47. Chapter 47
Chapter forty-seven
Day 23 Denali, Alaska
Demi reeled back. Aiden had an extra ability, too. One he’d never told her about.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why—” Her throat closed and started to ache. The why was obvious. He didn’t trust her. Not with the important stuff. Not with the core of him. Her lungs struggled to find breath. The connection she’d thought stretched between them didn’t exist. It couldn’t. Not when he’d withheld something so vital from her.
“Never mind.” Her voice sounded breathless. “I need to go.”
“Demi…” His voice was rough, his face conflicted.
About what? He’d made his decision years ago. Three years. He’d had three years to tell her about this and dozens of opportunities. All those times Kait had healed him in front of her. All those times they’d marveled at Kait’s incredible ability. It hadn’t even occurred to her he might have an extraordinary gift, too. Because he would have told her if he had one.
“Coming here was a mistake.” She stared at the door. He backed up against it, blocking her way. “Move. Please.”
The breathlessness in her voice gave way to dullness, to numbness. The numbness spread to her chest before engulfing her entire body from head to foot. It felt good, this detachment; something to burrow into, to curl up and grieve inside.
Aiden didn’t budge from his position against the door. “Look, you came here for a reason, right? Let’s talk about it.”
A spontaneous laugh burst from her—sharp and humorless. “Why bother? When have you ever shared anything important with me? What a fool I’ve been. I thought you shut me out because of your job. Because of the secrecy required to keep you and your teammates safe. I thought you held your secrets so close because you had to, because you were forbidden to share.” Another sharp laugh splintered the room. “How about this for irony? While you were sick, I convinced myself that we had some kind of connection, something special, like what Kait found with Cosky, or Olivia found with Samuel.” She paused long enough to draw in a shaky breath. “But Cosky knows about Kait’s healing ability. Samuel knows about Olivia’s gift. But you…you never trusted me enough to tell me you even had an ability.” Her voice cracked and then simply stopped working.
The numbness waned, pain prickling through the detachment. Her skin felt on fire. Her chest burned.
“Trust has nothing to do with it.” Aiden’s face twisted. He scrubbed a hand through his damp hair and took a small step forward. “I trust you. I’ve always trusted you.”
“Sure.” Demi eyed the door. He was still in the way. “You trust me? Got it. So, tell me, what’s your ability?”
His face went flat and locked down. She laughed again, only this time it held far too much pain for her comfort. The fire in her chest exploded outward, consuming her entire body. Her face burned. So did her eyes.
“Can’t even bring yourself to tell me now, can you?” She steadied her breathing and hardened her voice. “Move away from the door, Aiden.”
His hand went from his hair to his face, covering it completely. He pushed back against the door, using it like a brace. “It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you that I didn’t tell you about my gift.” He loaded the last word with derision. His hand dropped. He shook his head, disgust thick on his face. “I didn’t tell you because it’s fucking embarrassing.”
The unexpectedness of that admission snapped her from her emotional tailspin. Embarrassing? “How so?”
He drew a deep breath and grimaced. “My ability doesn’t save lives. Hell, it doesn’t benefit anyone but me.”
There was something lurking beneath the disgust on his face, something hollow, but honest. Pained sincerity radiated from him.
“I don’t understand.” Her voice was quiet now. The fire receded until she could think again. He seemed to mean what he was saying. His frustration rang clearly in his voice, was alive on his face.
“Kait’s gift allows her to heal. She takes away people’s pain, heals their injuries…she can save lives. Her gift’s a fucking miracle.”
Demi nodded her agreement.
Aiden started pacing back and forth, from wall to wall, in front of the door. “And Wolf’s gift… Fuck, it saves lives too. He’s saved mine twice now with those forward flashes he gets. He’s saved Kait too. Hell, his premonition even saved O’Neill on that last mission.”
Demi nodded again and waited for him to continue.
He took another trip to the wall and back. When he spoke again, his voice had dropped to a gritty snarl.
“My gift, in comparison, is a fucking farce.” There was more than disgust on his face now. There was loss and emptiness, like what he’d been given was worthless. A slap in the face, even.
But a farce? Surely not. They were talking about extraordinary abilities. How could anything that was outside the normal human range be a farce?
“That can’t be true, Aiden.” She gentled her voice.
“Yeah?” He stopped abruptly and spun to face her. His hands curled into fists and slammed down on his hips. He looked frustrated and…ashamed?
“You want to know what my great gift is? Well, here it is. I have the Midas touch. My gift results in money. Lots and lots of money. It doesn’t save lives or prevent tragedies. It just makes me richer and richer.”
She let that sink in. His gift made him rich? How was that deserving of such anger and shame? Most people would love to have such an awesome ability. She kept the observation to herself, though, because Aiden obviously was disgusted with his ability.
She swallowed her confusion and tried to see his perspective. He made money off his extraordinary ability rather than saving people’s lives? How was that a bad thing? One could do great things with a constant influx of cash. Maybe it didn’t directly save lives like Kait’s and Wolf’s gifts—but helping people financially could indirectly enhance their situations, sometimes even save their lives.
Did he not see that?
Maybe there was more to his gift than what he was telling her. She needed more information.
“When you say you have the Midas touch, what does that mean?” She chose her words carefully.
His shoulders curling forward, he scrubbed both hands down his face. When he dropped them again, he looked defeated. “If I look at an article or a television report of an upcoming horse race, I’ll know what horses are going to win. I know what baseball or football teams are going to win. When I walk through a casino, I’ll know what machines are about to drop a big payout. I know what stocks are about to surge. Fuck—” he drew a deep breath. “I even know the weekly lottery numbers. I could win every single fucking time if I wanted to.”
Woah.
Although Demi never said the word, she must have mouthed it, because he flinched and looked away. Which was so weird. Why was he so ashamed of this ability?
“I don’t understand why you find this such a problem, Aiden.” She couldn’t hold the comment back. He wasn’t putting on an act. He was too vulnerable and raw.
“Because it’s a fucking ridiculous ability. It helps no one other than me,” he snapped, his eyebrows furrowing and pulling down.
“But you could use it to help others.” She stepped forward to touch his arm. “There is so much good you could do with the kind of money you’re talking about.” She waited until his gaze focused on her face before continuing. “There are thousands of people out there waiting on experimental treatments or surgeries they can’t afford. People with no insurance and no money who can’t even get on the transplant list unless they come up with the procedure costs.” She was surprised he hadn’t already thought of this. “Or what about all the people who’ve hit hard times and need help with rent or house payments, even food…lunches for kids?” She stroked his arm. “You could help a lot of people by giving that money to various charities.”
He pulled his arm back and nailed her with an are-you-fucking-kidding-me glare. “What the fuck do you think I’m doing with the money now?”
“Then why do you find your ability so distasteful? You’re helping people.” Her confusion increased.
“Because it’s not the same. I’m not saving people’s lives. Not like Kait and Wolf,” he snapped.
“But you are saving people. Every time you give someone money, you’re helping them. You’re probably helping a lot more people than Kait or Wolf have.”
“It’s not the same thing,” he insisted tightly, a blindly stubborn look in his eyes.
She studied him. There was an odd expression on his face. Stubborn, yet lost. It was like he didn’t know why he was so dissatisfied with his gift. Or at least he hadn’t been able to come up with a valid reason. She didn’t want to argue with him. He was entitled to his feelings, even though they made no sense to her. But her intuition screamed that his frustration with his ability was crucial to understanding him.
“Why is the way Wolf and Kait help people so much better than the way you do? All three of you are helping people in need.”
For a moment, it looked like he wasn’t going to answer. His mouth flattened. So did his gaze. But then his eyes lost focus, as though he were considering the question.
“Their gifts impact people immediately, people they know—friends, family, coworkers. They’re hands on. It’s a visceral process for them.”
Something clicked in her head. Was there too much of a distance between the people he was helping and himself? Was there an emotional and physical detachment there? “How do you disperse the money to people in need? Are you in contact with them?”
He looked horrified. “Christ, no. I don’t want them feeling indebted to me. The thought of accolades or thank yous—” He broke off to shudder. “I fund a foundation that people run for me—good people. They handle the requests and disbursements. I just dump more money in when the foundation runs low.”
So, he had no personal relationship with the people he was helping. He never saw how his generosity affected them. Kait and Wolf, on the other hand, instantly witnessed their gifts' effects.
Aiden probably knew on a subconscious level that his gift helped people, but he didn’t see its affect, so he didn’t feel it on a visceral level, an emotional level, so for him, the gift had little value.
“Have you ever helped someone with your gift that you knew or were close to? A friend or family member who was desperately in need of financial aid, where you saw the immediate effects of your gift?”
His jaw tensed, and caution flickered through his eyes. Obviously, the answer was yes, but why was he so uneasy with her question? She thought back over the nine years she’d known him, trying to identify the benefactor of his gift. Of course, the event could have happened prior to his stepping into her life.
“Was it Kait?” she asked absently. Kait never seemed short of cash. The condo in Coronado had to have cost her close to a million dollars. Or at least that’s what hers had cost Donnie, according to the real estate agent who’d brokered the deal.
Something about that niggled at her, buzzing for attention.
“Kait never needed financial attention. Our dad had the same gift as mine, although he used it sparingly to avoid attention. Because I’d already developed my ability by the time he died, dad left his estate to Kait. She’s set for life.”
Aiden’s explanation came from a distance. Memories were flooding her mind. While they’d had insurance, Donnie’s catastrophic injury, along with the surgeries and days in the ER, had left her mired in debt. Their savings hadn’t come close to covering the hospital costs. Donnie had been the breadwinner in the family, while she’d been content manning her coffee cart. The only jobs she could find after Donnie’s death had been waitressing ones, which had barely covered food, utilities, and rent.
And then a miracle happened—two miracles, actually. An unbelievably huge life insurance policy had unexpectedly paid out, one she hadn’t even known Donnie had acquired. She’d even questioned how he could afford the premium without her knowledge. The two-million dollar policy payout had covered all the hospital bills, with enough money left over to set her up for life.
The second miracle had been her condo, the one Donnie had supposedly bought from an inheritance left to him by an estranged uncle. He’d known how much she loved Kait’s condo, so the gift itself made sense. But Donnie had never spoken of this uncle. And since Donnie didn’t have any family left, there had been no one to question. According to the real estate agent, Donnie had planned to surprise her with the condo on their next anniversary.
The insurance policy and the gift of her new home had been such a blessing she hadn’t investigated the circumstances surrounding them. Instead, she’d thanked the universe for providing for her. Only it hadn’t been luck, or the bounty of the universe that had stepped in to smooth her world.
It had been Aiden.
“It was me, wasn’t it? I was the benefactor of your gift?” Demi whispered. “You were the insurance payout. You bought my condo.”
As a man who guarded his secrets behind closed lips and a flat face, she expected Aiden to deny his involvement. He grimaced instead, his gaze dropping to the floor, like he was dreading her reaction. “I knew you’d put everything together once you found out about my stupid fucking ability.”
Demi digested that, and another piece fell into place. “Is that the reason you didn’t tell me what you can do? You didn’t want me to know what you’d done for me.”
He grunted and shrugged, his gaze finally lifting to her face. He studied her with guarded eyes. “Maybe.”
She frowned over that. “Why?”
He scowled so hard his eyes squinted. “I didn’t—hell don’t—want you to feel like you owe me.” His voice was ferocious.
Like he didn’t want a thank you from the people he helped through his foundation? Her chest went mushy. He was a good man, a giant teddy bear of a man.
She got why he hadn’t told her. But why hadn’t Kait? “Kait knows what you can do, right? Does she know what you did for me?”
“Yeah, she knows about my ability. ” There was less disgust coating the word this time. Not much less, but some. He shrugged. “I never told her I was behind the insurance payout or your condo, but she suspects. She asked about it a couple of times, but I sidestepped.”
Kait must have felt the news was Aiden’s to share, not hers, even though they’d been friends for years by that point.
“Are you mad about this?” Aiden finally asked, the cautious look back in his eyes.
Demi refocused on him. It wasn’t just trepidation on his face, there was uneasiness, too. Like he was worried this news changed everything between them. “You saved my ass back then, Aiden. I could never be mad about that. I’m stunned and grateful, not angry.”
He recoiled, his eyebrows slamming down over his flinty gaze. Every sinew in his body tensed. “I don’t want your gratitude. I didn’t do it for you. I did it for me.”
Her eyebrows flew up. She cocked her head quizzically. “You did it for yourself? How’s that work?”
His shoulders drew back. His face hardened. Even his stance squared.
This must be how he looks when he’s headed into battle.
“Yeah. I did it for me. I hated how stressed out you were because of the hospital bills. I hated how exhausted you were after waitressing at that cafe. I hated the way guys were constantly hitting on you while you were working. I was spinning up for a deployment and I needed to know you’d be safe before I left. I needed to know that you had the money to take care of your bills and still live comfortably. I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus on the mission if I was worried about you. So, I took care of things. End of story.”
Her lips twitched. Wow, he’d sure spun his kindness into selfishness.
“What about the condo?” she asked, curious how he was going to spin that extravagant generosity into an act of self-interest.
“I wanted you somewhere safe. Bonus points if you were close to Kait, so she could look after you while you were grieving. I knew you loved Kait’s condo, so I hired a realtor to find me a unit in Kait’s building.” Pure stubbornness sat on his face, like he knew she was amused by his explanations.
“I see.” She was tempted to thank him again to see his reaction, but bit her tongue against the impulse. He was just so damn determined to portray himself as the selfish asshole, when in reality he was a mushy ol’ sweetheart.
Eventually, his face softened and his battle-ready stance relaxed. “You’re not pissed?”
“Good lord, no. I’m surprised,” she admitted. “We didn’t even know each other well back then.”
His gaze dropped to her face, lingering on her lips. “I wasn’t lying the other night when I told you I fell in love with you years ago. Long before our friends with benefits arrangement. I fell in love with you the moment Kait introduced us, while you were still married to Donnie. I wrestled that love back, locked it down, because you were married and committed to him. But that didn’t make me love you any less.”
“Really?” It was hard to be skeptical after finding out what he’d done for her.
“Really.” His gaze warming, he stepped forward and cupped her cheeks. “The instant I saw you, I knew you were the only woman for me. It sucked that you weren’t free and didn’t feel the same way about me. Hell—you never even noticed me, but that didn’t lessen my feelings or my certainty.”
I knew you were the only woman for me.
His confession was very close to calling her his soulmate, and almost identical to what Livvy had said about Samuel.
Maybe there was something to this soulmate cliché, after all.