Chapter 24 - Sisters in Secrets
~ brEN ~
Terra took a seat across from me at the small, round table in the tavern.
I accepted the pale ale she’d bought at the bar, and sipped at it with some apprehension.
It was smoother than the wine, but there was a weightiness to it that I wasn’t sure I liked.
I did my best to sip and look as if I was enjoying it though.
Terra flipped her hair over her shoulder—she’d insisted that we both wear the skirts and bibs of healers, with our hair down—something I used to do every day, but now felt odd—then leaned closer, tracing a crack on the table in front of her with a nail as she whispered to me.
“The most important thing to remember is patience, and peace. Live your life under the eyes of others, and only deviate from that for the purpose you’ve been given, and only when you’re certain it’s the right time.
Better to miss an opportunity today with another chance to fight, than to risk the entire endeavor for impatience, do you understand? ”
I did. But it was easier said than done. I had a low roiling in my belly when I thought of this, despite knowing it would harm no one. Still, it was good practice, I realized, to sit there with her and look normal. Unassuming. Plain. When in truth, my nerves threatened to strangle me.
Terra had brought me here to practice a new skill. And if I was going to do that, I needed to look relaxed, even if I didn’t feel it.
For a moment I let my head drop and stared into the ale, but then I remembered.
Live your life until it’s time.
If I was really here, I’d look around. Examine the place. Familiarize myself with it.
So, I did, leaning in to listen to Terra’s casual conversation, while letting my gaze flit around the room and take in details without any pressure.
This tavern was nicer and smaller than the one my brothers frequented most often. It was also run by a woman. I’d wondered if that meant no men would be here. But Terra had chosen this place for two reasons.
The first was that the woman kept strong arms in the back room who would come when called, if there were any problems. So Terra felt it was a safe place for me to practice.
But it was also more expensive than the soldier’s taverns, so attracted a higher class of clientele.
And she was right.
Two men leaned on the bar, talking. Both wearing suits with high collars. Not nobles, but men with means. Traders, probably. Or scribes.
Men accustomed to dealing with the higher born.
My goal, if I was successful tonight, was to insert myself with a man of this stature as simply and casually as possible. And when I gained access to his drink, to drop the small vial of powder currently burning against my skin.
The powder was harmless—it would dissolve quickly and be virtually tasteless. But Terra had provided vials to me that contained a drug that she said would drop a soldier to the floor within minutes—and make him conduct himself like a drunk on his way.
I’d been shocked at the proposal, but Terra shook her head and insisted that I listen.
She’d looked at me with firm warning in her eyes.
“This is for your safety. A herb we use when a soldier is out of his mind with pain or illness. It’s virtually tasteless and will knock him out within twenty minutes.
He’ll wake after a couple hours with a terrible headache, and trouble remembering what happened.
If you’re going to be dealing with men and putting yourself in their hands, it’s a last resort if a man has become a threat.
It will make him dizzy and easily distracted within a minute—and go downhill from there.
But you’re going to have to learn how to administer it without being seen if you want to maintain a cover. Especially if you aren’t alone.”
I took a deep breath and then another sip of my ale.
The little vial in my pocket was a smattering of salt and sugar. It would harm no one. But knowing I was practicing slipping poison into a man’s drink made this Shadowfang purpose suddenly seem very real.
“Are you ready?” Terra asked quietly, looking down at the table as if she were bored.
“The man in the corner near the bar has looked at you twice,” she said without meeting my eyes.
“You could approach the bar and see if he speaks to you. If he doesn’t, don’t worry.
Return to me, take more time, then go back.
Place yourself under his eyes, but do not be the one to approach him.
You’re a capable woman who doesn’t require a man, but who also wouldn’t reject a true prospect—especially one with wealth. ”
I nodded, and in a thoughtless reflection of my brothers, tipped back the cup of light ale to take the rest of the cup in one go—then almost choked on the alcohol, though there was little of it in the drink.
I had to take another minute or two to blink the tears out of my eyes and clear the frog from my throat, while Terra giggled at my discomfort, until I was sure I could converse with a stranger without coughing in his face.
Then I pushed back my chair and got to my feet—almost tripping over my skirts because I’d forgotten I was wearing them.
By the time I made it to the bar to wait for one of the women to serve me, my cheeks were warm. But Terra had coached me on the walk to the city: Being who I was, thinking as I thought, choosing my natural preferences—it would all help and be far easier to maintain than a facade.
“Let the clothes speak for you. You’ll be surprised how much they assume,” she’d said.
And now, I knew she was right. One of the barmaids approached, her eyes kind. “How might I help, Mother?” she asked, startling me with the honorific given to female healers of experience and wisdom.
“I’m not—I just wanted some watered wine, I have to work later and—” I stammered, and she shook her head, her gaze growing earnest.
“Your sister has helped me many times. I am grateful for the work you do,” she said, tipping her head, then looking at Terra over my shoulder.
I hadn’t expected that, and wasn’t sure how to respond, but while I still scrambled for a casual reply, something brushed my arm and a deep voice rumbled from inches over my head.
“Whatever the lady would like, I’ll have that and a glass of your best red. And there’s no need for change.”
The woman smiled, ducked her head, then hurried away for the drinks and a masculine hand flattened on the bar next to me, then slipped away, leaving two fat coins on the shining surface.
I looked up at him, surprised. “That’s very kind of you, Sir, but—”
He leaned one elbow on the bar, and smiled. “We have far too few women of quality who join us here. I’m just doing my best to be certain you want to return,” he said quietly. “My name is Trace. I’m a merchant. I deal with the palace.”
I hoped he didn’t deal with the Keep, too. “It’s lovely to meet you, Sir, but—”
A cup of pale wine—I hoped she’d watered it as I asked—and a deep red appeared on the bar and in the same motion the coins disappeared.
The man, Trace, picked up his cup and raised it towards me. “What might you celebrate on this fine evening?” he asked with a handsome smile.
“To… new friends?” I said uncertainly, but let my lips curl up on one side.
His smile broadened. “I’ll drink to that.”
We both sipped from our cups, then he leaned more heavily on the bar. “I haven’t seen you here before, have I?”
I took a deep breath and shook my head, forcing myself not to look at his cup that was only inches from my elbow. “No,” I said shyly. “This is my first time. I’m Brenna…”
~ DONAVYN ~
“Where is she?!”
I’d come to the stable to find Bren, to talk to her about the queen and let her know that I was willing to discuss it—only to discover from Kgosi that Akhane said she’d left the Keep with Terra.
Dressed in skirts?
‘Donavyn,’ Kgosi rumbled a warning in my head. ‘She is with the woman you trust—’
‘In the city? Why?’
‘Akhane said they spoke of plans for Bren’s training—a skill Terra believed she could teach. A way of protecting herself.’
‘They have to go into the city for that?’
Kgosi rumbled a growl and shifted his weight. Akhane’s ears flickered towards him, then she submitted and slipped out of the stable as if he’d asked for us to be alone. I watched her go, frowning, but my agitation rose.
“Kgosi, I didn’t mean Akhane had to leave, I was—”
‘You are fearful for her, and that is a mark of your love. But your thoughts, Donavyn. They swirl in directions I do not like. You’re losing your balance.’
It was a term we’d used since I was young and cocky, too sure of myself on his back. In my arrogance, I had fallen during a dismount, very early on in my Flameborne training, injuring myself and slowing my progress.
The term had become a quiet joke between us—and a warning.
He meant I wasn’t being wise. That my thoughts took me in self-defeating directions.
My hackles rose. ‘Protecting my mate isn’t imbalanced—’
‘It is when your mind drifts to men placing hands on her, with no thought for anyone else’s assistance, or her own capability.’
‘My mind goes in those directions because we know she’s already experienced those realities!’
‘We also know she walks with a woman that we trust… don’t we?’
‘Yes, but—’
‘There is no but, Donavyn. Do you trust Terra to guide her wisely?’
‘Yes,’ I ground out. ‘But Terra is also a woman—and a healer, not a soldier. If they meet difficulty in the city…’
Kgosi turned his body. I thought for a moment he would leave, or walk away, but he shifted slightly away from the door, then turned to face me again, his gaze piercing.
‘Do you still believe your mate is supposed to be a Furyknight, Donavyn?’
“Yes! Of course!” I spluttered. “But—”
‘Then you must adjust. You are her mate in private, and to your soul. But your role in her life is twofold—her leader and guide in your human traditions of hierarchy. And her mate and comfort, her safety, when you are alone.’
‘I cannot stop loving her, simply because she has a job to do.’
‘No, but you can stop excusing your personal fears as leadership,’ he said bluntly.
I took a step back. Kgosi’s head tipped so he met my gaze with one, penetrating eye that was almost as big as my head.
‘Do you think I do not fear for my mate? For her safety?’
“Of course not. But you don’t seem to struggle with it,” I said through my teeth. “It’s also worth pointing out that she’s the size of a house and armed with fire. My mate is… rather more fragile.”
Kgosi actually snorted. ‘All true. Except your assumptions about me. The fact that I do not place my battle on your shoulders does not mean I do not fight,’ he sent firmly.
‘I understand the fear, and its toll. What I do not understand is your willingness to retreat to it. It is not like you, Donavyn. Your wisdom exceeds this. Yet, you discard truth to make room for this folly.’
I cursed. “Truth? Folly? What truth am I discarding just because I worry some asshole will try to break her, just as she’s gaining confidence?”
Kgosi stared at me without responding—which first made me angry, then made me nervous.
“What?!” I finally spat.
My dragon blew steam from flared nostrils. ‘I only measured your heart to be certain whether you were being intentionally ironic, or if you truly are blind to it.’
‘Blind to what?!’
Kgosi’s head rose until he almost knocked his horns on the rafters overhead. He stared down at me with fierce, righteous dignity. ‘Blind to the fact that it is your fear, your lack of belief that would erode her confidence faster and more completely than any man’s unwanted attention.’
I quavered, but couldn’t break that gaze. “I am not—”
‘You are—or rather, you will, if you do not get your fear under control. Be her leader, Donavyn. Be her strength. Do not be the voice that tells her she has reason to be afraid when she is feeling strong.’
The words hit hard, right in the chest.
Fuck.
“How?” I asked him honestly. “How do you fear for her and just send her out?”
‘By trusting the Creator walks with her and has equipped her. Reminding myself of her purpose—and urging her forward so I may applaud what she achieves. I would not steal that from her,’ Kgosi said loftily. ‘I would not take away her chance to excel, simply to make my own heart safe.’
Well, shit.
He was right. I knew he was right. I’d taught other men not to steal this from each other. I rubbed my face. He was right, and that was what I wanted for her. What I’d striven for, with her. I didn’t want to hold her back. I wanted to give her wings to fly.
But straight into the reach of men who’d hurt her?
‘Donavyn—’
“Help me, Keg,” I said gruffly. “Help me help her.”
Kgosi sighed and lowered his head, nudging me with his snout. ‘I am,’ he said, with all the solemnity of a vow.
“Do you know where she is?”
‘No. But I can teach you to find her.’