Chapter 34 #2
“No,” I breathed since we were alone on the path between the stable and the main buildings. “I was thinking my training this morning. And something I learned,” I said as tonelessly as possible, in case anyone out of sight could overhear.
Donavyn took my cue and raised his brows in casual curiosity. “Oh? What did your instructor teach that has you thinking so deeply? I should commend them.”
I twisted my lips to stifle a mischievous smile. That wasn’t what a grown woman would do.
Instead, after a moment of ensuring no one was on the path ahead, I let my gaze raise to look at him from the corner of my eye. And rather than sending images to Akhane, I let him see the heat in me.
The deep joy I felt when he touched me.
The rush of pleasure that peppered my skin in goosebumps when his finger trailed over sensitive flesh.
The heat that burned in my belly and drove me closer to him.
I let myself feel all of it, and allowed that need to rise in my gaze.
Donavyn felt the rush in the bond and turned his head casually to look at me—only to lock in.
I let my hips swing in my walk and didn’t break eye contact.
The muscles at the back of his jaw flexed. I didn’t miss that his hand clenched to a fist at his side, but as he opened his mouth, we were hailed by a male voice ahead. Voski trotting toward us, slowing when he reached us and addressing Donavyn after nodding to me.
“I’m glad I caught you. There’s been some issues in the city that we need to discuss. With some urgency.”
“Squad, or ranks?” Donavyn asked quickly.
“Ranks—not my men.”
I let my gaze linger on Donavyn a second longer than I should have, but thought I had it under control before I turned back to my brother and Shadowfang Wing Leader. Yet, I felt a flinch in Donavyn.
Whoops.
At least it was my brother, who was aware of our bond.
“Report,” Donavyn said in a dark, gruff voice that made me pinch back a smile because I knew he was both aroused, and frustrated.
“Not here, Sir,” Voski said, ducking his head as an apology. “I’m still gathering witnesses. I just wanted your assurance of attending the Wing Leaders meeting tomorrow? We should have the full story by then.”
Donavyn nodded tightly. “I’ll be there. Tell them to meet at my office.”
“Thank you.” Voski saluted quickly, then nodded to me and continued on the path the way we’d come from.
I turned to begin walking again, but Donavyn muttered, “Hold,” in that dark tone and I drew up sharply.
Thinking he’d been aroused and perhaps needed a moment before we went to the stables where there would be stablehands and Furyknights, I turned to face him. But I couldn’t resist one more glance up, from under my lashes, letting my smile rise slowly, before I looked away.
“What the fuck is that?” Donavyn asked, folding his arms, scanning up and down the path sternly, every inch the unhappy Commander, bristling to discipline a subordinate.
The first thread of unease tightened in my throat. “I’m… smiling?”
“What does that have to do with your training this morning?” he asked sharply, though his voice was very quiet, and his posture tense.
I swallowed. “The queen taught me about flirting. About how to invite with the eyes without promising with words, and I was just trying it on you. It was payback, I wouldn’t do that in front of people—”
“You won’t do that at all, Furyknight,” he snapped.
My head jerked back, but I made myself stand at attention. It’s Donavyn. He won’t hurt me. He’s only misunderstood.
“Sir,” I emphasized the title in case anyone else happened along the path, “I assure you there is no malice intended. It’s merely a tool to place an unsuspecting, er, target on the back foot. She spoke to me about—”
“She’s teaching you how to seduce a man?” he growled.
“What? No! She encouraged me to use my… well, she called it allure. She said among nobles that kind of flirting is currency, and if a man responds it will help me to know what approach to use in future to keep him talking—”
“She’s telling you to whore yourself out on this mission?”
The word hit me like a slap in the face and I took a sharp step back, inhaling deeply. “Don’t… did you just—”
Donavyn’s lips pursed and he dropped his chin, shaking his head. “No. No, that isn’t—”
I opened my mouth, though I had no idea what to say—I was equal parts angry with him for the implication, and afraid of what he thought.
But then his gaze went dark. He raised his voice. “To my office. Now. Discussion of orders isn’t for public ears, Furyknight,” he barked, pointing back towards the building where I knew his office was housed, though I’d never entered it.
I gaped at him for a moment, then sucked in and turned—at attention—to march precisely in the direction he’d pointed.
‘We need to discuss this without worrying about others overhearing,’ he sent unapologetically as we walked quickly back up the path, towards the building he’d indicated.
‘You just called me a—’
‘No. My anger is for her and how she thinks. How she chooses to fill your mind. Those are not the skills you need. Not to mention that she may attempt to come between us… We’ll discuss it in my office.’
I pinched my lips together and marched, following him once we reached the building—a subordinate in disgrace, following the Commander.
We passed more than one officer who saluted him, and eyed me with curiosity—and some sympathy.
No one had any confusion about what was happening here. And I suddenly felt furious with him.
The moment he opened his office and ordered me inside, I stormed into the space, turning with my hands on my hips to round on him the second he’d finished locking the door.
“How dare you!” I hissed.
He raised his hands as if he’d make peace, but his eyes blazed.
“I understand that you’re innocent in this, Bren.
Unaware of your effect on men. But that doesn’t mean she should be teaching you tricks,” he seethed, his eyes locked on mine.
“If you look at another man like that, especially one who is interested, I assure you he’ll have no other thought in his head except that you want him and are—”
“God, you’re so infuriating. I’m not flying to Fyrehold to sleep with anyone! I’m learning ways to ingratiate myself with powerful men who—”
“She’s teaching you to make yourself a chattel. And I swore I’d protect you from that.”
“And you have!”
“And I will continue to do so, starting with this!” He stabbed a finger towards the floor. “You don’t look at another man like that! And that’s an order.”
I gaped and switched to the bond because I couldn’t say the words out loud, even behind closed doors.
‘I cannot use my eyes? I’m a spy!’ I hissed.
‘I’m being sent into a potential enemy court under the cover of being your lover.
What other way can I look at any man there and expect him to give me time? ’
He loomed over me. If he’d been a wolf, his hackles would have raised. ‘Trust me, your innocence and modesty are just as alluring to that kind of man—and they won’t get you caught in the talons of a pervert who believes he’s got a willing toy, ready to ride him like a horse and—’
My slap rang in the room like a gong had been rung.
I trembled from head to toe, all the strength and certainty I’d felt just minutes ago doing its best to drain out of my toes, but I refused to let it go.
Donavyn stared at me, shocked, and trembling.
“You don’t trust me,” I whispered, my voice shaking. “You want me to fail! You want me to—”
He took one short half-step to my toe and leaned down, his nose almost touching mine. “No, Bren.” He hissed. “I want you safe. I refuse to approve any plan that ends in me holding you while you weep because another man has hurt you when I could have stopped it. Again.”
I jerked back. “Again? What do you mean?”
He grimaced and rolled his jaw, the redness beginning to spread on his cheek where I’d slapped him to match the fury burning in his eyes. But I also felt him retreating in the bond. Hiding something. “I only meant that men under my command have proven not to—”
“Bullshit!” I hissed, and almost stamped my foot.
I’d forgotten who I spoke to. Forgotten why I was here.
He was my lover, and my mate. My One. “All this talk of empowering me, all this talk of believing in me, and you see one thing you don’t like and order me from it as if I’m a child overstepping her father’s authority. ”
“I am not your father.”
“You sound a whole fucking lot like him,” I snapped.
Donavyn’s head snapped back and he took a step away.
My heart thundered in my chest and tears pricked my eyes, but I refused to give in to them. He loved me. I knew that. He would protect me. I counted on it. But I wasn’t working this hard to let him reprimand me like a child simply because it made him uncomfortable.
“Bren—” he sighed, scratching the back of his neck. But I shook my head.
“You can discipline me as the General if you wish,” I muttered.
“I will take it because that’s my job. When we’re on mission, you can order me to do anything, and I will give it every fucking ounce of my ability.
But that’s precisely why I’m training right now—so I can be an effective tool for you to employ against potential enemies.
I’m learning everything I can to make certain I never have to weep because another man made me question myself so he could take my power from me.
Ever. Not even you, Donavyn. Especially not you. ”
He stared at me for so long without responding, and I was so fucking furious, I cursed and stormed out of the office.
It was wrong of me. If he’d spoken to me as the General, I had no right to walk away until I was dismissed.
But he didn’t call me back.
He didn’t fucking order me back, which was entirely in his right.
Why didn’t he call me back?