Chapter Twelve Taking Counsel （Maybe）
~ Casey ~
‘There is an upside to the complete lack of sex in my life,’ Casey muttered under her breath while she was stripping the beds. ‘The sheets last longer.’
She shook out the duvet covers and pillow cases and threw them into a neat pile under the window, ready to be taken to the washing machine later. Picking her favourite linens out of the cupboard, she began remaking the bed. Her mind freewheeled and pondered the mysteries of life.
Since their quick talk on the Brighton promenade after their mutually failed one-night stands, she and Alex hadn’t talked about their situation again. Once more, it had become the elephant in the room. The DIY strategy was working out for her, and she assumed it kept Alex sane too, but they never discussed it — even though they had sworn they would be open with each other.
In fact, they never discussed much of anything at the moment. Naturally they went through the motions of cooking and keeping house together. They exchanged small talk on the matter of who would do the shopping and what would need to be bought. They conversed with each other in front of the band. But they never really talked to each other about anything of consequence. At the end of the day, when there were no further distractions to be had, they sat on their separate sofas, watching telly rather than facing their demons.
‘Demons,’ Casey snorted out loud. ‘Now there’s a concept that goes with curses. “Curses and demons.” Could be the title of a novel.’
She blew out a breath and let her body sag onto the bed. This wasn’t how she had imagined her life with Alex. The sex thing — the lack-of-sex thing — was taking on far bigger proportions than she had ever thought possible. They had become uncomfortable around each other. They didn’t like touching each other, and any kind of affection had vanished from their once demonstrative relationship. In bed, they lay as far apart as the mattress would allow. This wasn’t normal. And it certainly wasn’t healthy.
Casey picked up a pillow and hugged it tightly. ‘We’re falling apart,’ she informed it casually. ‘It’s like we’re rotting from the inside, and I can’t stop it. Worse still, now we’re totally ignoring what’s going on. One day, the whole house of cards will simply collapse, and what then?’
The pillow had no answers.
‘What shall I do?’ Casey persisted. ‘I have to do something!’
She thought of James’s card nestling in her handbag. In fact, she had been thinking about James’s suggestion a lot in recent days. But she hadn’t worked up the courage to mention it to Alex. Besides, she didn’t think Alex was ready to embrace the idea of seeing a sex therapist. Perhaps she should take the plunge and see James on her own. It might be a start.
‘Or you could go and get some relationship counselling,’ Sasha suggested tentatively, after Casey relayed her woes to her over coffee later that afternoon. ‘At least it’s a bit less scary than sex therapy.’
‘Maybe so,’ Casey agreed. ‘But I can’t see Alex trudging off to a counsellor with me.’
‘Hm.’ Sasha frowned. ‘That’s a problem. Men can be so jolly awkward.’
‘Tell me about it.’ Casey bit her tongue. She sounded bitter and jaded, and she hated it.
‘What about Myles? Can’t you ask him to suggest it to Alex? You know what they say about blokes — you’ve got to let them think they had the idea.’
‘Myles?’ Casey guffawed. ‘You must be out of your mind. How am I going to get Myles to persuade Alex to convince me that we need to visit a relationship counsellor?’
‘All right, point taken. So how about Liza?’
‘Liza?’ Now Casey was perplexed.
‘Yeah!’ Sasha warmed to her idea. ‘Get Liza on board with the plan. Make her talk to Myles and get her to get him to make Alex see the light.’
‘Wow, that’s convoluted logic,’ Casey tried to prevaricate.
‘But it’ll work, trust me! Liza is a clever girl. She’ll get Myles to do what you want without him even noticing. And before you know it, Alex will drag you off to the nearest counsellor.’
Casey gulped. ‘Okay. It’s worth a shot. But how do I get Liza to help?’
‘Give it to her straight, like you’ve done with me. She won’t let you down, I’m sure. She’s your friend too, and she’s a woman. She’ll get it.’
* * *
‘Oh man.’ Liza wrapped Casey into a big hug. She touched a few sliders on the mixing desk. Then she joined Casey on the sofa and leaned forward earnestly. ‘Of course I get it. But what a bummer. I can’t believe you two are still struggling so much. I was hoping . . . I’d hoped that things had improved.’ She looked a little shifty as she spoke. ‘I . . . I’d worried that it was my fault, but I think we’re beyond that now at any rate.’
‘Your fault?’
Liza shrugged and sighed. She rubbed her forehead as though she had a sudden headache. ‘Look, Casey, I might as well tell you, even though you’re not going to want to hear this. I meant to tell you ages ago, but I was too chicken.’
Casey’s heart sank. ‘Tell me what?’
‘I . . . I was jealous of you for the longest time. I had the most almighty crush on Alex. It never went anywhere, and then you turned up. It wasn’t so bad when you’d only joined the band, but when you started going out with Alex properly, I thought I’d go mad. And the wedding . . . Man, that was tough. I’d kind of hoped that you two wouldn’t last.’ She held up her hands in a gesture of surrender and hung her head. ‘And when that curse popped up, I thought it was a bit of a sign.’
‘You what?’
‘Nothing ever happened,’ Liza quickly assured her. ‘I swear. Honest to God. I’m not the kind of girl to steal someone else’s man. It was just a crush on my part. I don’t think Alex was even aware!’ She sniffed and snorted. ‘That’s blokes for you.’
‘You have a crush on Alex?’
‘Had.’ Liza was emphatic. ‘I thought he was the most fanciable man around. I still do, but . . . things are different. Seeing you guys struggle so badly and suffer so much since the wedding . . . I feel terrible. Like my jealousy brought this on you.’
Casey shook her head. ‘That’s ridiculous. Unless you actually did something.’
‘I didn’t. I wouldn’t. And I swear, I’m over this now. I want to help you. You . . . you love Alex so much, I want to help you figure this out.’
‘Shh!’ Casey looked around, suddenly and somewhat belatedly panic-stricken. ‘Alex and Myles will hear us!’
‘No, they won’t. The intercom is off, I made sure of that. Besides, he and Myles are way too busy thrashing out the beats. I bet they can’t even hear themselves in there.’
She held up a finger, and both she and Casey sat and listened. They were in the mixing room, lounging on the tattered sofas behind the sound desk. The sound engineer had gone on his lunch break, and Myles and Alex were in the studio experimenting with drum rolls and guitar riffs.
‘So you want me to get Myles to talk Alex into getting some help with you,’ Liza resumed the earlier part of their conversation.
‘That’s right.’ Casey rubbed her nose. She was struggling to assimilate what Liza had divulged to her. Although it made sense. All the funny looks and snipey digs, they added up now that she understood that Liza had hankered after Alex. But she had just come clean, and she was dead straight and honest. If she said she was over her crush, then she probably was. Or was she? Did it matter either way? Could she trust Liza?
‘Hm.’ Liza wrinkled her brow, either oblivious to Casey’s turmoil or opting to ignore it. ‘That’s an interesting challenge. How can I put that idea in his head?’
She’s trying to help me. I’ve got to trust her, Casey decided. What else could she do, after all? Make a scene? Liza’s admission took a lot of guts. She had to respect that.
Casey closed her eyes and made herself focus on the problem at hand. Out loud, she asked, ‘Do you think Myles and Alex ever talk about stuff? You know, about “us”? As in, Alex and me?’
‘I doubt it.’ Liza shrugged. ‘You know what blokes are like. Leave them on their own, and all they’ll talk about is football and beer.’
‘We’re doomed,’ Casey declared. ‘We’ll have to get through six more years of atrocious sex. Or, as it is at the moment, practically no sex.’
Liza pulled a face. ‘That’s what’s confusing me. The curse doesn’t say you couldn’t have sex. It says you’d be having bad sex.’
‘I still don’t believe in that curse, by the way,’ Casey reminded her friend. ‘But, for what it’s worth, “bad” may be a relative thing. I’ve been thinking about this, you see.’
‘You have?’
‘Well, yeah. Of course I have. I even looked up counter-curses in a weak moment.’
‘You did?’ Liza was agog.
‘Yeah. Let’s not go there. Besides, you’re side-tracking me. I’ve been thinking about “bad”. It could mean simply . . . bad. You know, unsatisfactory. Or clumsy. Or painful. Or it could mean bad. As in evil, wicked, or cruel. Then again, it could mean bad as in unhealthy, damaging, or ruinous.’
Liza shook her head. ‘Have you been reading that dictionary again?’
‘No!’ Casey lied. ‘I happen to know a lot of words.’
‘Of course you do,’ Liza agreed, clearly unconvinced. ‘And your point is?’
‘My point is that this whole situation has become bad in the third sense: unhealthy, damaging, and ruinous.’
‘Which is why you want to get professional help.’
‘Exactly. Either that, or a divorce.’ Casey clapped her hand in front of her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say that. Really! It simply slipped out. But now it couldn’t be unsaid.
‘Casey!’ Liza’s eyes went as big as saucers. ‘You don’t mean that, do you? You haven’t even been married six months!’
‘I don’t mean it,’ Casey said in a small voice. ‘I don’t know where that came from. But don’t you see? This whole situation is totally corrosive! We’re dying here!’
‘That’s a bit extreme, but I get your point. You do need help.’ She nibbled at her index finger. ‘I know!’
‘You know what?’
‘I know how to do it. I know how to get Myles to get Alex to see the light.’ Liza smirked. She had that self-assured look about her that always made Casey envious. How did one get so certain of oneself?
‘How?’
‘You’ll need to help me. You’ll need to have a bit of a to-do with Alex. You know: a row, a big fight. So that Myles and I can talk about it when you’ve gone.’
‘That doesn’t sound particularly auspicious,’ Casey grumbled.
‘I’m a manipulator of men’s minds, not a magician,’ Liza retorted. ‘And I need an opening to get Myles into the zone. Then I’ll get him drunk. Next, I’ll get him running through scenarios. Then, I’ll get him to understand that you guys might split up. I’ll leave him to figure out the implications for the band . . . and I’ll drop the idea of “professional help” in there at the perfect moment.’
Liza paused for breath and grinned before continuing to lay out her plan. ‘Myles isn’t stupid. He’ll want to help his friends and rescue the band. He will suggest that you guys need to see someone. And he’ll put it to Alex. Trust me. I’ve got this figured out. But you’ve got to pretend that you’ve gone off the idea when Alex finally brings it to you. The more resistant you seem, the more you’ll drive him to go.’
‘You make it sound so easy,’ Casey breathed.
‘It will be. But I do need a convincing performance from you by way of fighting with Alex. I need the mother of all rows. Myles has to be shit-scared you might actually walk away from the band so that he’ll be well primed.’
‘Oh gosh.’ Casey felt her lips quivering, and she erupted in goosebumps of fear all over her body. But she reined in the panic and agreed to Liza’s plan. ‘Okay. I’ll do my best.’
* * *
~ Alex ~
‘Here we are.’ Alex looked at the unassuming doorway in amongst the hustle and bustle of Notting Hill Gate. There was only the tiniest sign on the door. If he weren’t looking for the place, he would never have seen it. For years he had been living practically around the corner and not known this therapy place was right there.
People jostled past them, oblivious to the torture he and his wife were about to face. He gave Casey an optimistic smile and tried to ignore the rather vivid flashbacks to the last time they had consulted an ‘expert’ at his behest. The thought of Psychic Sam still creeped him out, but hopefully Bethany would be different. She would be properly trained, for a start, with three (yes, three!) psychology degrees to her name.
Going to see a relationship counsellor hadn’t been his idea. Or perhaps it had? Alex couldn’t recall who actually said the very words in the end. Too much alcohol had been consumed by him and Myles by the time the notion of visiting a counsellor had floated through the room. ‘You need help, mate,’ Myles had slurred. ‘That row you had with Casey, man, that was unhealthy.’
That row, indeed.Alex winced at the recollection.
Things had been ticking over nicely — albeit sexlessly — in his marriage, he had thought, until one day, in the studio, Casey had kicked up an almighty fuss about something completely trivial.
A few days after the fight, Myles had cornered him and dragged him out to the pub. At first, they had quietly downed a few pints without saying much. Eventually, Myles had asked — with uncharacteristic tact, one might add — if everything was okay between Alex and Casey, relationship-wise and sex-wise. Acting out of character himself, too, Alex had given Myles a quick low-down on the situation.
Strangely enough, Myles had not let go of the topic, as was normally his wont, but had wanted to lend an ear, he had said, and to be a real friend to his best mate. He wanted to help fix the marriage and the — cue embarrassed cough — ‘sex thing’. By that time, Alex had been too drunk to see anything strange about Myles’s extraordinarily supportive behaviour. Besides, it had been nice to confide in someone, to lay it all out in the open to a sympatheticear with no vested interest.
And somewhere along the line, the relationship counsellor had entered the conversation. Not physically, of course, but as a concept, an idea, an avenue of exploration. He was almost sure Myles had brought it up first.
Alex frowned. In retrospect, some of what Myles had said had sounded a little scripted, but he couldn’t quite figure out why he should think so. The conversation was so unlike Myles that he could only assume that his best mate was genuinely worried about him.
Which was why he had agreed to the crazy idea of taking Casey to a proper counsellor. To his enormous surprise, Casey had been somewhat unexcited by his plan when he had first suggested it. He had expected her to jump for joy, but she had seemed reluctant to go. However, her resistance had only strengthened his resolve. For once, he would be the driving force behind a touchy-feely-talky attempt to rescue their ailing relationship. And so here they were.
‘Here we are,’ Casey repeated. ‘Are you sure we have to do this?’
‘Positive.’ Alex brooked no argument, even though he felt sick to his stomach. It would have been easier to turn up here after a few pints, but he supposed that wasn’t the done thing. He breathed in and out and took Casey’s hand. ‘Let’s go.’
He pushed open the door and led Casey up a flight of narrow and rather dark stairs. The relationship counselling service was on the third floor, and each flight of stairs grew progressively brighter. ‘It’s like emerging from the underworld,’ he joked lightly, but Casey didn’t seem to get it.
At last, they arrived at their destination. Musak was being piped into the reception room, and the waiting area was rammed with fat sofas, rattan chairs, and potted palm trees. There was no receptionist, but a notice on the wall invited ‘guests’ to ring a bell to call for attention. Obediently, Alex pressed the button, and a bird began chirping frantically.
‘My word.’ Casey giggled. ‘That’s really quite annoying.’
‘That’s an interesting association,’ a mellifluous voice spoke up behind her. ‘I’d like to explore that further. You must be Casey.’
Casey gave a start like a frightened deer, and Alex thought she might well bolt. He held her hand more tightly. Together, they turned around to be greeted by their counsellor.
‘Hi, I’m Bethany.’
Bethany smiled widely, showing a set of sparkly white teeth, and held out a hand to each of them. She wore a floral caftan with lashings of silver necklaces, some of which fell down almost to her knees, and her hair was plaited and rolled up either side of her head in Princess Leia-style buns. She looked wholesome and healthy, as though she was eating apples and honey all day and had never had sex in her entire life.
Belatedly, Alex realised that Bethany was waiting for a reply, and that Casey hadn’t offered one as yet.
‘I’m Alex,’ he said a little more gruffly than he had intended. ‘And yes, this is Casey, my wife.’
‘How very nice to meet you,’ Bethany trilled. ‘Do come through and let’s get to meet each other properly.’
She ushered them through to her ‘room of inner peace and happiness,’ as she called it, and asked them to pick a seat at random. Casey immediately sat on a light blue sofa, and, without hesitating, Alex squeezed himself next to her.
‘Oh good,’ Bethany sang. ‘You’re sitting next to each other. That’s a good start.’
Alex shifted his body uncomfortably. He hated having his every move analysed. Of course they were sitting next to each other. They were still a couple. Then again, he supposed that Bethany saw couples who were beyond reconciliation. Perhaps they chose to sit at opposite ends of the room. Heck, they might choose to sit in different rooms. So perhaps the fact that he had elected to share the same physical space as Casey was significant.
‘Who wants to tell me what worries you?’ Bethany invited in her singsong voice.
Alex looked at Casey. Casey looked at him. ‘You go first,’ she suggested testily. ‘This was your idea.’
‘Ah,’ Bethany chimed in. ‘I sense a certain anger in you, Casey. You’re finding my tweetie birds annoying, and you’re clearly attributing responsibility for your problems to your husband. I see, I see.’
Alex felt Casey stiffen next to him. He could almost smell her indignation.
‘Shh,’ he whispered, trying to reassure her. ‘Take it easy. She’s only doing her job.’
‘I’m not angry,’ Casey hissed back. ‘And I’m not blaming you. She’s winding me up already!’
‘Don’t mind me,’ Bethany offered, trilling again. ‘This is all part of the healing process.’
‘I . . . err. Yes.’ Alex cleared his throat. ‘I guess I better get started on why we’re here.’
Bethany leaned forward eagerly. Her pinned plaits leaned forward, too. Wondering if they would disengage any moment soon, Alex tried hard not to stare.
‘Right. So. Um. You see, since we’ve got married, we’ve not really managed to . . . to make love.’
‘How fascinating. How do you feel about that?’
Alex was taken aback, but Casey jumped in with an answer before he could gather his wits.
‘What do you think? Pretty crap, of course.’
‘Interesting. There’s that hostility again. There’s a lot of resentment in you Casey.’
‘I—’
Alex squeezed Casey’s hand and started talking right over her. ‘It’s not great. But we can’t understand why, you see. Beforethe wedding, everything was okay between us.’
‘How unusual. And what happened next?’
‘What happened next?’ Alex scratched his head. This question seemed a bit disjointed to him. ‘We got married, and we couldn’t make love on our wedding night, so we tried the next day.’
‘Good, good. And how did you feel about that?’ The plaits wobbled in sympathy.
‘Excited.’
Bethany gave a start. ‘How lovely. A positive reaction from you, Casey. How do you feel about that, Alex?’
‘Err . . . excited?’ Alex was beginning to feel like he was in some kind of black comedy. The entire conversation was absurd.
‘We’re making progress!’ Bethany enthused and clapped her hands. Her plaits shook rhythmically, and Alex could have sworn he saw a hairpin drop out.
‘What happened next?’
‘Nothing,’ Alex picked up the story. ‘That’s the point. Nothing happened next.’
‘And how did you feel about that?’
Alex shook his head. He was aware of a strange pain in his hand, a pain that was becoming more intense by the minute. Suddenly he realised that it was Casey’s nails digging into his palm. If she pressed any harder, she would draw blood.
He tried to disengage his hand, but she wouldn’t let go. Worried now, he shot her a sideways look and saw that she was biting her lip in that surreptitious way she had when she was trying not to burst out laughing. Her whole body seemed to be quaking.
‘Alex? How did that make you feel? The nothing?’ Bethany’s eyes were open wide with sympathy.
‘Ah, yes. Sorry.’ Alex swallowed. ‘It . . . it reminded me of the time when my brother broke my favourite police car.’
‘It did?’ Bethany and Casey exclaimed in unison. Alex caught Casey staring at him. Thankfully, she had stopped trying to push her fingernails right through his palm.
‘It did, yes,’ he clarified in a firm voice. ‘I felt upset and cheated, and I wanted to hit him.’
‘Did you want to hit Casey when the nothing happened?’
‘No! What? No! Of course not. I—’
‘You can say it, darling,’ Casey chimed in softly. ‘We’re in a safe place here, remember?’
Where did she want him to go now? Alex frowned at her and shook his head. Casey drew in a deep breath and spoke again.
‘He won’t say it, Bethany, so I’ll have to tell. He cried. He cried like a baby.’
‘I did not!’ Alex objected truthfully. Casey winked at him. At least he thought she did, but it happened so quickly that he might have been mistaken.
‘You did, too, darling. Nothing to be ashamed of.’
Alex hung his head. Bethany reached out and patted his arm. ‘That was a big step for you, Alex. Well done. And what happened next?’
Casey jumped in. ‘The following day we went to our next destination, Barcelona. We went sightseeing, and we had a great time, but when we got back to the yacht, there was more . . . nothing . . . in bed.’
‘And how did that make you feel?’
Alex stifled a snort, and Casey had an answer at the ready. ‘Not too bad, actually, because I was feeling a bit queasy, and I hate the smell of condoms.’
‘You do?’ Bethany made a sympathetic face. ‘They can be a bit icky, can’t they? I totally agree.’
Alex coughed. This was not the time to inform Bethany that Casey was on the pill.
‘Oh, and the floppy rubber afterwards, it’s gross. So I was quite relieved, actually.’
‘I was devastated,’ Alex confessed gravely. ‘I felt almost as bad as when Maisie let me down after our snog in the bike shed in sixth form.’
‘You snogged Maisie?’ Casey pretended to be shocked. ‘As in, the Maisie?’
‘She promised to go the whole way,’ Alex defended himself, looking somewhat crestfallen. ‘She led me on, and then she let me down. That felt pretty crap.’
Bethany held up her hands. ‘This is wonderful! You’re really communicating here. Now let me—’
Casey locked gaze with Alex and ignored Bethany. The corners of her mouth twitched, and her eyes glinted.
‘Maisie Grawcock? You snogged Maisie Grawcock?’
Alex lifted his shoulders and adopted a contrite face as if he had really snogged Maisie Grawcock. In fact, he knew no Maisie Grawcock, quite apart from the fact that he and Casey had not gone to the same secondary school.
‘I did.’
‘Alex, I’m shocked. This explains everything.’
‘It does?’ Alex was stunned.
‘It does?’ Bethany was also surprised. ‘How do you feel about that?’
‘Ecstatic,’ Casey pronounced. ‘Wonderful. Light as a feather.’ She rose and threw her arms in the air. ‘Free as a bird. I can fly again!’
‘Oh my goodness.’ Bethany stood too. ‘This is one of the most radical results I’ve ever seen in my entire career. What a change in you, Casey!’
‘Bethany, I feel amazing. Magnificent. Ecstatic. And I’m really sorry, but I must go and take my husband to bed right now.’ She pulled Alex up.
‘Maisie Grawcock,’ she muttered softly. ‘Now I know what I have to do.’
‘People, people, don’t leave,’ Bethany trilled urgently. ‘We haven’t done the big hug of reconciliation yet.’
‘We’ll do that in bed,’ Casey shouted over her shoulder. Alex followed her blindly. He was shaking so badly with suppressed laughter that he couldn’t see for tears of mirth.
Together, they raced down the narrow stairs. They kept in step as they loped along Notting Hill Gate, and they didn’t stop until they reached their favourite coffee shop. They ordered drinks and bagged a table in the corner.
‘You wanted to beat your brother because he broke your police car?’ Casey gasped.
‘You hate the smell of the condoms we’re not using?’ Alex hiccupped.
‘And you snogged Maisie in the bike shed? I’m so disappointed in you!’
They collapsed in an embrace of giggles. Relationship counselling was clearly not the answer, but at least it had brought them closer. Alex hadn’t hugged Casey like this for weeks.
‘If she’d asked us one more time, “and how did you feel about that”, I swear I’d have lost my mind,’ Casey wheezed eventually.
‘And what happened next?’ Alex intoned in an ululating trill.
‘Poor woman. She’s only doing her job,’ Casey mused, calmer now.
‘Whatever is wrong with us, Bethany won’t fix it.’
‘No,’ Casey agreed again. ‘But you know what? She did make us laugh, and I do feel better than I have done for a while. What say we go to the cinema and maybe have a spot of dinner in the pub?’
‘What, now?’
‘Why not? We’ve nothing else to do, and I don’t want to go home yet. How about a new direction? How about we go for a spot of squeezing the moment?’ Casey grinned. ‘Well, at least the good ones, when they happen.’
‘Shouldn’t that be “seizing”?’
Casey frowned. ‘So it should, I guess. But you know what? I actually like “squeeze” better. It’s more us. Let’s not just seize the moment, let’s squeeze it for all it’s worth.’
‘I get it.’ Alex nodded slowly. ‘We’ve been too worried. We’ve stopped enjoying life. I think you’re right. Let’s get squeezing.’