5. Koi
Marcel’s latest stunt had a bitch trippin’ the fuck out. Belinda calling me was inevitable, given the circumstances, but dropping the bomb on me that she did had me screaming through my condo like a madman.
The cheating was something my stupid ass had put up with, but a baby and with my little cousin was where I drew the line. Go figure, it took something this wild for me to now feel like I was shorting myself. And then the nigga had the nerve to ignore my calls and texts.
“Little small head ass bitch!” I mumbled to no one as I pulled clothing out of our walk-in closet.
What I planned to do next hadn’t crossed my mind, but I knew I had to get my hands on Marcel sooner than later.
“Argh,” I stomped towards my phone, tapping on my best friend's name forcibly while I tried to steady my breathing.
“It better be an emergency at this time,” she snickered.
“This muthafucka got Rika pregnant, my Rika! My fucking cousin!” The gasp she released made me regret letting the truth roll off my tongue. It sounded worse hearing it out loud.
“Bitch what? Where the fuck is he? I’m coming to kick his big ass!” She yelled into the line. I could hear the shuffling on the other end of the line.
“Do not do anything until I get there,” she groaned. “Stupid piece of shit! I told you to leave his ass years ago, Koi Malone!”
I already knew telling Marli was going to set her off and make me feel worse than I already had been, but she had to know. She was my road dog, and there was no way I was going to be able to get through this alone.
Marli was the friend that was going to be madder than you in crazy situations. She was who I normally called last.
“Fine, but what the fuck? This nigga really had me bamboozled.”
“No, he didn’t. He had ya’ ass dickmatized, but baby girl, I hope this is the wake up call you needed. Shit, at least it’s a baby and not a disease, one you can’t get rid of.” Malice laced her voice.
“I hear you. Hurry up before I turn this bottle the fuck up! I am so fucking livid,” I was rambling more to myself than to Marli. She just let me vent until I told her that I needed to clean up this shit in my room.
Marli made me promise that I wouldn’t do anything stupid.
Not in my right mind, I told her I wouldn’t just to get her off the phone faster.
And when I heard the familiar sound of metal clinking together, I grabbed a kitchen knife, arms folded over my chest with a bonnet on my head, standing with the meanest mug I could muster up.
Marcel walked in swiftly until he noticed me standing there. “Baby.” He lifted his hands in the air. “Let me-”
“Nigga if you even fix your mouth to say let me explain, I will toss this knife right at the center of your fucking head since that’s the head you don’t use!”
“Koi, baby, please,” he pleaded. “Put the knife down and talk to me. Violence isn’t going to solve anything.”
“You right, it won’t solve anything, but it will make me feel better.
” I ran my tongue over my teeth. “Seeing you hurt like you’ve hurt me for all these years will be satisfying, temporarily, but I will feel better,” I gritted my teeth, never moving the knife.
“So, since you want to talk, I got one question. Depending on your answer, you decide your fate, my nigga!”
“Ask, just please…” I moved the knife slowly from my chest to my neck, swiping it across, silencing him. The way he stood still, eyes widened, chest rising slowly and hands now at his sides, I knew I had his ass right where I wanted him. Terrified.
“Why the fuck it had to be Rika?”
“Baby, honestly, it wasn’t like that.” Before he could get the next word out, I lifted my hand, flinging the knife over his head, causing him to duck down, dropping to the floor in a panic.
“You’re lucky my therapist told me to not let your bullshit take me there.
” I clenched my jaw, tears welling up in my eyes.
“Get the fuck out and do not come back! You and I are done! A baby!” I began to shake from the betrayal.
“I lost our child a year ago but instead of comforting me, you were fucking my busted, broke ass cousin! That loose pussy bitch?” I questioned.
“Yea,” I paced back and forth. “Yea, you’re done and if you don’t leave right now, I may commit murder. ”
“Koi, you gotta believe me.” Hearing him say my name set off a fire inside of me. I leaped across the room in his direction, fist balled, punching him wherever I found an opening. The tears built up as pain and sweat from overexerting myself only made me want to hurt him more.
Marcel tried to grab a hold of my arms, but he was no match. He was scrabbling while trying to get ahold of me.
“Yo, ma, stop!” I popped him in his lip, immediately splitting it. Nothing couldn’t stop me from stalling on him any further, until Marli pulled me from behind.
“He ain’t worth it. Let him leave!” She yelled out. “You are better than this and him.” The terrycloth robe I wore was now open, showing my bare breast and pussy. “Koi, please stop!” My chest heaved up and down as I watched the man, I used to love run out the door like a little bitch.
“He cheated!” I sobbed. “He fucked my cousin!” The tears clouded my eyes. “What the fuck did I do wrong? My baby, our baby wasn’t even gone long before he deceived me!”
“I know baby, I know.” Marli pulled me into her arms. “But is he worth your freedom?” I sniffed back the snot. My heart broke into a million pieces. If they ever asked me what a broken heart felt like, I’d snapshot this moment and feeling just so they could understand how deep the cut was.
“Fuck him, I was stupid, but I swear I’m woke right now.” I tried convincing myself more than her. “I’m good.” I backed up from her arms. “Give me a minute.” I wiped the tears with the back of my hand, sniffing the snot before it fell.
“Take your time. I’m here.” I turned on my heels leaving her in the living room.
For thirty minutes I sat in my feelings. I let my thoughts get the best of me; I cried, shouted, and sat in silence in a cold shower. What should have made me uncomfortable soothed the ache I felt.
Year after year, I sat and let this dude run me ragged, playing in my face while silently praying he would come to his senses and change.
See that I was the only one for him. Two failed pregnancies and a long list of mishaps left me scarred.
Yet I saved face because if I didn’t stand by him, who would?
My excuse was “he’s young, he loves me, he’s finding himself”.
But what I didn’t think was that he would find himself in between the legs of the very bitch that prayed on my downfall.
And as I looked at my reflection in the mirror, wrapped in a towel, I could only think one thing. “Fuck Rika and her baby.”
As bad as that sounded when the thoughts crept in, I didn’t have any remorse. She wasn’t worth me giving her grace. That bitch was the devil, and an offspring of hers would be a casualty to my feelings. An innocent baby, caught in the crossfire, but hey. Marcel and Rika could go to hell.
I suffered the loss of my babies alone. Fought with the idea that this may not be my timing and then accepted that I probably wouldn’t ever mother a child, and he and Rika deceived me. The ultimate betrayal if anyone asked. One my blood, the other who held my heart.
Part of me wanted a play by play of what happened, but I knew that I couldn’t risk the rest of my life in a nut house. All therapy aside, I was on the verge of a mental break.
“Hey, you, okay?” I heard the light taps on the bedroom door. I sat on the edge of my bed, dressed in a bra and panty set.
Marli didn’t wait for me to answer before she turned the knob, letting herself in. “It hurts,” was all I said.
“I know, but on the real, what you gonna do? Fight him, go pay Rika a visit in the hospital? Hate on a baby that’s your family? Is it worth it?”
Silence filled the air for a few moments. “No. I want my lick back. It’s my turn.” I didn’t say it with malice laced in my voice; nah, I was calm and meant every word. If these two assholes swore that they were gonna break me, I was gonna show them one better.
The fling between the two wouldn’t even last. That was if Rika’s ass ever woke up. God probably had better plans for her. But who was I to go ahead and wish death on a dumb bitch. Karma was gonna come, and her name was Koi Monét.
“I hear everything you saying, best friend. Tonight, I’ll let you turn the city of New York red, but tomorrow we get back to thinking smart.” She pulled on the blunt she had rolled. “Shid, his ass deserves to be worried. He fucked over one of the baddest bitches to ever come up out of the Bronx.”
“And is.” I reached for the blunt. It had been over ten years since I had even thought about placing my lips on the brown roll up, but once I inhaled, my body almost immediately relaxed.
“He is fucked up, and the shit he did was bogus, but you gotta take some accountability, Koi.” She leaned against the dresser, eyebrow raised.
“You're right. I allowed this to happen, but I bet I won’t allow him to bring me down with him.”
“Good.” I took another pull from the blunt, choking, hand placed on my chest as I laughed.
“Fuck this shit. I need to get out this house or I’m going to go crazy, cry, and probably ball up in the corner.
” Not being brutally honest was my downfall.
All that sugarcoating was cool, but it didn’t protect anything.
In fact, it made shit worse. “Don’t tell anyone.
I’ll figure out when to speak up, that is unless you already called my family. ”
“Bitch bye. I was not including them in something this drastic without your approval. I know how they’re coming. Marcel just don’t know what kind of war he started,” she chuckled. “And I hope he doesn’t think that he could ever come around you with that bitch or baby in tow.”