Chapter 39
“Can I get a bag for these?” the guy currently standing at the checkout desk asks. And it’s like he’s saying, Uh, lady, aren’t you forgetting something.
“No,” I say flatly and deadpan him to go away.
“Why not? I just paid for them.”
“Because we’re trying to save the planet. If you’re done, please go.”
He rolls his eyes, slides his books off the table, and walks away.
I rub my eyes. I’ve been here all day. With everyone studying for finals, Mr. Ames finally gave me extra hours, which will help with Christmas cash—now that I have friends to buy things for, but I’m exhausted.
When the line dies down, I go sit at my desk and pull up my philosophy notes. It’s the only class I’m worried about and could use every minute I can get studying.
Tisch: Hey babe. You good?
Me: Studying. And thanks for not asking “how are you holding up?”
Tisch: Ew. Always hated that saying. Because umm…with the skeleton in my body? How are you holding up, moron.
I laugh.
Me: I’m good. I might be here a while though. Will you pick me up for the game soon?
Tisch: Of course. You still going?
Me: I have to.
Tisch: Not that I don’t agree you should be there to support them the last game before break, but…don’t you think you should tell Kane you don’t want to go? He’ll understand.
Me: After what happened at the last game?
Tisch: That wasn’t your fault.
Me: They still lost because of me.
Tisch: What about Shadow? I think you should still text. If you don’t you’ll prove them right.
It’s the first game since the campus gossip gazette released a headline exposing Shadow’s identity three days ago.
Me: I don’t know.
Tisch: You haven’t talked about it?
Me: He hasn’t asked about her. He just wants me there.
Tisch: I don’t think you know how hockey superstition works. There are no exceptions.
Me: I’ve got to get back to work. See you in a bit?
Tisch: I’ll be there, even if you change your mind.
“Hey, Isla?”
I look up at my co-worker, Fletcher. My expression is flat because I’m in no mood to talk to anyone. “Hey.”
“I just want you to know it wasn’t me. I don’t know who started the rumor, but it wasn’t me.”
“I know Fletcher.” I brush my hair behind my ear. “Um…I suppose you knew the whole time?”
He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I did. It wasn’t hard to find out on the backend. But before you say anything, I did add something to the terms that allows me to, when necessary.”
I put on a smile. “It’s okay, Fletcher. But…you didn’t say anything?”
“Why would I? I get it. It’s not easy being us.”
“Us?”
“People who prefer to keep to themselves for fear of being judged.”
I stare at him…not in any judgmental way, just that I never knew that about him. He always seemed like he didn’t need anyone but his computer.
“And I didn’t tell him either,” he adds quickly. “Kane figured it out on his own.”
That forces a real smile from my lips. Of course he did. “Thanks, Fletcher.”
“Need a ride to the game tonight?”
“No, thank you. My friend is coming in a bit.” I sit back in my chair, assessing him. “You’re going to the game?”
“Yeah, technical issues with the jumbotron.”
I laugh. “Heaven forbid we don’t tell people when to cheer when they’re supposed to.”
“I know. Like the biggest concern tonight is making sure the MAKE SOME NOISE button works.”
We laugh and he helps me gather the stack of books as I get ready to leave.
“Well, I think it’s a great thing you did for the team,” I reassure him. “The app has been really helpful for everyone. And hey, who knows, might go big one day. Imagine that. Something you created getting millions of downloads.”
“Christ. I mean, I kinda had bigger dreams than an app where fans send inappropriate love messages to pump athletes up for the game, but…I suppose NASA can get in line,” he jokes.
Tisch comes in and catches us laughing. “Ugh, I knew I shouldn’t have let you spend the whole day here. Come on. Car’s running.”
I look back at Fletcher. “See you there?”
He nods. “See you there, Isla.” He holds up his phone. “And who knows, maybe I’ll see you here too.”
Don’t count on it.
“Everyone is staring,” I say to Tisch when we get to the Knights arena an hour later.
“I don’t see anything.”
“How could you not see it?”
“Because I’m not looking, Isla.”
I blink. She didn’t call me Bambi that time.
She stops and turns to me. “You ever hear the saying, If a tree falls and no one’s around, does it make a sound?”
“Yes.”
“If you don’t stop and look around, is it really happening?” She narrows her eyes.
I furrow my brows. “Um…yes.”
She sighs. “But will you know? And if you don’t know, you can’t care.”
“Aren’t always saying that people in this school hate you.”
“Isla, I literally get hate mail in my gym locker. The guys in the theatre department won’t do scenes with me, so I always have to go the one-woman-act route for every assignment.
But I don’t let it get to me. I have an end-goal at this school.
And these people won’t be a part of it after I graduate. ”
Something sharp tugs in my chest. “I never knew how bad it was for you. You’re just always so chill about everything.”
She shrugs. “I do me. And you did you. And you shouldn’t be sorry for it. Let them stare and whisper,” she hooks her arm into mine. “They’re just jealous.”
Unlikely. They’re looking for something to prey on, and right now—that something is me.
The closer Tisch and I get to the glass, the louder the arena feels. And colder.
It’s buzzing tonight, and I know why. Last week’s loss to the Titans knocked Northwind out of the top four in national rankings. Tonight is our last chance before Christmas break to remind everyone why the Knights belong there.
The warmup to Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24 is wildly entertaining.
The corresponding red and green lights flip something inside me.
And for the smallest fraction of a second, everything else disappears.
The rumors. The anxiety. The stares. All I feel is the excitement for tonight, flashing and radiating throughout the arena.
We shuffle sideways through our row until I spot the pair of seats Kane always reserves for me. Whether I use them or not.
In front of us, Fletcher is already perched behind the small production table with a laptop open and two monitors glowing beside him.
“How’d you get here before us?” I call to him.
He glances back. “Player entrance. I don’t do well with crowds.”
Huh. I’ll have to ask Kane about that.
Fletcher looks around me. “You good?” he mouths silently.
I nod.
He gives Tisch a quick wave before returning to whatever magic makes the jumbotron work. She doesn’t wave back and I start to wonder how much of this ‘everyone hates me’ is either self-imposed or in her head.
“Hey, Isla,” someone calls from the row behind us.
I glance up to see a familiar good-looking guy smiling at me. I feel my brows twitch, a dead giveaway I have no idea who he is, trying to place the face.
“Ethan,” he says with a smile. “Astronomy? We shared a table in lab that one time.”
“Oh. Right. Hi.”
He gives me a single warm nod and sits down just as a pair of girls a few rows back giggle.
“Ooh... Kane19’s got some competition,” one of them starts.
I swallow, my eyes landing on Tisch like she’s my shield.
She gives me a hard look to ignore them.
“Captain’s gonna looove that. He likes a good challenge,” the other one drawls.
Heat creeps into my cheeks and I can still hear them giggling minutes later.
A few others shoot me smiles and waves. Some even holding up their phones like a reminder.
They’re just baiting me.
Someone directly behind us pokes me and leans in. “You only have six minutes.”
I frown. “Excuse me?”
“To send love. Once warmup ends, they can’t check their phones anymore.”
I turn away from her rather than rattle off one of the automatic comments that come to mind. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please leave me alone. The app has nothing to do with me.
Still, I slip my phone out of my pocket and open the app.
SilverKnight: All I want for Christmas is a Knight
CandyKane: Your other good luck charm is here.
Sarabluewhite: You got this, Cap.
Northwindfan1: You didn’t make top five on your good looks. Not alone anyway…
I smile down at some of the messages, knowing just the ones he’ll get a kick out of and the ones that’ll really hit. One of the comments makes me roll my eyes toward Tisch, but she’s got hers stuck on the app too. I give her a nudge. “Hunter’s page?”
Tisch blinks up. “Uh, yeah.” Then swipes away. “Just wanted to see what I could use against the guy next time he says something snarky to me.”
“I’m sorry being friends with me comes with collateral damage.”
She stares at me like I’m crazy. “Being friends with you comes with collateral damage? Isla, I’m still in shock that you’re sitting next to me after what my brother did to you last week.”
“You might be twins, but you are nothing alike.” I nudge her. “Remember? You’re stuck with me.”
“Alright, enough with the sappy stuff—clock’s ticking.”
My thumb hovers over the empty text box. I’m not sending anything under Isla tonight. That’s for sure. But Shadow is another story. It would be both selfish and cowardly of me not to give him the one thing I know he needs.
I don’t think you know how hockey superstition works. There are no exceptions.
He’s back there. Minutes to puck drop. Waiting.
“What are you afraid of?” Tisch asks quietly.
“It’s not anonymous anymore.” I hold up my phone. “All these messages are anonymous except mine. I feel so…exposed.”
“So? He’s your man.” She winks. “Ask him for what you want.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Everyone will know and…”
“Judge you?”
I don’t answer since I know it sounds pathetic.
She shrugs. “I knew, and I chose to be your best friend after it. I didn’t judge you, I thought you were badass.”
“You’re my best friend?”
“Duh. But focus. You’re the reason they’re winning. Shadow’s messages do something for him. Imagine what it would do if you sent it tonight. After all this? How special and worthy he’ll feel.”