Chapter Ten #5
His fingertips brushed over his bloodshot eyes, pressing until kaleidoscope patterns bloomed behind his eyelids.
He could keep training horses no matter where he lived, his hands knew the work like they knew his own heartbeat, but he’d be letting Ash down.
His acreage had been one of the first that Ash had approached for growing feed, and as his friend since grade school, Seth would help him any way he could.
It’s what people around here did, handshake promises were worth more than signed contracts.
How could he just let all the fields go to seed when Ash depended on that yield?
Seth closed his eyes and pictured Ryan’s smile, the dimples that appeared deep in her cheeks, the way her midnight hair caught the sunlight, making it appear streaked with midnight blue.
She would never trade her place for his home in Montana.
Could he really upend everything, chase a life down south and abandon the only place where every fence post and creek bend held a memory?
He snapped the footrest closed with a decisive click, stood, and strode from the living room into the kitchen where he snagged his sweat-stained Stetson from the peg by the door, settled it low on his forehead, and stepped outside.
The sun had bowed out hours ago, leaving the ranch under a velvet sky.
Heading toward the weathered barn, he paused on the gravel drive, boots crunching to stillness.
The night air was crisp, scented with fresh-cut hay, distant pine, and the earthy musk of horses.
Stars burned overhead, countless pinpricks of light shimmering like diamonds scattered across black silk, more stars than Ryan would ever see through the city’s bright lights in California.
“Seth?”
He paused, the soft thud of his boots on packed earth echoing in the still night. Beyond him, the low-slung barn’s interior glowed amber from the doorway. Gravel crunched under Cull’s boots as he stepped into view, shoulders back, silhouette sharp against the warm pool of light.
Seth straightened. “Cull, what are you doing out here?”
Cull leaned casually against the barn’s rough-hewn frame, arms crossed over his chest, one hip cocked as he leaned against the open door.
“Had to shoe Thunder,” he said, nodding toward a faint whinny drifting from the stalls.
The light cast dancing shadows across his Stetson.
“I was packing up to call it a night when I saw you meandering around.” His voice was low but firm, a question wrapped in concern. “What’s on your mind?”
Seth shrugged, shoulders slumping as a cool breeze whispered through the grass at the fence line. “Just needed to get out of that damn house for a bit.”
Cull shook his head. He exhaled a visible puff in the chill air. “I was surprised to see her today.”
“She said she wanted to tell you all goodbye.” Seth’s voice caught on the last words.
“And you? Did she tell you goodbye?” Cull’s eyebrows rose, the question more hopeful than accusation.
Seth paused, then shook his head. “No.”
He walked over to the corral fence, where the old oak rails were chipped and smooth from years of restless horse leaning.
Resting his forearms on the top rail, he watched the Paint mare drift across the dusty paddock under a pale wash of moonlight.
Cull fell in beside him, their boots scuffing the dirt.
“I thought she left.” Cull’s voice was soft, as if afraid to shatter the quiet.
“Yeah, me too. But she said she pushed her flight back so she could see you guys.” Seth removed his hat, ran a hand through his hair, stiff with dust, and replaced the hat.
“Why didn’t she let you know before she showed up?”
“She knew I’d tell her not to come out here,” Seth admitted, shoulders hitching.
He pushed off the rail and met Cull’s gaze.
“Cull, if I packed up and moved to California to be with her… could you run this place?” His voice dropped to a whisper, as if the horses in the stalls might overhear and fret.
Cull frowned. “Run this place? What are you talking about?”
“If I went to her… could you handle growing feed for Ash?” Seth fiddled with the railing’s chipped paint, anxious.
“Are you actually planning on moving?” Cull asked slowly.
Seth’s chest tightened. “I don’t know, Cull. I’m in love with her.”
“I know,” Cull said, his tone steady but warm. “She’s in love with you too.”
Seth studied his friend’s face, lit by flickering light and shadow. “I know. She told me.”
“She told you? When?” Cull shook his head.
“When she left today. She said she wouldn’t tell me goodbye, but she’d tell me she loved me.”
“I could see it every time she looked at you. Hell, any time you were a prick to her, you hurt her, but I could still see it.”
Seth ran both hands along the grain of the fence rail. “It was a defense mechanism. If I didn’t act like that, I’d have been dragging her off to bed every time she walked into a room.”
“Which you did anyway.” Cull leaned back against the rail; one foot braced on the bottom rung. “This is your home, Seth. Could you really give this up? I mean, I’d keep it going for you, sure, but these fields, these fences, this land… they’re yours.”
Seth tipped his head, stifling a sigh. The night air smelled of hay, horse sweat, and earth.
He watched a lone cricket slip across a fence post’s rough surface.
“I’m just trying to figure things out,” he said, rubbing the nape of his neck.
“I can train horses anywhere, but… Ash came to me for help, and I can’t just walk away.
If I do decide to go to California, I want to know this place still plants feed for him. ”
Cull’s breath puffed white in the moonlight as he studied Seth. “I don’t like the idea of you leaving. You built this land. It’s in your blood. I think it’d be a mistake, but I get it. Ultimately, it’s not my place to run it. It’s yours.”
Seth exhaled heavily, shoulders drooping like he carried the weight of every storm cloud that had passed over these fields.
“I understand, Cull, but damn, I miss her.” He shook his head, as if to dislodge memories.
“She just left, and I fucking miss her like crazy. I shouldn’t have kissed her and I sure as shit shouldn’t have had sex with her. ”
“You two had sexual tension from day one,” Cull said quietly. “Have you even asked her what she wants?”
Seth’s jaw tightened. “She was here to tell me she’d stay, if I’d ask her.”
“Let me guess… you didn’t, did you?” Cull’s voice rose over the distant whinny of a restless horse.
Seth managed a wry smirk that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Because I know she’d end up leaving. Clifton isn’t for everyone, especially a city girl like her.
No big-name shops, no Rodeo Drive. You remember Autumn.
I’m not going through that again. There’s nothing to keep Ryan here.
” He kicked at a tuft of grass with his scuffed boot.
“Except you,” Cull countered. “She loves you, Seth. Autumn wanted you away from here from the start, she never even gave us men the time of day. But Ryan… Ryan didn’t want to leave here.
She wanted to stay.” He brushed his hand over his chin.
“You two need to talk this out. If you honestly think she won’t be happy here, then you’ll know if you should go.
But do you really see yourself in California? It’s nice, sure, but it’s not home.”
“She only wanted me because I was different from other men she’d dated.” Seth’s voice was small in the vast, starlit paddock.
“You don’t believe that any more than I do,” Cull said. “But California isn’t your home.”
Seth stared out where moonlight washed the corral rails in silver. Darkness swallowed the far posts, turning them into ghostly silhouettes. His jaw set.
“But it is Ryan’s.”
Cull sighed, the sound like a slow exhale. “You shouldn’t do anything before you talk with her.”
“I’ll think about it.” Seth lifted one foot and rested it on the bottom rail, hands finding their way into his pockets.
“You do that, you hardheaded prick.” Cull cracked a small, fond smile, and Seth’s low chuckle broke the tension. “I’m heading home, got to get some food in me. Long day of dust and complaints.”
“Complaints about what?” Seth asked.
“The guys bitched about the heat today. Not two days ago they were complaining it was too cold, then it got colder later in the day.” Cull walked back into the barn doorway. “Welcome to Clifton. Night, Seth.”
“See you Monday morning.” Seth watched his friend’s silhouette melt into the dim interior, then turned back to the corral.
After a long moment, he decided to shake off the weight twisting his gut.
A hot shower, slipping under crisp sheets, and mindless TV until sleep claimed him, that was the only way to quiet the images of Ryan that haunted every dark corner of his mind.
Closing his eyes meant seeing her. The one woman he wanted but knew he could never have.
****
At noon on Sunday, Ryan hugged Alyssa as they cried. “I’ll miss you. Please, keep in touch, Ryan.”
“I will. What are you going to do?”
Alyssa smiled. “I think I’m going to stay. I saw there’s a storefront for sale. If I can sell my shop at home, I’d be able to buy this one.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to go back.”
“Well, you let me know. You have my phone number, text me anytime.” Ryan pulled her into another hug, then walked to her SUV, climbed inside, closed the door and lowered the window. “I wish you all the best, Alyssa. Take care of yourself. I hope to see you again.”
“Same here. You be careful, Ryan.”
As Ryan backed up the SUV, she waved, then put the car into gear and drove off. She had a two-hour trip ahead of her to reach Kalispell, which gave her plenty of time to make her flight at seven this evening.