Chapter Thirty-Four
T hree days.
Debs stared at her phone.
For nearly three days, she had stared at her phone at every available chance. It was the first thing she looked at in the morning. The last thing she checked at night.
But still no messages.
She hadn’t sent anything to Sienna in three days, not since the last text message, once again apologising and asking whether they could speak. She’d sent the same plea in various different forms for four days before that and received nothing in reply, and as much as she wanted to speak to Sienna, she wasn’t going to be one of those people who forced herself on others. If Sienna didn’t want to talk to her, she just had to respect that.
It didn’t stop her from staring at her phone, hoping Sienna would get in touch, though.
The door to her office opened, and she sighed, quickly swiping the phone into her desk drawer. Her game face had taken a hit the past few days, but she still tried her best, letting the mask slip into place as best it could before looking up.
It soon fell again when she saw Mica standing in front of her.
“Still nothing?”
“No.” Debs sighed, knowing it was useless to argue the point with Mica. The moment she showed up on their doorstep, met by Grace as she opened the door to her tear-stained face, she had forfeited any attempt to hide from her friends. This wasn’t like when she and James had divorced. That was weeks, months of private talks between just the two of them before Debs even dared to say anything to Mica. She knew that Mica had their suspicions; the subtle questions had been going on for a while, but both they and Grace were still blindsided when she told them the truth. Because she had worked so hard to not show her hand before the game was over. It wasn’t as though she was ashamed, but she had put so much effort into making sure her marriage and her family hadn’t suffered through her years of building her business, that she didn’t want to admit it until it was final. Maybe that was some of the businesswoman in her coming out. Don’t show the competition your advantage. Mica wasn’t competition, but on more than one occasion her professional edge had seeped through into her personal life, despite all her best intentions. James had been gracious and kind enough to be able to point it out when it happened without sounding too accusatory or bitter, but she knew that sometimes she was a hard woman to live with.
Maybe that’s where she went wrong with Sienna. Maybe that’s where she would go wrong whoever she was with. James had the advantage of knowing her when she was building everything up, had been by her side when she had nothing and everything. James knew her reason, knew why she did what she did, understood what her driving forces were.
Sienna didn’t.
As if reading her mind, Mica spoke.
“Stop beating yourself up about it.”
She’d heard this argument countless times in the past few days, Grace and Mica trying their best to reassure her that it wasn’t her fault. And maybe it wasn’t entirely but she could have handled things better. She’d been treading so carefully in those early days of their friendship, to gain her trust, to get to know her and understand what she needed, and then she had ruined it all in one sweeping moment.
“I’m trying, but it doesn’t make me feel less shit about it. Now I understand why you fucked off to Glasgow for ten years.”
“Yeah.”
“I mean, if this is what dating feels like I might just call this my only attempt and embrace the sad, lonely spinster life.”
“You already have the cat, a few more and you’ll be set,” Mica replied, but even their attempt at humouring fell on deaf ears.
“Even Steve hates me.”
“Sure that’s not true.”
“It fucking is. He loved Sienna, hated me,” Debs grumbled, increasingly sounding more like her prepubescent son than the strong and successful woman that she actually was.
The door to the office opened again and Debs looked up to see Grace walk in, a brown paper takeout bag in one hand and a coffee tray balancing in the other. “What’s this?”
“Lunch. We knew you’d skip it so Mica pinned you down in the office while I went to pick it up,” Grace answered matter of factly, passing the drinks over to Mica with a kiss.
“Are you ganging up on me?”
“Yes,” Mica said plainly.
“No!” Grace playfully slapped Mica across the shoulder, earning her a disgruntled look from her fiance. Debs chuckled; these two never failed to make her smile when she saw them together, even if it was a painful reminder of what she had just lost. “We’re not ganging up on you, we just know how blinkered you get sometimes. And, well, before you’d make time to go to lunch because you’d meet Sienna, but now…”
“Now I’m the sad, old single woman who never leaves her office?” Debs gave Mica a knowing glare, as if to say ‘I told you so’ .
“No,” Grace replied with a shake of her head.
“Yes,” shot back Mica at the time, receiving another slap for their trouble.
“Grace is right, chances are I wouldn’t have had lunch. But you’re also right, I am sad,” Debs retorted, reaching over to take the container from Grace. “Thank you.”
“You still haven’t heard from her then?” Grace repeated Mica’s earlier question.
“No.”
It had been over a week since the last time they had been in the same room, and the interaction was burned into the front of Debs’ mind. The way her usually warm, chocolate eyes were cold and hard, burning with a fury which Debs’ never thought possible from her kind and gentle heart. She so desperately wanted to know what had hurt so much that she was barely recognisable, but she never had the chance.
“Why don’t you try again? Give her a ring, or show up at the centre?”
“Because I’m not going to be one of those people who refuse to take no for an answer. She’s made it quite clear that she doesn’t want to talk, and I don’t want to push myself on her.”
“You’re such a gentlewoman,” Mica said, around a mouthful of food.
“And you’re an idiot.” Debs sighed. “I want nothing more than to talk to her, just to know if she’s okay. Even if it’s the end of us, I still want to know she’s okay. That she’s figuring out whatever it is which is causing her pain.”
“Maybe once she’s done that, she’ll be open to talking again,” Grace said with a shrug. “Whatever it is is obviously difficult. And maybe if not too much time has passed and you still feel the same you can try again.”
Debs laughed around the mouthful of food she had, nearly choking. “Oh yeah, I forgot there for a moment I was getting dating advice from the champions of waiting forever.”
A knock on her door interrupted them and Janet peeked her head around. “Sorry to disturb you, but Grace, your one pm is here.”
“Thanks, Janet. Right, I’ve got to go.” She leaned over and kissed Mica, before collecting up the remains of her lunch. “Anything you need just give me a shout.”
“Actually, there is one thing…” Debs couldn’t believe she was about to ask this; she was not a woman to hide from her problems, but if anyone asked it was for Sienna’s sake. The fact that it was helping her avoid the inevitable for a little longer was just a coincidence. “Thea wants to go to the centre this weekend, but—”
“I’ll pick them up at ten-thirty,” Grace said, and Debs was grateful for the reprieve in not having to come up with an excuse which didn’t sound entirely pathetic. Because in all honesty that was exactly how she was feeling.
Pathetic.