Chapter 2 #2
“Lemme tell you somethin’, fucker,” Candy Vargo shouted with two toothpicks hanging out of her mouth.
“You shits ain’t gettin’ nobody. You fucked up the dang yard.
Looks like hell. Gonna take me a fuckin’ week to get this back in shape, and that pisses me the fuck off.
I got shit to do and cleanin’ up after a bunch of sorry lookin’ turd stains ain’t on the agenda.
I’m gonna suggest to take your dead zombie-assed carcasses back to the dirt hole you crawled out of and tell the Higher Power to fuck Itself. Choice is yours, dickholes.”
That was when everything went to Hell. Fast.
The battle started before I’d had time to digest Candy’s profane monologue. Pissing off zombies wasn’t for the lighthearted.
“Go, go, go!” Charlie commanded as he dove off the porch and charged the zombies.
He didn’t have to ask twice. We were right behind him. Zander and Tim joined the fray and the bloodbath commenced. I fought like my life depended on it… because it did. They were unlike any enemy we’d come up against. The lack of fear they possessed made them practically invincible.
“Shit,” I hissed as the razor-sharp blade of a sword sliced a deep wound in my arm.
I knew it would heal, and I had another arm.
As the blood spurted, I went for my gun with my good hand.
I’d tried magic multiple times and had failed.
Daggers didn’t affect them. Maybe a conventional weapon would do the trick.
It was worth a try. I unloaded a full clip on the sword-wielding freak and barely did a lick of damage.
“Motherfucker,” Candy growled. She was glowing bright orange and fighting a zombie hand-to-hand. She was winning, but just by a hair.
“Find the leader,” Zander shouted as he, too, was grappling hand-to-hand with another zombie. The zombie had lost an arm and a leg and still fought like a rabid dog.
I left the abomination who didn’t go down with the gun and sprinted to another. It was chaotic, and the zombies looked identical. I couldn’t tell if the one I was fighting was one I’d already attacked. The Higher Power was diabolically brilliant.
Charlie battled like a Tasmanian devil on steroids.
His power was out of control as he ripped limb after limb from the zombies who came for him.
It didn’t stop them, but they couldn’t stop Charlie either.
I would never want to fight a foe like the Immortal Enforcer.
He was one of the deadliest beings alive.
But Gideon… Gideon was the OG of deadly badasses.
I spared a glance at the love of my life and almost lost an arm because of it.
Gideon was on fire. Literally. His entire body was in flames.
It was a terrifying sight and I was glad I’d witnessed it before.
If I hadn’t, I would have freaked out and gone to his aid.
The truth of the matter was that the flames didn’t touch his skin, but they could burn the enemy to a crisp.
However, this enemy didn’t burn. This enemy was like no other enemy we’d faced.
The longer it went on, the more worried I became.
If they tore us apart enough, they might get what they came for.
Granted, Heather and Catriona would put up one hell of a fight, but if the six of us couldn’t take them out, I wasn’t sure they could either.
I fought with renewed strength and resolve. The Higher Power wasn't going to get Its hands on my daughter and Shitty Ritchie.
“Daisy,” Tim yelled. “Behind you.”
I turned around, but I had three coming at me from the front.
It was a shitshow—a bloody one. Tim launched himself into the air and landed behind me.
We were back-to-back fighting for our lives.
Immortals were difficult to kill, but decapitation always worked.
Keeping my head on my body was the name of the game.
“GOT IT,” Tim shouted as all the zombies fell to the ground and instantly turned to ash.
I dropped to my knees, certain I was about to throw up. The silence after the storm was loud. The scent of dead and decaying bodies intensified as the ashes of those who never should have existed blew in the wind.
Gideon was by my side in an instant. He’d fared pretty well.
He was cut up, but he was in one piece. Tim was severely bruised and bleeding, but other than that, he was riding high that he’d nailed the leader.
He was my hero. Heck, he was everyone’s hero right now.
My socially awkward and mild-mannered buddy was a maniac in battle.
Charlie, who was the only one of us who looked somewhat normal, helped Zander and Candy Vargo.
Zander had lost a leg, but it was quickly regenerating.
Candy’s missing arm was coming back, too.
I hadn’t lost an appendage, but I’d been stabbed more times than I could count.
However, the wounds were knitting together with speed.
It felt itchy, and it burned, but it was better than the alternative.
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. We were like a weird science fiction fantasy story come to life. It was nuts.
I saw Heather pop her head out of the door. “Is the coast clear?” she called out.
“Yes,” Charlie confirmed, scanning the area for more danger. When he was satisfied that it was over for now, he waved his hand for all to join us.
That was a mistake. We didn’t know it yet… but we would very soon. Hindsight was twenty-twenty. Real life was not.
Gram and Mr. Jackson were the first out of the door.
They zipped around and checked on everyone.
June came out with a plate of peanut butter cookies in her hands.
Charlie strode to her and wrapped her in his arms. I wasn’t sure if June had watched the battle from inside the house, but I hoped not.
She was human, or we thought she was, and seeing Immortals battle wasn’t something she should witness.
Heather came next with Alana Catherine in her arms and Catriona carried Shitty Ritchie.
The people and the cookies were a welcome sight.
“Where’s Jennifer?” Tim asked as he gave June and hug and helped himself to a cookie.
“Oh!” June said with a smile, leaning on her husband. “The results of her DNA test came back, and she’s downloading them now.”
“Exciting,” Tim said. “I hope it’s Elvis. Jennifer would be thrilled.”
The fact that we were basically back to normal after the most abnormal fight I’d ever been part of was surreal. But that seemed to be how the Immortals chose to live. Every moment was precious—especially ones with those we loved.
Gideon took Alana Catherine from Heather, and a little family group hug ensued.
I got wet, sloppy kisses and returned them with pleasure.
Our baby had an iron grip on Gideon’s hair.
I didn’t think there was a single thing in the world he would have loved more.
If Alana Catherine kept it up, he’d be sporting a bald spot on the side of his head.
My man would wear that bald spot with pride.
“Daisy,” Gideon finally said to me. “We still need to leave. It’s not safe here.”
He was correct. There was no telling when the next army of zombies would show up. We’d gotten lucky this time. We weren’t going to stick around for a next time.
“Yep,” I agreed. “Let me say bye to Jennifer one more time, and then we’re out.”
“Be quick,” he said, putting Alana Catherine on his shoulders. “I’ll grab Shitty Ritchie and we can leave as soon as you’re done.”
I nodded and made my way back to the house. I was sad that the last memory of my home would be of the zombie battle, but the fact that we’d won would have to suffice.
“What the actual FUCK?” Candy shouted.
I turned around so fast, I got dizzy.
From the ashes of the dead zombies, a body rose. The back of the male figure was facing us, but the shape was very familiar—very, very, very familiar.
I sprinted to Gideon. He had Alana Catherine on his shoulders and Shitty Ritchie in his arms. I grabbed my daughter and hid her behind me. Gideon did the same with Shitty Ritchie.
Glancing down at Shitty Ritchie, I mouthed the word, stay.
He nodded and plastered himself to Gideon’s leg.
I kept my hands on my baby as I settled her behind me.
I hoped like hell she would stay put. Her warm, small body behind me was the scariest thing that I’d ever felt.
I wanted to toss her back into the house, but the lone figure was turning around. The time to hide was over.
“Tom Fucking Hanks,” Candy Vargo barked with disgust as the Higher Power smiled at us. The smile didn’t reach fake Tom Hanks’s eyes. I hadn’t expected it to. The Higher Power felt no compassion for anything or anyone. “Imagine that, motherfuckers.”
“I’ve come to this appalling plane to make an offer,” Fake Tom Hanks said.
It was beyond surreal to see Tom Hanks standing in my decimated yard, knowing it was definitely not Tom Hanks.
“Maybe It’s offering sperm,” Shitty Ritchie whispered.
I wanted to whack the back of his head. I did no such thing. I stayed as still as a statue.
“State your offer,” Charlie said flatly. “I would imagine I already know our answer, but we’ll humor you.”
Fake Tom Hanks didn’t like that. His eyes flashed a frightening silver and his smile became a sneer. Alana Catherine grew squirmy behind me. My hands began to sweat as I attempted to keep her hidden without looking like I was hiding anything.
“I know what you people are up to,” Fake Tom Hanks snarled.
“I’m here to tell you it will not work. In fact, if you continue on this foolish folly, it will cost all of you dearly.
And I mean all of you. Anything or anyone you hold dear—Immortal or human—will be slowly and systematically destroyed. Am I making myself clear?”
“As mud, motherfucker,” Candy Vargo shot back.
Fake Tom Hanks went on as if he hadn’t just been insulted by the Keeper of Fate. Alana Catherine’s wiggling intensified. Shit was going south fast.