Chapter 9
T he next morning, as expected, everyone, save for Alandris, was sitting together in awkward silence, eyes looking everywhere but at one another. I was so uncomfortable sitting between Kallista and Zorinna, I could hardly stand it. When I spotted Alandris coming down the stairs, I sighed in relief. If anyone was able to mend this group, it was him.
“Friends!” Alandris greeted with a beaming smile. “There are only a few more supplies we need to acquire. Of course, I still have three weeks of training to do with Nairu, so you’re all welcome to spend your remaining time as you wish.” He lowered himself onto the stool to sit beside us.
His cheeriness was met with mostly blank stares, save for a few grunts of affirmation. I tried to muster a smile. He cleared his throat before continuing. “Well, I suppose I’ll get to the enjoyable bit, then. We need to discuss last night. I think we all got off on the wrong foot, so to speak.”
“I’d say,” Zorinna snorted.
“Regardless.” Alandris sucked his teeth. “We are all here for our own reasons, and while it is not necessary for us to share those goals, we should respect each other and work as a team for as long as we are together.”
“Or?” Kallistra piped up smugly.
I wanted to kick her, truly. After I’d warned her we needed to get along with our new companions, she still couldn’t hold in her smart remarks. I’d practically begged her just to behave civilly, for both of our sakes.
“Or… you can find your own way toward your goal.”
That. That I wasn’t expecting to come from Alandris’ mouth. I audibly gasped, quickly covering my mouth with my hand before turning away.
Kallistra’s mouth pressed into a thin line. “Very well.” She sucked in a deep breath. “I apologize for my untoward behavior last night. We’d been on the road for so long… I was still overly exhausted from travel.”
That—I wasn’t expecting, either. An apology from Kallistra? Surely, I was dreaming.
Alandris nodded his head. “It is understandable, of course. Hopefully, a few nights in the inn’s comfort have served you well.”
“Oh, don’t worry about all that!” Kaz added. “I’m sure we’ll piss each other off again. I’m good at that. ”
His words earned a chuckle from Kallistra. “I’ll try not to make an enemy of you. You’ve got to be half giant or something.”
“My ma swore she never fucked a giant, but my pa always treated me like dog shit.” He leaned back in his seat and belly laughed so heartily it boomed through the entire inn. “Ain’t that suspicious?”
“Hmm… That is—well—you are certainly an interesting man, Kaz.” Alandris joined in the laughter. “I have a few things to attend to myself now. Nairu, I’ll see you for our lesson in the afternoon, and the rest of you at dinner.” And with that, he was off.
Now was as good of a chance as any for me to speak with Zorinna alone. To plead our case and gain her trust. I approached her slowly until I was close enough to tap her on the shoulder. “Could I have a word with you?”
Confusion rippled her sharp features, but she nodded. “Of course.”
I noticed Kallistra’s eyes on us as the two of us stepped outside of the inn, but she didn’t move to stop us.
Zorinna was the first to speak. “Let’s take a quick walk to the market. I’d like to purchase some leather cord and ribbon to tie my hair back. Mine broke last night.”
I hadn’t seen much of the markets of Fernfallow, considering all of my free time had been spent training with Alandris while the others focused on gathering intel and supplies. It wasn’t exactly my favorite place to be, either, gathered in a crowd. But if I was to grow any closer to Zorinna, and ease her mind about our intentions, then I needed to make the effort. I would keep my hood up and do my best to stay out of sight.
Thankfully, there weren’t too many people out at this time of the morning. Only a handful of travelers were at the market, grabbing things for the road. The stalls and small shops selling clothing and accessories were particularly empty, clearly not a priority of the current crowd. Zorinna spotted a shop that interested her to our left and led us inside.
“My dears, how can I assist you today?” an older human woman, with curly graying hair and a multitude of colorful fabrics tied around her waist, greeted us cheerfully.
“I’m looking for something to tie my hair,” Zorinna returned.
The woman looked her up and down, no doubt noting the jewelry and gemstones decorating Zorinna’s neck and ears. The section she walked us to came as no surprise. They displayed some of the nicer pieces there. Embroidered ribbon and leather cords which were braided in various patterns. The woman reached for a particularly intricate ribbon to show Zorinna.
“This one would look beautiful on you, miss. The teal would pop against the bright red of your hair. I could think of nothing finer to suit you.”
Zorinna twirled the fabric between her fingers, seemingly unimpressed. She turned toward me. “What about my companion? ”
Her eyes bore into me, expectant. With a moment of hesitancy, I pulled down my hood and flipped my hair out in front of my cloak, reaching just past my hips. It was excessively long; I knew. I’d never cut it myself. My people considered it a sacred ritual—something only they should do. Few in the village were permitted to tend to me. Kallistra was one of them, but since her skills left much to be desired, I’d opted to let it grow.
The shopkeeper gasped, but Zorinna was quick to speak first. “Stunning, isn’t she?”
I’d have thought she was lying, teasing me, if I didn’t see the genuine warmth in her smile. “You don’t have to say that.”
“I mean it.”
“I have just the thing!” The shopkeeper scurried back over to her fancy display, and to my surprise, made no comment on my appearance.
She returned with a ruby red ribbon in her hands. The ribbon, made of lace, had tiny beads adorning the leaves and flowers. Threads of silver wove through the red ribbon, making it shimmer. It was gorgeous, and luxurious, and nothing I could ever afford. Not something that belonged on someone like me. I’d been taught not to focus on material possessions, but it was beautiful. I couldn’t deny that. And a part of me wished for it still.
“Do you like it?” Zorinna questioned, watching me.
“It would look lovely on you. ”
“Red? In my hair?” She snorted, rolling her eyes. “Don’t be absurd.” She turned to the shopkeeper then and said, “I’ll take the teal and red ribbons.”
“Zorinna, no.” I rushed to her side. “I can’t pay you for that.”
She waved me off, as if I’d just said something crazy, and tossed the shopkeeper the coins as if they were nothing. Once we paid up, she dragged me by the wrist over to a chair in the shop’s corner and motioned for me to sit. She was commanding in a way that came naturally to her, and I couldn’t help but listen.
She took a section of the top of my hair in her hands, and I froze. If my skin could’ve blanched any paler, it would have. She began to braid the strands, one section from each side of my head, weaving her fingers in and out of my hair until they met in the middle. There, she grabbed that beautiful red ribbon and knotted it into my hair, keeping the braids in place. When she was done, her hands lingered there, resting on my shoulders.
“I have no sisters, only a brother,” she mumbled. “He has long hair, but he’d sooner gut me than let me braid it. I’m sorry if it’s shitty… I don’t get much practice.”
“I like it.”
I did. I just hadn’t expected that. Not after the conversation I’d overheard between her and Alandris. I’d gotten the sense that she didn’t much like me, and Kallistra even less.
“Consider this an apology gift, because I’m quite shit at those, too.” She tied her hair into a knot at the top of her head with the other ribbon she’d purchased. “Someone I care about is rather pissed at me for not giving you a chance. So, here’s that chance. Don’t screw it up.”
Then this had to do with Alandris. “I—um—I have no ill intentions. I just want to learn to manage my magic, and we needed the coin. That’s all.”
Zorinna held my gaze. “That woman—” She pointed to the shopkeeper. “She was startled at first, but she isn’t afraid of you. Some people are cruel by nature, but I think you’ll find the less you hide, the better reaction you’ll have. You aren’t all that terrifying. Carry it with confidence.”
Easy for her to say. She was one of the most gorgeous females I’d ever seen. Even on the short walk here, I could see the way people looked at her. She made heads spin in wonder. Besides that, she looked normal. Not ordinary, but normal. She had the features of a normal Elven female. We were nothing alike. I instinctively reached to pull my hood over my head once more.
Before I could finish the movement, she added, “Don’t. Confidence, Nairu.”
“I don’t know… Kallistra prefers I remain hidden. She says it will help us avoid conflict.”
“What is it that you prefer?”
Her question reminded me of the one I’d answered yesterday with Alandris. What did I prefer? To make my own decision. This time I would. Little by little, I was going to keep making choices just for myself. I would walk back to the inn with my hood down and my partially braided hair blowing freely in the wind .
“Let’s go back.” I nodded with a confidence I knew would make her grin in return. “Thank you, Zorinna.”
The feeling of bliss that had enveloped me after successfully taking the leap to walk back unfettered, and having no negative encounters on the way, was swiftly shattered by Kallistra’s foul expression. She didn’t yell at me. She didn’t say anything at all. But the disappointed expression on her face, and the way she took off up the stairs without commenting on my appearance, was enough, and it hurt all the more. If she’d lashed out, I’d have felt better. It was better than being ignored.
“Look at you!” Kaz exclaimed, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. The weight of it nearly had me toppling over. “You’re a rose in the middle of a snowfield!“
Zorinna snorted. “I didn’t take you for a poet, Kaz.”
“Even I know a beauty when I see one.”
My cheeks flushed. I wasn’t used to being fussed over. I’d had plenty of it for one day. “Kaz. You’re crushing me.” I wiggled my shoulders underneath his arm.
“Ah, sorry!” He raised his arm, and it was as though a boulder had been lifted from off the top of me. “I ought to take my leave, anyway. I took a side job with a local farmer. Swears wolves are gobbling up his livestock. I’m going to go set some traps now and scout the place out tonight.”
Zorinna, too, pardoned herself, and I was left with at least another hour or two to myself before it would be time to work on my magic with Alandris. I’d sit down here by myself in silence sooner than I’d go upstairs to face Kallistra’s disappointment. I was proud of myself for my progress, and I would let no one take that away from me. Not even her.
I’d never been like this before. Anything my people asked of me, anything Kallistra asked of me, I did without question. I’d only realized just how unusual my upbringing had been when we started our pilgrimage and I witnessed how others interacted outside of our village. I’d never been anything but grateful to my people, but when I saw that, I felt like a caged bird.
Every aspect of my life had been pre-planned for me. What I wore, what I ate, what I learned, who I was friends with. And then, after twenty years of that, they shoved Kallistra and me out and set us free with our mission, into a world that operated very differently than how we had. Save us. Find what has been lost. Save us.
Had they expected me not to notice? Or had they expected Kallistra to shield me from it? The freedom. The beauty of a world beyond snow-capped mountains.
Somehow, I still had a lingering sense of indebtedness toward them. The ‘duty’ Kallistra clung to for dear life—the same one I should have been more attached to—it was to save them. I should have felt guilty and shameful to even consider my own personal desires while they were home waiting for me to succeed. To return. Part of me did have that sentiment. But the ember in my heart—the one that blazed brighter every time I chose something solely for myself—was slowly overtaking that guilt.