Chapter Forty
D ebs rolled over, her arm finding the empty space next to her. Panic filled her chest, and she pushed up on the bed, eyes darting around the room. Had Sienna left while I was sleeping? Last night had been a lot, and if she was honest, she was a little surprised when Sienna had agreed to stay. In fact, she would have understood completely if, after the revelations that had come to light, Sienna needed some time to herself to process. She hadn’t planned on telling Sienna that she loved her, but in the moment, after hearing everything Sienna had experienced, all the hurtful, condescending things she had been told, she was taken over by the desire to let Sienna know that there was someone who cared for her, someone who needed her, wanted her. Someone who thought she was worth something. But had it been too much? Had Sienna, in the middle of the night when the emotions had settled and she only had her own mind for company, realised she had made a mistake?
The door to the bedroom being pushed slowly open drew her attention, and she released a breath when Sienna tiptoed her way in, a mug of what she hoped was coffee in each hand.
“Hey, did I wake you?” Sienna asked apologetically.
“No.” Debs shook away the emotion which had begun to lodge in the back of her throat. “Although I had thought you might have done a runner.”
Sienna gave her a look, one which spoke volumes as to the sorrow and regret of the past weeks, before making her way across to the bed. She carefully placed the mugs on the dresser, before leaning over Debs. Warm hands cupped her face, and Debs sighed at the gesture, her eyes fluttering closed as a chaste kiss was pressed to her forehead, before another on her cheekbone, then the other, and finally her lips.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Sienna said quietly.
“Come back to bed?”
Sienna smiled, releasing her hold on Debs’ face before nudging her over and sliding back under the covers. Debs was about to try and hold Sienna, instead surprised when Sienna pulled her into her own body. She settled almost instantly, soothed by the gentle rhythm of Sienna’s heart beneath her ear.
“This is perfect,” she admitted.
“Mmm.” Sienna shuffled a little, holding her closer before placing a kiss on her forehead. “Thought after last night it was my turn to hold you.”
“That’s not how it works,” Debs retorted with a playful pinch to her side, exactly where she knew there was a ticklish spot.
“Maybe not. But maybe I just wanted to hold you and make sure you were okay.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because you did something extremely personal and brave to help me, and I can’t imagine it came without its own pain.” Sienna kissed her again, and Debs could feel the warmth of her breath wash over her skin. “Thank you, if I haven’t already said it. For giving me your mum’s journal.”
“I think she would have liked you. And I think she would have definitely given you the same advice if she could.”
“Hmm. She was a very wise woman who raised an equally wise woman. I can’t wait to learn more about her and your dad.”
Debs huffed a breath. “Is it still wrong that I’m really pissed at your mother?”
“No, but join the club. I think you and Max can get t-shirts made.” She felt Sienna exhale underneath her, deep and slow. “I think you were right last night; I don’t think I’d ever allowed myself to really grieve for Cerys. By the time I was at a place where I could feel anything but numbness, all my focus was on how Mum treated me or what she said. In the end it was like it was easier to lock it all away. Last night was the first time I really cried about her, and not something else related to it all.”
“And how do you feel this morning?”
“Tired, but not just the fact that I’ve not been sleeping, but in the kind of way when you feel almost empty because you’ve had a big emotional purge. And I’m sure there’ll be days when it all comes back because I know this is only the beginning, but for the first time in years, I kind of feel at peace with her not being here.”
Debs tilted her face up, gently nudging Sienna to face her before leaning and pressing a kiss to her lips. “I’m glad. You’re right, there probably will be days when it all hits you again, but when that happens, I’ll be here.”
She was so proud of Sienna, so in awe of how she was thinking this morning. When she had first woken and found the bed next to her empty, she feared she had decided it was all a mistake again, that she couldn’t do this. In the cold, harsh light of the day, after all the emotions had been voiced, she feared that Sienna would once again start overthinking, convincing herself that this wasn’t the place she wanted to be. But to see her walk into her bedroom, as if she belonged there, as if they belonged together, and to hear that she was feeling some peace at last… That was all that Debs wanted.
“Do you have to work today?” Sienna asked, breaking her from her thoughts.
“I don’t have to. Why?”
“I called Liz earlier. Told her that I needed the day off. I was wondering if you could take the day, maybe we could spend it together?”
“Mmm,” Debs hummed, smiling as she leaned in again, stealing a kiss. “That sounds like an idea I can get on board with. Especially if it means making sure you’re resting.”
“I need to go home at some point and get some clean clothes. Maybe we could swing by, and I could change, and then we could go grab some lunch.”
“Sounds like a good plan. I just have one question.”
“What?”
Debs pushed herself up, rolling on top of Sienna, who giggled at being pinned under her body. Debs braced herself on her hands on either side of Sienna’s head, dipping her head low and shrouding them with the curtain of her hair.
“Until then, can we just stay here and keep kissing? Because I’ve really missed kissing you.”
“I can totally get on board with that,” Sienna whispered, pushing up to capture Debs’ lips in a kiss she felt to her very core. Long fingers tangled in her hair, and she followed the gentle urge of Sienna’s grip to push herself into every part of her, their bodies sliding together like two pieces of the same puzzle. The kiss spoke of everything, a perfect reflection of everything Debs was feeling mirrored back to her from Sienna. It was of lost moments and missed time together, of the yearning which they had both felt while they were apart, the sorrow at allowing everything to get to a point where they had separated. She could feel Sienna’s regret, her apology, her remorse at pushing Debs away, the need and desire to never let it happen again. It was a kiss that spoke of their short yet painful past and their long and hopeful future.
Sienna trailed soft kisses along her cheek, scratching her fingers along her scalp as she did so, turning everything within Debs to putty.
“I love you,” she whispered into her heated skin, and the words and the breath they were uttered on sent goosebumps skittering across her body. She closed her eyes, screwing them tight at the wave of emotion that crashed down upon her. “I love you, Debs Brannigan.”
Debs wrapped her fingers around Sienna’s chin, pulling until their mouths met again, pouring all of her love and gratitude into her kiss. Their tongues danced against each other, stealing the breath from their bodies.
“I love you too,” she mumbled between heated kisses.
“Then do something no one has ever done before and make love to me,” Sienna requested.
This was not in her plan when she suggested spending the morning in bed. Yes, she had missed this with Sienna, their physical intimacy, but it was never just about the sex for Debs. In each encounter, they had learned something new about each other, but it was everything in between those moments that Debs cherished the most. And yet, she was still painfully aware, despite the arousal that pooled in her underwear and the heat coursing through her body, that Sienna had just gone through one of the most emotionally draining nights of her life.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Sienna arched into her touch as her hand roamed down her body. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed our lunch breaks together and our dinners and evenings just curled up together. But I’ve missed this as well.”
Upon hearing her confirmation, Debs pulled Sienna into another searing kiss, pulling away and leaving her reaching for more as her lips moved down her neck, nipping lightly at the skin. She didn’t want to leave a mark, not yet and not here, but she had missed the taste of her skin, the way it felt against her lips. She lathed her tongue over her pulse, sucking at the skin just enough to feel it jump under her touch. She wanted to ravish her, to feel her tremble and hear her scream, but that could wait. Now was the time for something entirely different, something they had never done before, something she was sure would be etched into her memory forever. Now was the time for gentle, for soft, for worshipping her in every way possible and looking into those deep, chocolate eyes as she fell apart beneath her. Leaving her place where she had turned the skin of her neck pink with her kisses, she leaned back on her heels, tugging at the hem of her borrowed t-shirt, Sienna taking the hint and following her up, yanking it over her head and throwing it somewhere into the room. No sooner than it had left her hands, they found their way to Debs’ own vest, slipping it up and over her own arms, following in a similar fashion. Soft hands traced the curves of her hips, gliding over her stomach and tickling over the scar there.
“Have I told you I love this?” Sienna asked, and Debs bit her lip at the dark look which was in Sienna’s eyes. Yet behind all that desire, shining through was an overwhelming look of love which made her chest ache with the intensity of it.
Sliding her hands around her cheeks, they met for another kiss, this one slow and sensual, Debs gently pushing Sienna back down onto the bed. Her hands slid over the now exposed skin, feeling the way Sienna shivered under her touch. Her fingers delicately traced the supple contours of her body, committing each dip and swell to memory; the curve of her breast, the angle of her hip bone, the roundness of her thigh. Everything about her was beautiful, and Debs was determined to make Sienna feel it.
“Have I told you that you’re stunning?” she asked, running her palm down the outside of her leg, tickling her fingers over the skin as it made it way back upwards, curving around to ghost her touch over soaked underwear. “You take my breath away whenever I see you.”
“Babe—” Sienna’s plea was stolen from her lips by Deb’s mouth, her tongue slipping in and silencing her in the best way she could imagine.
Her fingers wound around the band of her underwear, tugging them down her legs until Sienna kicked them off, Debs’ fingertips tracing the delicate skin of her calves as she moved back up her body.
“Let me worship you,” Debs whispered against Sienna’s parted lips as they breathed the same air, her breath hitching as she stroked two of her fingers over Sienna’s clit. She traced slow, teasing circles over her, watching intently as Sienna’s mouth dropped open further, her eyes fluttering closed at the touch.
“I don’t think—” Sienna’s thought was broken by a gasp and then a low moan as Debs pressed harder against her, and Debs had to hold back the prideful smirk the sound evoked within her. She loved how much of an effect she had on Sienna, loved how wet she could make her with a barely teasing touch or an off-hand comment. But this morning wasn’t about smug; it wasn’t about reminding Sienna in that playful, teasing way she loved to do about just how soaked she was, even though the evidence was clear for them both to see. This morning was about Debs showing her that every moment, every touch, every word she dared to speak to her was the absolute truth. That every ounce of faith she had in her was justified. That every second spent with her was a second she cherished. “I don’t think you’ll get much of a chance to worship me.” Sienna choked out. “I’m so close already.”
Debs ran her tongue across Sienna’s full bottom lip, capturing it in between her teeth, nipping it lightly before releasing it.
“If you think worshipping you is a one-time thing, then you’re sorely mistaken,” she murmured as she pushed two fingers into Sienna, a low groan rumbling from Debs’ own chest as she felt Sienna surround her. Debs could already feel how close Sienna was, how tight and ready to come undone she was as she clenched around her. She pulled out slowly before thrusting in again, setting up a gentle pace as she felt Sienna tighten the grip around her shoulders.
“Please, babe…”
Debs could hear the plea in Sienna’s voice, laced with something too close to the uncertain, wavering vulnerability she never wanted to hear within her tone ever again. Leaning back into her space, Debs nudged her nose against Sienna’s, urging her to open her eyes, desperate to see that deep chocolate gaze she loved so much. When they opened, Debs watched as they softened as Sienna took in Debs, her heart threatening to burst with the sheer vast amount of love she felt for this woman.
“I’m here, baby. I have you.”
Those few words of reassurance were all it took for Sienna to let go of whatever it was she was holding onto in her mind as she shivered and shook underneath Debs, Debs guiding her through her orgasm with gentle words and soothing touches. She watched as Sienna’s body slowly relaxed, her body moulding and melting into the bed beneath them.
“I fucking love you,” Sienna said dreamily, and Debs chuckled at the blissed-out look on her face.
“I love you, too.”