Chapter 2 #3
Gideon noticed and tried to speed it along. “State your terms,” he ground out. “We have places to be and things to do.”
Fake Tom Hank’s brows shot up. “Very bold of you, Grim Reaper. I’d suggest you keep your attitude in check.”
Gideon didn’t back down. It was known to both that he couldn’t kill the Higher Power, and the Higher Power couldn’t kill the Grim Reaper.
The balance would be altered, and the world would end.
“I’d suggest that you stop reanimating the dead.
It’s illegal and the punishment is death—according to laws you created.
And I’d also suggest you get to the point of your uninvited visit. We’re busy people.”
Fake Tom Hanks turned a bright red. It looked like he might have a heart attack.
However, the Higher Power had no heart, metaphorically speaking.
Fake Tom Hanks’ jaw worked furiously. He didn’t like being backtalked.
Too bad, so sad. This needed to be over.
I wasn’t sure how much longer my baby would stay behind me.
“I will make a trade,” It said.
“Gettin’ bored, shart stain,” Candy Vargo commented. “Loved you in Sleepless in Seattle, but this here performance is kinda stale.”
“I will take Richard Smith,” Fake Tom Hanks ground out. “If you give me Richard Smith, I will leave the girl child alone. I will never go after her again.”
“Who in the actual fuck is Richard Smith?” Candy Vargo demanded.
I was pretty sure she was fully back in the cussing Candy Vargo mode and leaving the poop-word free Candy Vargo behind.
“That’s me,” Shitty Ritchie called out, giving his hiding place up.
The man really had only two brain cells, and they were definitely not connected.
I closed my eyes for a brief moment. I’d told Gideon, the love of my life—my other half, that I would leave him if he didn’t protect Alana Catherine.
I was willing to die for her. Was I willing to sacrifice Shitty Ritchie for the safety of my daughter?
I knew, and clearly the Higher Power knew, that there needed to be three—a Trinity—to remove It from power.
If It eliminated one of the three, the transfer would never happen, and It could go on terrorizing the Immortal and human world forever.
Gideon glanced over at me. I looked back at him and shook my head no. I would not let Shitty Ritchie die. That wasn’t mine or anyone else’s call to make.
And then Richard Smith aka Shitty Ritchie chimed in.
“Let fake Tom Hanks take me,” he whispered.
“I’m tired. That shart sperm won’t ever stop.
I’ll be running until the end of time. I’m a lucky guy who finally knows what it means to have friends.
I can die a complete person due to that.
I’m sad that I never got to put my peepee in the love cavity, but, alas, some things are not meant to be.
Let me die for my friends. It would make me proud.
However, you have to promise me if you ever have a son that you’ll name him Shitty Ritchie in my honor. ”
I couldn’t believe that I could laugh in the face of what was going down. But I could. So, I did. Shitty Ritchie was a piece of work, and he was going nowhere fast.
“No deal,” I said. “Richard Smith stays and you will leave. The third of the Trinity that you fear will take centuries to arrive. You have nothing to fear.”
“Yet,” Candy Vargo muttered.
Fake Tom Hanks began to laugh. He laughed so hard he fell to the ground in hysterics. It was unsettling to watch. There was no joy in the laughter—no humor. It sounded unhinged. Crawling back to his feet, he eyed me with furious disdain.
I had to admit, it was off-putting to be sneered at by Tom Hanks, fake or not.
“The third exists, Angel of Mercy,” It snarled. “You’ve hidden her in a safehouse.”
Shit. It had to be Tory. Why didn’t we think of that?
She was at Candy Vargo’s when the zombies had paid a visit.
She was old. She didn’t look it, but that was beside the point.
The only piece of the puzzle that didn’t fit was the human-ish part.
The positive amidst all the horrible was that June and Jennifer were safe.
“Tory,” Gideon murmured under his breath.
“Bingo.”
“Oh my gosh y’all,” Jennifer yelled from the front porch, holding her laptop high. She was smiling, but also seemed shaky and pale. “I found out. I know who my pappy is!”
Fake Tom Hanks’ eyes narrowed to slits and he zoned in on Jennifer. I wasn’t the only one who noticed. Was the Higher Power about to start making good on the threat of destroying everything and everyone we loved?
Candy Vargo, made a run for Jennifer to shove her back into the house.
She was too late.
In a screaming fit of rage, Fake Tom Hanks sent a bolt of electricity straight at Jennifer’s chest. The expression of shock and then agony on my dear friend’s face made me scream.
As she fell to the ground, blood gushed from the wound. “Did Tom Hanks just murder me? That’s just awful,” she choked out right before she passed out.
Tim’s scream sounded inhuman. He was next to Jennifer so fast I didn’t see him move.
He held his dying friend in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably.
Tim was a healer and was sending magic through her body as fast as he could.
It wasn’t working. Gram and Mr. Jackson hovered above and wailed.
Candy held the laptop in her hands as June and Heather attempted to stop the bleeding to no avail. Everyone was crying.
Fake Tom Hanks had a few parting words. “My work here is done,” he shouted gleefully. “The third has been destroyed. There will be no Trinity now.”
I felt like a predator. Fake Tom Hanks was my prey.
I wanted It dead, and I wanted to be the one to kill It.
Being rash would probably end in my own demise.
I knew, and I didn’t care. I wasn’t thinking straight.
Quickly reminding myself that murder was off the table, I wondered if maybe I could beat the living hell out of It.
Would that satisfy my rage? Probably not, but I was willing to test the theory.
I took off at a sprint that rendered me invisible.
That bitch was going down. The Higher Power had just killed a human—an innocent human.
Even worse. She was my friend. One of the best. And for no good reason.
Jennifer? Part of the Trinity? Ridiculous.
It wasn’t possible. How in the hell could a human be a part of an Immortal Trinity? ”
Only a few feet away, I pounced at the High Power, but in a blink, the all-powerful bane of my existence disappeared in a blast of rainbow glitter. The abrupt empty space did not give me a soft landing, and I landed face-down in the dirt where Fake Tom Hanks had stood only a split second earlier.
A scream of frustration tore from my throat. I’d failed.
Gideon picked me up and held me tight. I felt another set of arms go around me and a curly-haired head rested on my shoulder. The arms were female. Heather, Catriona and June were across the yard with Jennifer. Who was hugging me?
“Hi, mom,” Alana Catherine said when I turned my head to figure the mystery out.
She wasn’t a baby. She was the twenty-year-old version, who I’d met on the Higher Power’s plane.
“Oh my God,” I cried out as I threw my arms around her and held her tight. “Why? How?”
“Sorry, I’m a little late,” she said, smiling at me. “I kept trying, but I wasn’t able to age until now.”
Gideon was completely shell-shocked. He stared at our daughter in wonder. She glanced over at her dad and smiled.
“Hi, dad,” she greeted him.
“Umm… hi,” he choked out. “Is this… you know… umm… permanent?”
Alana Catherine shrugged. “Not sure, but I’m here for a reason. We have work to do.”
She took each of our hands in hers and led us to where Jennifer lay dying in Tim’s arms. The sight was heartbreaking, and my tears wouldn’t stop. I immediately dropped to the ground and put my hands on her cold body. With all I had, I let my magic flow into her.
Shitty Ritchie and the grown version of Alana Catherine stood together side by side. They looked down at Jennifer with pure sadness in their eyes. I wasn’t convinced that Jennifer was the third of the Trinity, but their expressions gave me pause.
“Her chest isn’t moving,” June said in a hushed tone.
Charlie touched Jennifer’s forehead and closed his eyes. “She’s not gone yet.”
Heather was still frantically trying to stop the blood seeping out of Jennifer’s chest. “How is she still alive? A human can’t withstand that kind of Celestial blow.”
“Welp,” Candy Vargo said, staring slack-jawed at the computer screen. “I do believe I can answer that fuckin’ question.”
We all looked at her.
“Remember when Tim said he donated some little swimmers about sixtyish years back?”
“Yes,” I said, feeling weird and wonky about where this conversation was going.
“Well, it’s lookin’ like Jennifer’s bitch of a momma paid a visit to that there sperm bank to get herself knocked up. Says right here in black and white that Tim’s her pappy.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Heather squealed.
“Do I fuckin’ look like I’m fuckin’ kidding you, assface?” Candy Vargo shot back, pulling a sharp jeweled dagger from her belt and handing it to Heather. “Slit her open. I’ll take care of Tim. You start cuttin’ on my word.”
Heather nodded and held the dagger poised above Jennifer’s already bleeding chest.
Tim was speechless, but ripped off his mail uniform jacket and shirt with haste. “Jennifer’s my daughter. Jennifer’s my daughter.” Tears flowed down his face. He was devastated and thrilled. “Jennifer’s my beautiful daughter. I love my daughter.”
“Mazel tov, cake hole. Now, shut it, so I can work,” Candy Vargo snapped. “And I don’t need ya nekkid. I just need your wrists, jackass.”
Without hesitation, Tim offered Candy both of his wrists.
I had no clue what was about to happen, but it wasn’t going to be pretty. However, I wasn’t moving. I might be needed. I’d slit my wrists for Jennifer any day of the week. I didn’t think I could gut her, but it was looking like Heather was up for the job.
Shitty Ritchie and Alana Catherine began to glow. They both looked like ethereal rainbows. Tendrils of their magic filled the air and danced on the breeze.
“Keep that up, kids,” Candy Vargo instructed. “Okay, Heather, on three… You’re gonna slice her from collarbone to belly button. Tim, I’m gonna slit your wrists like they ain’t never been slit. With the left hand, you feed Jennifer your blood.”
“And the right?” he asked.
“You're gonna punch it right into the hole Heather’s about to cut.”
Tim nodded. Heather nodded. I almost puked in my mouth.
“Charlie,” Candy said. “Get your ass up by Jennifer’s head and make sure Tim’s blood goes down her throat.”
“On it,” Charlie said.
“Gideon, light your ass on fire. It’s about to get real fuckin’ cold here and we need to keep Jennifer warm.”
Gideon immediately went up in flames. He got close enough to keep everyone warm but was far enough not to set anyone else on fire.
“Zander and Catriona, need y’all to patrol the grounds and make sure none of them fuckin’ zombies come back.”
They exited immediately.
“What about me?” I asked. “What can I do?”
Candy leveled me with a look. “Hope and pray that this works, Angel of Mercy. Otherwise, Jennifer’s gonna join Gram and the ghosts.” Candy paused for only a moment, then got back to business. “One. Two. Three.”
It all happened so fast, I wasn’t sure I’d even seen it.
Heather cut Jennifer from top to bottom with no hesitation.
Tim’s hands were barely attached to his body after Candy made her cuts.
He immediately shoved one hand into Jennifer’s open body and his other wrist into her mouth.
Charlie held Tim’s hand steady so the blood wouldn’t be wasted and gently massaged Jennifer’s throat so it would go down.
Candy had been correct. The temperature dropped dramatically.
Gideon stepped a little closer and kept everyone warm.
I’d seen some stuff in my time, but nothing as harrowing as this.
I prayed hard just like Candy had told me to, but I wasn’t sure who would get the message.
I hoped it was the universe and not the Higher Power.
After what felt like a year, but in reality was only a few minutes, Candy announced we were done.
Jennifer still wasn’t moving. With a wave of her hands and a few lines of a melodic and ancient chant, Candy Vargo closed the wounds on Jennifer’s body.
Tim healed up fast and gently pulled Jennifer back into his arms. He kept kissing her hair and whispering to her. It was tragic.
The temperature went back to normal and Gideon joined me along with Alana Catherine and Shitty Ritchie.
“What happens now?” I asked.
Candy shook her head and picked her ear with the toothpick that had been in her mouth. “We wait.”
“How long?” I pressed.
“Don’t know,” she replied. “But if she ain’t back after a couple of days, I’m gonna say she’s a goner.”
Tim’s sobs began again, and my heart felt crazy heavy in my chest.
“Do you believe that Jennifer is the third of the Trinity?” I asked Candy.
She shrugged. “You need to ask them.” She pointed to Shitty Ritchie and Alana Catherine.
Both nodded in unison. One imperative part of the future of the Immortal world might die. This was unacceptable. Beyond unacceptable.
“Shitty Ritchie, Alana Catherine,” I said. “Is there anything you can do?”
“I don’t know,” my daughter said. “But we can try.”
They knelt down on the ground next to their missing piece and began to glow again. The colorful magic seeped into Jennifer, and she slowly but surely began to breathe. It wasn’t steady. It wasn’t sure or strong, but it was something.
Jennifer would live. I felt it in my bones and my heart.
Anything was possible. I just had to believe.
And what came next? Well, that was obvious. It was time we figured out how to take the Higher Power. For good.