Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-five
Cormac
Zara’s eyes were shiny black diamonds. “We don’t, though. We don’t have time.”
Frustration rose, but I tamped it down. She didn’t think the way I did or see what I saw. But how could she know what was going on in my mind if I didn’t tell her? I’d made that mistake with her too many times. It was high time I learned from the past.
“Zara,” I sighed. “Come here.”
Instead of waiting for her, I scooped her up and carried her over to Phoebe’s desk, sitting down in her chair with Zara in my lap.
I’d come to learn she liked it there, and since there wasn’t anything I liked more than having her close, getting to touch her and learn the feel of her in my arms, that worked for me.
“We can make time.”
Her brow creased. “I don’t think that kind of physics has been mastered yet. I wish…”
I laughed softly, leaning down to kiss her trembling lips. “Not what I mean, sweetheart.”
“Then tell me what you mean.”
In the past, I would have considered her feelings before speaking. I would have turned it over and over in my head until I talked myself out of saying anything. I was through doing the same thing on repeat and expecting a different result. I knew what I wanted, and I was going for it.
“If I have my way, we’re not going to be finished in September. I want us to have a chance at making this work. If that means doing long distance, I’m willing to give that a try. I have no intention of letting you go unless you tell me I have to. And even then, it might be tricky.”
Her eyes darted between mine. “You want to try long distance?”
“I do.”
“I…think it would be really hard.”
“No harder than giving you up.”
A puff of air escaped her parted lips. “That would be hard.”
“Impossible.”
Her chin quivered as she stared at me. “I’m so sorry.”
“Stop it.” I took her chin between my thumb and forefinger. “None of that. We’re not talking about the past anymore. We’re moving on to our future.”
She blinked, and a tear rolled down her cheek like it was trying to run away so it wouldn’t be seen. I didn’t miss it. Catching it with my finger, I wiped it away.
“It’s not fair we’re just getting here,” she said.
“Pretty sure my dad told us plenty of times life isn’t fair.”
That made her laugh. “Oh, he definitely did. My dad too.”
I grinned, hope stirring in my gut. “What do you say? Should we keep going like there’s no end in sight? That’s what I choose. I’m no stranger to hard work. I will do it gladly if it means I get to keep you.”
Her lips rolled over her teeth as she nodded.
“Is that a yes? Do you want to give this a real try?”
She nodded again.
I dragged my knuckle along her damp cheek, ending at my favorite freckle. “I want to hear you say it.”
Her words came out wobbly but sure. “Yes, Mac. I’m scared, but there’s no chance I want us to end.”
“I’m scared too,” I admitted. “I think this is it. Our do-over. We have to get it right or…”
“We won’t get another chance.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Then do your best, and so will I.”
She huffed a wet laugh. “Bossy.”
“Not usually. I’m pretty protective over us.”
“I am too.” Her palm slid up my cheek, and her eyes opened to meet mine. “I’m protective over younger Cormac who had all these big feelings he couldn’t share. I wish I could go back to hug him and tell him I’m so sorry. Since I can’t, I’ll tell you. Even if you don’t want it, please let me say it.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to object, to tell her there was nothing to be sorry for, but I just nodded, letting her have it.
“I’m sorry, Maccie. I wasn’t a good friend.
I could make all kinds of excuses, but that’s what it boils down to.
” She pressed firmly against my cheek. “I see you now, and I want to be good to you. I’m terrified long distance is going to be a hellscape, but I never want to give you up, so I’ll walk through it with you. ”
“No one else I’d walk through hell with.”
She fell against me, her arms circling my neck. “Hold me, okay?”
“You never have to ask.” I banded my arms around her and buried my nose in her hair, telling myself this was good. I was getting what I’d asked for. We were going to give this a real try.
But the pit of dread in my gut was impossible to fully ignore. Sooner or later, she was going to be a thousand miles away, and I wouldn’t be able to hold her in my arms whenever I wanted.
If I had my way, if I was allowed to be selfish and get exactly what I wanted, she’d stay here come September.
We’d face the harsh winter, maybe get snowed in together, and she’d still be here when the ground began to thaw and determined buds pushed up through the unforgiving terrain.
And we’d have summer after summer of racing to the river and back.
I didn’t know if any of that would happen, but I was unwilling to give up on the possibility. If two people could do long distance, it was us. We had experience loving each other from afar. Maybe not the same kind of love, but still a love we’d nurtured. And we were older now. So much wiser too.
We could do it. I’d get used to not having her in my arms every minute, and maybe I’d stop missing her popping into my office all hours of the day. As long as I got to hear her voice and know she was mine, I’d make it work.
I had to. The only other option meant losing her forever, and that was no option at all.
A while later, after Zara helped me finish cleaning the kitchen, we both ventured to the market, hand in hand.
It was something of a coming out for us.
My family had suspected and hinted they’d known something was going on between us, but this was the first time we’d confirmed it.
My sisters and grandmother noticed, and their happiness was evident, but they didn’t make a show of it.
We hung around the market, taking turns manning the booth and strolling around to check out the other vendors. Phoebe’s baked goods sold out before it was over and we helped break everything down.
Phoebe grabbed Zara’s hand once we were finished. “You have to come back for the evening concert. Deacon and I are bringing Abigail, and Hannah’s family is coming too.”
Alice raised her hand. “Cay and I will be there. Des is going to hang out with Grandma and Grandpa.”
Zara glanced up at me. “Do you want to?”
“Yep. I do.” I pulled her into my side. “I’m told there’s often dancing at these things.”
Phoebe grinned. “We usually make our own dance floor. It’s always a good time.”
Zara leaned into me. “Then I guess we’ll see you there.”
We parted ways after that, most everyone heading home to clean up or take a rest, and Zara and I drifted.
Main Street still hummed with the lazy warmth of late afternoon.
We took our time, no hurry to get anywhere, our hands linked between us.
Zara paused at the window of the bookstore, leaning in to read the handwritten staff recommendations taped to the glass.
She’d left her hat in my truck, so when a breeze made the hair around her face dance, I reached out and tucked it behind her ear.
She looked up at me and smiled. “Always taking care of me.”
“Can’t help it.”
“You’re cute.”
“You keep saying that.”
We kept going, stopping once or twice to talk to friends of my parents and grandparents. I introduced Zara as my girlfriend, earning my hand a squeeze, and when we were alone, a lingering kiss.
“You called me your girlfriend.”
“Aren’t you?”
“Yes, but that was the first time you said it.” She pushed up on her toes to kiss my chin. “I feel a little claimed.”
“You are.” I raised our joined hands to rub my lips along her knuckles. “I’m claiming what I’ve always known was mine.”
Her eyes danced. “The next people we meet, I’m telling them you’re my boyfriend.”
I chuckled, even as pleasure struck me deep. “Have at it. I’d like to see how you work that into a conversation.”
We ran into Dell Rivers next, and Zara managed to do it. Dell seemed a little perplexed to be introduced to me when I’d known him my whole life, but had taken it in stride.
Zara was pleased with herself. “See? I did it.”
“I never should have doubted you.”
She bumped her shoulder into my arm. “When my mind’s made up, I don’t change it.”
“I’ve noticed that about you, sweetheart. I noticed it a long, long time ago.”
“I figured you might have.” She bumped me again. “My mind’s made up about you, Cormac Kelly. I’m claiming you too.”
“That’s the best news I’ve heard in years.”
We’d never had a slow afternoon like this. Decades of knowing her, we’d always been racing—against time, our feelings, each other. Now we were finally slowing things down, walking side by side, out in the open and plain as daylight.
By the time the sun had started sinking low, we made our way to Joy’s. The bar was already half full, the familiar smell of burgers and fried onions wrapping around us the moment we stepped inside.
We slid into a booth near the dartboards. Zara ordered a chicken sandwich, and I got my usual burger and fries. We talked about nothing important and filled the few silences with smiles we couldn’t seem to hold back.
After we ate dinner, dusk had settled over town. The sky was deepening into navy blue, and the first stars were starting to show.
By the time we reached the park, it looked entirely different from how it had this morning—almost like a dream.
Twinkle lights had been strung from the trees and lampposts. The grass was dotted with blankets and lawn chairs, families and couples settling in to listen to the band. A pack of kids ran through the open spaces, glow sticks flashing in their hands.
The four-man band started playing a country rock song at the same time we spotted my family spread out on a patch of grass not far from the stage.
Abigail toddled between Deacon and Phoebe while Hannah’s boys wrestled in the grass.
Hannah and Remi were on their feet, taking turns making sure Silas didn’t get too rough with Brooks as they swayed to the music, their arms wrapped around each other.
Alice waved us over. “We were starting to think you weren’t coming.”
Zara sat on the blanket beside Phoebe, and I dropped down behind her, stretching my legs out. She leaned back against me, fitting on my chest like it was custom-made for her.
We stayed like that through a few songs, talking and laughing, watching Phoebe and Deacon dance. They went out dancing often, so they put the rest of the park to shame.
“I hope you don’t expect me to have moves like that,” Zara said.
“As long as you let me dip you, I’m good.”
After a few songs, Phoebe plopped back down on the blanket, nudging me with her foot. “Go on.”
I pecked Zara’s forehead. “You want to dance?”
Twisting in my arms, her eyes lit up. “I thought you’d never ask.”
I stood and pulled her up with me. The band had shifted into something slower, which was a good thing since I wasn’t much of a dancer. All I had to do was pull Zara into my arms and sway. The music wrapped around us, and the lights overhead glowed softly through the leaves.
“I was going to ask you to my prom.”
She sucked in a breath. “You were?”
“It had been my plan all along. Then your mom got sick, and I knew there was no way you’d want to leave her.”
A line carved between her brows. “You didn’t go to your prom, did you?”
“No. Dancing with you was the only reason I’d wanted to in the first place.”
Her hand squeezed mine. “At least we have tonight.”
“It’s not too bad of a consolation prize, is it?”
“Not too bad at all.”
Her cheek brushed my shirt as she leaned closer, and I rested mine against her hair. I couldn’t imagine taking her to prom would have been any better than this; I’d just had to wait a little while longer for it to happen.
For years, I’d considered the way things might have been different. If her mom hadn’t gotten sick. If life hadn’t pulled us in opposite directions. If I’d said something sooner. If I’d been brave enough or she’d been less stubborn.
Because even when we weren’t close, even when years passed with only a few words between us, Zara had always been there, woven through every memory and place I spent my days. She was never too far from my mind.
It used to feel like we’d missed our chance. Like the window had closed before either of us had known it was open. Standing here now, though, her in my arms, the music and night swirling around us, I could see I’d been mistaken.
It hadn’t been the wrong person or wrong place.
It had been the wrong time.
Now, everything was clicking into place. Like every road I’d taken, every mile and mistake and second-guess, had led me right back to this patch of grass, twinkle lights overhead, her arms looped around my neck.
Right person.
Right time.
Finally.
I pressed a kiss into her hair, and she smiled against my chest like she knew exactly what I was thinking and agreed with all her heart. God, I hoped she did.
When the tempo picked up, and the spell was broken, we just stood there in each other’s embrace.
She smiled up at me. “That was the best first dance ever.”
“Not even a contest.”