Chapter 33
It is just me and my companions to suffer this eternal punishment. We are starved for a largeness in this community, an inflated sense of belonging.
“Liv, I am terribly sorry I did not think to bring you down myself.” Sawyer crosses the room in a few strides. “You haven’t been properly shown around and I neglected that.”
I smile tersely and let him kiss my hand. “That’s all right, truly. The manor is beautiful.”
Sawyer motions to the table and pulls my chair for me. Servants begin to enter and fill our cups with wine and blood. The curtains are drawn tight but I can see the fading light from outside.
Sawyer catches me looking around the room.
“Beautiful but with a dark history. Orvynn was here far before Lux acquired it, the continent used it as a prison. The land, I’m sure you’re aware, is historically contested.
Alas, my ancestors couldn’t help themselves.
” He drinks deeply, licking the blood from his lips. “Unfortunately.”
“But that’s changing,” I reply, admiring the chandelier as it twinkles above me.
“Indeed, it is,” he replies curtly. “Tell me, how are you? I wish to help you, if I can.”
I peel my eyes from the lights above and meet his stare. Casually, Sawyer crosses his feet on the mahogany table, switching chalices.
“The strangeness of my new life has been overwhelming, to be sure. I believe that is the best way to describe how I am feeling, now that I think about it. Strange.” I sip from my cup, letting the wine warm me. “But thank you for asking.”
“My brother won’t visit here. He will respect your wishes. This manor is well-guarded and in a short time, you will be far from here.” He raises his glass, looking away at his last word.
I raise mine as well from across the table. “Cheers to new beginnings.”
We drink heavily.
The sun eases itself over the Rhydian Range, penetrating through the cracks in the room’s curtains. My body is still recovering from the tension over the past few days. It is a miracle I was able to rest last night.
The parlor is lit with cess lights and candles, the shades drawn though I do wish to see the sun.
It is as if Sawyer does not want anyone to see inside the manor.
This morning, the table is filled with food.
Human food. My heart jumps at that. I dash over to my chair and immediately pick up a fruit tart, examining the sugar crystals on the crust. My mouth waters.
“I thought you could do with some cheering up this morning.” Sawyer gestures to the spread as he enters from the other end of the room.
I bite down on the treat, relishing in the aromatic flavors. Blueberry and elys. My newest favorite combination.
“Thank you,” I mumble as crumbs spill out my mouth. Sawyer laughs and motions for me to sit. Servants enter and serve us from the spread. I request a little bit of everything.
“You rested well, I take it?” Sawyer picks up his fork and swirls greens around on his plate. I pause mid bite and nod, continuing to eat. The goblet next to me with blood doesn’t quench my hunger as much as I hoped so pairing it with semi-bland human food makes me satisfied.
“Very, thank you, and yourself?”
“As well as I could. I received a missive that an old friend of mine will be visiting.”
Setting down my fork, I pat my mouth. “Tyn, from Veda?”
“No.” He cracks his neck twice. “But don’t let us bother you during your stay. Just business mostly, which seems to be my life as of late.”
“Speaking of which. Has a carriage been called?” I change the subject.
“Yes, but your transport arrives next week. The ports in Duresden are essentially closed because of military movement.” Sawyer looks away from me on his last word, a somber look crossing his features.
I pick up on his choice of words.
“You— You’re not coming with,” I state, realization dawning. This won’t derail my plans and I am not surprised, yet a part of me feels this is not his decision. The tension, the avoidance since I’ve arrived.
He nods tersely. “No, no I am not.”
I return the gesture, rubbing my hands on my dress. “I see.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Liv,” he begins.
“Just promise me my safe passage.”
“Stay at the manor. You will have your freedom soon, Liv.” Sawyer exits the parlor and I am left seated, speechless.
Nothing has made sense since I opened my eyes for the first time in that infirmary room. Sawyer is not Sawyer. The village, our relationship, Liv’s life, it was all a figment of my imagination. A trapped reality, a false home to keep me busy during my coma.
And the closest thing to home that I found was at Demis. But I can’t go back there, and I am resolved in that ache that hollows itself out a pit in my stomach.
Sawyer’s guest arrived a few hours ago but I have stayed hidden away in my room.
My mouth aches for blood, not yet satiated by the breakfast from this morning, so I pad out of my room softly. No servants are nearby and I release a breath of air before heading down to the parlor. Sawyer and his associate are nowhere to be found, so I quickly ask a servant for a small pour.
“Where is the prince?” I ask when they return with the chalice.
The small, wiry woman before me motions down the hall. “His bureau, my lady.”
With new energy, I nod in thanks and head to the room. The village in passing looked quaint and I am eager to get fresh air. To see some more of the world I want to ensconce myself in. But Sawyer asked me to go with an escort, so that is what I shall do.
A male of average height and short dirt-colored hair sits behind the desk looking at some paperwork – at least that is what I can see from the crack in the door.
“Liv, you may enter,” Sawyer says without looking up.
“My apologies, I did not mean to interrupt.” I curtsy lightly to the guest who looks at me as if he is examining me. Sawyer closes a ledger with papers stuffed inside and motions for me to sit. The new male stands, bows slightly at his waist, and begins to pace the room.
“Elivienne,” Sawyer says, emphasis on my true name. It is off-putting but I cannot figure out why he would choose to use it now. We have not since I arrived, even around the servants. “This is Killian.”
“Hello,” I say, taking a cup of blood from Sawyer. Killian says nothing, just smiles eerily with narrow eyes.
I clear my throat after drinking a small amount of the heavy pour of blood. “I was wondering if I could take some leave today.”
“Leave?” Sawyer asks, shifting in his seat. Killian looks over abruptly, like an owl.
“Can I go into the village today? Hybad.”
He moves his jaw around, his face unreadable. I do, however, notice the way he grips his pen tightly. I stay firm, sitting tall.
Right before I feel like I’ve lost this conversation before it began, Sawyer speaks. “Why ever would you want to do that?”
“For starters,” I say as I stand up and run my fingers along the polished wooden desk, making my way to Sawyer. “I feel claustrophobic. With no ladies or court to entertain me, I think I should explore.”
Since my arrival yesterday, I’ve kept to the manor. Here, I don’t have ladies that follow me around. The manor staff is much, much smaller than that of Demis. There are the few occasional servants but they keep scarce.
“We could accompany you on a walk if that is what you require. Ladies are fickle things, Sawyer,” Killian speaks up and I don’t miss his nervous twitches. His eyes are blood red and boots muddy, which means he rode here from the city.
“No, I don’t think that is necessary, Kill,” Sawyer replies for me.
“As I was saying,” I say, trying to hide my annoyance, “I understand your work here is busy. But my mind feels like it spent an eternity at a decrepit farm that doesn’t exist. I need to experience.”
“You can experience plenty at the manor. Anything you need, a needle and thread or paints, just ask,” Sawyer says, steepling his hands in front of his face. “Next week will come and you will be free.”
“And freedom comes with a price,” Killian speaks up, winking at me. A chill runs down my spine because he is watching me like a hawk.
“Well, I am willing to pay.”
Sawyer dips his quill into ink. “I ask that you please stay here. The village is dull and the humans are antsy with too many vampyr nearby. Killian and I were just finishing up. Perhaps after we can spend some time in the library.”
I’m trying not to lose my patience but he’s evading the issue by making me complacent. No, I do not want to read or talk or walk.
Standing beside Sawyer, I touch his shoulder in the hopes I can try to reason with him, to connect with him again on a personal level, like before. His body is cold, which will always catch me off guard. Being a hybrid, I am lukewarm, as Cedric liked to call it.
“Please, Sawyer,” I beg, whispering. He stays silent and I press my eyes closed, wishing his agreement.
“No, that’s the answer. Always will be,” he says, shrugging me off him. “You are safe here.”
“No? Send a guard with me then. Or Killian.” I throw the latter in with a wince because Killian seems… off in our brief interaction. The walls feel extremely close now.
Stuck.
My body was stuck, I was stuck in my mind, stuck at the castle and now I’m stuck here.
All the air has left my body as emotion wells inside me. This isn’t Sawyer. Surely this isn’t Sawyer who has always pressed for my independence. The Sawyer who released me from my dream state, the prison world I lived in for two years.
“No. Liv, do not ask again, please,” he breathes, running a hand through his hair. He has the audacity to look stressed. “You must stay here. Just a little longer while I figure it all out.”
Pacing, I rub my hands up and down my arms, sparks from my uncontrolled magic sending shocks through my body. The building anger and panic fills every fiber of my being.
“You should go rest,” Sawyer drawls, picking up a cup and emptying it. “You’re panicking.”
“Am I?” I laugh and head for the doors, mind racing a million miles an hour. With little thought, I take my leave. My feet fly as I stride down the hall and past a couple of servant women as I head back for my room.
Sliding the door shut, I rest my head in my hands as I try to make sense of what just happened.
A faint knock sounds on the door of my room, so soft I think I imagined it yet my stomach drops. Sawyer could have been here in an instant but he did not follow. My message was loud and clear.
“Lady Liv?”
“Yes?” I whisper to the door, noting the dagger firmly gripped and hidden under my sleeve. Sparks of magic fly down the metal, eager to be released.
The door opens more fully now and my driver, Lee, steps inside shutting the door quietly behind him.
“Lee?” I can barely hold back the volume of my voice. “How— Why are you here?”
“Seeing as I wasn’t aware you had… departed, I was shocked that one of the aviary hands told me you were here. Orvynn had an order of hawks that I just delivered,” Lee says. I immediately embrace him, thankful for a familiar face. He drops his arms around me too, squeezing me.
“Are you going to Duresden by any chance?”
“No, why would I?” His face twists. “Are you well?”
I laugh at that. “I’m fine. But…” I look up to him. “How is he?”
Lee walks over and observes the room, lit by the daylight now the curtains have been drawn. I am so thankful for familiar company.
“The king? No one can tell. That’s just how he is. When you were –” he tilts his head – “ill, no one suspected your state. Our king is skilled at controlling his emotions,” Lee explains.
“I had to leave, Lee,” I barely whisper. My mind jumps to the way Cedric looked at me when he begged for me to stay.
Lee stands up and goes to the fireplace, organizing the logs. “You must be happier here, then.”
He can’t see my face but I know I am no artist at schooling my own emotions away.
“Quite.”
The fire grows as Lee feeds more kindling from the basket next to the hearth. The room slowly heats and he sits back on his haunches, staring at the flame. “Do you want my opinion?” Lee asks after a few moments of silence.
No.
Yes.
“I’m afraid of it,” I admit.
“You’re better off in that coma than in Krue.”
“You couldn’t possibly mean that,” I retort, confused at his meaning.
“This is a bad place, Lady Liv.” I can’t help but wonder if he means the manor or Krue. He turns back and looks at me. “Just be safe. Stay with your guards.”
“I don’t have any out here. Hence the more freedom Sawyer allots me,” I grind.
“No guards?” Lee tuts as he stands up, brushing his hands off on his pants, giving me one quick and worried glance. “Well, take care of yourself. I know you can.” My friend slips out the door just as quietly as he entered, and I am left perplexed.