Chapter 32
KILINA
B urned bridges only stopped people too afraid to swim. I was ready to risk drowning. However, that was a simple thing to say in your head, but to my dad, it didn’t go down a treat. The exchange of frustrated pleas and unconvinced yells made me feel like a teenager again.
“What happened to your pride in the family name? You’re not going to fight for us? Against them. ”
“I am.” I was so certain of it I could scream. “I fight for us, always, but I finally found something to fight for. For me.”
“You gallivant the Ravencroft girl around the place. She has the enemy name, Kil. You can’t love Ravencroft. Your mama might be okay with it, but I am not!”
“Too late.” I shrugged, tears welling in my eyes. “I will fight for her without names. Without tokens of resentment. But for the girl that I love.”
“Love?” Daddy spat. “This is just infatuation. This isn’t love. You barely know her, she doesn’t know you .”
“It is and she does. Daddy, don’t pretend you don’t know the feeling.”
“It’s because I know the feeling that I tell you, don’t do this.”
“Accept it, Daddy. She’s part of me.”
He sighed, deeply. My tears now free flowing as my breath came out stunted and haggard. His expression troubled between uncertain outrage and outright defeat, and I didn’t know which one I’d prefer.
And I certainly hadn’t thought sympathy was what he’d land on. “If that’s all true, then, why did you let her go?”
“For the cause. For our name. I came here to tell you I was wrong. You are wrong. I’m glad she came back because look at this.” I lifted my arms up. “All that you’ve got. Is any of it worth it without the people you love?”
He shut his eyes, but I knew I had him.
“I need to meet her before I trust her. Officially.”
I nodded. “Of course, daddy.”
“Give her our name, Kilina, it’s the only way.”
I winked. “As long as you pay for the ring.”
He clutched his heart in mock hurt.
“Oh, and,” I smiled. “She has expensive taste.”
“Go get her.”
“Thank you.” I shouted over my shoulder as I ran out the door.
“Get out of my sight.” His tone light.
Before I properly left the room, I turned around and ran back to him giving him a quick hug. Most of the time he was a brooding menace, but sometimes, very sometimes, he could see me for who I was. His tutelage was tough, and his mantra of ‘no attachments’ was drilled into my head so hard that I missed the message at its core.
Protect your own.
If Laney were to be mine, she wouldn’t be an attachment, she would be a part of me. It would be my mission to protect her until we share our last breath.
“Right now, Kil.” Dad pulled me from my thoughts.
“Okay.”
★
Neenan said he’d dropped her off here, but between the stone markers and incoming mist, I didn’t see her. I jumped out of the car and pursued the graveyard of the little church. Nestled in the middle of the woods, it was overrun by thick vines obscuring the names on the gravestones and providing relative anonymity to those who rest here. The rhythmic call of birds soothed the gloomy atmosphere of the darkening clouds.
On one such gravestone only the town name could be read, but I knew immediately who lay there. I tore the vines from the crumbling stone.
Born on 10th November 1939 in Bilham, England.
Died on 24th July 1997 in Great Tenor, England.
The date of the massacre. A breath caught in my throat as I raised my shaking hand to the name written above those numbers.
Katarina Karstein. I’m sorry, I never got to meet you.
Next to my grandmother's resting place was a gravestone that had been entirely defaced. Galen . I sat down between the graves, just staring at them. I was fortunate to always have an ensemble of family around me, our secrecy thickening the blood that ran through our veins, joining us. Yet, there were two empty chairs at our dinner table every night.
Underneath both, in small, engraved letters, were two letters. E and R. I stared at it, but no answers sprung to mind as to what these stood for. It would be easy to posit that it’s the manufacturing company but there was something embellished about it. A type of attention to detail that was significant, but understated, as if it were a code not meant to be deciphered.
The crack of a branch startled me, and the sound of raven calls ceased.
“You know what those letters stand for?” Laney. Thank fuck.
I looked up at her, lost.
She took a seat beside me. I didn’t have to ask her to explain as she pointed at each letter. “Edward. Ravencroft.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. Why would he ever give a dignified death to his enemy?
“My grandfather never believed in the injustice of it all. He didn’t wish for the union to collapse, if he knew you survived, he would’ve wished for a reunion.”
I caved in on myself, trying to make myself as small as possible. We killed a man who wanted me to live. I had to live with that now, and before I never would’ve thought to regret my actions, no matter how ruthless.
“You didn’t kill him,” she said softly.
“I know, but my bro—”
“He didn’t either.” No, that’s not possible. I thought loudly, but all Laney did was give me a slow nod. “He told me. Terrence found his body with a note.”
If I thought that piece of information would soothe my guilty conscience, I was sorely mistaken. But like Laney always did, she knew what I was thinking.
“He was a better man than most, he moved his leadership up north because he couldn’t stand to be surrounded by your tragedy. It’s him I endeavour to be. Not my father, I hope you know.”
Laying my head on my bent knees, I reflect.
“It’s not your fault.” Laney told me. My heart constricted, it should be me comforting her, not the reverse.
“Your father’s failure isn’t yours either.’
She gave me a sad kind of smile, and it was like she was looking right through me, imbuing me with a comforting understanding I'd never experienced before as she said the words I couldn’t. “Thank you.”
“What are you doing here anyway? Alone?”
She blinked. “I’m not alone.”
“What are you doing here without another breathing person? And I don’t mean me.” I wished for her honesty rather than be confronted with my own, she was far more articulate in her feelings.
“I missed them,” she said with a shrug, grabbing a stick and making swirling patterns in the dirt. “And the life I had. I’ve been thinking, would you hate it if I made a grave for my father?”
I just shook my head. Even those that didn’t deserve it were remembered. There was always a place for them. If not to grieve, then to learn.
“It’ll just be some flowers. No stone or anything.”
“You don’t need my permission.”
She pressed her lips together and left to go to the back of the church. There, lines of wilting poppies and wild daisies hugged the exterior stone and formed a kind of protective bridge between the wildness of the forest and the serenity of the church. Though, Laney didn’t seem to think so as she yanked flowers, stem and all, out the ground, collecting them in her hand in a makeshift bouquet. It almost made me laugh.
I looked on, transfixed.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“I’m going to replant them.”
“I know you are.” I covered my mouth with my hand. “Where were you thinking?”
She pointed to the furthermost corner of the graveyard, beyond the fallen tree branch that cut the yard in half. “He’ll be safest there.”
When we brought the flowers to that corner and Laney arranged them as she wished in the patch of dirt we’d cleared, we paused, at a loss of what to do next. It wasn’t right to sing a song of Kumbaya, but neither did he warrant the moment of silence we were giving him right now. I looked at her for what to do next, it was her choice in the end.
What she did surprised me. On a sharp turn, she pressed her boot print into the dirt and walked away, head held high. I was impressed and followed her away from the graveyard to the road beside it.
“I appreciate your help here, but why did you come?”
Hmmm, yes, my big confession. I’d lost the momentum of my father’s encouragement, now weighed down by the grief of both of our families’ actions.
“You know when I said your mother would be proud of the person you became,” She nodded, leaning in close. “I think your grandfather would be too. I’m sorry for your loss.”
“I’m sorry for yours,” she said more curt than I’d hoped. It was a compliment after all. “What are you really doing here?”
“Just wanted to see you.”
“You’ve been arguing with me for days.”
“Well, not anymore.” I flicked my tongue at her in a move I hoped was at least slightly seductive. A spit of rain fell instead, eliciting a very unsexy shiver.
“So, you came here to not argue with me?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Yes…”
“Great, so should we just sit here and stare at each other?”
“Yes…” I smiled. The rain grew heavier, but I felt warm.
She laughed. “Why are you so bashful all of a sudden? I said it with way more prowess than—”
“Prowess? You were desperate.”
“It was honest.” She tilted her head to the side. Smug. “I would’ve already spat it out.”
“If you already know what I’m going to say, then, I don’t need to say it.” I lifted my chin up, my heart tripling in pace. That can’t be healthy. Oh god.
She lifted herself up onto her tippy toes, our mouths close. “Yes, you do.”
Yes, I do.
Her eyebrows lifted, expectant, falling back on her heels.
“I want to be with you, near you, breathing you in every day. I’m tired of pushing you away, it was never what I wanted.” Somehow, my declaration didn’t feel like a betrayal of our families, but more in the spirit of honouring them. “I love you.”
“Please, don’t reject me again.” She whispered before she threw herself in my arms so hard I stumbled. My arms wrapped around her as I caught her and kissed her feverishly, both pulling her closer and pushing her back against the car.
Wet clothes suctioned to our bodies.
“Fuck, I’ve missed this.” I lifted her off the ground and she wound her legs tightly around my middle.
“Don’t let me go.”
Shifting her weight to my side, I searched for the car keys in my pocket, never once breaking our connection. “I won’t. I won’t.” I repeated in a prayer.
“Please,” she whimpered as she grinded her core to my hip bone.
“I’ve got you, princess.” After I unlocked the car, I managed to pry the door open, drop her on to the backseat and I poured over her, smothering her body with mine. With a firm hand, I held her chest down and kissed a line from her pubic bone to her neck, my lips dampening from her rain soaked clothing.
Button by button, I undid the jean corset she wore, inch by inch revealing the smooth skin underneath. I stroked my fingers through the light spattering of hair on her lower stomach and massaged the moisture of the rain all over her skin.
I had the top button open before I asked, “Where do you want me first?”
Her back caved as she pushed her breasts into my chest. At the same time, her fingers sharply tugged at the hair at the bottom of my neck, pulling me closer. Enough said.
Laney’s skin lifted into goosebumps under the cold trail of my nose that I drew between her breasts and pebbled her nipples. As a kind of reward, I replaced the cold tip of my nose with my hot tongue, leaving wet kisses on her skin. My tongue lapped her nipple in a worshipping manner I hoped would double as an apology for all the time I wasted putting off the inevitable. She was made for me to devour.
She groaned when my teeth skimmed her sensitive areola, and I shoved her trousers halfway down her thighs. My body hovered only slightly above her, but I could feel the heat radiating from her centre. I lowered my hips and lightly rubbed the open top of my jeans roughly against her steaming core. We could write our initials in hearts in the condensation soon enough.
From where her hands were woven into my hair, she lowered them down my back, slipping her cool wet fingers under the top of my trousers and into my underwear. When she had a handful of my arse cheeks, she roughly pulled my hips down into hers. The friction almost made me see stars. God, I’ll never tire of this woman.
She tried to grind against my core, building a momentum of movement, but I completely restricted from her body and grabbed her chin, placing a hard kiss on her mouth. My tongue invaded her and collided with hers as she fought for a breath. Still, she relaxed into me, entertaining my kiss with matched energies, until I, too, was desperate for oxygen.
Her heavy heaves of breath made our bodies touch in ebbs and flows. When it became more steady, I dropped my hips, how she wanted it and grinded hard.
The sound of my moan vibrated up my throat and escaped in a stunted breath. “Oh my god,” I whimpered.
“Yes,” she said back and moved her hands from the back of my trousers to the front, where she found my pussy soaked. “Somebody likes me,” She teased.
“Loves.” My arms struggled to hold me up as she used two fingers to rub on my labia, either side of my clit, before closing her fingers and holding my pussy in a firm grip. It was a brutal play. “Somebody loves you.”
“ You. ” She confirmed and loosened the grip on my lips, shifting instead to softly squeeze my clit between her fingers.
“You’re killing me.”
She grinned, wickedly and reached up for a hot kiss on my jaw. “Karma.” She cocked her head to the side.
I laughed. The strength in my arms was waning, so I pressed my body on top of hers, trapping her hand between us and I rocked against it. Sharp flashes flit in and out of my vision as the wave of pleasure rose in my core.
She pinched my clit again and I jumped up on my elbows. I could’ve come right there and then, but delayed gratification was now my game.
Circling my arms around her waist, I lifted us into a seated position. Our mouths level, I kissed her with bruising pressure and no less desperation.
I pushed Laney’s back into the door, moving myself between her legs, so that I had a clear sight of her glistening pussy. She groaned at the impact, but as soon as my mouth latched onto her clit, there wasn’t even an air of complaint.
“Go slow,” she said between deep breaths.
I wasn’t sure I could promise it, though, I was yearning to make up for lost time, but her wish was my command. Moving my tongue from her entrance to her clit, I teased her relentlessly with the slowed laps of hot saliva I was spreading over her pussy. She keened and keeled at each stroke on her clit. I kept a regular tempo and soon, her body convulsed into a mounting orgasm.
“ Yes, yes, yes,” She fisted her fingers into my hair and pulled me up to focus only on sucking her clit, and I sucked extra hard . Just for her.
Her body seized in pleasure. A groan stuck in her throat released in slow bursts as her hips bucked repeatedly before her come down.
I kissed her clit, then kissed her on the mouth, showing her how sweet she truly tasted.
“Hmmmm,” she hummed, seemingly satisfied, but when she opened her eyes again, they were anything but satiated. She pounced on me, pushing me to lay down on the seats.
Grabbing hands found my breasts and squeezed mercilessly. Her mouth found mine, trading spit as she continued to knead my breasts. The rain had evaporated off our bodies, all that remained was burning skin, itching with the need to be touched.
She laid on top of me with all her weight, one leg between mine, where her thigh rubbed at the outer skin of my pussy. Not close enough. Her hands explored all that she could reach, then she grinded her hips into my lower stomach hard, placing pressure on my bladder.
I groaned loud, thankful that there was only the forest around us. Her breasts hung in my face as she writhed her body into mine, and I bit the outer boob. She flinched but didn’t slow her pace for a second.
The world fell away when she peeled her skin from mine and slid a hand between our bodies to fiddle with the sensitive folds of skin around my clit. Her eyes were on mine as she teased me. My eyelids fluttered, imploring her to give me the touch that I craved.
She revelled in the control, I could tell from her cruel smile. “Patience.” She mouthed. Bitch.
I lifted my hips to add pressure to her touch. It was fruitless, she instead, moved her fingers away from my most sensitive spot to my entrance. She penetrated her fingers into me to coat them until they glistened.
“So wet.” She said in a new kind of wonder. Taking her fingers out of me, she spread the moisture from my entrance to my clit to my lower stomach.
It was dirty but so hot.
My heart threatened to skip a beat when she brought her soaked fingers to her mouth and licked them clean, before she inserted them into me again. She hit my clit again, but instead of her mouth, she brought them to her entrance. Mixing moisture.
When she sucked her fingers a second time, she brought her mouth to mine intertwining our tongues in a dance and returned her fingers to my clit where she drew light circles on it.
I struggled to breath. She was too hot. Too perfect. Too perfect for me.
Her body aligned with my side, wrapping her legs around one of my legs and spreading my legs further apart. She kept up a steady swirl on my clit and I writhed beneath her. Hair tickled my shoulder from her leaning over me slightly to watch her fingers work my pussy into a sore mess.
The heat from her pussy created a staining wetness on my upper thigh from where she had my leg wrapped between hers. She made small shifts to rub herself on me as she rubbed me.
Soon, a blistering heat formed in my gut and erupted in shakes and bumps as Laney made me explode in ecstasy. My body constricted as I rode the wave of my orgasm all while she kept up the circular motion on my clit. It rocked the car.
When I could finally breathe normally again, the rocking of the car hadn’t ceased. I looked to my side. Laney grinded her forehead into my shoulder as her hips clashed into my thigh until she rode out the eventual climax, I hadn’t even noticed in my blissed out state.
I pushed air out of my lungs after a moment and kissed Laney on the top of her head. In all my life, I knew that most people were temporary, so I never wished for more than sex from them. It took too long for me to realise how foolish that thought was. Nothing was better than holding a source of happiness in your arms and knowing that it could stay. She could stay. She’s mine.
A moan morphed into a sigh. I felt her body relax into mine. This was perfect and I was so overcome that I could only think of one thing to say. “Thank you.”
She laughed. “You don’t need to thank me.”
I was a little dumbfounded. I hadn’t done this before. For most of our relationship, I was confident of my actions. The sex, the tension, I led it. But the emotional stuff? I had no frame of reference. The relationships I’ve been surrounded with were all goal based. I wasn’t even sure if my parents liked each other beyond the empire they built and intended to expand. I hadn’t thought of my life beyond the finish line. All I knew was that I wanted her to be in that post-battle life.
“So, are you my girlfriend?”
“Do you want me to be your girlfriend?”
“I’ve never had a girlfriend before.”
“Me neither!” she said, almost excited. “We can figure it out together.”
I nodded, a bit lost in the gravity of it.
“I’m your girlfriend.” She simply stated as if it were a common fact.
“I’m your girlfriend.” I repeated.
Her eyes darkened. “Yes, mine. ”
That’s my line. I’m hers as she is mine.
Rain continued to pitter patter on the skylight of the car, encasing us in a protective bubble that was just our own. She laid in my arms as I drew a finger from Laney’s forehead to her nose. Both sans clothing. “This isn't much of a first date, though, huh?”
“Well, no but, there’s no one I’d rather do this with. I loved our reunion.”
“Union.” It was the perfect word for it. “And the orgasms?”
A shy smile crept on her face. “Most definitely. My primary goal. But you know what this means, right?”
I furrowed my eyebrows.
She held her hand up and wriggled her fingers.
With a groan, I smacked her hand down on a laugh. “My dad said that too!”
Hope shone in her eyes. “Really?”
“Yes, yes,” I turned my tone serious. “But let’s do the girlfriend thing first, alright?”
“Deal.”