10. Koi
“What?” I rolled my eyes up in my head. “Are you serious?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“I know you heard me, child. If you gonna come this way or need to talk, then call me.” I looked over at Roman. He had a concerned look on his face as I continued to roll my eyes while pacing back and forth.
“Alright, ma. Thanks for telling me.” I ended the call with mixed emotions.
“What happened?” The tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to fall.
“My stupid ass cousin woke up.”
“Is that not a good thing? You look pissed.” Roman had been around for the past few days, coming to check on me at the hotel against my will. So, when he stood in front of me with his arms out, ready to comfort me, I stopped him.
“No. No, it’s not. That weird chick had a baby by my man, well my ex, shit.
This sounds toxic as fuck.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, looking up at the ceiling.
“I was fucked over, Roman. So no, her being alive doesn’t make me happy.
” As crazy as that sounded, hurt and anger had seeped in, and I no longer felt the need to show her any mercy.
This bitch had the nerve to survive after she fucked my man, got pregnant, hid the pregnancy, and gave birth to his first living son. I couldn’t wrap my head around how I didn’t have a clue. Was I just too trusting with Marcel, or better yet, was I too oblivious and dumb?
“Damn. Shit. I don’t even know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I’m gonna continue to get ready to go look at this apartment.
If I shift my focus to that bitch, I’ll fall into a sullen place.
” Honesty is the only thing that matters right now.
I wasn’t alright when I found out about Marcel’s latest infidelity, so after learning it was with Rika, I was on the verge of losing my shit.
“Well then good. And you have therapy tonight, right?”
“Yes. Plus, I know tonight is your last day here, so I wanted to thank you for being here for me.”
“I told you from the jump what it was. You’re way too beautiful, smart and ambitious to be running behind ol’ boy.
But I also know what being in a long term relationship looks like and how the breakup will affect you.
” He didn’t judge me. He lifted my chin and said, “You got this. You got my number, and if I can take your mind off it at any time, don’t hesitate to reach out. ”
“But your-”
“Don’t worry ‘bout that. I am not doing anything that I shouldn’t be doing.”
This nigga was smooth. He had me ready to explore whatever it was we were doing. No strings attached, just living in the moment.
“Thanks. But anyway, I need to get going. I have a busy day ahead of me.”
“No problem. Call me if anything. Make sure you eat today, too. I’ll be checking in.” I chuckled at his remark.
“Oh, so now you daddy?” I asked with a raised brow.
“I’m whatever it is you wanna call me, love.” I fluttered my lashes before he kissed me on the cheek. “Try to have a good day. That bitch ain’t you, can never be you, and that ex of yours is a weird ass muthafucka. You would have been carrying my last name if I had met you earlier in life.”
“Humph, I hear you.” I watched as he left my room.
Roman said all the good things, and that too was a red flag.
I took into account that he was older, so his game was tighter.
While he had me by a few years, he had been dating well before I knew what a date was.
Leery, I pushed the drama to the back of my mind and looked around at the mess on the table from the meal we just shared.
Conflicted, I used my cellphone to play Neo Soul music while I tidied up.
My appointment to view the apartment I had found on Zillow wasn’t for another two hours.
With Roman in my presence for the past few days, I was able to ignore all the bullshit in my life, but right about now I was moping around as I cleaned.
Four days wasn’t enough. They were needed, but I wanted more time.
Time to live in the moment. Forget about Marcel and his drama.
All that came with him, and now Rika was up.
What the fuck was I supposed to do with the information?
Go to the hospital and finish the job that wasn’t done?
All these evil thoughts ran through my mind.
A true crime junkie, I was prepared to get rid of her and Marcel if that saved me the embarrassment and hurt for the rest of my life.
Yet I stood here with tears in my eyes, questioning how the fuck I allowed such a thing to happen right under my nose. Not as mean as I had imagined, I sighed heavily, placed the food bins in the trash before going to wash my hands.
My outfit was still intact as I gave myself a once over in the mirror.
The navy blue bodycon dress hugged my curves, with a split up the back.
I paired it with a pair of Jimmy Choo black pumps and a black Coach handbag.
My ear length blonde curls hung to the right side with a part slicking the left side behind my ear.
“Not you being a snack and single. Girl, you better go on,” I spoke to myself, admiring how I didn’t look like what I had been through.
On the way out, I spritz a few sprays of my YSL Opium Black perfume on the nose of my neck, wrist, and ankles.
I didn’t have plans to get fucked, but if the opportunity presented itself, who was I to turn it down? Shrugging, I thought Marcel had awoken a beast that was waiting to come out.
Still very scared to jump into the dating scene, the liquid courage I had gave me the motivation I needed to speak to Roman. And while our fling was new, the very thought of him had me moist between my legs. So, while I wanted to stay true to me, my inner freak was ready on demand.
On the way out, I sent my mother and Marli a text to let them know I'd be viewing an apartment. How they ended up creating a group chat surrounding my life was beyond me, but I chalked it up to them caring. What I didn’t expect was for them to be so damn raw and open about their dislike for Marcel and Rika.
It had caught me off guard when my mother told me to cut his dick off and feed it to the rats of the city, and in all honesty, I needed that laugh.
While I could have been in my room crying my eyes out and drinking myself silly, I was being entertained by my mother and my best friend when she was able to break free of the baby.
I wanted to take her up on her offer to come by and see my Godchild, but I was hurting on the inside. The thought of a baby crushed me. I couldn’t have one, yet all the people who claimed they didn’t want children were being blessed with them.
So, as I made my way out of the hotel and into the parking lot, I made a mental note to bring this hurt and anguish up tonight in my therapy session.
Something had to give. I wasn’t mad at my best friend; I was mad at her situation.
Probably even jealous. But who could blame me?
I was a work in progress, and I thought I’d always have a baby.
As the slight depression seeped in, I turned on the radio just as Drake came blaring through the speakers. With my sunglasses on and my hands on the steering wheel, I rapped along with him. In my bag and in my feelings, I swerved through traffic until I made it to my appointment.
An hour later, I was walking out of the realtor’s office with the biggest smile on my face. I had just secured a two bedroom apartment in the city. As crazy as it sounded, I was worried that the offer was too good to be true, but now with a set of keys in my hand and a written lease, I was hype.
This wasn’t my first place, but the fact that it was my first apartment that I would be moving into on my own felt surreal.
Marcel kept playing games with packing his shit and leaving, forcing me to go out on a limb and move.
My name was still on the condo, but right about now, I was pushing to sell it.
Behind Marcel’s back, I reached out to the property manager to see how to go about selling the condo.
Marcel would eventually be contacted, but for now this is what I wanted to happen, and if he wanted to keep this place then he would have to pay me for my share.
I put a little pep in my step as I walked to the car.
Marli was gonna be in Patterson visiting her grandma, which made it easier for me to stop by to see her and the baby, then catch up with my mother.
Sicily had texted and told me that Belinda brought her raggedy ass to the apartment, begging my mother to accompany her to the hospital.
My mother initially declined, but since she was her older sister, she felt the need to go along for moral support.
At first, I felt betrayed, but I knew that if Sicily needed me, I’d curse her out and tell her off, but I also would be there for her. It wasn’t anyone’s fault or blame but Rika’s and Marcel’s.
“Hey girl, how-”
“Don’t even ask that stupid question. You know I’m not okay, but I’m managing, you know.” I sat down on Marli’s grandmother’s sofa. She was handing me a glass of cherry Kool-Aid.
“I hear you. Anyway, tell me about this mister man.” She looked directly at me.
“You know I want you to be careful. You’re vulnerable and life is coming at you fast. What may feel right may not be what’s right for you, but if you can handle fucking that man and not catching feelings, then I’m all for it.
” She raised her brow. “You deserve to be bent over screaming someone else’s name. ”
“I sure do. But it’s more than that. He is laid back. I feel like I’m not doing too much with him and shit.”
“And that’s when it becomes a problem. This is new, Koi.” She lectured, giving me the look of a disapproving parent.
I waved her off. “I hear you, girl. Damn. Let me just live in the moment.”
“Humph. What’s your plans tonight, Miss mamas?”
“Therapy, then I’m taking my ass to my room and sleeping. I got an early start at work tomorrow, and I haven’t been sleeping much.”