Chapter 23 - Square Peg, Round Hole
~ brEN ~
Ronen was true to his word and took me off patrol the following day.
And even though a piece of me was relieved to have a few hours to stop and rest, I was mostly just angry.
Angry at Terra for making drama. Angry at Ronen for not believing I could handle the work.
And angry at my body for letting me down.
Donavyn had been up and out the door with the sun, whispering that he hadn’t forgotten my request, and he’d make his decision today. So, with the morning off and my brothers flying, I took time to mend my harness, and bathe Akhane.
While I scrubbed her with the stiff-bristled broom, I had a long time to think and plan.
Part of the reason I was angry about Ronen taking me off patrol was because that was part of my job that wasn’t taxing. Flying was something Akhane and I both loved. It was the training, both as part of my squad, and for the Shadowfang, on top of flying patrols, that threatened to break me.
‘We’ve only got days, Akhane,’ I told her as I scrubbed her legs. ‘I need to change something now if I want to have any hope of learning something useful.’
‘I worry you don’t see yourself clearly, Bren,’ Akhane said, leaning into my brush and snorting happy steam from her nostrils. ‘You have achieved so much in such a short time. You’re too hard on yourself.’
‘I just want to be effective. If we get into Fyrehold, and I can’t protect myself, Donavyn is left trying to protect me and be a spy. I wouldn’t forgive myself.’
I knew the queen could give me insight, but as much as I’d fought Donavyn to let me talk to her, I wasn’t certain she would willingly do so.
What I needed was a way to train fewer hours, but still effectively. If only my squad had the same purpose as Shadowfang, then my squad training and work would overlap, helping me move ahead in the Shadowfang faster.
At first it was just wishful thinking. But the more I turned it over in my mind, looking for ways that the two roles could crossover, the slower I scrubbed.
I’d been raised to the Fang wing—the stealth wing. The men were surprised, because they’d all seen me roll with Akhane during flight, so assumed I’d become a flyer. But I’d been told at the time of my raising that my skills were suitable for stealth and strategy.
There’d been conversations early on about what I’d be trained for in my squad—a lot of flying, scouting like I’d done in my final trial, but some stealth, aided by Akhane’s grayscale.
They camouflaged easily and were harder to see in dim light.
I’d been warned that in actual war, I may be used for important patrols, or setting up an ambush.
Yet, because I was so new, and because immediately after my raising, the announcement had come that we were preparing for war, there hadn’t been much individual training from my squad.
Then, with the induction into the Shadowfang, my life had turned into a blur of tasks and trainings until I almost couldn’t keep them straight.
What if my role in my squad was different? What if Ronen shifted his focus, so the aspects I had to learn were more applicable to what I would be doing on mission? Would that mean I could have fewer sessions with the Shadowfang?
There was no doubt, my Shadowfang sessions often crossed over, or expanded on things I’d learned in the path to becoming a Furyknight.
But if I could claw back some of those hours during the day and instead devote them to speaking with some of the women who might help me understand my strengths better…
The problem was, I couldn’t ask Ronen, because he wasn’t allowed to know about what I did with Shadowfang.
That meant I had to ask my Fang brothers—Voski, or Gil.
After getting Akhane clean and bedded down, I bathed myself, then dressed and took lunch from the dining hall to the launch hollow to wait for my brothers to return from their patrols.
Right on time, my squad returned, landing one by one within minutes of each other, each approaching from different directions as they’d been assigned.
Harle stopped to joke with me for a few minutes just as Gil and his greyscale, Runar, appeared in the sky.
Harle greeted Gil when he landed and they chatted.
I was about to reach for Akhane and ask her to tell Runar that I needed to speak privately with Gil, when Harle laughed, then waved and started walking backwards.
“I gotta get going. Beatty’s meeting me for a picnic,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes, but thanked God that he was leaving, catching eyes with Gil, who didn’t appear to notice, though he didn’t follow our brother towards the stable.
“Have fun, Harle,” I called.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Gil added.
Harle snorted as he turned towards the stable block. “No boundaries. Got it.”
Gil chuckled, then turned easily back to the launch hollow as if he were just taking a moment, but his eyes were sharp as he glanced at me.
“You okay?”
“Yes, but I need to ask you some questions about training,” I said quietly, casually keeping an eye out for anyone approaching from the stable, or dragons overhead.
“Can you give me a hint?”
I thought about it for a moment. “My squad training… scouting and so forth.”
“Yes?”
“I wonder, with the war on the horizon and orders already in… what if I were to switch focus? From ambush to subterfuge. The Furyknights are brimming with scouts. What if I were to become something a little more specialized? Then all my training could narrow down?”
Gil frowned. “I don’t see a problem with it, but it’s not my call.”
“The thing is, I can’t talk to Ronen.”
“Ah. Right.”
“So, I’m kind of stuck.”
“Well, it’s not just our Wing Captain. The entire squad needs to be on board,” Gil said, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. “When you’ve been assigned a role, changing can cause ripple effects elsewhere. Though I doubt they’d protest for this. Leave it with me.”
“Really?” Was it that simple?
Gil turned as another dragon flew in overhead. “I’ll see if it’s even possible. We can discuss it in the squad meeting.”
Oh shit. I’d forgotten about that. Good thing Ronen had taken me off that flight. I wouldn’t even have had time for lunch.
I took a deep breath and forced a smile to my face. “Perfect. Thank you.” We chatted for another minute as another dragon landed on the far end of the launch hollow. Soon, Voski climbed the sloping side towards us.
I lowered my voice, though he was still too far away to hear me. “Maybe this gets me one step closer to sneaking up on Voski and making him jump, right? I haven’t forgotten your bet.”
Gil snorted. “I’d pay for more than a round of drinks to see that. I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you!”
“Don’t thank him, it goes to his head,” Voski said as he rounded the top of the slope from the launch hollow, sweaty and grimy. He greeted both of us, he and Gil clasping hands briefly. “What did you do to make her think she had to be grateful?” he asked with a twist of his lips.
“I just agreed to help her with a shift in training.”
“Oh?”
“I want to specialize,” I said. “I know we can’t do much, but, I’m hoping to leave the ambush and scouting in the squad to Einar. Get some more practice with Akhane for shrouding, as well as subterfuge. So, all my training can narrow.”
Voski frowned. “That’s something we considered early on. But you showed such skill with finding and marking that camp, it seemed like a smart choice to keep your focus in that direction.”
“If I move to subterfuge, I can still search, right? And be part of gathering intel?”
Voski nodded and his eyes grew thoughtful.
“Yes. But the implications… Have you thought this through? That kind of specialization and training isn’t just for one mission, Bren.
It’s your whole life. Subterfuge would mean taking on a different role in our squad, and in the Furyknights as a whole.
It would mean receiving different orders. ”
“I know. I get it. But I’m floundering here. I need a role that uses my mind more than my body—not entirely. I’m not trying to stop training. Just to lean into my strengths. Surely if I’m better at this side of things now, I’ll be even stronger and more suited in five years?”
“Sure, but—”
“Please, Voski. I need this. I need to be something that offers me some kind of control. I can’t control people with my strength. But I’m a lot better with my mind.”
Voski scratched his chin. “I’ll have to talk to Ronen, I’m not making any promises. He’s the one with the choice for the squad.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
“Please! If I could find a way to focus, er, all my duties in the same area then I’d have more hours for some of the other things.”
Voski’s expression grew intense. “You’re really feeling the pinch, huh?”
I tried to brush it off. “Terra overreacted yesterday. I want to add more training—some time with some women. And I need to make gaps to do that.”
Gil looked confused. “Women? What women?”
“Women who can help me do better in things men can’t do. Or won’t.”
“Like what?”
“Like how to keep others interested in talking to me.”
“Tell them you’re the first female Furyknight. That’ll do it,” Gill snorted.
I blew the joke off, but Voski folded his arms and stayed serious.
“You know, as I think about it, there’s an argument here that you’re actually better suited to subterfuge than scouting anyway.
It would mean you’d do the physical training with the squad, but the rest we’d fit in other spaces. Right?”
I nodded. “That’s what I was hoping.”
“I’ll handle it,” Voski said firmly.
Gil nudged him. “I said I’d do it.”
“We’ll do it together,” Voski said seriously. “Paint the picture so Ronen’s on board—then they’ll all agree. That’ll give us more time to train with her one-on-one, as well.”
Nerves bubbled in my stomach. Not because I thought Ronen would say no.
But because I knew I was taking a risk. Changing my role in the squad meant remaining on this course even after this mission was done.
It meant keeping my focus in subterfuge—spying—even when war wasn’t imminent.
Maybe being sent out even in the times of peace.
But, even though I went cold at the idea of having to leave Donavyn, when I thought of the missions… I liked that idea.
And, as it turned out, so did my brothers when the idea was presented to them at the meeting.
“I always said you were sneaky,” Einar said, nudging me that afternoon when Ronen posed the idea to the rest of the squad.
“She’s even more sneaky than you know,” Gil called from the other side of the room, winking when I looked at him.
“I don’t have time to be sneaky,” I said. “That’s why I need training.”
“I don’t see a problem,” Ronen said easily as he looked around to make sure no one else had a protest. “If your Fang Wing brothers are willing to take a greater hand in your squad training, I say it’s a good fit.
And it would be nice to have someone on the team other than Voski who can make Gil jump out of his skin. ”
Everyone chuckled except Gil, but then we moved on.
I struggled to focus for the rest of the meeting, partly because they were talking about duties for the coming weeks, when I assumed I’d be in Fyrehold, and partly because there was a low, simmering thrill in my chest.
I was getting somewhere. I could feel it. Now if I could just convince Donavyn to get me in front of the queen before we left Vosgaarde. But until then…
I had an idea that gripped so tightly, it was difficult to sit through the rest of the meeting. And the moment we were done, I ignored the coming meal and went on the hunt.