Chapter 32
The Gods who have gifted so many with the power of decision are also the makers of their own downfall.
Crossing the border, riding past Hybad, past Brynnwood, it all feels fuzzy. As if I were laying in a pile of freshly shorn wool. The pain of leaving softened by…
Softened by whatever I feel now. If it has a name. A stasis? The hope for more but regret for feeling that more is what I want. I am not sure what more is, what it will look like. I am the blind following a deeply troubled, confused, damning heart.
“Thank you, Lee.” I curtsy to my kind, gentle driver one last time as servants unload the few trunks my ladies felt I would need.
He looks at me with sadness in his eyes, because we both know I am leaving Lux for good.
His leather hat has seen better days, flopping over when he removes it, placing it on his chest before bowing.
“A pleasure all the same, Lady Liv.” He rises, smile lines indicating his age.
Part of me feels sad that I did not try to know him or the other castle staff better.
Isadora and Jett were fond of me and I them, but our time was not long enough.
In a different scenario I would remember Lee.
It is no secret to me that Lee and my ladies may be the only ones, save for the cess and Garreth, who know of my plight.
I commend the fact they never treated me differently, like a fragile doll.
Sawyer strides out from the front door of Orvynn, the name of the sprawling manor in Krue.
The village just outside of the property seemed small, just like Hybad.
I can’t help but wonder how different their lives will be when Lux pulls back for good.
Maybe I can offer my assistance before leaving, visit the village and its human people.
Cedric was very proud of their plans here despite Duresden’s encroaching tactics.
Sawyer pulls me in for a tight hug, squeezing the air from my lungs and I return the favor.
It feels good to be around someone familiar, though my trust does not run far with him.
This weekend did not turn out favorably for anyone, but it is obvious Sawyer is happy to have me here.
We can leave together. He said he would help me.
“You look exhausted. Was the journey comfortable?” He releases me and motions forward, walking at my side up the steps into the manor.
The stone exterior is whitewashed and the interior as minimalistic as blank parchment.
I actually pause at the stark difference between Demis and Orvynn.
This manor has been around for centuries, prior to when Lux acquired the land.
The walls barely have any decor, save for a few simple paintings of the scenery. I wonder if Cedric is the artist.
No, I can’t think of him any longer.
“Well, it was long but carriages are very comfortable,” I reply, following him down the main hall and up the stairwell. Servants pause and bow to us systematically before continuing on.
Climbing the polished wooden staircase, Sawyer looks back at me and smiles.
“Your room should be fit for your liking but do let me know if you need any adjustments. My staff will see to your comfort,” he says, opening a set of doors to the right and walking inside.
He’s fiddling with the fireplace when I enter.
The room is devoid of any personality but it will do me just fine for the time being.
“I’ll be satisfied anywhere. Thank you, again. Truly, I couldn’t do it any longer,” I admit, trying to hold back the emotion in my voice. “Do you think I can find passage within the day?”
Sawyer, crouched before the fire, turns to me as he dusts his hands off. “A day? That soon?”
“I see no reason in delaying our departure.”
“Take a few days to settle, Liv.” He crosses the room and grabs my arms. “So much has happened. Surely you need a chance to breathe, no? Plus, I am not yet ready to abandon my post. We have to be strategic.”
“Well, I think I would be able to breathe better once I am off this continent. Freedom, remember? And you will have strife no matter when you leave. I think we’re both committing treason.”
Sawyer drops my arms, gaze lingering on me before heading towards the door. “I know, I know. Of course I remember. Just give me some time to build a plan.”
I smile. “Of course. Thank you.”
“Dinner is at seven. The servants will come get you.” Sawyer turns to leave abruptly.
“What am I to do with myself?” I ask, unsure again of my place here.
“Well, you can read and enjoy the manor. Most rooms are open for your viewing. Just stay inside and don’t venture to the grounds without my presence, okay? Live a little while you’re here.”
“Why can’t I go with some servants or a guard?” This request feels odd.
“You’re aware that Duresden has had soldiers nearby. A protection thing, really. It is my duty now, after all.” His hands flex.
My nervousness quells and I smile again.
“See you at dinner,” Sawyer says before leaving me in my room. The sunrays peek through the curtains and the fire slowly warms the space. Demis was so different, livelier. With nobles roaming the halls, something was always going on.
My heart pangs when I think of the cess, my practice, so I decide to partake in some self-study.
The trunks in the corner have yet to be condensed and put away because surely I cannot be expected to travel with this much clothing.
I make a mental note to pack a small bag before opening the smallest trunk and grabbing a tunic and pants.
The rug on the floor gives good protection from the cold hardwood as I warm my body before the fire, stretching and moving slowly to awaken my body. Perhaps I could find a training opportunity here with Sawyer.
Fiona was right about needing heat. Everything feels better when I am not so cold, my muscles move and flex the way I command them.
The glow I experienced in the alps has not returned and I wonder if it ever will.
If I could ever connect with someone the way I did with Cedric.
If my body would respond to them the way it did that day.
It was magical. I am magic. This decision resigns me to the knowledge that I will likely never get my mind or full powers back.
A new identity. A new purpose. So much is ahead of me.
I can’t possibly think about what I left behind so I try to bring raw magic to my palms again, hoping to forget the pain eddying in my chest. It does nothing on both fronts.
Part of me keeps feeling that bond, the small command I have of it, for any sound on his end.
Nothing.
The day goes by uneventfully and I choose to stay in my room until dinner. A servant rings a bell at my door but does not knock or enter unannounced, so I pad over to unlock the door.
“My lady.” She bows. “Dinner is about to be served.”
“Thank you, I will be down shortly.” I lightly curtsy back.
The dress I am already wearing is quite formal so perhaps I can add a necklace or rings to distract myself.
The box of jewelry Jett put together sits perfectly on the mantel as I sift through its contents.
The mantel is far more ornate than the rest of the room and I pause to look it over, running my fingers across the spiral molding.
The molding seems to break where it connects to the wall on the left.
The gap is noticeable and does not appear to be from damage.
My fingernail catches on the lip and that piece of the wall slides down like a switch. The latch makes a clicking noise and the wall pops out an inch.
Checking over my shoulder, I open the hidden door more fully as some dust gets disturbed.
I wave away the specks before leaning slightly into the opening.
A cold, mildew smell lurks from the chamber below.
Narrow stone stairs lead down to a gravel-covered floor and some openings appear but the whole place is too dark.
Everything in me wants to explore this hidden space but dinner has already been called and I do not want to show any disrespect to Sawyer’s kindness.
I will come back to this.