day,’ carried on Grainger.
‘Let’s get back,’ I said. ‘I’ve still got some reports to write up.’
I didn’t, but I needed an excuse to get out of there. The hallway suddenly seemed small and claustrophobic with us all standing in there. Stuffy and airless despite the weather.
‘Yeah. We still need to finish off the perimeter fence over where the stables are,’ said Matty. ‘Dom said about going to the pub in the town tonight. You up for it?’
‘Sounds good to me,’ said Smithy.
‘Count me in,’ said Henderson. ‘What about you two?’
‘I might join you. See how it goes,’ said Grainger.
‘Alex?’ Henderson asked in such an innocent way, but it still made my skin crawl.
‘Probably not.’
‘You got a better offer?’ said Henderson. ‘Come on, you should come, much more fun than staying in watching the TV, baking or, I don’t know, reading something boring like a Hilary Mantel novel.’
I almost stopped in my tracks. Grainger nudged into me, and I kept the momentum going. How had he known I was reading a Hilary Mantel novel? I mean, I had always read her books. Surely he hadn’t remembered that detail?
We all walked back to the other side of the loch, where the lads went their way, and I was left with Grainger.
‘I didn’t know about cameras being installed at the wellness suite,’ I said.
‘You wouldn’t. The boss doesn’t either, but he will soon,’ said Grainger, before heading off towards the gatehouse.
I watched him for a moment. I knew Grainger wasn’t someone to be underestimated, but despite that, I apparently had fallen foul of that myself.
I let myself into my lodge and locked the door behind me, something I had taken to doing this week during the day, not just at night. I stood in the middle of the room, looking all around me. I don’t know what I was looking for, waiting for, listening for, but I began a slow walk around the room.
The only sound was the radio playing in the background. Another habit I’d taken up this week was leaving it on, so I didn’t come back into a silent lodge.
I went into the bedroom. My bags were on the floor. I had moved them out of the wardrobe the other day and didn’t want to admit why I hadn’t put them back.
My gaze travelled around the room, coming to rest on my book on the bedside table. It was exactly where I had left it.
I was obviously overreacting to what Henderson had said.
I went to leave when I caught sight of something out of the corner of my eye. I had nearly missed it.
My bookmark was on the floor.
Not inside the book, where I always left it.
My throat dried. That same claustrophobic sensation I’d experienced earlier swamped me. I could feel the panic overtaking me as the adrenaline surged through my body, hitting my fingertips like little bolts of electricity.
I backed away from the bookmark. Looked around the room. Nothing else was out of place. My breathing was rapid. I felt lightheaded.
Breathe. I needed to breathe. I counted. Repeated. Counted. Repeated.
Think logically. The bookmark could have slipped out of the book when I put it down. I had been reading it before I went to sleep. I probably just didn’t put it in properly.
I stood very still for a long moment as I tried to convince myself that it was what must have happened.
But I honestly couldn’t remember.