Chapter 31
LANEY
S omehow, I never expected to be the one to fight for love. Somewhere between the pages, my stories of romantic tragedy, I’d lost my agency. This love was mine, we didn’t have to end up drinking poison or stabbing ourselves in the heart. Neither of us need to go up in flames.
Neenan returned to the estate two days after I did. As soon as he was in eyesight, I ran to him, apologised and confessed the sins of my father. We sat at breakfast in the mess hall, weary eyes stuck on our backs.
“When are they going to see us as harmless?”
“We’re still the enemy, that mindset doesn’t change overnight.”
“But what are they waiting for?”
“Revenge, maybe. They’d know a thing or two about it to be cautious about it.”
“Well, I’m choosing to be here, not under any deception.”
“It’s not that easy. You’re going to need to prove that you’re loyal to the Karsteins, not just disloyal to your family name.”
I groaned.
“Not just loyalty to their daughter, either.”
“Love is hard.” To desire and be desired was a dream I’d only known in books and films, now I was in the thick of it.
“Wow, what awful problems to have.”
“Yeah, because losing my family to the girl I like is easy.”
“Oh.” He shuffled toward me. “Shit. That’s not what I meant, I’m sorry.”
A shadow cast over the table. There was someone behind me.
“You can’t be in here.”
“I surrendered, I can.” I told one of Kilina’s brothers, I can't remember which. He had long hair that stuck out in numerous directions and piercing brown eyes identical to his sister’s. His posture was relaxed, though his arms were folded and his shoulders rigidly still.
Neenan stood in a similar stance, but he was across the long dining room table from me. If he wanted to reach me quickly, he’d have to climb over it.
“We don’t like your kind here.”
I scoffed. “My kind? I’m not infectious.”
“You’re a poison that is being rejected by the body, i.e. me.”
“Excuse me, you deal in narcotics, not me.”
I stood, facing him, our chests almost touching, though he didn’t seem fazed by the proximity. This man was in extreme control of his body. The tough edges of his shoulder blades, and hard pointiness of his elbow could be lethal when wielded, I knew because an elbow from his folded arms dug into my stomach. It hurt, but I wasn’t going to let him know that, no, instead I returned his stare.
“There’s a target on your back, Laney-Painey.”
Placing my foot on the chair I had just vacated, I reached for the knives stuffed in my sock.
“Laney…” A seductively thick voice drawled from behind me, firm but sweet, and completely out of nowhere, but I recognised the voice in an instant. “No.”
I didn’t move. I didn’t trust a singular movement on this man, he could overpower me in a second through brute force alone, I needed a precaution and I’ll be damned if Kilina prevented me from using them. Though I wasn’t great at offence, I was a master in defence. I was tired of people thinking otherwise. Just try me.
“No,” I said, simply.
“Malachi, just drop this, please.”
“Kil, why are you okay with having an enemy in our midst?” He said, his gaze never wavering. “And then I found out, it wasn’t even you who killed Richard Ravencroft. We need to kill your weakness.”
All she did was sigh and grabbed the hand I had at my ankle and placed it on my bent knee. “Stop being annoying and find somebody else to taunt. This isn’t happening.”
“What happened to you, Kilina? You’re soft.”
“No.” She said, sitting down at the table. “I’m not. I just pick my battles, and this isn’t one of them. Do something useful, the artillery van arrived a couple minutes ago, transfer that inventory.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that she doesn’t belong here.”
“We can choose to be better leaders,” Kilina slammed her hand on the table as cutlery bounced to the floor. “And if that’s with the heart–”
The heavy footfalls of boots drew our attention away.
Then, Terrence joined this sibling reunion. He stood to the side, not looking remotely interested in the stand-off that was occurring in front of him and announced in his usual baritone manner. “I need your help with something.”
“Sure,” Kilina said, standing.
“I didn’t mean you.”
I looked up at him, surprised, pointing a finger to my chest. “Uhh…what for?”
“We’d benefit from your expertise on a matter concerning security.”
With a firm nod, I followed him out the door, wiggling my eyebrows inquisitively at Kilina. “I can lend a hand.”
A moment before I rounded the corner, I remembered. “Kilina, meet me at the firepit at sundown. Yeah?” From the corner of my eye, I could see the slight nod she provided.
Then, I left following Terrence down the shadowed corridors of the estate that I used to call home. It was no different to before, yet it carried with it a new air, as if the oxygen I breathed was suddenly purer and the drafts that came in through the old windows were more fresh than haunting. It had a new life.
Without warning, Terrence stopped and produced a small white object from his pocket. “It was my mission to track your grandfather.” He confessed as he shifted his weight from one leg to the other. It didn’t occur to me that he was a particularly affectionate man, so his sympathy surprised me. He lowered his voice. “When I got up there, I patrolled him and learned his routine, his habits, his desires. It surprised me how open and free he was. I thought he was the merciless leader, I had been taught to believe he was. But he was kind. The locals all talked about him fondly.”
My hands began to shake. These last couple weeks have been a stressful distraction from my greatest loss, I didn’t want to face it in front of Kilina’s brother. But the man he described was exactly the man I knew. I missed him.
“I surveilled him for a couple days as he ran his errands until one day he stopped. Completely out of the blue. So, when I approached his home, I thought he might have fallen or something, but what I found was much worse.” He gulped between sentences, and dread swirled in my stomach. “He must’ve known we were coming because…uhh…because when I entered his front door, I saw redness sprayed across his living room wall in a perfect circle. The bullet had went straight through his skull.”
Tears sprung to my eyes, and I had to clutch on to the wall for support. I wasn’t sure I could hear this, not in any amount of detail, it was brutal. I wished he would stop, but I couldn’t say a word.
“He was slumped on the floor.” I looked up at Terrence and noticed the sheen in his eyes too. “And this,” he extended his shaking hand. “This was beside him. I meant to destroy it but...”
“He killed himself.” I whispered, interrupting.
“I haven’t read it. I made myself believe he didn’t deserve his voice being heard. That he couldn’t beg for mercy after what he had done. But after learning about him from the community around him. I just couldn’t hate him. I think you should have it.” He waved the thing around as if it burned him.
“He didn’t know about the fire until after.” I said, but in the back of my head, I knew that my explanation didn’t matter. It was one thing to deliver the final blow to a man you believed deserved it, but it was a struggle to witness the death of someone you believe didn’t. This man was haunted. His gaunt expression now, despite the unshed tears, proved it to me. He wasn’t a villain.
“I know,” he replied. “I’m sorry.”
We exchanged deep breaths where we stood in the cold shadows of the manor . My office, or what had been my office, was only a stone throw away from here. This man prompted the suicide of my grandfather, yet I couldn’t hate him like I should. He was a good man associated with a family name that had been cursed by his son. I was a victim of our family name as much as him.
It’s with that thought that I begin to grieve Grandfather. For too long, I had put my process of his grief on the backburner, but with the knowledge that he died in a resolute way, kneecaps the injustice of his death.
“I needed to tell you that, Laney.” Terrence said. “I couldn’t live with myself if you went on thinking his life was robbed.”
He sacrificed himself. If to spare himself from the pain of his son’s betrayal or to avoid a confrontation with the family his name ruined, we will never know. But with that mystery solved, I might finally close the chapter on his book while still keeping it on the shelf. Some part of me would never get over the brutality of it.
Even if it was understandable, it was unnecessary. I would grieve that as much as him.
As I looked at the floor in contemplation, a black handkerchief entered my field of vision, blocking the view of my shoes. “Thank you,” I replied. It was kind.
I dried my eyes before handing it back to him. What now? I seemed to ask with the tilt of my head. Was this all he dragged me out here to say?
“Well,” Terrence looked uncertain. “My mother is actually waiting for you.”
I chuckled an anxious laugh, eyes wide. He wanted me to see her, “Looking like this!”
He worried his lip between his teeth.
“Okay.” This was how I was going to be formally introduced to Kilina’s mother. Alright. Nodding repeatedly, I amped myself up. “Do I look alright?” I asked, patting my hair down.
“Yes,” he sounded assured, but something told me he was just being nice.
No pressure. I thought. “Lead the way.”
Terrence spun on his heel and took me to the security office. Didn’t he know he could’ve just told me it was my office?
When he opened the door for me, I was flooded with all the feelings that overcame me in this room. Sweet memories, I hummed to myself . Especially in that chair, I glared at it, and suddenly, my flustered mood amplified, but then it shifted and rotated to reveal Kilina’s mother. She looked identical to her picture that was among Grandfather’s paintings. It drew me to her, the same way it had drawn me to her daughter.
“Ah, Laney. Good that you came.” Her tone of voice said the opposite, a slight snarl graced her face. I hoped it wasn’t at my surely blotchy red cheeks. If it was, she didn’t mention it, just invited me to sit and dismissed Terrence. His absence was felt as the closed door bathed us in the darkness of the room.
“I don’t want to be in bed with the enemy, pardon the pun, so make yourself useful.” She said. “Tell me about the Novelli dynasty, as you know, we crippled them by eradicating their matriarch, but it was only meant to be a temporary measure. How much of a threat are they?”
It was hard to find the right thing to say at first. My previous life had kept me isolated from the level of threat the syndicate faced at once. I’d been taught to focus on security, not the danger involved. The Novelli dynasty was part of the security protocol.
“They were considered backup. They don’t deal in the operations arena of the Ravencroft’s dealings but assisted major operations in concerns of security. As I’m sure you are aware, they were meant to provide protection during my grandfather’s funeral. It’s that type of thing.”
“What are the chances of escalating tension with the dissolution of the Ravencroft Estate? Would they plan for revenge?”
“Well, my grandfather wanted a similar deal with them as they once had with you. Loyalty at its core. I was almost married to solidify that alliance.”
“Almost?” She interrupted.
“It was annulled on the wedding night.”
“Is that right?”
I nodded, unsure where she was taking this.
“And they didn’t wish for restitution?”
“No…”
“They have mobilised. As we speak, Aldo Novelli is retracting operations from the southern coast and bringing them into the city. How do you suppose their plan would go from there?”
“Change in leadership usually comes with a grace period for transitioning.”
“We don’t have that time.”
“Exactly.” I input my log in details to the server and bring up a localised map of the locations and establishments the Ravencroft Estate had dealings with. “If you haven’t negotiated a new contract with these businesses, this is what they’re heading for. You’re vulnerable. Killing Flavia Novelli fractured the leadership, that’ll slow them down, but they won’t give up the opportunity for easy bait. Easy cash in the Ravencroft Estate’s absence.”
“For growth?”
“Potentially. They are smart businessmen, they won’t target you. Not immediately.”
“So, they’re coming?”
Almost certainly. I wanted to say. They were lucky they had Aldo in their keeps right now. “I can be a liaison for them. They’ll listen to me. We have a rapport. You don’t.”
“Kilina doesn’t.” No, Logan was probably still crying about being bested by a girl. “They don’t know us.”
“They do. They know Kilina was a Karstein. They know she is responsible for Flavia’s death.”
“How ever could that be possible?”
“Aldo Novelli came to us before the funeral, warning my father and I to beware of an assassin within our midst. At the funeral, Aldo was in attendance, and Kilina was playing the dutiful guard.” I held up two fingers and connected them in the air.
“Hmmm, you might be an asset after all.”
“I’ve been trained in security and defence strategy and served as head of security for the estate.”
“My daughter told me you ran the training too?”
She talks about me? “Some of it. Yeah.”
“Interesting.”
“Are you…are you looking to hire someone?”
“Malachi told me you intend to earn your keep. I want to give you that chance.”
“Thank you!” I said too loudly. “But…Why are you helping me?” My voice wavered.
“Kilina’s instincts are rarely wrong, I doubted her, and I want to make it right.” Her hair fell in her face. A glossy darkness like her daughter’s, but pin straight. “But let me make one thing clear, I do this for her foremost. Not you.”
“Understood.” I nodded, and despite the tension and grief that would surely hit later, I dared to show a fraction of a smile.
☆
I had the fire already lit when she arrived. It was a warm night for the season, but the flames offered a comforting warmth, like a blanket. I heard her before I saw her.
“I wasn’t sure you’d show.” I said without looking up.
Dead leaves crunched under her feet as she shifted her weight from leg to leg. And a crackle of something else. “I brought a consolation gift.”
In her hand was a bag of marshmallows.
“Where did you find these?” Excitement exuding from my voice. It had been days since I tasted something sweet.
“There’s a secret stash in Forrester’s office.”
I laughed. Neenan was right. “Who would’ve thought?”
“Life is full of surprises.” She sat beside me, the orange of the flames reflecting in the amber of her dark eyes. It drew me in. “I’m sorry, Laney.”
Reaching behind me, I pulled a blanket from the bag I’d brought out here. A chill ran from head to toe, there was a strong breeze. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not. All this change,” She took a deep inhale, and on the exhale out breathed, “You didn’t deserve the drama.”
“Life is full of surprises.”
“But it shouldn’t be full of loss. Once I heard your story, I wanted to slow the plan, I swear. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you.”
“You did.”
She tilted her head to the side, I wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, cocooning us both.
“ Beware of the assassin.”
“Ahh.”
“Yes. You were warning me, even then. You were coming.”
She shook her head. “I was taunting you, Laney. Your family had massacred my family with that fire, and as it turned out Richard started it. He was the assassin. It wasn’t fair. I just didn’t know….” She stopped.
“Know what?”
“That I’d fall for you.” There was doubt on her face, a mixture of pained sorrow and regret, as if she were anticipating a rejection. I wouldn’t give it to her.
My father taught me to push people away, he had me thinking that this family was all that I needed and anything other was to be feared. All it really did was make me clutch onto people, sometimes, the wrong people. He doubted my strength to compete with the outside world. But Kenna never did. And Kilina respected it. In fact, she wanted me to go into the world and find my place. No one had wished that for me before.
“Do you think that makes you weak?” I asked.
She contemplated this for a moment. “No,” she said, eventually, staring into space. “So, what did you want to do out here?”
I ignored her subject change. “Well,” I started, “I don’t have a trampoline. The store wouldn’t ship it in time…nor did I have the money. But I brought blankets, wine, and made the fire for warmth.”
The dots hadn’t connected in her mind. “To do…?”
I stood and grabbed the blanket off her, eliciting a fast shiver across her skin. She was so pretty. I’d warm her up soon. Moving the chairs on the opposite side of the firepit, I revealed a picnic set up.
The uncertain look on her face didn’t resolve as I had thought.
“Stargazing.” I stated. I swore I saw her eyes glaze over, but she blinked it away too fast for me to mention it. My heart warmed regardless, and not because of the fire or blankets.
She walked over slowly, an apprehension that I wanted to believe was surprise and not doubt. “You?” She asked.
I nodded.
“You did this?”
“It’s a token. To make you feel at home.” I shrugged as I sat on the blanket I’d laid out. “Something familiar.”
Her knees buckled as she fell forward onto the blanket and right on top of me. The pressure on my chest felt like I was about to lose all my breath, but for her, it would’ve been worth it. Thankfully, she soon propped her hands up on either side of my body. My cheeks blushed at the position.
She raised an eyebrow. “Remind you of something?”
I stiffly shook my head. “Nope. Just sat too close to the fire, you know how it is.”
She scrunched her nose in the most un-Kilina way. “Sure.” Adorable.
Struck with a burst of confidence, I lifted my face and placed a hard kiss on her lips. My mouth hot on her skin as my breath escalated and my neck began to strain.
She didn’t kiss me back. Her eyes were open.
I laid back down in a wash of shame, my blushed burned my cheeks. “Sorry.”
She said nothing.
I tried to move my hips to get out from under her, but it was like she was frozen. A blankness across her features. I extended my head to kiss her again and she pulled away, freeing me from her weight.
Dear God, please let me just sink through this blanket and be six feet under.
To my surprise, she didn’t make a move to leave. “Did you bring skewers?”
It took a moment to realise what she was referring to as my back grew cold from the damp ground. Marshmallows. I didn’t have the effort to speak so I just pointed toward the bag that served as a makeshift picnic basket.
“I’ll make you one,” she said as she sat beside the fire. “Do you like yours crispy or just lightly toasted?”
“Crispy?” I forced out a laugh. “No, I don’t want mine crispy.”
“What? There’s nothing wrong with a little crunch.”
“So burnt?” I came to sit on the opposite side of the fire, dragging a chair close.
“No!” She defended. “Just that the outer layer of sugar is crystallised and then the inside is so gooey and soft.”
I extended a hand toward her. “I think I’ll make my own,” I said, waving my fingers so that she’d pass me a skewer and marshmallow.
“Pink or white?”
“Pink.”
Kilina tutted at a low volume. “Naturally.”
“Hey, they’re good!”
We shared a smile and held our skewers over the burning wood. The hissing of the fire as it let out pockets of remaining air filled the quietness between us. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but neither was it calm. A tension brewed, and I wished to undercut it in any way. “Would you like wine?”
“No, Laney.” Her tone contemplative. “Gotta keep a clear head around you.”
It was a joke, I thought, but it wasn’t funny. All I could say in response was, “Okay,” as I poured myself a glass. I took a big gulp when I sat back down.
Then, she looked at me, sighed and opened her mouth repeatedly. “Look–”
“Your marshmallow is sizzling!”
“No, Laney, could I just say–”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
“Really, your marshmallow is about to drop, Kenna.”
The name made her grimace. “Laney, I just–”
“It wasn’t a rejection!” Then, it fell off the skewer.
My eyelids closed. “I told you, it’s okay.”
“It’s not, though. I just don’t want to continue hurting you with my decisions. Your home, your job, your father…”
“I killed my father. You are not responsible for that.”
“I am. Or my family is. Seeing you hurt hurts me. And I wish I wasn’t so cold toward you when I came or used sex as a weapon, you didn’t deserve it.”
“I didn’t.”
“I’m glad—”
“But you don’t get to justify your guilt by hurting me more. I made a choice. Out of all the people that I thought doubted my choices, I never thought it would be you.”
“I trust you.” She bit her lip. “I do. But knowing I’m the reason for so much of your trauma. I can’t stand it.”
One side of my mouth ticked up. “You finally grew a heart.”
“I guess, I did.”
“I’ve told you before, I forgive you. And I’m already working with your family to rebuild. Forget the names, do you love me?”
She stood with sudden anger. “It’s not about that!”
“It can be.”
“But my family…”
“We can work it out.”
Her shoulders dropped, it was a rarity when that happened. Usually, her relaxed but rigid stance showed her confidence. I am nothing but glad that she was able to show me her vulnerable side.
“Thank you, princess.” Walking around the fire, she sat beside me and hugged me, her hair in my face. It kinda smelled smoky. I pulled away quickly and checked the fire, grabbing at my stick.
“Aw man, my marshmallow is basically melting off the stick.”
Kilina came up behind, took the skewer from my hand and ate the marshmallow in one bite. “Perfect for me.”
Later that night, we laid side by side on the blanket and gazed up at the stars for hours. When I got cold, she dragged a blanket over my body, securing it with her arm around my waist. She pointed out the constellations and visible planets. This was a view that I neglected, it made me feel smaller in my isolation at the realisation of the vastness of the universe.
But that feeling of loneliness was replaced.
We fell asleep somewhere between three or four in the morning after she sang a soft melody. I wasn’t sure, I didn’t look at my phone once. I just cherished the feeling of having someone beside me.