Chapter 10
“ Y ou’re awfully distracted today.” Alandris’s chuckle carried on the wind.
It’d been three days since Kallistra had begun to ignore me, only speaking to me in cold, one-word answers, and only if I initiated the conversation myself. I’d angered her, betrayed her even. Talking back to her, blatantly going against her wishes, was not something I ever did. Nod and accept what was expected of me. That was who I was—who I was supposed to be.
The tangled mess of emotions inside my head were tormenting me. My week of lessons with Alandris had yielded little to no results. After the chaos that had erupted last time, I hadn’t tried to meld my magic into anything other than a bird. I hadn’t dared to risk it. Alandris assured me he could neutralize my volatile magic within seconds this time should it turn on us, but I couldn’t help but have reservations .
Each time I thought about the creature my magic had summoned, fear crept along my spine and nestled itself deep inside my bones. I knew I would need to conquer that fear if I were to ever gain control over my magic.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I know I need to do more than just summon this bird over and over. I’m wasting your time.”
Alandris shook his head and motioned for me to take a seat on the log nearby. He plopped down next to me and pulled his pin from his cloak, the Mages Consortium emblem, running his fingers across the metal.
“When I first joined the Mages Consortium, my magic was a raging storm I could hardly control. My teachers told me it would consume me if I failed to steady my mind. They said in order to harness your magic’s full potential, you need to recognize the effect your emotions have on it. Rage and fear produce volatile magic. Sure, it’s strong, but it is also wild and reckless. A quiet mind is most powerful. It controls the magic, tells it how much it can take, tells it how to manifest. Mastering my mind was more difficult than mastering the magic itself.
“I was bitter and lonely when I arrived at Nil’Faerith. The idea of becoming a Mage had fascinated me since I was a child, but that wasn’t the path set for me to follow. I was to live a life of politics, in service of the Elven King Zaelthrian, as my parents did, and their parents before them. Family ties are important in our culture. It takes a lot to rise to such a standing that you are working with royalty. My family naturally assumed I would continue our legacy without much fuss. ”
He sighed and continued, “They all but disowned me when I refused and told them my plans to join the Mages Consortium. It took a long time to come to terms with that. I was such a brat my first few years. I’m surprised Lyandril didn’t kick me out of the Consortium.” The corner of his mouth rose into a half smile. “The point is—only once I finally accepted that I was making the right choice for myself, and that it was okay to do so, was I able to control my flames.”
There was a sadness in his eyes, but more than that, there was the burning resolve of someone who knew exactly what they wanted in life. That was the difference between us. Alandris had forged his own path with confidence, and I was still teetering along the edge of the one laid out for me, terrified of stepping into uncharted territory.
“You are brave,” I whispered.
His eyes flicked to mine, and it felt as though they were boring into me, reaching under my skin, into the very core of who I was. “You and I are not so dissimilar.”
I couldn’t bear to hold that gaze, so I looked down at my feet. “Is that why you pity me?”
“I do not pity you.” The reply came more sharply than I expected. “You are powerful, Nairu. You don’t need my pity, and you don’t need me to save you. You only need to recognize it within yourself. That challenge—that I will support you in. Whatever it is you choose to do, whether it is saving your people or training your magic, make sure your choice is for you. No one else. ”
It knocked the wind from my lungs. Those words. How badly had I needed to hear them?
“Have you heard back from your mentor?”
“I haven’t, but I do have an idea.” When a mischievous grin appeared on his face, I knew that idea would mean nothing but trouble. “There is an older gentleman who has a personal book collection at his home here in town, actually quite remarkable considering the size of Fernfallow, and if my intel is correct, his collection houses a number of books on rare magical oddities and phenomenon.”
I frowned. “Kallistra would never let me go. And she visits too often during our lessons for us to go during them. If she didn’t find us here, she’d burn this town to the ground looking for me.”
Alandris rubbed his chin. “Could you sneak away at night?”
“Would the owner let us in at night?”
“Leave that to me! I’m very convincing.”
I only had to sneak away from a sleeping Kallistra, the lightest sleeper in the entire realm. If she caught me, she would either kill me with her bare hands or lock me in our room for either the rest of eternity, or until she found a priestess who would come to us. I couldn’t be certain which was a worse fate.
What a horrible, thrilling idea.
I smiled. “Then… yes.”
The frantic pounding of my heart was ringing in my ears so violently I was certain Kallistra would wake up from its noise alone. I kept my gaze focused on her sleeping face, watching her chest slowly rise and fall as I swung my legs over the side of my bed. Thank God we were no longer sharing a bed, since Alandris had paid for a more spacious room. The shift of my weight off the mattress and onto the wooden floorboards caused a creaking noise loud enough that I cringed. The revelry from the bar downstairs was barely enough to cover it. I had to time each step perfectly, coordinating with bursts of shouts or the clink of glasses.
The door was an entirely different battle. I’d gone in and out of it enough to know how the hinges squeaked unless you opened it just right. I stared at Kallistra, checking once, twice, three times, before turning the knob. I had to be quick so as not to let the noise from downstairs breach the doorway. On my final glance at Kallistra, she stirred, turning herself away from me. My heart dropped to my stomach, only settling once she began to lightly snore once more.
I turned the knob. Slowly. The hinges had spared me. I could breathe at last .
I hurried down the stairs, catching the eyes of several of the inn’s patrons as I passed. I looked ridiculous. While Kallistra was in the bath, I’d slipped on my boots and pants with my nightgown over the top, tucking it into the pants, and covering myself with blankets so she wouldn’t see my lower half. I was relying on Alandris to bring me a cloak to hide myself under. I just had to make it outside before I burned up from the embarrassment.
The night-time chill had already begun to seep through the thin fabric of my gown. Between that and the panic-induced cold sweat coating my skin, I was far more exposed than I was comfortable with. Thankfully, Alandris was waiting right behind the inn, as promised, with a fur-lined black cloak held out in front of him. I practically yanked it from his hands, whipping it around my shoulders in an instant and tying it off.
“I can’t believe I let you convince me to do this,” I mumbled.
Alandris snickered. “I don’t recall it taking much convincing on my part.”
I didn’t bother to respond. Because he was right.
The house was only a short distance away, and it was one of the larger buildings on the street. I noticed none of the lights were on and wondered just what exactly Alandris had roped me into, but I didn’t question him as he led us around to the back entrance and opened the door. Unlocked. Perhaps he wasn’t damning us to a life in prison, after all.
The lovely scent of books filled my nose the moment I walked through the doorway. There was something strangely comforting about being surrounded by all of those books. Knowledge both ancient and new. Stories of whimsy and tragedy. I’d always loved to read, even if my options were limited back home. There was an indescribable feeling that could only be found between the pages of a book.
Tiny orbs of flame flicked into the air above us, illuminating the shelves.
I turned to Alandris. “Fire—surrounded by flammable books? Isn’t that an awful idea?”
He simply waved his hand in front of him, grinning. “I can control it. Are you questioning your magic teacher?”
The corner of my mouth curved up. “I would never.”
I followed him down the rows of bookshelves to a section that seemed to house books on magic. “What exactly should I be looking for?” I asked, trailing my fingers along the spines.
“Anything about rare types of magic. God-given magic. Maybe even occult mythos and lore. If you come across anything that stands out to you, let me know and I’ll take a look.”
Most of the titles were ordinary. Elemental Magics & Their Source. The Use of Conduits. Common Item Enchantments & Their Application . Books for beginner Mages studying the craft. I must’ve spent an hour scanning each and every row for something that fit Alandris’ description. I’d flipped open a few promising books, but they’d ended up being utter nonsense.
There was one spot I hadn’t checked because it’d looked like a windstorm had recently blown through it. Not only were books stacked in every manner possible—spines in, spines out, upright, on their side—there were also books without covers. I took a deep breath and braved the stack closest to me. And the next. And the next. Until I spotted an interesting stack of textbooks. One book stood out amongst them—a black leather cover with no title along the side. It was dusty, not recently disturbed. The front, too, was empty, but on the inside cover, the title was written in another language. Other Planar Magics.
I sauntered back to the center of the library and tapped on Alandris’ shoulder. “What about this? Other Planar Magics .”
He flipped the book open, scanning through the first few pages. “You can read Faerie? None of this is in the common tongue.”
“No. I mean… I don’t recall studying the language. I learned several of the more widely used tongues, but I don’t think I ever studied the Fae’s language. Maybe bits and pieces. It’s similar to Elvish, no?”
He scrunched his mouth, his eyes fixed on the text. “Similar in its syntax, but not much else. Faerie is not a widely known language. The Fae are rather protective of their own knowledge. We study Faerie at the Mages Consortium for the purposes of translating old tomes like these. Mine is certainly not perfect, but I may be able to translate some of this to the common tongue with enough time.”
I frowned. “Which we don’t have.” He raised his eyebrows, and I shook my head, knowing where his mind was wandering. “Because we aren’t stealing the book, Alandris.”
He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and winked. “I wouldn’t dare. Keep looking. I’ll skim through these chapters to see what is relevant and translate only what applies to your situation.”
But I didn’t have time to resume my search, because in the next minute Alandris had snapped his fingers, snuffing out the fiery lights above us, leaving us in complete darkness.
“Wha—”
A hand over my mouth interrupted my words, my body pressed into the pitch black corner of the bookshelves. The turn of a doorknob had my already racing heart thundering in my chest even more quickly. And that should have been my focus. That fear of who had just walked into the home. But it wasn’t. Not even a little.
How could I focus on that when Alandris was a mere hair’s breadth from me? So close I could feel his breath on my cheek, hear each shuddering exhale, smell the musk on his clothes and skin—something sweet and warm and wholly distracting. I’d never been this close to another person before. Certainly not a male. God, help me.
I looked up, meeting his crystalline eyes, barely visible in the dark. He was staring back down at me so intensely I thought I might shatter under his gaze. I nodded my head slowly, a silent acknowledgment that I understood the need to be quiet. He removed his hand from my mouth, though he didn’t step away. Instead, his hand gripped the bookcase behind me, ensnaring me further .
“Ah! Where did I put the damn thing?” the high-pitched voice of an older man grumbled. The flickers of a lantern bounced off the walls nearby.
We were screwed. Utterly screwed. As the lantern drew nearer, I squeezed my eyes closed and considered which outcome I would prefer—Kallistra gutting me or spending the rest of my life in prison—since clearly we were breaking and entering, a fact I would scold Alandris for the moment I had a chance.
“There you are!” A fumble of books sounded to our right, just around the corner.
I braced myself, squeezing my eyes closed even tighter and bringing my shaky hands up to clutch the front of Alandris’ coat.
Those footsteps at last retreated, and the front door swung open once more. Only after someone slammed the front door shut and I heard the lock click did I dare to open my eyes. Alandris was looking down at me, but took a few steps back the moment I met his gaze. My hands loosened from his coat and fell back at my sides in an instant. He waited a few more moments before lighting the room with those tiny orbs of flame again, and that was my cue to berate him for his reckless behavior.
“I thought you were going to be convincing, not have us break into the man’s personal library like thieves!” I shoved his shoulder without thinking.
Alandris didn’t flinch from my blow. “To be fair, I did convince his maid to leave the back door unlocked… I just hadn’t accounted for the man himself appearing out of nowhere tonight.”
I loosed a shaky breath, rubbing my hand over my heart, its pace only just beginning to calm. “I thought I was going to die.”
“What’s the fun of sneaking out without a little excitement?”
His beaming smile made it hard to stay mad at him. Both my frustration and the adrenaline coursing through my veins were fading, but I still had no intention of staying here any longer after such a close call. “I’ve had enough excitement for one night.”
“What about the book?”
“We’re not stealing it.” I glared.
“Yes, of course.” He chuckled. “I will come back on my own after our lesson tomorrow. If I find anything meaningful, I’ll bring it to your attention right away.”
My anger had served as a wonderful buffer between the other emotions plaguing me, but now that it had waned, I found my cheeks warming. I shook my head, allowing my hair to fall in front of my face, and turned my back to him. “Let’s go, then.”
“It’s been lovely to see your personality shine through tonight, Nairu. Even if it did come in the form of you being upset with me. I had a feeling there was a fire within you.”
I froze, but didn’t turn to face him. I couldn’t. Not with my entire face now burning and taking on what was no doubt a shade of deep crimson. So we spent the entire walk back to the inn in silence, with me keeping just a few steps ahead of him .
When I crawled back into my bed, having successfully opened and closed the door and crept across the wooden floors without waking Kallistra, I struggled to find sleep. Each time I closed my eyes, I saw him. Felt him. Suddenly, being caught sneaking off in the night by Kallistra seemed like the less deadly option.