Chapter 20
CHAPTER 20
“ W e need to return to Paris! Immediately! Turn the plane around!” commanded Zak.
She squeezed his hand, which had never left hers from the moment she lay down on the bed. The security guard was hustled in by Aabid, who was barking orders to everyone as he unsuccessfully tried to hide his terror.
“I want to go home,” she said in a quaking voice. “Just take me home.”
“You need medical attention.”
The guard finishing examining her, and pulled the cover back over her. “She does, but there’s nothing more a hospital can do for her, I’m afraid.”
“What the hell do you know? Are you an obstetrician?”
The guard stood to his full height, his eyes flashing with barely concealed anger. “I’m a trained doctor and worked as a medic in the army before this. I might not be an obstetrician, but I know a miscarriage when I see one. I can’t detect a heartbeat and I don’t believe there’s anything that can be done to stop it. It’s only a matter of time before the foetus comes away.”
“The foetus ?” erupted Zak. “Do not call him that.”
“I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I’m simply trying to tell you that you can, indeed, turn around and take Her Highness to hospital in Paris but it won’t make any difference to the result.”
“But what about Soraiya?”
“It looks to be coming cleanly, and Her Royal Highness doesn’t appear to be in any unusual pain. At this stage in the pregnancy it’s not uncommon and is usually relatively straightforward.”
Zak closed his eyes tight to stop the tears. Dammit. He never cried. “Are you sure there’s nothing to be gained in returning to Paris?”
The guard looked at Soraiya who shook her head. He cleared his throat. “It’s a six-hour flight to Sirun. Chances are, it won’t be over, er, properly, until well after we land. I think it’s most important for Her Royal Highness to be comfortable and not stressed. Navigating Paris at rush hour and finding a hospital bed could be far more stressful than being here, in a comfortable bed, with everything she needs. We can arrange to have an ambulance meet her in Sirun as soon as we arrive.”
Soraiya nodded again. “That’s what I’d like, Zak.”
Zak swallowed and gave a reluctant nod. It took all his willpower to do it. Instinct told him he wanted to take charge, to do something, turn the plane around, command people to make Soraiya well again. But he understood what was being said, and for the life of him he didn’t have it in him to deny Soraiya what she wanted. Not after she’d given him so much, and sacrificed so much for him. But he knew that even if she hadn’t, he’d have been putty in her hands. Because things had changed in his heart and he’d just been too stubborn to acknowledge it.
“Leave us, then, if there’s nothing more you can do.”
The man nodded, gathered his things and took one last look at Soraiya. “If you’re in any pain, call out. But the best thing you can do is relax. Let nature take its course, and don’t worry; it won’t affect your ability to become pregnant in the future.”
At that precise moment Zak didn’t care about the future, and could hardly take in what was being said. They were talking about his child— their child—as if he were in the past. He wasn’t. His baby was in the present, and also in the future. He was in his heart. He closed his eyes tightly and pressed his forehead against Soraiya’s hand, trying to control the grief which thundered inside of him, like a roaring wave threatening to annihilate him.
“Zak.” He heard his name as if it were from someone shouting down one end of a long tunnel.
“Zak!” It came again, louder this time, from a voice he recognized. He tried to pull himself together but felt an inchoate rage choking him. He jumped up and away, needing to do something.
“Zak!”
He turned to see Soraiya trying to push herself up to reach for him. He immediately knelt beside her and eased her back onto the pillows. “I’m here, I’m here. You must rest.”
She did as she was told for once but her gaze continued to bore into him. She looked scared.
“It’s okay. Everything will be okay.” He muttered the words of reassurance without believing them.
She shook her head, one tiny shake, and a tear leaked, overspilling her eye and running down the side of her face into her hair. “No, No it won’t. It won’t be all right. Our baby has left this world but will take a little longer to leave me.”
He bowed his head so she couldn’t see the grief he felt. For as long as he could remember he’d hidden his feelings. It had been easier that way. But this grief seemed to be blasting them out from that hard place in which he’d trapped them. And it hurt.
“Look at me, Zak. Please , look at me.”
He lifted his head and looked into her eyes which echoed the grief in his heart.
She nodded, and almost smiled despite the fact tears ran down his face. “Our baby will go and we will mourn him. But you have to face the fact that you have choices now. I’m still not the woman you thought you were marrying. It seems I have no royal blood in me and will always be the wrong bride for you.”
He shook his head. “How can you say?—”
She pressed her finger to his lips. “I can say it because it’s true. I hear what our people are saying. They think you’ve been tricked, fooled by a foreigner. And you have. And I understand that you couldn’t leave while I was pregnant.” She gulped. “But I won’t be shortly. Which means you have choices.”
He took both her hands in his, gripping them tightly. “How can you even think that?”
“I can think that because it’s a fact. I’ve always been a realist, and the facts are now that you are free to re-make your future, should you choose to do so.”
“Why would you even think I would do such a thing?”
She shrugged. “Maybe because I know you’re a man of honor—not about to annul a marriage to a woman pregnant with your child—but I also know you’re a man determined to do your duty as king and that includes providing a royal, well-connected wife for Sirun. And I’m not that.”
He swallowed hard. “I’m also a realist. Okay, royal blood might not flow in your veins but you were raised a sheikha, and you’ve done more for Sirun than anyone else has. You’ve selflessly sacrificed your own wealth—the opposite of my mother—and because of that have ensured Sirun can make a new start. Surely that’s enough reason to continue to be Queen of Sirun?”
To his surprise she shook her head. “Not nearly enough. I may have set the stage for a new era for Sirun but unless our relationship is based on more than economics, we are still doomed.”
“Our relationship?”
She winced and moved uncomfortably.
“Do you need the doctor?”
She shook her head. “It’s just a cramp.”
“We’ve done enough talking for now. You must rest.”
She winced again, and he pressed the bell. “Maybe. But I need to finish what I was going to say. Zak. Without love our marriage is nothing. You must think it through. You’ve a chance to start afresh and make a life with someone you love. I don’t know if you care for me enough to spend the rest of your life with.”
“But…” he spluttered, totally confused. How could she even think that? Hadn’t he shown her with everything he’d done how much he felt for her? “Are you saying you want me to annul the marriage?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m not saying that, because I don’t want you to. I love you, and I want to be with you, but only if you love me too.”
Love. The word felled him. He remembered his mother using that word when he was young—a word he felt betrayed by and had never trusted. How could he tell Soraiya he loved her when he didn’t understand the meaning of the word anymore? And how to explain what he hardly understood himself? But the melee of words spun around his brain and the seconds passed, until Soraiya looked away. He reached out to her but she pulled her hand back and rang the bell for the doctor.
“Soraiya! Please,” he said.
But before he could say anything further the door burst open and the doctor entered looking anxious. Soraiya moaned and rolled onto her side.
“Your Highness, I think it’s best you leave us and I’ll check Her Highness again.”
“For goodness’ sake, doctor, call me Soraiya,” she muttered.
“Indeed.” The doctor walked around to face her and gave her a quick visual inspection. “Any pain?”
She turned back and exchanged a look with Zak. “Nothing I can’t cope with.”
It was a message to him. She’d cope with the fact he didn’t love her. Zak rose. “We’ll continue this talk later, yes?”
She nodded. “Whatever you wish,” she said in a resigned voice.
He left the room feeling numb. He could no more try to examine his feelings for Soraiya than embrace the pain he felt at the loss of his child.
He went into his study where he could be alone, and put his head in his hands. A few short hours ago he’d thought everything was coming together in his life. But it had been as fragile as a dream, shattered by reality. And by the fact that he could see sense in what Soraiya said about annulling the marriage.
He’d also heard the teasing rumors and jibes about his being fooled into a non-royal marriage. But, unlike Soraiya, he didn’t care. People always found something to talk about. Tomorrow they’d find something else. But the fact that Soraiya could believe he might want to annul their marriage? It shocked him. Surely she knew how he felt? But then he realized, how could she, when he didn’t know himself?