Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
It was all hunky dory until it wasn’t.
Gideon and Charlie, Zander and Catriona burst through the front door with the fifteen perimeter Demon on their heels.
The explosions outside in our front yard rocked the house’s foundation.
With a wave of his hands, Charlie quickly reinforced it.
Within seconds, every single Immortal in the house was armed to the teeth.
“At least fifty,” Gideon ground out as his eyes blazed red. “All zombies.”
“They’re armed this time,” Zander growled.
“Big time,” Catriona added.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Candy Vargo hissed, waving her hands and producing a huge stockpile of guns, swords, daggers, grenades, throwing stars, and every other kind of weapon imaginable. Even though we were already armed, everyone dove for the pile.
Weapons hadn’t worked the first time around. They probably wouldn’t work this time either, but old habits were hard to break. To face the enemy unarmed was a bad plan. We didn’t have the luxury of making bad plans today.
Kogzin immediately ushered Jennifer, Alana Catherine, Shitty Ritchie, June and my dogs to the middle of the great room.
He and the other guard Demons surrounded them on all sides.
Jegguthiz raced back with Gram and Gramps.
He escorted them into the middle of the room with the others.
Once all of them were together, I waved my hands and placed a protection ward around them.
It wasn’t foolproof, but it was better than nothing.
“Do we think Tom Hanks is out there?” I asked, shoving the grenades that Candy Vargo had conjured up into my pockets.
“Tom Hanks?” Kogzin asked, confused.
“The Higher Power,” I told him as I put a dagger into my boot and a sword in my belt.”
“Tom Hanks is the Higher Power?” he asked.
The Demons were bewildered. Their chattering grew loud and agitated. It wasn’t a good sign.
“FUCK NO,” Candy Vargo bellowed as she chowed down on the ten toothpicks she’d shoved into her mouth. “The Higher Fucker Power looks like whoever we choose It to look like.”
“And you chose Tom Hanks?” Jegguthiz asked, clearly thinking we were insane.
He wasn’t wrong, but there had been a method to our madness.
I tried to explain quickly. The explosions were getting louder and closer together. “We picked Tom Hanks because no one wants to kill Tom Hanks. He’s the nicest guy in showbusiness.”
“Correct,” Candy Vargo grunted as she grabbed a semi-automatic machine gun. “When we weren’t allowed to kill the fucker, we picked someone who’d be dang hard to decapitate.”
“Wait,” I yelled, realizing she was right. “Should we pick another celebrity? Someone who would be easier to off now that we can off It?”
“Can’t, friend,” Tim said, cool as a cucumber as he chose a katana to add to his arsenal.
“Won’t work. We’ve been calling It Tom Hanks for too long now.
I’m not sure anyone can erase it from their brain.
We don’t need the Higher Power looking like multiple people.
If we choose another person, half of us will instinctually still see Tom Hanks, and the other half will see… ”
“DON’T say a name, jackhole,” Candy Vargo warned. “We’re stickin’ with Tom Fuckin’ Hanks. It’s gonna suck to whack Forrest Gump, but shit happens.”
Heather’s magical tattoos danced all over her skin. It was surreal, macabre and stunning. “Should we try to trap Tom Hanks, or are we going for the kill shot if the opportunity arises?”
“Why would we trap It?” Charlie asked, glowing a bright silvery blue. He was getting better at tamping down his power in tight places. I was able to breathe.
“We discussed suing the Higher Power—a tribunal,” she reminded him. “Are we punting that plan?”
“Right now? Yes,” Charlie said. “The Trinity is in place to take over. And from what I understand to be true, the Higher Power cannot be contained.”
“Not even with magic?” I asked.
“No,” he confirmed. “Its power trumps all of ours. We’ll be lucky to end It.”
I’d rather be good than lucky, but today I’d take lucky in a heartbeat.
“Remember,” Gideon told the Demons. “All of the zombies are powered by one leader. We have to destroy the leader for all of them to die.”
“Right,” Candy Vargo barked. “All of them abominations look exactly alike. Hard to keep track of who you’re fightin’ with and who you already fought. But if the fucker you’re fightin’ don’t go down, move on to another fucker.”
The Demons saluted her. I almost laughed. My guess was that Dip Doody had rubbed off on them.
“Process of elimination,” I told them. “We also don’t know if the Higher Power will show up. It might be cautious since Its replacement exists.”
Gideon glanced around at our small but seriously talented army. We had the Grim Reaper, the Enforcer, the Keeper of Fate, the Immortal Courier, the Arbitrator and the Angel of Mercy, along with fifteen deadly Demons and Zander and Catriona.
“They outnumber us,” Gideon said tightly. “However, we’re just looking for one.”
“Roger that,” Candy Vargo said. “They fight like animals because they basically are animals. It ain’t people out there. Don’t forget that.”
Jennifer stepped out of the circle and right through the ward. She’d just demonstrated that nothing could hold the Higher Power. My stomach tightened to the point of pain.
“I can see,” she said.
“What?” Gideon asked her. “See what?”
Shitty Ritchie stepped through the ward as well. “Cards, G-strings, and ferrets,” he shared. “Quite impressive if you ask me.”
Gideon wasn’t having it. “No one asked you, Shitty Ritchie,” he ground out. “Get back in the circle. If one of you goes down, all of this is moot.”
Jennifer didn’t obey. She walked straight to Gideon and gently touched his arm. “I can see what no one else can. There’s a chance I could see the leader. I could save all of you a whole heck of a lot of limbs if you let me try.”
He shook his head. “Jennifer, you’ve been Immortal for less than a week. You’re part of the Higher Power. Those zombies outside want you dead. Do you understand that?”
“I do.”
“Then, please, get back into the circle,” Gideon said.
She smiled and stood her ground. “For thousands of years, you tried to end yourself. Your recklessness almost led to insanity. Your biggest fear is falling back into the desolation that was your existence for millions of years.”
Gideon went slack-jawed and gaped at Jennifer.
“You also have twenty-three dollars in your left pocket and a small locket with a photo of Daisy and Alana Catherine as a baby in your right back pocket,” she told him.
Gideon looked at me. I was at as much of a loss as he was. Losing Jennifer wasn’t an option. If one of us went down, the world could continue. If she went down, it couldn’t. Well, that wasn’t exactly true… if she went down, the future Higher Power went down. That could not happen. Period.
“I’m thinkin’ it’s too dang risky,” Candy Vargo said. “While it might work, it might not.”
“It’s fifty-fifty odds,” Heather said. “I don’t really like those kinds of odds.”
“Agreed,” Catriona said, joining the conversation. “I say we go with the plan as it stands. If Jennifer wants to peek out of the window and assess the situation from inside the house with guards on her, then I say that’s acceptable.”
“It’s a fine compromise,” Tim added. “Personally, I don’t want her anywhere near the zombies, but I also trust my child’s gift.”
“Thanks, Pappy,” she said.
“Welcome, daughter,” he replied.
“I’m feelin’ gassy,” Candy Vargo said, slapping her ass. “The explosions have stopped. It’s time for part two of this shitshow.”
“Part two?” one of the Demons asked.
“Yeppers,” Tim said. “This is the part where we stand on the porch, they tell us to hand over Alana Catherine, Shitty Ritchie and Jennifer, we say no, and then the bloodbath begins.”
“Got it,” the Demon said with a curt nod.
“Excellent.” Gideon was all business. “Daisy, Candy Vargo, Charlie, and I will go to the porch and converse with the abominations. Tim and Zander, along with seven of the Demon army, go out to the back door, and position yourselves on the right side of the house. Be ready to attack on my command. Heather, Catriona and the remaining Demons will make the same moves, but from the back left side of the house. Are we clear?”
A chorus of yesses answered back.
“On three,” he said. “One, two…”
The frantic knocking at the door stopped us all in our tracks.
“Umm… this ain’t the way it went last time,” Candy Vargo said with the machine gun aimed at the door.
“Jennifer!” a familiar voice shouted from out of the porch. “Baby, are you in there? Open up. Somethin’ bad is happening. Explosions and some real bad people are here. They don’t look human. Open up.”
“It’s Dip,” Jennifer cried out.
“FUCK,” Candy shouted. “Is it Dip? Are we sure about that? Or is it the Higher Fucker disguised as Dip?”
“Change of plans,” Gideon snapped, ready to blow. He ran his hands through his hair. Fury and frustration written all over his face. “Jennifer, tell me something about Dip that no one else could possibly know.”
“A physical marking or a secret?” she asked, starting to cry.
“Either,” Gideon barked. “No, both. This is life or death, so be very specific.”
“He has three nipples. Two on the left, and one on the right. The third nipple is tiny, but it’s there. And umm… he secretly watches reruns of Little House on the Prairie. I caught him once, and now we watch it together. He made me swear on my wine that I would never tell.”
Gideon inhaled, then blew it out. “I’m bringing him in. If it’s Dip, then we’ll wipe his mind when this is over. If it’s not, we kill him. Let him in,” Gideon told me flatly. “And he better have three fucking nipples.”
I could barely breathe. The luck I’d hoped was on our side was wavering. Hell, I was wavering. This day was going south fast, and I worried that we wouldn’t be able to keep all our people safe. I couldn’t afford to think that way.
Instead, I pushed aside my fear and reached for the handle.