Chapter 4
ROSCOE
“I need some advice.”
My sister turned and stared at me for a second before she asked, “Are you feverish?”
“No, I just need a woman’s input.”
“Oh, God. He’s dying,” Tati muttered as she finished washing Jiana’s face before she set the girl on her feet, letting her run off to join the rest of the family in the living room. They were all crowded around watching a football game on the TV. “What’s wrong?”
“Why do you automatically go to the worst-case scenario?” I asked.
“That’s not the worst-case scenario.”
“What could be worse?”
“A meteor shower that will take out the majority of the planet and throw our planet into a nuclear winter.”
Holly looked appalled and asked, “Where do you come up with this shit?”
“I’m just impressed that the end of the world is the only thing that ranks higher than my imminent death,” I admitted in shock.
“Until today, I would have thought you asking for our advice was just as likely as that meteor shower, yet here we are,” Tati retorted.
I ignored her and said, “It’s about a woman.”
Holly gasped before she started bouncing in her seat and asked, “The grocery store hottie?”
“The what?” Tati asked in confusion.
“About a month ago, I met a woman at this dance class . . .”
“You took a dance class?” Tati asked.
I explained my conversation with Josh and how I’d bribed him before I agreed to go.
Then I told my sisters about how much fun I’d had with Serana.
They seemed excited until I told them that I’d run into her at the grocery store, exchanged numbers, and had her plan to meet me at the same place week after week.
“You text back and forth throughout the week, but she won’t go out with you?” Holly asked.
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose before I admitted, “I’m not sure she realizes I’ve been trying to get her to go on a date.”
Holly and Tati just sat there in stunned silence until finally Tati asked, “How bad is your game that she wouldn’t know by now?”
“Have you tried asking something direct like ‘Can I take you to dinner?’ or are you hedging around because you’re worried she might say no?” Holly asked.
“Both?”
“Are you telling us or asking us?” Holly asked. She put her hand out and said, “Let me see the texts.”
Tati moved over to sit in the chair next to Holly’s and then leaned in so she could see the screen once I opened my phone and handed it over. Holly scrolled slowly through the thread before she handed the phone back and said, “You have firmly planted yourself in the friend zone, Ros.”
“Maybe not! You’ve met her at the store every Sunday since you exchanged numbers, right? Did you ask her out then?”
“I was going to, but she said something that made me think that might not be a good idea.”
“Is she married? She’s married, isn’t she?” Tati asked in outrage.
“No, she’s not married. Look, I don’t know how much I should tell you about her.”
“Why? Is she a serial killer?”
“No, but she’s got a past.”
Holly scoffed and asked, “Who doesn’t?”
“She lives out at Zoey’s place.” Holly raised her eyebrows at the same time Tati nodded in understanding. “That’s a little more of a past than any of us have.”
“Okay, so we know she’s been to prison, and she’s probably in recovery.”
“She hasn’t tried to hide either of those things.”
“Good!” Holly said cheerfully. She leaned forward before she asked, “What did she go to prison for?”
“I don’t exactly know.”
“Why? How? What do you mean you don’t know?” Tati asked.
“I haven’t asked her for details.”
“Okay, so don’t ask her, ask Google!” Tati retorted. She looked at Holly in exasperation before she said, “Are all the pretty ones dumb or just the men in our family?”
I ignored that insult and said, “I have resisted the urge to dig for details. If she wants me to know more about her, she’ll tell me.”
“You would let her pull you into her web before you bother to find out that she’s an alcoholic who blacked out and went on a killing spree?” Tati asked without looking up from her phone.
“She is?” Holly gasped.
“I haven’t found her yet. See if Damien will run her name,” Tati ordered.
“I am not going to ask him to look her up,” Holly said as she frowned at our sister. “I’m sure that’s against the rules.”
“Then call Zoey. She won’t have a choice but to spill the details if you ask her.”
I laughed before I said, “Tread carefully, Tater Tot. Holly will kick your ass.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything about her age. I was just going to point out that she’s one of the elders, and Zoey’s probably not immune to that power.”
“All of you act like we used to torture you!” Holly exclaimed.
“Didn’t you, though?” I asked with a grin.
“Some of those kids, and you’re one of them, by the way, should have been locked away for the world’s safety. I can’t help it if you pushed me over the edge.”
“I nudged you at most.”
Tati giggled before she said, “It was definitely a push!”
I smiled at the memory of that day, because I had been the one to push Holly off the boat into the water. I had no regrets. She was being a complete bitch to me and everyone else, and I thought a quick dunk might improve her attitude.
Of course, Papa and Dad didn’t agree. I was grounded and had to stay in the hotel room for the rest of that day and the next while the rest of the family enjoyed seeing the sights on our vacation.
“Like I said, all of you should have been locked up,” Holly reiterated as she glared at me.
“Can we jump back into the present for a minute before you get all worked up again?” I asked.
“You brought it up!” Holly exclaimed.
My giggle didn’t improve her exasperation.
After years of experience, I was sure that if I pushed her any more, she’d launch herself over the table and attack me.
As fun as it might be to watch her boyfriend Damien’s reaction to the ensuing fight, I had more important things on my mind and truly needed Holly and Tot’s help.
“You read the text messages, so what do you think I should do?”
“She said she’s not interested in dating, Ros. Take the woman at her word and move on,” Tati suggested.
“Give me another option.”
“I guess you could kidnap her and hope that Munchausen sets in.” Holly and I stared at Tati in shock. She shrugged before she said, “What? It’s a thing!”
“Munchausen Syndrome obviously isn’t what you think it is.”
“It’s when someone falls for their captor,” Tati explained.
“Remember the mom in the ‘I see dead people’ movie that was poisoning her daughter by putting cleaning liquid in her soap?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“That’s Munchausen syndrome, Tot. It’s when a caretaker makes someone ill to get attention.”
“Oh. Then what am I thinking of?”
“Honey! What is it called when someone falls for their kidnapper?” Holly called out.
Before Damien could reply, Papa yelled, “Insanity!”
“That’s how your Papa made me fall in love with him,” Dad said a few seconds later.
“Stockholm syndrome,” Damien answered through his laughter. “Why do you ask?”
“Because Ros is going to kidnap a woman to make her fall in love with him,” Holly called out.
“La la la la! I didn’t hear that!” Damien yelled.
Noble chimed in and yelled, “I didn’t either!”
“Freaking cops,” Tati muttered before she said, “I suppose you’re probably not going to go through with that, so let’s figure out how to change her mind.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I asked.
“You’re not the pushy type, and if she starts to get the ick, you’ll know and back off,” Holly assured me.
“You’re already in the friend zone, so what do you have to lose?” Tati asked.
“Friendship can turn into love. Look what happened with Lucky and Rain.”
“That’s true. They’ve been friends since birth, and it just sort of morphed into something else over time, didn’t it?” I asked.
Holly smiled before she said, “A bunch of us saw it happening before they did, but that’s neither here nor there. Everything worked out in the end.”
“He’s not exactly getting any younger, Holly. I don’t think we have years for him to wear her down.”
“Shit like that is why I still want to return you to the store for a refund,” Holly said, glaring at our sister.
“You can’t return me. Papa tried one time, and they said the return window had already expired.”
“I did not try to return you,” Papa argued as he walked past the table toward the refrigerator. “I was returning the waffle maker I bought your dad, but since you’d gotten in trouble earlier that day, your imagination ran away with you, and you became convinced I was taking you back.”
“You thought about it! Admit it,” Tati argued.
“Any person who has raised a child through puberty has considered it,” Papa said as he walked past us again with his hands full of beer bottles. “The kids are getting bigger every day. Holly is going to have to fight that demon sooner or later.”
“Yesterday,” Holly muttered. “Lucky for them, I won.”
“But is it really?” Tati asked.
“Focus!” I snapped when Holly glared at Tati. “Talking to the two of you is like trying to herd cats.”
“Stay in the friend zone but try to get her to spend plenty of time with you so she can see that’s not where you belong,” Holly explained. “Get to know her better. Become someone she can count on. And maybe, if you’re lucky . . .”
“And she’s not!” Tati interrupted.
Holly grinned as she finished, “She’ll realize that she wants something more.”
“And how do I do that?”
“Find a common ground that interests both of you and hang out while you explore it,” Holly suggested.
“What does she like to do?”
“She likes to cook.”
“Luckily, that’s one of the few things you’re good at!” Tati said cheerfully.
I sighed before I said, “Siblings were created to keep wonderful men like me humble.”
“Keep thinking that, buddy.”
◆◆◆
SERANA
“Is two hours enough time for your date today?” Taylor asked.
“It’s not a date. We just walk around and talk while we do our weekly shopping.”
“Because it’s necessary for a single woman to shop for groceries every week,” Taylor muttered.
“It is if you want fresh produce!”
“It’s a date, Serana!”