Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Mase
Is it possible to know someone’s heart and soul, but not truly know them?
My fingers move over the strings of my guitar while my eyes remain closed, my mind a carousel of thoughts going around and around.
It’s been six days since Jayne and I had sex at the gym, and while I felt like we got closer that night, it seemed like she quickly erected a wall, making sure to keep a measure of distance between us. Then has ensured neither of us bash through that wall, or climb over it, ever since.
I change the chords, strumming a different song.
“Shimmer” by Fuel fills my room as I stretch my legs out in front of me.
Our routine has stayed mostly the same, with some kissing and cuddling added into the mix when we’re both at home, but that wall is still there, blocking my path to fully reach her.
The fact she’s still been sleeping in the guest bedroom probably hasn’t helped with my turning thoughts, though I know it’s for the best. Living and sleeping together when we’re still just figuring things out would be a lot for both of us.
Maybe her behavior is just due to her period, and I’m reading too much into it. But my gut tells me it’s not.
I’m still coming to terms with the fact that she now knows all my secrets, and she’s still here.
I just wish I knew everything about her.
I have a feeling that her wall has to do with the things she’s keeping quiet about.
The questions are still there, sitting at the back of my mind. Questions about her choice of work, the cuts on her arms, her parents, why she was so alone and didn’t want help.
For now, I keep those questions to myself, but we need to have a conversation soon.
A quiet knock on my door pulls my eyes open. “Come in.”
Opening the door, Jayne steps in, and my body immediately reacts to the sight of her. She’s dressed in a long-sleeved pajama shirt and matching short shorts that show off her legs, and her hair is piled on top of her head in an adorable messy bun.
“Hey, I wasn’t keeping you up with my playing, was I?”
“No, I just couldn’t sleep.”
“Do you need anything?” I ask, putting my guitar aside.
Jayne huffs a quiet laugh. “Mase, you’ve been doing things for me all week. I’m okay.”
With slow steps, she walks the perimeter of my room, trailing a finger over my dresser while her eyes remain pinned on me. The look on her face is like she’s come here with a purpose, but is still questioning herself.
She comes to a stop in front of me, her lips quirked up on one side. “I’ve been thinking . . . I wanted to show you my appreciation for all you’ve done for me this week.”
Lifting a hand, she drags her fingers through my hair, almost making me groan at the sensation.
“I didn’t do anything.” My eyes flutter closed when she scrapes her nails over my skull.
“You made me sit on the couch while you brought me everything and gave me massages. That’s not nothing.” Her nails make a few more circles on my head before going down my neck and chest, sending a shiver up my spine and making my cock stir.
I open my eyes to see Jayne lowering to her knees in front of me, her gaze trained on my crotch, hands reaching for my thighs. “What are you doing?”
“I told you,” she says quietly, her throat rolling with a swallow. “I wanted to say thank you.”
My heart starts pounding, cock growing thick in my thin pajama pants.
When she reaches for the hem of my pjs, I grab her hands, halting her movements.
It’s not that I don’t want it. Fuck, I want nothing more than to feel her mouth on me.
But there’re still those thoughts that drift through my mind, telling me it’s wrong to want it, that I’m wrong. And though she’s said otherwise, I still have doubts that she wants this with me.
“I know you still have those demons whispering in your ear,” she says, as if she were just inside my head, rooting around in my thoughts. Her voice is soft as she keeps her eyes on me. “But I still want you. I want to keep showing you that I’m not afraid.”
After another moment of hearing my heart beating inside my ears, I release her hands, but only so I can tangle one of mine through her hair, then grip the back of her neck with the other, pulling her mouth to mine.
Suddenly, the negative thoughts are gone, effectively pushed aside.
Jesus, every time our lips touch, my brain scrambles.
I went my whole life without kissing or touching anyone, and now that’s all I want to do—with her, only her.
I crave it.
Everything inside me sparks to life, urging me to pull her closer, to kiss her deeper, to sink inside her. I’ve never felt like this before, never allowed myself to.
I dip my tongue into her mouth, exploring, while Jayne uses the opportunity to tug at my waistband, freeing my cock.
A gruff sound is drawn from my throat when I feel her soft hand wrap around my hard length and squeeze.
I hiss out a curse, deepening the kiss. So fucking good.
I’ve spent a long time worrying about my sexual proclivities and what I might turn into. And while those darker desires still pop up occasionally, I’ve found that it takes very little for Jayne to please and satisfy me.
Pleasure is already flooding my body, and all it took was one touch from her.
My hips move of their own accord, thrusting into her grip, while I’m thoroughly consumed by her kiss.
Jayne pulls her head back, and I find myself chasing her mouth in a desperate attempt to keep her lips.
Blood rushing. Pulse thumping. Need, want, and desire fill my thoughts.
Slowly, I release the grip I have on her, forcing my eyes open and more air into my lungs. She’s breathing as heavily as I am, lips puffy, parted, and inviting.
When my eyes drift up and connect with hers, I see nothing but want and determination there. No fear.
“I think I know the answer, but have you ever received a blowjob?”
Heat sizzles through me at the image of her lips wrapped around my cock. I remember the delirious need, the taste, the feel of her wet pussy on my tongue, and I wonder if it would be similar for her.
I suck in a ragged breath. “No.”
There’s a small curve of her lips, right before her tongue peeks out to wet them, and my eyes drop to watch. She seems to do it a lot, just to see me lose function of my brain. I must be making up for lost teenage years, when obsessions with lips usually start.
Shuffling closer on her knees, Jayne moves until she’s in position between my spread legs.
Her hand is still wrapped around the base of my cock, and when she strokes all the way up, then down, a throaty sound rumbles out of me.
“Will you let me?”
Fuck, doesn’t she know I’ll let her do anything she wants to me? Especially, when she has those stormy eyes on me.
Jaw clenched, I dip my chin, then watch as she lowers her head.
The first touch of her tongue and lips makes my eyes roll and head tip back.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” I rasp while she sucks the tip into her warm mouth, then goes deeper.
No daydreams, no fucking fantasies, could ever compare to this feeling right now.
I lose myself to the experience of her lips around me, sucking. “You . . . it feels. Fuck. Incredible.” Proper sentences don’t seem to be an option right now.
She hums while bobbing her head, the vibration making me even more feral for her.
Opening my eyes, I glance down to see her looking up at me as she circles her tongue around the tip of my cock. I’ve never seen anything fucking sexier.
I grip her hair in my fist, wondering what it would be like to shove her head all the way down, to choke her on my cock and watch as tears trickle down her face. As soon as the thought pops into my head, my brows furrow, and I release her hair, not even wanting to tempt that part of me.
Jayne must notice my momentary distraction, because she sucks me in deep, as if to pull my attention back to her, making me feel the back of her throat. I hiss out a few more curses, curling my fists at my side.
She works me harder, deeper, looking like she’s enjoying it as much as I am.
“Mmm.” A few more deep sucks, and I can’t take it anymore. I want to feel her closer, want to be inside her.
I pull her off me with a rough sound deep in my throat, her confused expression meeting me. But I wipe the look right off her face when my mouth crashes onto those swollen lips.
She kisses me back just as fiercely, her fingers digging into my thighs while little sounds escape her.
How did I manage to keep my lips off her for so long? I want to spend my days tasting her. I want to bury myself deep inside and never leave.
Feeling the same urgent need as me, Jayne pushes to her feet, then discards her pajama shorts and panties in a rush. At the same time, I pull my shirt up over my head, then push my pants and briefs off the rest of the way.
She practically jumps into my lap, her hands coming up to my jaw while mine land on her thighs.
The first time we were together, I couldn’t touch her, then when we were at the gym, I restricted her movements, afraid of what might happen if she touched me.
This time . . . This time, I want to feel her hands all over me while mine rove over her.
My arms go around her back, sliding under the fabric of her pajama top to stroke her skin, while my lips trace along her jaw. I want to rip this top off her and show her how I will worship every part of her, even the parts she doesn’t like.
But I know she’s not ready for that yet, so I leave it alone for now.
Her skin is so fucking smooth, so warm, so perfect.
I can’t hold back the groan when her hands roam my bare chest and back, but even more so when I feel her wet heat rub over my shaft, slick and ready.
All it would take is the slightest change in angle, and I could be inside her, surrounded by her warm heat.
Somehow, gathering a morsel of common sense, I manage to pull my head back and rasp, “Condom.”
Breathing heavy, she nods. “I’ve started birth control, but it’s probably not effective yet.”
Quickly reaching for the nightstand beside me, I pull out the new box I got, tearing it open and pulling one out as fast as my trembling hands will allow.
I have my length sheathed in the next moment, then Jayne is lining it up with her entrance and sinking down, urgency in both our movements.
“Yes,” she mewls, wrapping her arms around my shoulders as I pull her closer.
We rock together; my face pressed into her neck, peppering kisses and nipping at her skin.
I tug at her hips each time she grinds on my lap, pushing my cock deeper, pressing us tighter.
Sliding my hand under the front of her top, I palm a breast, plucking at the hardened bud. “I love touching you.”
Jayne gasps at my touch, writhing in my lap as she moans my name.
Touching isn’t enough, though. I need to taste.
Lifting the front of her top, I lower my head and suck a nipple into my mouth, sounds rumbling from my chest.
“Oh god,” she breathes.
Her fingers thread into my hair, holding me in place as I can suck and lick each breast, the light tug on the strands driving me crazy.
I squeeze her ass cheeks, pushing her down harder while her hips rock faster.
She’s squeezing me so fucking tight, I don’t think I’m going to last much longer.
“I’m close,” Jayne murmurs. “So close.”
I feel the moment she starts to come, her walls tightening even further. “Fuck, yes. That’s it.”
She cries out, dropping her head back while bucking in my lap, and my mind goes hazy.
I never thought it could feel like this. I never imagined I could enjoy it like this.
Lifting my head, I kiss my way up her chest and throat, holding her close to my body, as close as possible.
I want to be wrapped up in her, surrounded by her.
Pleasure grows, my eyes squeezing shut at the beginning of my orgasm. My body flushes hot, my cock growing thicker.
And then I come with a deep groan, my face pressed into the crook of her neck while I empty into the condom, the world fading to black.
Only when I’ve caught my breath, and the ringing in my ears has subsided, do I feel Jayne’s arms wrapped around me, one across my back, and the other at the back of my head, keeping me glued to her.
The only thing that goes through my mind is that I never want her to let go.
“Sleep in my bed tonight.”
Jayne finally releases me, both of us pulling back while her pleasure-glazed eyes meet mine. She’s as lust drunk as I am, but even so, I see the hesitation there.
She’s still holding back, the wall between us firmly in place.
Her fingers and eyes drop to lightly trace a path over my chest, making me want to hum with pleasure all over again.
When she returns her gaze to me, I can see a decision has been made. Maybe one that costs her.
“Okay.” It’s spoken so softly, I barely heard it.
Okay.
My dick is still hard and buried inside her, but it’s the prospect of sleeping beside her in my bed that has my skin buzzing, a rush of happy contentment swimming through me.
Even so, I can’t help but wonder why there was so much guilt on her face when she agreed.