Secure Attachment

Chapter Forty-One

“ I shouldn’t be too long,” Sienna said, opening the door to her flat and looking back over her shoulder to Debs.

“There’s no rush, beautiful.”

Sienna felt the heat rush through her cheeks, ducking her head and practically scurrying further into the flat.

“What’s wrong with you?” Debs asked with a chuckle.

“Nothing,” Sienna mumbled. “Make yourself at home, I’m just going to go…” she petered off, pushing through the bedroom door.

Once inside, she silently cursed herself for her reaction. She didn’t know why she reacted so viscerally to Debs paying her compliments. There was something in the easy, casual way she said them, dropping the terms of endearment in like they didn’t carry so much affection in them that it practically made her squirm. It wasn’t as if it was a new development; she had always been open with her affections, and she thought since their declaration of love, it might have become easier to hear. But if anything, it had only served to heighten her reaction. Maybe it was because of the sincerity behind every word, each term laced with the love that had been showered on her over the past twenty-four hours. Whatever the reason, Sienna was determined to not throw it away again.

She looked down at what she was wearing, still in her uniform from yesterday. She yanked the shirt up and over her head, throwing it into the laundry basket in the corner, next slipping her jeans down her legs and kicking them to the side. They’d showered this morning, although it took far longer than expected, Sienna dropping to her knees under the hot spray to repay Debs for the mind-shattering orgasm with another one of her own.

“I’ve changed my mind,” Debs’ voice sounded from behind her, low and sultry. “I’m not sure I want to go to lunch anymore.”

Sienna turned around, chuckling when she found Debs unashamedly checking her out, eyes dragging over the soft swell of her backside, which was currently in a borrowed pair of Debs’ lacy underwear.

“You're insatiable,” she stated, dragging the underwear down her legs.

“Can you blame me? Besides, you’re not exactly helping.”

Sienna leaned back into Debs’ body as she felt her sidle up behind her, comforting arms wrapping around her waist.

“I wasn’t doing it to tease. As much as I appreciate you lending me them, I need to change. They’re sexy on you, but I’m a practical pants kind of girl.”

“I think you look great,” Debs said, nipping at the skin where Sienna’s shoulder met her neck, the place Debs had already mapped a hundred times and knew would send Sienna weak-kneed within seconds.

With all her effort, she nudged Debs away, snagging the clean boxer briefs from the bed and sliding them up her legs. “Behave.”

“Do I have to? And you're right, these are more your style and somehow even more sexy on you,” Debs pondered, running a finger across the slim band of black elastic. “What time is our reservation?”

“I didn’t make one. Figured we’d just see where the day takes us. But I thought we could go to that tapas place we loved last time.”

“You mean where we had our first date? Excellent plan. But since we don’t have a reservation…”

Debs grabbed her hips, spinning her around and backing her up against the wall, stealing the breath from her body with a searing kiss.

But no sooner as she had, she groaned, dropping her head to her shoulder.

“Is that your fucking doorbell?” Debs cursed. “Go tell Max to fuck off.”

Sienna chuckled, looking over Debs’ shoulder at the clock.

“It won’t be Max, not this time of day.”

“Then ignore it!” Debs proclaimed, lips already attached back to the supple skin of her neck.

Sienna was tempted to do just that, until her brain helpfully supplied who it most likely was at the door. The sharp, persistent knock through her flat which started up, only sought to confirm her suspicions further and she tensed under Debs’ embrace.

“What is it?”

“I think…I think it’s her.”

“Who?”

“My mother.”

“What? Why?” Debs asked.

“Because no one else knows where I live, and no one else would just keep fucking knocking like that.” Sienna sighed, dropping her head to Debs’ shoulder.

“What do you want to do?” Debs asked softly.

“Honestly, just go back to you pinning me against the wall and kissing me. But she’s not going to give up.”

Sienna felt Debs’ hand run down her still bare spine, pressing a kiss to her hairline.

“I’ll get it.”

Sienna’s head shot up, eyes wide as she stared at Debs. “What?”

“I’ll answer the door—” another knock followed by a ring of the doorbell echoed through the room— “and tell her you’re busy since she clearly can’t get the message.”

“What will you say?”

“That entirely depends on what she says to me.” Sienna relaxed as Debs’ fingers brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes, tucking it delicately behind her ear. “I won’t deliberately antagonise her nor say anything which she can use against you.”

“Thank you,” she breathed out.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, please.”

Debs cupped her face, running her thumb across her cheekbone, Sienna melting into the touch. Everything with Debs was so gentle, so considerate, and once again, Sienna could feel the love in every gesture. She stepped away, giving Sienna a smile as yet another knock sounded, leaving her to pull on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt quickly as she left the bedroom.

“She really is persistent, isn’t she?”

“That’s one word for her. Wait,” Sienna gripped Debs’ wrist as she approached the door. “Isn’t this a bit cowardly?”

“No. You’re not hiding from her, and you’re not refusing to speak to her. I just happen to be the one opening the door. And even if you were doing either of those things, I think you have enough justification for putting up that boundary.”

Sienna considered what Debs said. She’d never been allowed that before; that freedom to put up her own walls, draw her own lines. She had tried, but a lot of it was just painted as running away, obfuscating and ignoring her responsibilities as a daughter. Penny would never understand that this was just Sienna’s way of dealing with it, that her own actions determined the need for it in the first place. To Penny, it was rude and ungrateful. To Sienna, it was self-preservation. To hear Debs acknowledge and recognise that only served to validate everything that she felt.

Debs’ hand rested on the door handle, waiting for Sienna’s permission, and with a nod, she gave it, before stepping back towards the kitchen, needing to keep herself busy to not break down.

“It’s about time…who are you?”

“Hello,” and Sienna couldn’t help but smirk at the boss-bitch voice Debs had adopted. She imagined this is how she spoke to those clients who she really didn’t want to deal with; faux politeness with a hint of reserved frustration. “I’m Debs. You must be Penny?”

“Yes? I’m sorry, but I still don’t know who you are?”

“I’m Sienna’s girlfriend.” Sienna’s heart soared hearing those words, almost enough to forget that it was Penny at her door and who Debs was having this conversation with.

“ Girlfriend ? Is Sienna here?”

“Yeah, she’s just in the… Come in, why don’t you?” Sienna heard Debs mutter, and she knew that Penny had just pushed her way in without an invitation, as she was accustomed to doing so.

“Sienna? Where are you? Who is this, and why is she answering your door?”

She watched as Debs followed her in, standing tall even in her Converse and jeans, still looking every bit of the authoritative figure. Even if Sienna knew a different woman… She inhaled deeply, taking strength she had never had before when it came to facing her mother from Debs’ presence.

“Debs just told you who she is.”

“She’s your girlfriend? When did this happen?” Penny turned, looking over her shoulder at Debs and not-so-subtly giving her a scrutinising once-over.

“We met a few months ago. Debs’ company renovated the building which The Lighthouse uses.”

“You’re a builder?” Penny asked, confusion apparent on her face.

“No. I employ a lot of builders, though. And architects, developers, electricians, plumbers. I own Brannigan Developments. We do a lot of work in the area.”

“Oh.” Sienna saw the shift, the moment Penny realised just how successful Debs was and the inevitable thoughts she was forming about her suitability for Sienna. “Well, that’s very impressive. I wonder, though, could you just let me have a moment with my daughter? I need to talk to her.”

Debs’ gaze flickered over to Sienna, those crystal blue eyes locking onto hers and giving her a clear and silent message. What do you need?

“Debs, babe, could you make me a brew? And while you’re in there, could you fill up the watering can? Your Bird of Paradise needs watering.”

“You trust me not to drown it?” Debs asked, walking towards her with a smile. It was light, but Sienna could see the concern behind it, the tightness in her jaw even though Sienna had managed to make her smile.

“Yeah, this time,” she replied, leaning into the kiss which Debs brushed against her cheek before disappearing.

“Is this something else you were planning on not telling us about?” Penny asked, not even a second later, breaking the momentary respite from the tension Sienna felt brewing within her.

“You know now, so…”

“So? So you have been in a relationship for months, and we knew nothing about it.” Sienna was a little shocked. Evan knew about it, although none of the details, and yet Penny was still oblivious. While she knew her father wouldn’t have deliberately told Penny, she suspected at some point, it might have slipped out. She tried to remember what Debs had said last night, what Max had been telling her for years. She could tell her mother her reasons and do so calmly.

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you would judge. There would be something you weren’t happy about.”

“Maybe that’s because you historically cannot be trusted to make good decisions. And this is a perfect example!”

“What’s wrong with Debs?” Sienna probably shouldn’t have asked, it was only potentially asking for trouble, but something about the release of all those pent-up emotions over the past few days, and the fact that she was loved by Debs gave her a shield she had never had before. Now it was more about curiosity, to see how close she was with her suspicions.

“Well, Sienna, just look at her. She owns her own company!”

“Yes.”

“Look, darling, I appreciate that this might seem exciting right now, but what happens when she realises that you’re not…”

“Not what?”

“Well, you don’t have any qualifications, haven’t had a long-term relationship, and work at a community centre.”

“She does more than just work there. That place would be falling over itself if it wasn’t for Sienna. You should come by sometime, see some of the things she’s organised.” Debs walked back in, carrying the watering can. Sienna suspected that she had heard most of what had been said; although Penny had hushed her voice, her flat was small and open enough for the sound to travel. “Did you tell your mum about the auction? And the winter timetable you’ve organised?”

“We spoke about it,” Sienna said flatly. She remembered the conversation well, the way her mother dismissed any of her hard work, reducing her to barely anything. Debs gave her a sideways look, the message in her tone received loud and clear.

“She mentioned something about helping at an auction, yes. I was more concerned about the fact that her job seemingly depends on the generosity of total strangers. I mean, isn’t that a bit precarious? Surely you would understand that?”

Sienna knew it wasn’t really a question and that Penny wouldn’t be expecting an answer. Then again, she’d never met Debs before, who wasn’t one for bowing to people’s preconceptions.

“Not in the slightest. Sienna’s job and the centre are not in any financial distress. They secure funding through a number of different avenues. But to continue to offer a wide and varied range of additional services, like the children’s art programme, which Sienna organises and my daughter absolutely loves going to every week, they need to raise extra funds. It’s a very common practice. It’s a win all around; local businesses get promotion and are seen supporting the community, and the centre gets funds,” Debs explained, nonchalantly watering the plant in the corner of the room. Sienna had to hold back the smirk of satisfaction at Debs’ reaction, especially when she noticed Penny’s barely contained indignation at being somewhat put in her place. “And Sienna didn’t just help. She organised the entire thing. From the initial idea to calling businesses for donations to speaking to benefactors on the night. Your daughter is a force to be reckoned with, Mrs Daly.”

“Mmm, that’s nice.” Sienna had to hold in the laugh which threatened to bubble out of her at Debs’ face as Penny uttered the word. Nice , she mouthed, grimacing.

“Sienna, can I talk to you?” Penny shot a look over her shoulder again at Debs. “Alone?”

“I’ll be in the bedroom,” Debs said, leaving again, not before giving Sienna a pointed look.

“Can you not send her home?” Penny asked.

“Send her home? No.”

“Fine. Your father wants to know when you’ll next come for dinner. He wants to hear more about your plans; he seems keen on encouraging this ridiculous idea. I told him that it would be best if he stopped giving you false hope, but then I was also rather hoping that after you’ve had time to consider what I said, you might have changed your mind.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“This idea that you are going back to university again.”

“I am going back.”

The idea had flickered across her mind more than once in the past two weeks. The thought that maybe Penny was right and that this was a fruitless exercise in realising how incapable she really was. But as with everything in the past two weeks, the effort and energy to actually take action was gone. That didn’t mean she hadn’t hidden the acceptance letter in the back of her wardrobe, it’s presence too painful of a reminder of what she had lost.

“Look, Sienna,” Penny said with an exaggerated sigh. “You’re not a child anymore, and maybe we should have been more explicit when you were younger. You are not cut out for this. It will only end in failure again, and I’m just trying to prevent the fallout from that before it gets any further. Besides, how do you expect to manage studying for a degree while working? You seem to be adamant that this job is also right for you and don’t seem keen on giving it up, despite the risks. How do you expect to do both?”

“I… Liz has said she would accommodate…” Sienna’s voice and her bravado had evaporated into a puff of smoke at the explicit and forthright dismissal of her hopes, dreams, and abilities. She knew it was there, knew this is how her mother felt; she had never tried to hide her distaste or disapproval at Sienna’s choice. But then she had never tried to understand them either. And to hear her mother blatantly confirm what she had always known cut her deeper than she thought possible, especially after she had thought she had moved on after her breakdown to Debs yesterday.

“Accommodate what? You not being able to decide what you want to do? You’ll end up not being able to do either, and then you’ll lose your job. And without a job, how do you expect to pay for this degree? In fact, how are you paying for it?”

“I…I have it all worked out. It will be fine.”

“You don’t have anything worked out, Sienna. You cannot do this. When are you going to pay attention to what I tell you?”

Sienna opened her mouth to try and argue back, but the words got stuck in her throat. But before she could even choke out a noise, the bedroom door swung open, breaking the tension.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not listening to this any fucking more. And I’m certainly not letting you hear it.”

Sienna swallowed as she watched Debs march out of the bedroom.

“If you don’t mind, my daughter and I were in the middle of a private conversation,” Penny chimed in, clearly not amused by the sudden appearance of Debs.

“Actually, I do mind. I don’t care who it is or where we are, I will not stand by when someone speaks to Sienna like that. Even if it is her mother.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. Not that I should be surprised, judging by what she has told me. But as it happens, I believe Sienna will excel at her degree if her dedication, passion, and enthusiasm for it are even half of what they are for her job. Which she is also fucking brilliant at, by the way.”

Sienna’s soft touch to her forearm broke her out of her rant, head whipping round. “It’s okay, babe,” she said quietly, but she knew the waver to her voice betrayed it was anything but fine.

“No, it’s not. She doesn’t get to speak to you like that anymore, Sienna. Certainly not while I’m here.” Sienna was taken aback by the shimmering tears in Debs’ eyes, the raw emotion which she saw in them at the effect Penny’s words had had on her. Penny could say whatever she wanted to Sienna, she had heard it all before, and while it still stung, she had become conditioned to hear it. But to see it cut into Debs, for them to make her cry…Sienna wouldn’t stand for it.

Debs turned back to Penny, pulling her shoulders back.

“You’re a mother, are you not? You mentioned your daughter earlier.”

“Yes.”

“So you would rather see your daughter fail, make a fool of herself time and time again for the sake of protecting her feelings, rather than have her hear the truth and save her the pain?”

“I would never want Thea to feel pain. But it will happen at some point, no matter what I do or say. But to have that pain inflicted by me? That will never knowingly happen.”

“You say that now, but just wait until she grows up. What if she doesn’t make the choices you want her to?”

“The only choices I want her to make are the ones which are right for her. The ones that make her happy. It doesn’t matter if she’s academic or creative. It doesn’t matter if she goes to university or not. What matters is her happiness, and I will listen to everything which she tells me brings her that and do my fucking utmost to help her achieve it.”

“That’s very noble of you, but just wait until she grows up and stops listening to you.”

“She’ll only stop listening to me if I stop listening to her.”

“Excuse me, what are you implying?”

“I’m not implying anything. I’ll fucking say it outright if I have to. From what I hear, you have never listened or taken the time to understand Sienna. You have consistently belittled her, undermined her, and made her feel less than. Instead of encouraging her hopes, you compared her to her sister—”

“Don’t you dare bring Cerys into this!”

“I will because this is all about Cerys! It’s about how you have constantly compared Sienna to her. How she has never felt good enough next to her sister! You made the cardinal sin of any parent and favoured one child over the other! And you continue to do so, even when Cerys is gone, and Sienna is still here!”

Sienna watched as Penny adjusted herself, clearly taken aback by someone speaking to her in such a manner. She straightened out her jacket, smoothing down the fabric in an act of faux composure, but Sienna could see the small chink in her armour, the way she flushed with hopefully the first sign of shame and embarrassment she had shown in years.

“I think we should continue this discussion another time, Sienna. Maybe when it is just the two of us?”

“I don’t think so, Mum,” Sienna replied, feeling emboldened by Deb’s presence and her fierce defence of her. Her denial of Penny’s request caused the older woman to falter, clearly it not being the response she was expecting. The warm touch of Deb’s hand slid down her arm and fingers entwined between her own, giving a gentle squeeze of reassurance and she loved the feel of it.

The atmosphere in the room was painfully tense, Sienna looking at her mother, Penny looking between Sienna and Debs. Sienna knew she was waiting for one of them to break, playing the silent game, hoping sooner or later someone would snap to break the tension. She gave a squeeze of Debs’ hand, hoping that it portrayed her message of ‘hang in there.’ Sienna had never stood up to her mother like this, had never had the strength to hold her own against her vitriol, but with Debs by her side, her words of encouragement ringing through her head, Sienna felt stronger than she ever had done before.

With Debs, Sienna felt invincible.

Another few long seconds passed until finally, Penny gave a tilt of her head which Sienna knew signalled that she was done for now. As expected, Penny took a step forward, picking up her handbag in a way that was entirely too pompous and entitled.

“We shall be continuing this conversation at a later,” she paused, giving a knowing, pointed look up and down at Debs, “more convenient time.”

“No, we won’t.” Sienna really wasn’t here for Penny’s poor, last-ditch attempt at exerting some sort of control over the situation. Penny faltered in her step, almost as if she wasn’t expecting Sienna to carry on with her defiance. She recovered quickly but not quick enough that Sienna didn’t notice, giving her the final boost of confidence she needed to say what she had always wanted to. “If you want to talk, I will, but only if you actually listen to me. And I really don’t expect that to happen anytime soon. I don’t want to hear your opinions anymore; I don’t want to be subjected to your advice because it’s not wanted. It’s my life, my choices. And this is what I want to do with it.” Sienna took a deep breath before delivering the final blow. “You can leave.”

Penny’s jaw strained with Sienna’s words, and Sienna could only imagine what barbed, harmful retort would be thrown back at her if Debs wasn’t there. But Penny Daly wasn’t one to lose face. Regaining her composure, she turned on her heel and strode out of the flat before it got the better of her.

The click of the door closing signified the safe space Sienna needed to exhale and relax. Shoulders dropping, she let herself slump against Debs, her free hand coming out and wrapping around her waist, seeking out the physical comfort and reassurance she needed. Her head hung low, the tension aching and screaming through her shoulder blades and neck, the muscles tight and tense from the altercation.

“Sienna?” Debs’ voice was tentative and timid, almost as if she was afraid to remind her that she was still here. “I’m sorry for—”

“No!” Sienna exclaimed, grasping the hand still in hers tighter, and pulling it close to her, tugging Debs closer in doing so.

“Okay,” Debs relented, shuffling herself around so she could bring her arm around Sienna’s shoulders. She felt the solid, reassuring weight of Debs’ head as she rested it against her own, a kiss pressed to her temple. “I really wasn’t planning on saying all of that to her,” she muttered into the quiet.

“You weren’t?”

“No. I could hear her in the bedroom, and when she started to try to convince you that you weren’t capable, I lost it. I certainly never meant to throw Cerys into the argument.”

“I think all you did was say what I had been wanting to say for years but just was never brave enough to.”

“I’ve probably made things harder for you now, though. She’ll give you shit about your fucking awful girlfriend now, too.”

“If you think my choice of relationship, or ability to have one, wasn’t already on her list, you still really haven’t grasped the full scope of the topics she likes to call me a failure in.” Sienna pulled back, locking eyes with Debs. “Thank you. I’ve never had anyone defend me like that, not directly to her face.”

“It really wasn’t a hardship when it’s all true,” Debs replied with a smile, sorrow and anger still reflected in those eyes she loved so much. “You still fancy lunch?”

“Urgh,” Sienna groaned as she let her head fall onto Debs’ chest, smiling when she felt her squeeze her tight. “I think any energy which I had left she’s just sapped out of me.”

“Thought as much. Why don’t we head back to mine? I’ll order takeout, and we can veg out on the sofa, watch some crappy TV, and cuddle all afternoon.”

“Mmm, that sounds like heaven. Can I have a nap?”

“You can nap as much as you want. I’ll be right there holding you the entire time.”

Heaven.