Chapter 18
Eighteen
Castiel
I slept little that night. Again. This time, my mind spun and spun in circles, trying to make sense of the scant information the book had shown me. Us. A coven in northern Anglia. At least I had the name of the coven and the name of…perhaps one of the priestesses?
When my mind was too tired to churn any longer, it slipped back into thinking about Lilith. Skies, she tasted sweeter than anything I’d ever known. I craved her again. I needed it once a day. Twice a day. Forever. I’d never tire of her breathy gasps or the way her legs kicked and shook.
She knew instinctively to reach for the base of my wings, and I loved her for it. Clever girl.
Maybe I could take her with me, back to Mirkwold village. But then you’ll be taking her away from Jo, and she just found them. You can’t do that. I sighed and thumped my head against the headboard.
Ugh, this bed. Too small for a large man with wings. I couldn’t wait to leave it behind.
A knock came at the door.
I grinned, my heart leaping. Lilith! I bounded out of bed, threw trousers on and stumbled to the door, wrenching it open.
But it wasn’t Lilith at the door. It was two of the elders. The old one, Nelson, and one of the younger ones. I couldn’t remember his name.
“Good morning.” The younger one coughed into his fist, tone flat and insincere. “I hope we didn’t disturb you.”
“I was finishing my ablutions,” I told him loftily, annoyed. “And reciting prayers to Erlik.”
“Of course.” Nelson’s hands on his cane trembled as he nodded.
The age spots on the back of his palms seemed starker today.
“Which one? The one set aside for mid morning blessings? Or a hymn of praise? I personally enjoy the hymn that begins, ‘Lord of all creation and beyond, I beseech thee your time.’ What about you?”
“Neither,” I said smoothly, though my pulse kicked up for a beat. “Heralds have their own private songs and language to communicate with our god.”
The younger elder frowned slightly.
Nelson nodded, his lined face accepting. “Yes, yes.”
“Come with us, if you please, Herald,” the younger one said. “Early in the mornings sometimes we elders pray together in the sanctuary. After, we would hear of what you have learned from your visit to Lord Fallon last evening.”
I clenched my jaw. They knew about that? How had they found out? I’d originally thought Lilith’s concerns about always being on a pedestal to be watched had been exaggerated. Apparently not.
The pungent odor of mold and mildew permeated my nostrils as it drifted through the open door. The elders didn’t seem to notice. Shadows flickered across their faces, putting the features in harsh, stark lines.
“I would love to.” I didn’t have to cooperate any longer. I had the information I needed. I could leave right now.
Except Lilith.
Sudden anger welled inside me, making it difficult to breathe. Why should I leave her behind? She was my mate, wasn’t she? Why was I hiding it?
“Herald?”
I blinked. Right. They were still waiting for my answer. I pasted on a smile. “Lead the way.”
I had to bunch my wings as tightly as I could to get through the damn corridor—another thing I wouldn’t miss about this place—and then finally we reached the sanctuary.
Our feet echoed through the tall stone room.
Wooden pews lined most of the space, like at the funeral.
At the front, before the platform, stood a font.
Like a bird bath, but a little deeper and clearly older.
Ornate scrollwork wrapped around the rim.
The rest of the elders stood nearby, waiting for us.
Like a good little puppet, I joined them in a loose circle around the font.
The anger in my belly flickered back to life as I stared at their faces.
I thought of Lilith, tormented by her own body, worried about her family, grief-stricken over her sister.
I thought of Eve, who’d run as soon as she’d had a decent chance of making it.
And even Silence, who hadn’t yet spoken a word in my presence.
The water rippled gently in the stone basin, reacting to our footsteps.
“Our Herald will go first, demonstrating the ritual of holiness.” Elder Nelson waved one age-spotted hand.
The younger elders glanced at me.
“Oh, no, I do not want to usurp your authority,” I lied through a tight smile. “You go first.”
He stared at me, nostrils flaring. That man had never heard the word no before, I guessed. “Herald,” he said, then fell silent.
I stared across the font, completely uncowed. He wasn’t going to push me around. “Show me how you worship our lord so I can tell him of your faithfulness when I return.” I gestured for them to get on with it.
Tomes, the gaunt man who’d brought me and Lilith back from Mirkwold, looked sharply between me and Nelson. “Return? Are you leaving?”
“Patience,” Nelson soothed, his eyes fixed on the water as it calmed again. But his eyes flashed with anger, his lips whitening. He made some sort of signal, and the ritual started. I was victorious this time.
As the thrill of triumph faded, worry gnawed in its place.
This couldn’t come back and hurt Lilith, could it?
I wanted to humble Nelson, to show him exactly how small he was.
I took a breath. No, this would be fine.
Lilith wasn’t even in the room. Nelson would be angry with me alone.
I smirked at the thought. That would be good for him.
The elders began rolling up their sleeves, unbuttoning and folding, the room silent but for breathing and the rasp of fabric against itself.
I was shirtless, as usual, so I watched.
“As you cleanse our hearts from all waywardness and rebellion, we purify our hands so all we do brings glory to you,” the youngest elder intoned.
As one, the men reached for the water in the font.
Elder Nelson cleared his throat and stared at the young elder who’d spoken. Rage burned in his eyes.
“Oh.” He flushed, then stooped to pick something off the floor.
The others paused, looking at one another in question. So this wasn’t the usual way. Interesting.
The man brought up a small burlap bag, reached inside, and sprinkled something white over the water. It shimmered as it fell. “Today we add salt to the holy water—a symbol of the protection against evil that Lord Erlik provides.”
My whole body tensed.
He quickly set the bag down at his feet again, lost in the shadows, and returned to the liturgy. “We purify our hands so all we do brings glory to you. We purify our head so all our thoughts will bring glory to you. Thank you, Erlik.”
The men dipped their hands in the water. It splashed against the rim, churning and whirling. As one, they rinsed their hands.
Water sloshed and spilled out the side, splashing on the stone pavers at our feet. It splashed and landed against my trousers, which didn’t hurt. But a few drops hit my abdomen. I gritted my teeth against the burn. I didn’t blink, though it felt like hot coals pressed into my skin.
The elder performing the ritual turned to the nearest pew and dabbed his face with a cloth, then passed it to the man on his right.
“Herald, please, go ahead.” The elder on my right shuffled away from me. “We will make room for you.”
I froze. I couldn’t do it.
I could tolerate the pain, but the welts and sizzling skin would be obvious. When we Fell, we pledged to one another to keep our secrets hidden. We could overtake a human in any skirmish, but if they knew saltwater could kill us, the tides could turn.
Damn all, if I had the ability to use magic—if it was accessible in this world, perhaps I could do something.
When I didn’t reply, the elders all looked at me with confusion.
“Are you claiming that I, a Herald from the Beyond, needs to purify myself before I pray to my lord and master? Me, who has spent eternity worshipping in his presence, unlike you humans?”
Two quickly denied it, wiping their hands dry and refusing to meet my gaze.
Tomes frowned and opened his mouth. He was smart enough to question why their—what was the word Lilith had used?—parrot wasn’t obeying.
Had they not seen my brown wings? I was no parrot. I was a hawk. And I wasn’t going to perform for them much longer. The only reason they got this much out of me was because of my association with Lilith. I wouldn’t let them blame her for my “rebellion.”
The ritual quickly turned toward prayer. The men sat on the front pew, facing the front of the church, and murmured quiet prayers.
I couldn’t sit in a pew. I stood off to the side, pretending to pray but watching them through my eyelashes.
That anger grew inside me, making my feathers rustle and my fists tighten.
If I was home in Aerie, we could’ve already been married and mated.
I wouldn’t have to explain mating. She would’ve been as delighted as me to find her match.
No one would’ve stood in our way. Everyone knew finding your mate was one of the best things that could happen to a person.
I closed my eyes, imagining it. Bringing her to meet my family, finding a mage to bless our union, sharing our ayim between one another, and—but that wasn’t true, not exactly. Lilith didn’t have wings.
I’d told her honestly seraphim had seven echelons, and few marriages existed between different levels.
I was from the fifth echelon, near the bottom.
I hadn’t told her the seventh echelon was filled with outcasts, often called “wingless ones.” The greatest punishment in our world was stripping someone of their wings.
It was violent, bloody, and shocking. Sometimes seraphim died from blood loss.
Only the worst of us were cast out without our wings.
Even though Lilith was born without wings as a human, I doubted many seraphim would see it that way.
She’d be viewed with suspicion and contempt.
Suddenly I understood why Gabriel had decided to stay here, in this human world, even if we found a path home.
He wasn’t going to subject his mate to such a life.