Chapter 20
?
Maksim
I watch Julia as she places her hand on Akim's arm, and a desire to rip my lieutenant's head off surges through my entire body.
The reason I'm not at the club with Ilya, trying to figure out if there's a way for Ivan to die naturally, has black hair and is dressed like she wants to make sure every miserable bastard in this town notices her.
Because you can't help but notice her.
The way those jeans make her legs look even longer, paired with that sweater that slips slightly off one shoulder, revealing a constellation of freckles—six of them, to be precise—drives me to the edge of sanity. And it infuriates me that it affects me so deeply.
This morning, when I heard the sounds escaping her lips, I knew exactly what she was dreaming about. I've been having the same dream for so many months that lying next to her in bed has become almost torturous.
I can't pinpoint when my mind started producing these fantasies—her above me, her beneath me, her in the shower as I bend her forward and touch her exactly where I know she wants to be touched.
In none of these fantasies is he present. In all my dreams, when the urge to tear off my boxers and relieve my erection consumes me, my blood pumps with desire, not disgust.
But I can't cross that line. Not with her. She'll be leaving me soon if everything goes according to plan, and I know that if I give her this piece of myself too, I'll be emptier than I was before she left.
Because she was right. Something in this pathetic excuse for a heart of mine, which hasn't functioned properly since birth, awakened when she entered my life.
I catch myself so often staring at her, wondering how the universe allows such a perfect being to walk the earth.
When she asked me about sex a few months ago, I had to lock down every nerve and muscle in my body to keep from assaulting her mouth and body.
That was the moment when, after our conversation, I went to the shower, and for the first time ever, I masturbated not as a primal need, but for my own pleasure.
My mind wandered to her full mouth, those lips that haunt my existence, her legs wrapped around my waist, and her small breasts, which I know would want my touch.
But here's the problem. What if the repulsion and nausea disappear only because it's...fantasy? What if when she touches me intimately, I freeze up and hurt her?
The mere thought that I might get trapped in the void in my head and harm her fills me with violent impulses. Because I'm not normal, and she deserves someone who can be freely touched by her without visions of a monster whispering in his ear that this is how he becomes a real man.
I watch her leave the store with an enormous bouquet of sunflowers, and it's picture clear—I'm going to strangle Akim.
Because he can be that way with her. Because he's the recipient of the smile she wears on her face right now. And I never thought it possible to be jealous over a smile, but here we are.
Julia turns and scans the street again, but there's a reason I'm called Smert, the shadow my clients call when they want someone invisible to handle their business.
Staying in the shadows feels natural at this point. I savor the power that comes from knowing no one can touch me here, while I see their every step and detail.
A smile escapes me when I see her frowning at the street again as if it personally offended her. The mere fact that she can sense my presence from so many yards away sends my heart into an irregular rhythm.
After placing the flowers in the car, I watch them walk toward the supermarket, and the most beautiful sound reaches my ears.
I study her profile as she laughs at something Akim said, and officially, I no longer have a lieutenant. I'll find someone just as good as Akim, because he just signed his death warrant by making her laugh so freely and carelessly.
When was the last time you made her laugh like that, you idiot?
I ignore these thoughts that only fuel my anger. I'm only here to ensure she's safe. That nothing happens to her.
The only good thing is that Ivan's health has begun to deteriorate, shifting his attention away from Julia completely.
The last discussion with his doctor led to scheduling surgery for a heart stent. This could be our chance, but until then, I need to get Julia the hell out of here.
Every time I leave on a mission, I worry that Aleksandr will do something to her. The mere thought of him putting his hands on her makes me lose the control I've built over all these years.
I watch Akim maintain his distance from Julia, but I've known him for too many years.
I don't miss how he analyzes that freckled shoulder of hers.
MY freckled shoulder.
What the hell is wrong with me? SHE'S NOT YOURS!
Until she leaves this place, she's mine, and this closeness might raise questions that could jeopardize the entire plan.
That's why I find myself typing out a text to Akim. Not because he's devouring her with his eyes. Not because what I'm feeling is definitely jealousy.
Before I can send the message, I receive an alert from the security system at the northern edge of the property. Someone cut a camera.
The next second, Akim receives the same notification as me, and he knows what it means. Someone is attacking us.
Who the hell would have the nerve to enter our territory?
My phone vibrates, and I already know who it is without looking at the screen.
"I'm on my way," I answer Ivan.
Akim pulls Julia toward the car, and without discussion, he already knows where to meet. We have a plan for situations like this, when we need to regroup.
We both floor our gas pedals, and the one-hour drive takes us each thirty minutes.
When I dismount from my motorcycle and he gets out of the car, Julia looks at us in confusion.
"What the hell is happening?" she asks, and I wish I knew too.
"Ivan is in the bunker with Aleksandr, but the children aren't safe. We need to go get them out of there," I tell them, and they both nod. "Is Zoya at your place?"
"Yes, I texted her right after the notification. She's safe."
I don't know if Julia is ready for a fight, but I'll be right beside her in case something goes wrong.
Akim takes out a gun each for himself and Julia from the SUV while I check the knives I never remove.
From a special compartment on my motorcycle, I pull out three grenades and give one to each of them.
"In case of emergency, blow everything up!"
We take a few steps toward the house, and I don't know what possesses me to turn to those honey-colored eyes and say, "Don't do anything stupid; stay close to us."
I can see she wants to tell me to go to hell right now, but she chooses to swallow her remark when she sees my stone-cold face.
I don't know who these people are, but they avoided the cameras, which means someone gave them the house plans.
And the way they moved, they're not amateurs.
We need to get those damn kids out of there before they become collateral damage or toys for other sick bastards, because I have no certainty that whoever is attacking us will leave them alone.
With each step we take toward the mansion, the sound of gunfire becomes more prominent. Smoke pours from one window, and for a split second, I want to tell Julia to stay hidden until we resolve the situation. But who am I kidding? This woman would punch me and head for those children on her own.
In these two years, she's started secretly taking care of them, and when Akim or I can't bring creams, pills, or food, she goes to them and helps.
In front of the house, two soldiers lie in pools of blood. Each has a hole in his chest, but what surprises me is seeing an X marked by a knife over each of their eyes.
This is a message. Someone wants to make sure Ivan receives the message, and I can't help but wonder if these people are really our enemies or not.
But although there's a saying about the enemy of my enemy, right now with so many other lives and Julia's at stake, I can't just rush in headfirst.
As we step into the house's foyer, the floor is a sea of crimson. Our soldiers crouch behind furniture while black-clad figures rain bullets from the top of the stairs.
They haven't spotted us yet, but we need to get past them to reach the basement. Near the stairs, several of our men lie motionless, their eyes vacant. They probably didn't even have a chance to raise their weapons.
I signal toward the basement, and the moment our soldiers see me, a surge of courage seems to grip them. They open fire.
Julia, Akim, and I sprint toward where innocent souls await either their end or their salvation. Thank heaven, no one takes a bullet on the way.
The stairwell to the basement reeks of fear and urine showing the state these children are kept in. They're only cleaned before meeting their new "masters."
I halt abruptly, feeling Julia and Akim behind me. Six innocent faces stare at me as if I'm their savior, and in that moment, a plan forms in my mind.
"Akim, take all the children and Julia and get them out of here. Call Ilya when you're off the property. He'll get Julia out of the country and knows what to do with the others," I say, my voice detached despite the hurricane in my soul.
It's the perfect moment for her to leave. In all this chaos, no one will notice until it's too late, and I'll have the attack as an excuse.
"What?" The whispered word from the person who makes my defective organ beat turns my gaze to her.
It's the last time I'll see her eyes, but it's a good plan. The best I have available.
"Go to your sisters, Julia! You've waited long enough."