Chapter Ten #6
She had to pull off the road twice because she couldn’t see through the blur of tears that kept welling up and spilling over and she hadn’t even gotten out of Clifton yet.
The second time, she jerked the rental SUV onto the gravel shoulder, threw it into park, and collapsed forward.
Her forehead pressed against the cool leather of the steering wheel as deep, ragged sobs tore through her chest.
The sudden sharp rap against her window sent her heart into her throat.
A strangled scream escaped her lips as she jerked upright, mascara-streaked face turning toward the sound.
A tall officer stood there, his broad shoulders silhouetted by the hypnotic swirl of blue and red lights from his cruiser.
With trembling fingers, she lowered the window, letting in the cool evening air that smelled of dust and distant rain.
“Ma’am? Are you alright?” His voice was deep, but friendly.
“No, but I will be.” She wiped at her damp cheeks with the back of her hand. “I just need a minute.”
“Could I see your license, registration and proof of insurance?” the officer asked, his face shadowed beneath the brim of his cowboy hat.
“Of course.” She fumbled through her leather wallet with clumsy fingers, extracted her California license with its too-bright photo, and passed it through the window. The glovebox clicked open, and she retrieved the rental paperwork and handed them out.
He studied the papers, then looked back at her. “This is a rental and you’re from California?”
“Yes, sir.” She cleared her throat, trying to sound professional despite her puffy eyes. “I was here to take photos for a magazine doing an article on Beckett Feed.”
“I see. I’ll be right back.” His boots crunched on the gravel as he retreated to his vehicle.
Ryan watched him go in the side mirror, the reflection wavering as fresh tears threatened. She hated being pulled over, the vulnerability of it, but in all honesty, she hadn’t been. The officer had just stopped to make sure she was alright, a small mercy on this day.
Minutes crawled by before she spotted him returning, his silhouette growing larger in her mirror. She noticed he wore jeans with a khaki shirt, and it made her smile. Small town deputy. He handed the documents back through the window, his fingers brushing against hers momentarily.
“Are you sure you’re alright? I don’t like you sitting on the side of the road. Even though it’s daylight, you’re in a dangerous spot.”
“I’m fine now. I’ll go.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, avoiding his gaze.
“Where are you heading?”
“To Kalispell to catch a flight home.” The words felt hollow in her mouth.
“Alright.” He nodded slowly. “You just be careful. Have a good afternoon, ma’am.” He touched the brim of his hat in a gesture that was so familiar to her since being in Clifton, then strode back to his cruiser, boots kicking up small clouds of dust that danced in her taillights.
Ryan watched as the cruiser’s lights dimmed, and it pulled away.
As it passed, she saw it was a Sheriff’s K-9 SUV, then it disappeared around a bend in the road.
She took a deep, shuddering breath that filled her lungs with the scent of the countryside.
With mechanical movements, she returned the rental documents to the glovebox and tucked her license into her purse.
After checking for traffic, she eased the SUV back onto the empty asphalt ribbon that led through Clifton.
As she drove through the town, fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.
She would miss this town and the wonderful people she’d met.
She smiled through her tears as she looked at the Clifton Diner, people going in and out.
Cowboy’s touching the brims of their hats at everyone they passed.
She loved this town, and she would never forget it, or the one cowboy who had stolen her heart but didn’t want it.
****
Monday morning, the pre-dawn sky was still deep indigo when Seth crossed the frost-tipped yard, the steam curling from the coffee cup in his hands.
Each breath came in white puffs as he passed the barn and entered the arena, his boots crunching on the cement underfoot.
He paused at the rail, sweeping his gaze over the raked footing as if it might offer some comfort for his restless mind.
He set his mug atop a post, its warmth drifting into the chill dawn breeze.
Seth knew it would warm up as the day went on, but mornings could still be chilly.
Then he slipped through the barn doors and whistled softly to coax the chestnut filly from her stall.
He hadn’t slept a wink. Every time he closed his eyes, Ryan’s face, streaked with tears, haunted him.
He loathed that he’d been the cause of them, yet he couldn’t shake the conviction that he’d made the right choice.
To him, the life they might have shared here on the ranch was a promise he’d seen broken too many times.
He’d seen some of his friends go through it.
A woman thinking she’d love being in Montana but ended up leaving. Just like with Autumn.
The ache of Autumn’s goodbye had been sharp, but nothing cut deeper than losing Ryan. He’d fallen for her with an intensity he hadn’t known possible. Still, he’d never ask her to stay. Once bitten, twice shy.
“You could always move to California,” he muttered to himself.
“Still talking to yourself?” Cull’s voice rumbled from the other side of the rail.
Seth removed his hat, ran a hand through his hair, then placed it back onto his head. “It’s my favorite pastime.”
Cull placed his hands on the top rail as he watched the filly running around. “Have you thought any more about—”
“Me going to California or asking her to stay?” Seth offered.
Cull nodded. “Both.”
Seth’s gaze drifted to the horse as she pawed at the ground. “Not much else runs through my head.”
“I’ve given it thought. If you head to California, I’ll hold down the fort, but I bet you’d come back.”
Seth shrugged, his shoulders taut. “Probably. Doesn’t feel like there’s a future either way.”
“I don’t envy you, man.” Cull’s eyes softened.
“What if Britt hadn’t wanted this life?”
Cull spoke of Britt, her arrival at Bur Oak Ranch, their meeting at the diner, how her laughter lit the room. He’d told her he wanted her to be here with him; she had agreed to stay, curious about what might grow between them. Cull’s voice held a gentle pride. “She never looked back.”
“Lucky,” Seth said, though it sounded hollow.
“There are other women who stayed. Becca, Olivia, Kelsey, Jessa, the Gates women, and don’t forget Elise. Declan made her leave to see if she made the right choice and she did. She came back to him. I know there are more who chose this life, chose their men. They stayed.”
Seth turned back to the arena footing. “I can’t see Ryan doing that.”
Cull huffed out a laugh. “I’m sure Jake, Wyatt, Ryder, Grant, and the rest all thought the same thing. If you’d just talk to her, maybe you’d see how serious she is. How she feels about you,” Cull urged. “Don’t throw this away. Life’s too short to wonder what if.”
Seth drew a deep breath. “After what I said to her the last time I saw her, I doubt she’d listen.”
“You’ll regret not trying,” Cull insisted. “She told you she wanted to stay. She’s not fickle, she wants you. I just don’t know why.”
Seth managed to have a ghost of a smile. “Neither do I.”
Cull patted his shoulder and strode off toward the UTV. “Keep me posted. I’m going to check the rows.”
“I’m just glad we didn’t lose any in the freeze.”
“Me too. The row covers did their jobs. Call me on the radio if you need anything.”
“Alright, Cull.”
Both men turned when they heard Elsie mooing along with the sound of the bell round her neck. Cull looked at Seth.
“I’ll take her back.” Cull walked to the cow, wrapped his hand around her collar and led her out of the barn.
The filly ran back to Seth, and sighed against his sleeve, her warm nose nudging his hand. He rubbed behind her ear, the slick sheen of her coat under his palm grounding him. He inhaled the scent of hay and horse, forcing out thoughts of Ryan.
He looked up at the sun still hanging low in the sky and wondered if she was home and happy. He needed to get to work, so right now, his focus belonged to the young horse.
“Come on, pretty girl,” he murmured as he vaulted the rail. His boots landed in the soft sand next to the long reins. He turned as the filly bounded forward, tail flicking. She stopped at his side, nostrils flared in greeting, and whinnied encouragement.
Seth smiled, heart tightening with both hope and doubt. “Ready, then?” he asked. The filly tossed her mane and nudged him again. Together, they moved toward the center of the arena, each step settling him back into the work he knew best.