Chapter 18
M y peaceful recovery did not last long.
“How long have these marks been appearing on your body?” Kallistra sat on the edge of the bed, poking and prodding at my skin until I yanked my arm back.
Kaz and Zorinna had left moments ago to fulfill their part of Theomund’s deal for letting us stay here. Alandris had left with them, supposedly to get some fresh air, though they’d warned him he was not to venture off the property or they would ‘tie him down to a chair’. That left Kallistra and me alone, at least until Kaz and Zorinna noticed her absence and wrangled her to come pull her weight in the fields.
“Since…” Honesty? Or a lie? “Since I’ve started training my magic with Alandris.” Honesty, it was.
“Has it been getting better? ”
“Yes, it has. At first, they would appear with even the simplest uses of magic, but now I can tap into my power for more complex spells. Sometimes the source of my power is too much… We think that is the issue. Alandris has been taking some of the brunt of the power until I can control it. He’s been acting as a conduit, so to speak. When my magic travels through both of us, the marks rarely appear, and it doesn’t hurt.”
A flicker of shock crossed Kallistra’s face before she settled back into a neutral expression. “He’s been willing to take that risk?”
I nodded.
“Interesting.” She rubbed a finger across her lips. “As I’ve said before, you do appear healthier. More and more so every day. However, what you did was reckless. You aren’t yet experienced enough to use your magic without regard.”
Loud footsteps against the wooden floor pulled our attention to the doorway. Alandris leaned against the frame, nearly reaching the top with his height. If his injury was bothering him in the slightest, it didn’t show. He hardly looked as though we’d just been traveling for days and days on end.
“I’ve been sent to collect Kallistra,” he spoke, tapping his fingers against the wood, “by Kaz and Zorinna. After they threatened me and demanded I go and rest, that is.”
Kallistra stood. “I suppose I should go pull my weight.” She brushed past Alandris, who straightened himself to give her room to move past him. “Be sure to look after Nairu for me. ”
Alandris hummed some wordless reply which satisfied her well enough.
He remained in the doorway, looking over me silently, while a series of emotions passed over his face. Much like myself, he seemed to be struggling to find the words to say all that needed to be said between us.
It’d be easier to simply ignore everything that had happened. The fact that I’d thrown myself into danger to save him. Pretending it’d been for the benefit of our entire group would be foolish. It was obvious in the way I ran toward him, I’d taken the risk for him and him alone. My emotions had gotten the better of me, and I’d lost control of my own self-preservation. For him.
That was why I’d hoped to avoid him while I spent my time recovering, but fate was full of cruel jokes, and now it’d be just the two of us for hours on end while the others labored. There was no escaping him. No allowing my mind to disentangle the frenzy of emotions that overwhelmed me each time he was nearby.
“Do you want to sit at the lakeside?” He kicked the toe of his boot against the floor. “We can’t exactly train—we shouldn’t—but I can’t stand being locked up in these rooms with nothing to do. I could go over some basics with you if you wouldn’t find it too much of a bore.”
No. “Yes.” Damn it. My tongue, the betrayer it was, moved faster than my brain.
“I will wait for you downstairs, then.” He disappeared around the corner, his footsteps slowly fading .
I waited until the sound had fully left my ears before readying myself. I’d taken advantage of the bath offered to us last night, so my appearance wasn’t as unkempt as I feared. I didn’t want to gaze in the mirror longer than I had to, so I did my best to separate my hair without its assistance, tying a section back with the ribbon Zorinna had gifted me. I couldn’t manage a braid on my own—I’d have to ask her to teach me once this was all over.
Although, I supposed I wouldn’t have the opportunity if things played out how I intended them to. If I started my new life. No, when I started my new life.
Ignoring the sharpness that particular thought manifested in my chest, I threw my cloak over my shoulders and rushed to meet Alandris downstairs.
We walked to the lake, side by side, without a word. The quiet was surprisingly comfortable, and it gave me a chance to look over our surroundings properly for the first time. The villagers were no longer staring at us with fear. Perhaps they’d been assured of our peaceful intentions, though their hesitation was still apparent in the way busy hands stopped moving as we passed. Their homes, though small, were decorated with gardens and flowers and wooden trinkets. Children played, screeching giddily as they chased each other through puddles of mud. Their parents yelled after them, their angry voices wavering between their laughter. This place was no larger than my village, but the contrast between the two was stark.
Back home, our entire village felt as though a stillness had been cast over it. Like everyone was holding their breath, waiting for something. Here, they seemed free. Joyful. And while I was certain it was no simple thing living on the outskirts of the Azog Bog, the people here seemed perfectly contented residing here with their loved ones in their tiny corner of the world.
When the lake came into view, I forced myself not to think of home. It was on the edge of the south side of the village, surrounded by willows and patches of marigolds. A sliver of beauty against an otherwise rugged backdrop.
My mouth fell open. “When did you get a chance to search for this place?”
Alandris shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep. I wandered around the village for a bit last night, right after everyone went to bed. Didn’t think anyone would hear me slip out over the sound of Kaz’s snoring.”
Indeed, that had been loud enough to startle me out of my slumber on more than one occasion during the night.
Alandris sat down beneath the nearby willow and patted the ground next to him, and I followed suit. His gaze traveled along the lengths of my arms, a frown appearing at the sight of the marks. “The marks haven’t faded.”
I pulled my cloak tighter over my body. “No, not quite. The pain is mostly gone, though.”
“You shouldn’t have done that.” He swallowed, turning away from me.
“I’ve already had my talking to this morning.”
“I am not worth your life. ”
I stilled. “You are not worth my—what?” I couldn’t keep the edge from my tone. “I helped you because—because it was the right thing to do. I saw you were about to be overwhelmed, so I stepped in. Isn’t that the point of all the training we’ve been doing? Was the purpose not so that I could defend myself?”
His head snapped toward me, and I almost backed down, seeing the quiet rage that strained his features. “Exactly. Yourself .”
“You know what I mean.”
He sighed, and the harshness fell from his face. “I know you’ve spent your entire life sheltered, protected, and I know you hate it. So I know you don’t need someone else telling you not to do something…” His eyes met mine. “But I have never felt more helpless than when I watched you faint, covered in blood, not knowing where it came from. I shouldn’t tell you to never put your life at risk for me again, but I will beg. If I must.”
“Would you not do the same?”
He tilted his head, confused.
“Would you not do the same?” I repeated. “If you saw me fighting off a group of monsters and you thought, even if you weren’t sure, but you thought I may need help. Would you remain hidden while I struggled?”
Alandris’ mouth opened and closed a few times, and I knew I’d won.
“Exactly,” I repeated his earlier words back to him.
He sighed once more, this time in defeat. “You are impossible, Nairu.” Plucking a marigold from the ground, he brushed away the dirt, and brought the little yellow flower up in front of us, twirling the stem. He then reached forward and tucked the flower into my hair, just above my ear. His fingers lingered, running along my hair. “Do you know why I would intervene for you?”
My breath caught in my throat. “Because you are good and kind.”
“I am no such thing.” He dropped my hair, pulling his hand back as though it’d burned him. “Let’s begin, then. We shouldn’t use our magic lest we get an earful from our friends, but we can practice your visualizations for manifesting your magic.”
He’d scooted a solid yard away from me before I had a chance to realize it was about damn time I took a breath again. As if it’d never happened, as if he’d never reached for me, I returned to my senses.
It wasn’t as though it were the first time he’d touched me. He’d had to during our trainings. He’d done so casually several times since. But this experience was vastly dissimilar… so much stronger. For the first time, I considered that maybe he had experienced it as well—this buzzing of energy between us that left me breathless and stirred. And just as I was, he was running from it. Tucking whatever emotions we had toward each other into some tiny pocket to be forgotten about.
I was supposed to be visualizing something for my shadows to manifest as, in order to protect me. A sword, a bow, a shield. Instead, I imagined him. Reaching for me in a field of marigolds. Reaching for me and not pulling away.
The setting sun painted the sky with gorgeous hues of pink and orange. A blessing I’d been looking forward to for several hours. Alandris and I had not said much of anything during our exercises, aside from basic directions. The walk home would be awkward, but at least it wasn’t far. I would have Kallistra and Zorinna to distract me back in the room.
As we walked, I looked out to the tree-line where we’d emerged from after our battle with the Visumena. Some part of me feared they would emerge from between the trees, their creepy, spider-like legs carrying them across the field. Despite the assurance that they weren’t known to attack settlements, I still felt exposed. I couldn’t stop myself from watching. Waiting.
A flicker of light drew my attention further into the trees. It continued to flash on and off like a beacon. I abruptly ceased walking and Alandris nearly crashed into me, gripping my shoulders to halt himself.
“What is it?” he questioned, following my eyes to the tree-line.
“Do you see that light?”
“I don’t see anything.”
Sure enough, the flashing had stopped just in time for me to seem like I’d lost my mind. “You’re sure they aren’t still out there, right? ”
“The Visumena? No. Aside from the fact that they wouldn’t risk attacking a settlement of this size, they wouldn’t stalk their prey for longer than a night,” he assured me.
“Right.”
I kept walking toward the manor, an unsettling sensation I couldn’t rid myself of causing my hair to stand on end.