Chapter 3 #2
I’m already shaking my head before she finishes. She doesn’t get it. Despite telling myself to pull it together earlier, I’m very much a crumbling pile of emotions. One push and the pieces will scatter.
“Okay, okay.” Marni’s hands lift in resignation. “No brunch. We’ll stay here. But babe, you’re going to have to leave the house at some point.”
Jersey nods in agreement, her lips downturned.
“Maybe we should go down and bake some cookies? You like doing that when you’re feeling off, right?”
I shake my head again. Feeling off is the biggest understatement. “It won’t help this time.”
“What about your parents? Have they talked to you about it?”
I exhale. “Dad came in and told me I wasn’t going to school.” Not that I would have gone, anyway. Especially not after hearing him say that he’d be making an example of Jacob. “And Mom has been trying to make small talk.”
Since Mom moved to Chicago, our distant relationship became even more strained. We still keep in contact somewhat regularly, but you could easily pluck my mother out from the other side of the phone call and replace her with my hairdresser, and I wouldn’t know the difference except for the voice.
I’ve always looked at my friends’ relationships with their moms with envy. Maybe if I had someone who tenderly hugged me and stroked my hair instead of going to war for me, or a dad who paid attention to what I need and want rather than what he does, I wouldn’t feel so alone.
My dark-haired friend’s lips purse, her eyes staring blankly at the wall beside my head in thought. “I just can’t believe Jacob did that after we were talking about him.”
This time, it’s Marni’s turn to nod. “Right? I didn’t exactly know him, but he seemed normal.”
“Can we . . . talk about something else? Please?”
“Of course.” Jersey’s voice is soft. “What did—”
“Well, I can confirm about Seth’s dick,” Marni speaks at the same time.
“Marni!”
Jersey looks horrified for me, but Marni just widens her eyes. “What? She obviously wants a distraction. I gave her one.”
“Not one like that. I doubt she wants to hear about your exploits after what . . . happened.”
“It’s okay,” I tell Jersey, my voice almost monotone, the words a hollow permission. A fake reassurance that I’m fine. Everything is fine. Maybe if we focus on her sexual life, mine will fade into the background. I turn back to Marni and swallow. “So . . . you slept with him?”
Marni’s blonde hair swishes against her shoulders as she shakes her head. “Just a blowjob.”
Just a blowjob. In the past, I would have smiled or giggled or made some jokes. I’ve given a couple of blowjobs in the past and never minded it.
Now, I can’t seem to think about it without feeling sick. I guess I was wrong about the distraction.
Still, the focus is off me, and for that I’m grateful.
“An-and did you and Matt get together?” I ask, turning to my other friend.
Jersey shifts on the spot, her gaze looking everywhere but at me before she gives a short nod.
“That’s good, right?”
Pink tinges her cheeks, and considering she’s not one to get embarrassed over these things, I can only conclude that it’s because of what happened to me.
“Yeah, I guess.” She shrugs, but the sparkle in her eyes gives away her true feelings and tells me she’s more into him than she’s letting on.
I hate that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to me about it, but then again, I probably wouldn’t have much to say right now, anyway.
Without warning, my door swings open again, this time my mother walks in with a tray of food, blonde hair that matches mine in a neat bun, wearing a stylish pant suit.
This is what she has done the past couple of days, though I’ve barely eaten what she’s brought in. Besides her never seeming to remember the foods I do and don’t like, I haven’t had much of an appetite.
“Oh, good, you girls are here. Maybe you can convince Jennifer to go out. She hasn’t listened to me.” She laughs lightly, as if there is no good reason for me to be staying home and withdrawing into myself.
My friends turn and smile at her. They know what she’s like.
“I think we’re just going to hang out here for now. Maybe watch a movie.” Jersey peeks at me over her shoulder. “Right?”
I nod, conveying as much gratefulness to her as I can through a look. “Yes.”
“Okay, well . . .” Mom sits on the other side of the bed and pats my leg through the blanket. “Things are going well with the case and everything’s moving quickly. That boy will get as much time behind bars as we can get.”
God, I don’t even want to know.
“Good,” Marni says, turning to me, her face serious. “He deserves it.”
Mom rises to her feet again, saying something to the girls as she walks to the door; meanwhile, my thoughts run in circles again.
I should feel grateful, relieved that he’ll be taken out of society. But all I want is for the whole situation to go away. Be gone, as if it never even happened.
“Jennifer?”
I blink a few times, my friend’s faces coming back into view. “What?”
Jersey shuffles closer and reaches for my hand. “Everything is going to be okay. You’ll see. We’re here for you, and we’re not going anywhere.”
Staring into her warm-brown eyes, I want nothing more than for her to be right.
But what if she’s not?