Chapter 12
CONNOR
I'd been avoiding her all day. After avoiding her all week, really.
Not in a way she could call me out on. But I'd found reasons to be busy. Fences that needed repairs that could've waited, horse training that didn't need to happen today, paperwork I'd been putting off for weeks that suddenly became urgent.
Anything to not be in the house. Anything to not watch Harper get ready for her date with Felix.
It's just dinner. It doesn't mean anything. I was lying to myself.
I was in the barn, my hands buried in Duke's mane as I brushed him with more force than necessary, when I heard tires on gravel. Every muscle in my body went rigid, my hands stilling on the brush.
They're here.
I should stay in the barn. Keep working, keep busy, keep pretending I didn't care that Harper was about to spend the evening with Felix while I sat home alone like a pathetic fool.
However, I couldn't stop myself from moving to the barn door. From watching as Jaxon's Jeep pulled up in front of the house.
Felix climbed out of the passenger seat, and even from here I could see he'd dressed up in a blue button-down shirt, jeans that weren't work-worn, and had his hair styled instead of its usual windswept mess.
He looked good. Ready for a date with a beautiful woman. Heat crawled up the back of my neck, my shoulders stiffened at the thought.
Then the front door opened, and Harper stepped out onto the porch.
All the air left my lungs.
She wore a dress. Deep green that brought out the color of her eyes, the fabric clung to the curves I'd been trying very hard not to notice for the past two weeks.
It hit just above her knees, showing off legs that went on forever.
Her red hair was down in soft waves around her shoulders instead of the practical braid she'd been wearing lately.
Makeup highlighted features that didn't need highlighting, made her eyes look bigger, her lips look—
Stop. Stop looking at her like that.
After seeing her step out though, it was impossible to look away or do anything except stand there in the barn doorway while Felix jogged up the porch steps with that easy grin and said something that made Harper laugh.
She looked happy. Relaxed. Beautiful.
And she was leaving with him.
Anna appeared from the Jeep too, rushing up to hug Harper and exclaim over the dress. Jaxon followed more slowly, and even from this distance I saw him glance toward the barn and spot me standing there. Saw the sympathy cross his face before he looked away.
He knows. They all know.
That I was in love with Harper and too much of a coward to do anything about it. That watching her go out with Felix was killing me. That I'd been dying slowly for the past week, counting down to this moment and dreading it with every breath.
Felix held out his arm, and Harper took it. As they headed toward the Jeep, Anna talked excitedly about the restaurant, and I watched Harper climb into the back seat and smooth down her dress. Watched her smile at something Felix said.
Watched them drive away.
Only when the taillights disappeared down my driveway did I let myself breathe again, air rushing into my lungs in a painful gasp.
Duke nickered behind me, impatient at the interrupted grooming, but I didn't move. I stood there in the doorway while my chest felt like it was caving in and tried to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do now.
Let her go. She deserves to be happy. If that's with Felix, then you deal with it. But the thought of Harper with Felix, of him making her laugh, making her smile, maybe kissing her at the end of the night, made my hands shake with the urge to put my fist through something.
I went back to Duke and finished grooming him with movements that were too rough, too agitated. The horse shifted under my hands, picking up on my mood, and I forced myself to calm down.
She'll be back in a few hours. I can handle a few hours.
Icouldn't handle a few hours.
By seven-thirty, I'd groomed every horse in the barn twice. By eight, I'd reorganized my tack room even though it didn't need it. By eight-thirty, I'd given up on being productive and retreated to the house.
The living room felt too big. Too empty even with Chester following me around whining, picking up that something was wrong. It was too quiet without Harper curled up in the corner of my couch with her laptop, working on boutique inventory while I pretended to watch TV.
I grabbed my second beer from the fridge, even though I rarely drank alone, and tried to settle. I tried watching TV, reading and even went into my office with the intent to do paperwork.
Nothing worked. Nothing could distract me from the images my mind kept conjuring of Harper with Felix.
They're probably at the restaurant now. Probably looking at menus. Felix is probably making her laugh with some stupid joke. Probably touching her hand across the table.
I took a long drink, the beer bitter on my tongue.
By nine, I couldn't stand being inside anymore. The walls felt like they were closing in and the silence pressed in on me from all sides.
I grabbed my jacket and went out to the side porch, sinking into one of the rocking chairs I'd inherited from my grandfather.
The night air was cold, biting through my shirt despite the jacket, but I welcomed it.
The discomfort gave me something to focus on besides the ache spreading through my chest.
The stars were out, thousands of them scattered across the Wyoming sky, so bright out here away from town lights.
Harper loved the stars. She had spent hours on this porch over the years, head tilted back, pointing out constellations she knew while I pretended to follow along.
In reality I was watching her face instead, memorizing the expressions she’d make.
She's probably looking at stars right now. With Felix. My grip tightened on the arms of the rocking chair until the wood creaked under my hands.
By ten, I'd been sitting out here for over an hour, my beer long since finished and forgotten on the porch railing. The cold had seeped through my jacket, making me shiver, but I didn't move—I couldn’t. I was frozen in this chair, waiting.
What am I even doing? Waiting up for her like some jealous—
Headlights swept down my driveway. I went completely still, my pulse suddenly hammering in my throat. I should go inside. Give them privacy for whatever goodbye Felix had planned. Not sit here in the shadows like some kind of stalker.
But my body wouldn't cooperate. I stayed frozen in the rocking chair, partially hidden by the shadow of the porch overhang, and watched as Jaxon's Jeep pulled up in front of the house.
The engine cut off and the sound of doors opening filled the silence. Harper's laugh floated through the night air, light and genuine and the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard.
Something inside of me twisted painfully, dying. She had a good time. Of course she had a good time. Everything Harper did, she put her all into it.
Felix climbed out of the passenger side and immediately circled around to open Harper's door for her. Even in the dim light from my porch, I could see his grin, the way he offered his hand to help her out.
She took it.
They stood by the Jeep for a moment, and I heard Anna's voice from the driver's seat. “We'll wait to make sure you get inside okay.”
“You don't have to—” Harper started.
“We're waiting,” Jaxon said firmly. “Go on. We'll see you tomorrow for lunch.”
Felix walked Harper toward the porch, his hand on the small of her back, and I pressed myself further into the shadows. The rocking chair creaked slightly under my weight, but the sound was lost in their footsteps on gravel.
They reached the porch steps, and I could see them clearly now in the wash of light from my front door fixture. Harper looked flushed. From the cold or from Felix's attention, I couldn't tell. Her hair was slightly windswept, and that green dress moved around her legs as she walked.
She was so beautiful it hurt to look at her.
Felix stopped at the bottom of the steps, turning to face her. His hands moved to her waist, casual and familiar, like he had every right to touch her.
My hands curled into fists so tight my nails bit crescents into my palms, sharp enough to sting.
“I had a really great time tonight,” Felix said, his voice carrying clearly in the quiet night. “We should do this again. Maybe next weekend? Just the two of us this time?”
Every muscle in my body went taut as a bowstring. My lungs seized, refusing to pull in air. Say no. Please, Harper, say no.
Harper's smile softened, but I saw something shift in her expression. Something that looked like regret.
“Felix,” she said gently. Even from here I could hear the careful kindness in her voice, the tone people used when they were about to let someone down easy.
“You're really great. Tonight was fun. But I don't think…” She paused, choosing her words carefully.
“I don't think we should do this again. Not as a date.”
Felix's hands dropped from her waist. “Is this about Connor?” The question hung in the cold night air.
Harper was quiet for a long moment. Then, so softly I almost didn't hear it: “Yeah. It's about Connor.”
Everything in my chest cracked open. My whole body went light, like gravity had stopped working. If a wind gust came through now, it would've knocked me over.
She turned him down. Because of me.
“Does he know?” Felix asked, and there was no anger in his voice. Just understanding. Maybe even sympathy. “Does Connor know how you feel about him?”
“I don't know. I don't think so.” Harper wrapped her arms around herself, and I could see her shivering in that thin dress. “But you deserve someone who's all in. Who isn't thinking about someone else the whole time.”
“Yeah, I do.” Felix smiled, and even I could see it was genuine. “But for what it's worth? I think Connor's an idiot if he doesn't see what's right in front of him.”