Chapter 34
SOUNDTRACK: Fireborn – Burn It All by Glum Aleks
~ brEN ~
“I know it’s wrinkled. I’m sorry. I was in a rush and it was, er, difficult to remove.”
I prayed the two seamstresses at the Quartermaster’s shop wouldn’t notice the heat in my cheeks as my mind tripped back to that hour with Donavyn, when he’d removed the dress.
I had to focus. I’d already been back to pick up the book and my leathers, which had been cleaned by the queen's handmaid, and taken one more session with her that had been eye-opening, to say the least.
“My orders include the need for gowns, and I thought, perhaps if it was adjusted to make it a bit more simple? Something I could dress and undress myself?”
The women fingered the fine fabric, their eyes wide. The older of the two nodded. “This skirt is layered. We could make two gowns from this. Their skirts won’t be as full, of course. But most kingdoms’ fashions are more scant than ours. I don’t believe you’ll stand out poorly.”
“Thank you,” I said with a rush of relief.
I’d already shown them where I’d gotten the hem dirty, though I hadn’t mentioned how.
I’d also pointed out the minor stain from the tea.
It wasn’t noticeable unless you knew where to look, but they’d insisted the fabric could be cut in such a way that it wouldn’t be noticed at all.
“The only other complication is time. I’m already under readiness. I could be called to fly at any time…”
The two women looked at each other, then back to me.
“This will be a fun change from leather trousers and weapon belts,” the older one grinned.
“We’ll need to make undergarments as well, but we can use some of the seams as they are.
Leave it with us. If you’re called before time, there’s nothing we can do. But we’ll try.”
“Thank you,” I nodded to each of them.
The younger woman smiled. “At least you understand the work involved. The men seem to believe their garments are made by fairies while they sleep,” she said, rolling her eyes.
I laughed and promised to bring them both a gift when I collected the dresses.
But, as I walked out of the Quartermaster’s shop and into the Academy hall, I found myself at a loss.
The dinner bell would ring soon, and surprisingly, I’d made it through the session with the queen, and the flight training without mishap.
It was the most successful I’d felt near the end of a day since this started.
Uncertain what to do with the little free time I had, I stopped at the side of the long corridor that I’d walked with Donavyn the first time I entered this building, when he’d told me the history of how the dragons built it for their riders, and brought me to find something suitable to wear for my acknowledgement.
As I stood there, watching the bustle and hum of Furyknights going about their business of work and training, it struck me how far I’d come since that day.
That first morning here at the Keep, I’d squirmed my way through every interaction—terrified both of being inadequate, and of all the men. Yet here I stood, one of them.
The first time I saw it, I’d found the building beautiful, but intimidating, and the men… the men were just frightening. I’d been certain that if any of them knew the truth about me, they’d either abandon me, or hurt me further.
I’d been convinced that it was a mistake I’d been ushered into this hallway.
But, it wasn’t.
I slowly scanned the hallway, making myself observe all the Furyknights hurrying to their next duty in leathers or shirtsleeves, calling to each other, discussing orders, or walking with serious faces.
They were sights that had become familiar.
Sounds and smells that now felt comfortable.
Like home. A much better, more powerful home than I’d known before.
I was twenty years old, and I felt right. A fierce desire to prove myself to these men still simmered in my chest. But I no longer shrank from them. And I had cowered before. Now, even though I didn’t know them all… I knew them.
I knew that feeling on your shoulders—you’d been selected. You were here by the choice of a power beyond you. Now you had to live up to it.
Joking and insecurity aside, this life was sacred. At least, to me.
Did they all feel that way? Did they see that in me, also?
Eventually, I started for the door, to return to the stable and Akhane.
I could make certain she was resting and scratch her eye-ridges or around her spines until it was time for the meal.
That thought made me smile, so I picked up my pace.
All in all, it had been the most successful day I’d had in… well, ever, maybe.
As I crossed the courtyard between the buildings, something shifted in my chest. Each step felt as if I planted my foot on a rock. As if I knew where the next should go. So much about the future was uncertain, but my role in it wasn’t. And that was mind-boggling to me.
‘I have told you, Little Flame,’ Akhane interrupted my thoughts, ‘You’re here for your purpose—which will differ from your brothers’, but complement theirs.’
‘I’m starting to see it, Akhane. I hadn’t. I always felt so off-balance, so uncertain… I hadn’t realized how far I’d come.’
‘We see it.’
I smiled to myself. ‘We?’
“She’s talking about me and my dragon.” The voice was deep, warm, and gruff, either from the lack of sleep because we’d stayed up too late last night, or the ragged roar he’d bellowed this morning before we said goodbye.
I looked up to find Donavyn falling in step with me, two feet to my left, his eyes on the building ahead, but a light in them that I could feel through the bond.
“You and Kgosi can hear Akhane and I?” I shrank from that thought. Sometimes I talked to her about—
‘I shared with Kgosi, and he speaks out of turn,’ Akhane sent, sounding slightly miffed.
“He only agreed with her, and asked for my affirmation,” Donavyn muttered.
My chest tightened with a peculiar kind of joy.
I wished I could grab his hand, hug his arm, pull him into a kiss.
Instead, I looked up from the corner of my eye and kept my face blank, but shoveled a thrust of need to him through the bond, along with an image for Akhane to pass quickly to Kgosi, of Donavyn, sweaty, head thrown back and the tendons on his neck standing proud as he groaned.
I knew the moment it reached him because his toe caught on the cobblestones under our feet and he pitched forward, cursing under his breath.
I giggled as he quickly righted himself, then looked left and right to see if anyone had noticed. But no one was nearby.
‘That is not fair,’ he muttered in the bond.
‘I was just sending her your affirmation,’ I returned, biting my lip and keeping my eyes forward because I knew if I looked at him, I’d laugh out loud, and I was supposed to be just another Furyknight, walking casually alongside the General because we happened to be moving in the same direction.
He huffed, but his steps brought him inches closer. ‘While I thoroughly enjoy seeing you enjoy yourself, this isn’t the time or place. It would be improper of me to return the favor. Which is deeply unfair.’
I gave a one-shouldered shrug. ‘I’m confident I could keep my feet if you were to share anything improper with me. I’d enjoy the chance to see your thoughts, Sir.’
I grinned like a child, because I knew he wouldn’t dare.
While we could send images to each other, it was something we still had to practice.
And for this kind of thing, he wouldn’t take the risk of kicking the bond into urgency when we could be discovered by another Furyknight at any moment. I was sure of it.
Until he proved me wrong.
A moment later, Akhane bugled in my head and sent a barrage of images Donavyn had sneakily sent through the dragons.
Me, half-naked and looking at Donavyn over my shoulder, mouth open in a gasp.
Me, laying on the bed, covering my body with my arms, laughing because he’d just tossed me onto the quilts like a plaything.
Me, undressing demurely in the bathing room, but his glance at my eyes and the jolt he felt at the heat he found here.
Again, and again, and again. And even though my cheeks heated and my belly trilled, I did keep my feet, though I slowed my pace to make certain I wouldn’t trip on an uneven stone.
And I also noticed something. When that volley of images ended, I was warmed, and amused, and turned on. But also, a little disappointed in myself.
‘Do I hide from you as often as that?’ I sent plaintively, because it hadn’t felt that way to me.
Yet, many of his memories involved me covering myself, or blushing, or giggling like a schoolgirl.
No wonder he was always grabbing my hands and telling me to display myself.
I hadn’t realized that covering myself looked so na?ve.
I was an adult. And a Furyknight. I’d endured pain, despair, and trial. Yet, I was here.
My time with the queen that morning came rushing back to me, because she’d challenged me to be more certain of my own allure—and to use it. She’d said it was merely a weapon in my arsenal when among the Court.
“To nobles, flirting is a battleground, and a field of play. It means nothing but a clashing of wits—and courage. Use what you know. Be yourself. But be sure, you are a desirable woman.”
She’d said the words with such certainty—and a hint of dry irony—I hadn’t been sure how to respond. But here we were.
Maybe I’d just received a glimpse of what she’d been trying to tell me.
I wasn’t a child. And shouldn’t respond to men as one.
I chewed my lip.
‘That’s your thinking expression. Did it upset you, seeing yourself through my eyes?’ Donavyn asked gently.
One more piece of evidence that I was being treated with caution.
Like I was fragile.
I didn’t like it.